Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

I want to also add that if it is true that she is having twins, then the issue of whether I am the father or not is eliminated because we have twins in our family. My two sisters are twins, my uncle had twins also so it wouldn't come as a surprise if it's true.

If it can be brought to the front page I will be glad. I need all the suggestions I can get. Please

Your matter just tire me.Will come back and tell u what to do!

First you were wrong to be sleeping with her without protection when you knew you wouldn't want to marry her, and you didn't even know her health status. What if she had infected you with HIV?

On the other hand, you did the right thing for taking the responsibility of the pregnancy even though you have doubt if the pregnancy is yours. Nevertheless, I will suggest you wait till after delivery and do paternity test so you be so certain you are the father of the kids.


You are lucky the parents are not forcing you to marry their daughter after you impregnated(if you are indeed responsible) her. Biblically, you are expected to marry her once you have impregnated her, but I will leave you to make your own decision concerning that as you will solely be responsible for your action. Nevertheless, one of the biggest mistakes anybody can make concerning marriage is marrying out of pity. It hardly work as the relationship is not based on the right foundations.

Finally, if the paternity is confirmed to be you and you decided not to marry her, make sure you take 100% responsibility of the kids. I wish you all the best

Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbekeish, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy with my bare hands. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

NB

I am sharing the story below as a result of the op's and his ilks unruly attack on me and my submission just to make them see life from a different perspective and understand from what point my advise was made...


Growing up in the standard Lagos face me I slap you setting in Mafoluku Oshodi when the Military boys held sway in Nigeria, most of the matures here or history savvy's would understand how hopeless and depressing the economy and general standard of living was at this time.

Now, daddy and mummy had chosen to manufacture 11 of us as kids, and I'd be saddled with the onerous task of being the Nigerian "first son" with loads of expectation from me on finding a way to alleviate the family's situation and by extension better the lots of kids I had been brought into the world with at my parents behest and not because I had chosen to come to them.

You can at best imagine daddy, mum, we the kids and a cousin living with us then having to jostle for a space in two-room living space from a sixteen-room face me I face you living set up.

Not able to wrap my mind around the kind of life I had been born into and in the quest to better mine and my family's lot, I decided I was going to quit school, find a way to travel abroad, and go hustle for my family.

Before then, a bachelor neighbor Oli, had chosen our house as the only trusted one where he could drop his keys because he lived with his boys/friends who were all traders at Idumota.

There was one of his roomies who was in his 40's then (Ikenna), he was always ever the last to leave home and would, as usual, drop their key at mine.

My immediate younger sister (Mary) had just finished high school, naive and still a virgin, she'd naturally be at home most times.

In the midst of all these, I had found out I could risk my life through the desert in search of a better life abroad, after all how I want to take get a visa, and if I die, I die but I had decided I'd rather die trying instead of sitting, watching my family ravaged by poverty and still die. All die na die I had told my young self.

Got myself prepped, lied to my dad and made him raise me some little cash, and into the desert, I proceeded.

For two whole years, I had languished on the road and was only able to communicate with my family only after about 6 months of leaving home. For sure they'd thought I had gone back to my maker.

After the two unforgettable years of languishing on the road, I had succeeded into Spain eventually, called up daddy to break the news to him, he didn't quite believe me. Note that this was before the era of mobile phones in Nigeria. Sensing that daddy was having a hard time believing I was in Spain finally, I had dropped the line, did a western union money transfer from the locotorium I was calling from, called him back and furnished him with the transfer details.

Then and only then was I able to convince daddy otherwise.

And then, keeping to my nomadic and adventurous lifestyle, I had proceeded on to move on to the Netherlands to go tell the authorities there how I and my friendly 'horse' on whose back I had ridden to Europe were the only ones surviving from my little village in Delta, hence my request to seek asylum in their country.

Luckily for me, I had succeeded in convincing them to allow me to stay in the Netherlands and would be given a weekly stipend as pocket money back then in camp. From this money I'd call home on weekends, talk to my family and always assured my other siblings that I'd make sure they had the best education having slaughtered mine on the altar of "I wan bail family out".

