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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Crime / RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga (24034 Views)
She's Trying To Coza Me, She's Intentional. / COZA & BUSOLA :Why Most Rape Victims Don't Scream By Havard Psychologist / Pepper In Vagina Saga: No Phone Was Missing, Police CP (2) (3) (4)
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RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by safarigirl(f): 1:25pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Due to the overwhelming ignorance that has sadly inundated Nairaland since Busola Dakolo's interview broke out, I would like to address the most popular Mind-numbing questions that have been generated from this event once and for all. I will address them one by one, and hope that my answers can free some of you from this disturbing stand you have taken on rape. I know many of you think this is the internet and there are no consequences, but one day, you will apply for an international visa, and they will check your internet history and discover you are a rape apologist and that will be the end of your dreams of being Mungo Park. So, here goes. 1. WHY NOW? Why now? Why not now? If not now, when? How would you feel, if someone raped you and went about his daily life with pomp and pageantry? Have you ever been offended by someone? Has someone evee cheated you of something and gotten glory afterwards? How does that make you feel? Are you happy? Are you indifferent? Doesn't the sight of the person burn your soul? Let me explain how rape works. Rape is not just a violent act against the body, it is an act against the mind as well. About 90% of rape victims are usually threatened with harm if they speak, some are cajoled into thinking their rape was normal. They cannot speak for fear of not being believed. How do you tell your parents that your uncle raped you? Who will believe you if you accuse the most jovial person in the neighborhood of rape? What will become of you if you tell someone that you were raped by the most dangerous person in the neighborhood? What if your parents' livelihood is at stake? There is no stipulated time for anyone to confess their truth. So many may have confessed earlier on, but were told to shut up. I know rape victims that confided in their parents and were scolded for even talking such 'nonsense'. If your own family cannot believe you, who will you talk to? All a victim needs is someone to believe them. Someone to stand by them, that feeling is all you need to speak your truth. Bishop's hand was held by her husband and she has spoken her truth, what the rest of the world has to say is irrelevant (YES, YOU are irrelevant), the most important person in her life right now is supportive and that is all that matters. Why Now? Now, because someone has said I BELIEVE YOU, I SUPPORT YOU. So, whenever a victim's NOW occurs, is the right time. 2. WOULD SHE HAVE SPOKEN UP IF HE WASN'T RICH AND INFLUENTIAL? Would the matter have been this serious if SHE wasn't rich and influential? Is Mrs. Dakolo the first person to accuse Fatoyinbo? How far did the last accusations go? How many protests did it lead to? How many people confessed to have been rape victims? Would it have risen to the level of a national discourse if she wasn't this rich and influential? Would you have taken it seriously if it wasn't Busola Dakolo? When it was Ese, how many believed her? What was the support like? People accused her of being an olosho, homebreaker and all sorts. Today, it is a married woman with an influential husband, she has no risen to break pastor's home. What are you going to say? It is because of his position. YES, his position is relevant. It is people in HIS position that are the most culpable in rape. Pastors, Imams, Uncles, Aunties, Cousins, Fathers, Mothers, Sisters. His Position influenced his act. People TRUST him, who would believe someone like HIM will rape anyone? Who will believe a Man Of God will rape anyone? WHO WILL BELIEVE? Every rapist is INFLUENTIAL in their own right. Just because you don't know them, does not mean someone doesn't. They are known to families and neighbors. Someone looks at them with respect, every rapist is a celebrity in their own right. Their victims are witnesses to their adoration, their victims listen to the words of adulation showered upon them by those who do not know better. Every RAPIST os hiding under a CLOAK of INFLUENCE. You cannot talk, because nobody will believe that such an UPSTANDING member of society could do such a HEINOUS act. It is good that a MOG is on the hot seat. This is a MESSAGE of Empowerment to victims, that NOBODY is ABOVE public PERSECUTION. If Fatoyinbo can be questioned, so can that uncle that is nice to everyone, so can the neughborhood philantropist, if Fatoyinbo can be harassed, then that sweet aunty can also be harassed, the landlord/caretaker can be harassed, your tormentor can be harasssed. There are no sacred cows. 3. MEN HAVE BEEN FALSELY ACCUSED OF RECENT, HOW ARE WE SURE THIS ISN'T THE SAME? Is it today Fatoyinbo has been accused? Is Busola the first one to accuse him? Since she spoke up, have more women not come to point fingers at him? Is he the only Pastor in Nigeria? Why always him? Why not Adefarasin, Oyakhilome or Suleiman? Is he the most successful? When Suleiman was faced with his own trials, was he, at any point accused of rape? Was Oyakhilome ever acccused of rape, even when he was accused of adultery? How many men have been falsely accused by MULTIPLE women? Fatoyinbo can best be likened to people like Bill Cosby and R-Kelly, not Neymar and C. Ronaldo. One woman is vendetta, two women is a conspiracy, three women is a pattern, more than three women, is a perpetrator. 