During one of such weekend calls, after the usual pleasantries exchanged, daddy had told me in a stutter....

" Mary, your younger sister fell pregnant and now has a daughter"...

Ah ah... I had muttered in obvious instant deflation plus disappointment, but I had refused to get angry, judge my sister or castigate her.

I asked daddy, how, when and by whom...


Still stuttering, he had told me it was like a month after I had left Nigeria, she initially wasn't forthcoming with who was responsible, how it had brought shame to the family which I could imagine knowing how our neighbors were, and how even some people had been insinuating that daddy who was a deeper life pastor might be responsible because no one could make a sense of how Mary who was a home girl could fall pregnant. The whole matter weak me like dodo, but I listened with rapt attention anyways.

And then, daddy said she later confessed that Ikenna, who we called Brother Ikenna was responsible. He had denied responsibility but when my battalion siblings faced him, he had accepted responsibility with zero plans to marry her just like this op.

I told dad how disappointed I was, and how angry I am that they had kept it away from me for that long, told them not to worry that I'd take care of my sister and the kid and hung up.

Fast forward to 2008 when I visited Nigeria, the baby Vic had grown, obviously abandoned with my family. She'd grown up to see my mum as hers and Mary as aunty Mary until recently.

Levels had changed, I had improved my family's situation, built them a house in Lagos, Ikenna gone with the wind, and would soon resurface looking for daddy's number and whoever could point him on how to locate my family.

By this time he should be in his 50s, no life, wife or any other kid. Come and see abeg.


My phone would go bellowing one day, upon picking up, the voice at the other end had been subtle and subdued with a "good afternoon sir, na me Ikenna"...

Ah ah..bwoda Ikenna, na me you dey call sir?

He went on, abeg no vex for wetin happen I know say I Bleep up...wetIn i wan tell bwoda Ikenna after how many years... I simply dropped the call.. I no fit shout.

The long and short of it all is that, today over 20 years later...

Brother Ikenna's life is nothing to write home about.

Mary, my younger sister is today happily married and would soon be one of the youngest grandmas because Vicky, the kid in question had grown into a very beautiful young promising graduate.

You're not ready to marry her because she's not intelligent enough.

You contracted a disease from her.

You broke up with her three times and you took her back again.

You had the chance to set her free before she got pregnant but your dick won't let you free her, now you told her not to abort the pregnancy, even after you made her realized that you cannot marry her.

You went to see her family that you're responsible for her pregnancy, but you cannot marry her ( Now you're saying her family is bad after you impregnated their daughter and still have the guts to tell them that you cannot marry her)

Now, you're here asking us if you should marry her out of pity?? if i slap you ehn! How would you feel as a parent if a boy impregnates your daughter and still have the guts to tell you that he cannot marry her?
oloshi ni e ( stupid boy) You better send your family over to her place and marry your wife...

Olanireti:
First you were wrong to be sleeping with her without protection when you knew you wouldn't want to marry her, and you didn't even know her health status. What if she had infected you with HIV?

On the other hand, you did the right thing for taking the responsibility of the pregnancy even though you have doubt if the pregnancy is yours. Nevertheless, I will suggest you wait till after delivery and do paternity test so you be so certain you are the father of the kids.


You are lucky the parents are not forcing you to marry their daughter after you impregnated(if you are indeed responsible) her. Biblically, you are expected to marry her once you have impregnated her, but I will leave you to make your own decision concerning that as you will solely be responsible for your action. Nevertheless, one of the biggest mistakes anybody can make concerning marriage is marrying out of pity. It hardly work as the relationship is not based on the right foundations.

Finally, if the paternity is confirmed to be you and you decided not to marry her, make sure you take 100% responsibility of the kids. I wish you all the best

Thanks bro. Sleeping with her without condom was my fault but I trusted her. They can't force me because they know I could have chosen the easy way out and endanger the life of their daughter in the process if I wanted to. I am doing everything I think is the right thing though I am not sure of the paternity yet. I felt that she giving birth to twins means something but now you have said it. I will still go for paternity test to remove any form of doubt. I am not coming back any time soon so I wouldn't say I don'twant the kids. After delivery, wouldn't it be late to lay claim on the children??

raphroye:
You're not ready to marry her because she's not intelligent enough.