4. WHY CAN'T THEY PROTEST CORRUPTION? Banky W, Rugged Man, Seun Kuti, Falz, Simi, ElDee These are a few celebrities that have at one point or the other, protested against the Government and the System. What about you? Have you ever protested? Let me tell you, Rape is Corruption, it is a corruption of a mind and body. It is a virus that lives within the rapist and is spread to the victim. When you tell a victim to shut up, you enable corruption. You are telling the world that a rapist should not be held accountable for his crimes, just like supporters of the corruption in government, are telling us those thieves should not be held accountable for theirs The ACTIVE DEFENSE of ANY Crime, be it against the state or against HUMANITY is CORRUPTION. When you speak for an ALLEGED Rapist, you SUPPORT corruption. "She enjoyed it" is the same thing as "If na you, you sef go steal pass am". "Why didn't she talk since?" Is the same thing as "Enemy of progress, why will you report a theft in the office?" Rape is a scourge to society just as looting is. The victim will grow up to become a part of the society, thw victim will not heal, the victim will carry a grudge and INNOCENT people will suffer for it. Some victims grow up to be molesters, and create more victims. You are creating a spciety of victims. Rape is as much a threat to a FUNCTIONAL society as corruption is. The society is made by PEOPLE, a society CANNOT function properly if the PEOPLE in it, are PSYCHOLOGICALLY messed up. The same way that a person steals money and it is covered up, that is how people steal innocence and cover it up. These two acts BREED corruption and both acts mess up the society. Theft and Rape are TWO sides of a DAMAGED COIN. They are not EXCLUSIVE. When you condemn one and make excuses for the other, you DEFEND corruption. 5. TAKE IT TO COURT, NOT SOCIAL MEDIA This is cute, considering most of you accusing politicians of corruption have never even approached the Code Of Conduct Bureau to lay a complaint, even less approached an actually court of law. Has Ganduje been convicted by a court of corruption? There is a video of him collecting money, and so? Is it not just an allegation? What do you know the money is for? Before most cases go to formal court, they must pass through the court of public opinion first. This court of public opinion is particularly useful where the rich and influential are concerned, because without it, the right authorities may not be moved to act. In every country in the world, court of public opinion is incredibly important, that is why PR firms EXIST, because public opinion is easily the most influential thing in today's society. Public opinion matters because whatever decisions the courts reach, will affect the public directly or indirectly. So, while plans are in motion to institute this case in court, believe that the court of public opinion will have their say. 6. WHY IS THE CHURCH UNDER ATTACK? This one is ridiculous. Really? Is Fatoyinbo the church? Os he not just an individual? I did not know an individual can now be substitutued with a body as VAST as the church? This argument is particularly interesting because a while ago, the Catholic church was inundated with protests concerning molestation of boys by priests. I did not see anyone talkinf about an attack on the church. Rather, a lot of 'Christians' were attacking and gloating at the Catholic church. What is with the double standards though? How come I didn't see this energy then? Oh yeah! Only these New Generation churches make up the body of Christ these days, and one pastor can now be substituted for the entire church of Christ. It is only the incredibly dense that use this line. One person cannot be "the church". Fatoyinbo is just a man, like you and me, whose 'anointing' is in question. Fatoyinbo cannot and can never be 'the church', Fatoyinbo is not even COZA church. The church has been in existence long before anyone alive was, the church has outlived millions of people. The church has outlived years of persecution, the church has lived through divisions and break ups, the church survived scandals involving mass murder and genocide. It is not something as fickle aas Fatoyinbo's restless privates that will destroy the church. The church is under threat, because the followers of Christ are PROTECTING the evil that lives AMONG them. The church is not being threatened from outside, it is being threatened from WITHIN. When the body of Christ is seen to support evil, they cause believers to live in doubt. God is not a God of evil, Christ would never support rapists and murderers. The church may be under attack, but the evil elements inside are the people attacking the church from the inside. Having answered these questions, I will not be answering any other question. Those who will be rapists, will continue to defend their ilk. I am glad that this saga has led many to talk about their experiences and given them the opportunity to heal. Whether Fatoyinbo is eventually charged and convicted of rape is not as important, because the most important goal has been achieved; many rapists have been exposed across the country, many victims have been given the much needed outlet and many will get the chance to finally heal. If that is all that is achieved, it will be for the greater good of the society. 149 Likes 27 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Auxtin85(m): 1:28pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
I have asked these questions over and over again 5 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by zeuss: 1:30pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Kai! Something just didn't make sense to me there. I have no intention of making anyone feel bad here but I think there was no rape in the whole saga. There was rather a silent attraction that gave birth to mutual conjugality. Why be around a man for that long if you never liked him? Why keep mute on him raping you while your sister was in the house if you never liked it? Why didn't you shout and raise alarm when he was leaving, after the purported rape if you never liked it? Why didn't you share the first and second rape issue immediately to your beloved family if you never liked it? Why still go to his church if you never liked it? Why go stay at his house to help his wife and even sought to sleep in their master bedroom if you never liked it? Why follow him in his car to drop you if you never liked it? Why didn't you struggle when he took the u-turn to give you the supposed second rape if you never liked it? Why didn't you tell anyone again or even the police if you never liked it? After the third day, when he came to find out why you didn't go to church, why didn't you refuse going to the same church when he asked you to if you never liked it? Why didn't you show any sign of what he did to anyone? Why conceal the whole issue if you never liked it? Are you totally innocent Why didn't you tell us if you ever seduced him? Why didn't you tell us if you fell for his looks? Why did you do what you did and are still doing what you're doing to him now? Is it fair? So because someone accused you of sleeping with pastors in the past and is accusing you of being unfaithful in your marriage now you want to pick on the pastor who was in your past just to cover up on the accusation meted on you? Who knows if you probably seduced him to push him to that extent? What looks did you give him when he entered your house with your nighty on? Why didn't you rush to change? Why allow him to come in when you were probably Unclad in a transparent gown? Please, Pastors are humans. Let's be fair on them and their weaknesses as human as they are. Don't go seducing a man with your talent and beauty and expect him to act as brother Paul in the Bible when you refused to leave him and his territory. A man will chase you and get what he wants when he knows you're interested in him. We're not fools please ���� The woman should just admit that she was wrong as much as she claims that he was wrong 70 Likes 10 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by safarigirl(f): 1:33pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Victims are talking..... I am happy 25 Likes 2 Shares
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Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by safarigirl(f): 1:34pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Ebiwali... 10 Likes
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Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Esthered: 2:17pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Thanks for your write up OP, some will still come out to say the blogger's sister seduced Salisu, she had to pay for the gifts she collected........ The mum was already defensive of an outsider and this is what happens in an average Nigerian home. All those people on this forum saying they smell lies in Busola's story should start with the minors in their family and build rapport with them overtime to find out if they've not been violated or have a near violation experience. Our favourite uncle raped a cousin under our roof. I hope the victim press charges in future when she becomes relevant as it'll bring her closer to justice than now that she's nobody and he's touring the world as a highly revered person in his profession. Even if it's 30 years after the rape incidence. 57 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by oteneaaron(m): 2:19pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Hmm, a fire has started in the country. Let everything come out in the open. Many people are going to get burnt this time around..... 20 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by lokobyforch(m): 2:21pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Hypocrite everywhere, na social media be POLICE station 23 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Catchfirez: 2:30pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
safarigirl: Fake 13 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Catchfirez: 2:33pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Esthered: That write up is fake 20 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Esthered: 2:41pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Catchfirez:Don't mention mr next time to spill..... It happened in my parents house, I was in boarding school. She grew up with us, she was to prepare lunch from my uncle that visited from the AKS. He defiled her dude. When we succeed in doing the needful in future, I'll mention you d****** in the future. I'm sure you're neither a dad nor an uncle but a young lad behind a phone. When you start having REAL responsibilities, you'll understand. 51 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Catchfirez: 2:59pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Esthered: Very funny a young Lad behind a phone. 7 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Esthered: 4:06pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Catchfirez:I'm young but not a lad responsible for my family. I hope this will not happen to anyone you share blood ties with. Have a great week ahead. 16 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by safarigirl(f): 4:09pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Catchfirez:It is always fake when it doesn't happen to you May you never know the pain that comes with failing your own child. When an Uncle T defiles your daughter, someone will call her story fake. 54 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Catchfirez: 4:54pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
safarigirl: May your family member be accused of rape. 11 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by safarigirl(f): 5:11pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
Catchfirez:I'm sure people like you will provide much needed support for them, while calling your daughter a liar and an olosho, so, they will be okay, will your daughter be okay though? 59 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by queenitee(f): 5:54pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
I'm telling you, people saying why don't they speak up then, I pray you never experience it. Rape most times is from people you love so much, people you trust so much. It would be hard for you to believe they actually did that to you, so tell me how the he.ll do you tell, explain or narrate to others what you find so difficult to believe yourself, what seems like a dream to you, what feels, I can't explain the feeling, all I know is even if it takes 50 years for you to be able to stand up to your victim, it is still rape and that 50 years is your now, it's the right time. And who would people say a 17 years old is old enough or nonsense? So far she never said yes to the sex, so far she never gave her consent, even if she's 50 years old, it's still rape. And the fact that she waited for him to bring a drink and share it with her or something, you people don't know the emotional and mental trauma that follows rape, you don't. And that it happened many times, you still don't know, you don't know how a rapist is capable of toying with your emotions, making you feel no good, spoiling your self esteem, you just don't know. And that she could have told a family member, you don't know how a rapist will manipulate you to thinking telling your family member will not belive and hate you and yes that's true. Most parents are insensitive, they really are. If not, a kid that's always cheerful on seeing an individual or always wanting to be with the person suddenly becomes isolated from the individual and never wants to be around the individual, wants to be alone instead of being with the individual and you dismiss it as a childish behaviour or childish rebel, you simply don't know what's up, most times it's not And saying she's married and so she should keep quiet, you don't know how the psychological effect of the rape is affecting her marriage, you don't know how it's affecting relationships, you don't know. Forget the smiles and all, you really don't know. You don't know how it hurts seeing your rapist move on with his/her life and living fine while you carry the hurt and trauma all along, while they are the reason why certain things are never the same in your life, You don't know. Yes, you don't know the everlasting effect rape has on an individual psychologically. It's true that if you've never been in someone's shoe, never say you know where it hurts, because you don't and you can never do. There are just some hurts we don't speak about, some hurts that's difficult to speak about and if someone eventually find the courage to speak about it, we just have to encourage them because they will never go away until we have spoken about it. 40 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by wman(m): 6:04pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
I'm anti-rape and I support Busola Dakolo. But I don't like the way this thing has turned to a social media circus. Everyone is just jumping on it to trend. The protests at the man's church were totally unnecessary. I don't see what those protests will achieve. I don't even get why protesters were shaming members who just wanted to attend church and calling them rapists. That is uncalled for. A lot of Nigerian youths didn't vote in the last elections. We were less than 150 that turned out for the ENDSARS protest despite all the social media outcry and protest arrangement. How come so many of them came out to protest against this man. Even printing out banners and more. Shouldn't we be more angry at the situation of the country than a rape allegation? Thankfully the social media outcry will encourage more women to speak out. But the protests won't achieve a thing. What's the point of protesting in COZA Lagos or COZA Abuja? Will it make the man step down? Or make the church empty? To what end? To what end? A lot of people just jumped into this stuff because their favourite celebrities and social media influencers are involved. Not because they care so much about rape or Busola Dakolo. I feel Busola's pain as I watched that video. But I tell you, in one month's time, this whole thing will die down and it's all back to square one as BBNAIJA and co will take over. I just wished we were as concerned about political issues and murder in Nigeria like this. Instead of an alleged rape case that has little to do with us. That's how we spent days wasting time overflogging a trivial issue like Soyinka's seat. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Catchfirez: 7:11pm On Jun 30, 2019 |
safarigirl: For God sake. Its just an allegation. Are you witness, Use your brain instead of your emotion. If she so traumatised, that pastor will be in police custody right now. Did you even watch the video? Using panadol for someone else headache. I too have been raped by a Married woman when I was 14. 22 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Mariangeles(f): 7:27pm On Jul 01, 2019 |
safarigirl:Even though you already know this, you're a good writer . 18 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by JerryLegend(m): 12:31am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Long post lady! Ladies should just be careful. And rape cases should be reported immediately and not nursing the emotional pains for years and you later come out accusing the offender. Speak out!! 7 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by HoluwaKoDeD(m): 12:32am On Oct 13, 2019 |
I no get time to read now ooo. lemme book space & keep 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by pocohantas(f): 12:34am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Nice thread. Tbh, if you use the comments on rape threads of most guys on NL to judge ALL Nigerian men. You will prefer to be locked up with carnivores than them. At least, it is the nature of wild animals to devour, but when humans that God created and gave ability to differentiate good and evil- comment with so much lack of empathy... Nobody is saying you should believe the "raped", but appy sensitivity in your comments and objections. Ahnahn. 23 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Mustay(m): 12:38am On Oct 13, 2019 |
I came across this recently and saw similarities https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/a29338866/rape-statistics-reporting-police/ 3 Likes 2 Shares
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Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by rafcrown(m): 12:38am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Rape is evil.Period. 4 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Risingblue008(m): 12:38am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Dis is super story 4 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Nobody: 12:40am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Hmmm Looking at this from another angle, the problem with this rape case is simple. A lot of Nigerian young guys worship success, and Fatoyinbo is the epitome of that success. He is a guy who has apparently come from nothing to acheive something. The fact that the women are accusing him sounds , to many of thise success worshippers , like pull him down syndrome. Hence, their attempts to defend Fatoyinbo. Another issue is this harsh but painful fact (sorry ladies, I'm going to he a bit harsh on you). A lot of Nigerian young men have been at one time or the other dumped by a girl they were in a relationship with, or at one time dissapinted by a girl they had a crush on, for another man who is 'richer' than they are. This colors their preception of women to a large extent as betrayers. Again, a lot of women in Nigeria are 'materialistic'. I guess poverty too plays a role. Women in Nigeria have to often times make choices of men base on whether the man can take care of 'her family' Love ain't got nothing to do with it. Add the image put in many girls heads that the 'man is suppsoed to take care of the woman'.... Finally, a lot of guys in Nigeria don't know how to talk to women. They grow up in houses where their fathers rule the roost, being abusive to their wives, or being poorly communicative to their wives. They also have a lot of bad examples from other guys. Throw in our culture's commodificaiton of women, and that adds up to a very flawed view of the average Nigerian woman by the average Nigerian man. Made worse by the fact that most women aren't the doormats of yesterday. Hence, that's why Busola isn't beleived. By many Nigerian men. Because of mistakes made, hearts broken, materialism, and flawed perceptions...at the end of the day, a rape victim is just another bad woman who 'probably enjoyed it' and 'is looking for more money' Life. 14 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by jaxxy(m): 12:41am On Oct 13, 2019 |
A predator is one of the most dangerous creatures to encounter and rape is an extremely serious thing/crime we shudnt even be Toying with. 3 Likes |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by Apination(m): 12:41am On Oct 13, 2019 |
As much as I would want to to say that Fatoyinbo should be first declared guilty by a court but it's worthy of note that he was, a hardened cultist who still had that spirit of rape like most cultists. Most people are blinded to that fact, forgetting that he's a man who has his own demons. Rape should be condemned by all means necessary. I know a friend who was raped by her elder brother for years, how do you expect someone like that to speak up, the whole family will just scatter ![]() 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by imitateMe(m): 12:43am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Stupid post 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by ORIJIN201(m): 12:45am On Oct 13, 2019 |
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Re: RAPE: FAQ On Nairaland Since The COZA Saga by abbey621(m): 12:47am On Oct 13, 2019 |
The post is not objective at all and is clearly one sided. Even police and any lawyer worth their stuff would tell you to name your accuser early and preserve as much ecvidence as possible. The questions raised were mostly useful and very damaging once it gets to court. Remember it's not what actually happened but what you can prove happened! If the pastor was a nobody, would she be so high pressed to come out after all these years? I mean she said he did it twice and she even ended up going to work for him at his home with his wife and their newborn child, does this not sound fishy to anyone? In this age of social media it is easy to take sides and be very sentimental, this is why she knew her best bet was to put it out there and let the ever ready public tear him to pieces. Guilty or not, we'll never know. Justice has already been served! 13 Likes 4 Shares |
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