You contracted a disease from her.

You broke up with her three times and you took her back again.

You had the chance to set her free before she got pregnant but your dick won't let you free her, now you told her not to abort the pregnancy, even after you made her realized that you cannot marry her.

You went to see her family that you're responsible for her pregnancy, but you cannot marry her ( Now you're saying her family is bad after you impregnated their daughter and still have the guts to tell them that you cannot marry her)

Now, you're here asking us if you should marry her out of pity?? if i slap you ehn! How would you feel as a parent if a boy impregnates your daughter and still have the guts to tell you that he cannot marry her?
oloshi ni e ( stupid boy) You better send your family over to her place and marry your wife...

In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

sirdouglas:


Thanks bro. Sleeping with her without condom was my fault but I trusted her. They can't force me because they know I could have chosen the easy way out and endanger the life of their daughter in the process if I wanted to. I am doing everything I think is the right thing though I am not sure of the paternity yet. I felt that she giving birth to twins means something but now you have said it. I will still go for paternity test to remove any form of doubt. I am not coming back any time soon so I wouldn't say I don't the kids. After delivery, wouldn't it be late to lay claim on the children??

No it won't be late, afrer all you have responsible right from the onset supporting her financially and emotionally. Just keep sending her money for whatever she needs till she delivers. When she delivers, do the paternity test to ascertain. Then you make your decision after then. Don't feel condemned.

You already concluded that you don't want to marry her yet you kept accepting her back. Haba who does that? It only shows you allowed the brain within your two legs to make the thinking not the one in your head. At this level of civilization you still believe there are some people you can't marry from even within your own tribe shows you are not well exposed to life. Make your choice as you dim fit because it is your cross to carry. But for once put yourself in the shoe of the girl's parent that someone impregnate your daughter and still tells you outrightly that he can't marry her... How will you feel? The girl is still very young so stupidity and foolishness is not far from girls of that age else she won't have been coming back when you made it clear to her that you just want to be sleeping with her. At last if the kids are yours try to be a responsible father to them. Shikena

bdchange:
You already concluded that you don't want to marry her yet you kept accepting her back. Haba who does that? It only shows you allowed the brain within your two legs to make the thinking not the one in your head. At this level of civilization you still believe there are some people you can't marry from even within your own tribe shows you are not well exposed to life. Make your choice as you dim fit because it is your cross to carry. But for once put yourself in the shoe of the girl's parent that someone impregnate your daughter and still tells you outrightly that he can't marry her... How will you feel? The girl is still very young so stupidity and foolishness is not far from girls of that age else she won't have been coming back when you made it clear to her that you just want to be sleeping with her. At last if the kids are yours try to be a responsible father to them. Shikena

What if I had given her money to do abortion or helped her with it and travel then few years down the line she couldn't conceive or complications from tje abortion claims her life later. Will it be better?? With the kind of condenmination that I am getting from my fellow guys, now I understand why others always choose the easy way out. I hope you know accepting this pregnancy has cost me a great deal? Financially, emotionally, socially and every f*cking part of my being?

Why I don't want to marry from Anambra? I have some personal reasons for that. I didn't just wake up one morning and made that decision.

Keep your mouth lashing to youself. I know your life is perfect but allow me to sort mine in peace. I am not begging for money remember. And don't for a minute that you are more civilized than me. Sh*t do happen and you are suppose to understand that.

If you can't. Mpa nyem efe dia.

Whatever happens, please just take care of those babies.

Olanireti:


No it won't be late, afrer all you have responsible right from the onset supporting her financially and emotionally. Just keep sending her money for whatever she needs till she delivers. When she delivers, do the paternity test to ascertain. Then you make your decision after then. Don't feel condemned.

You can see how people with perfect lives are condemning me already. I doubt if some of them read all that I said.

The thing is this, I will be spending at least 5 years abroad. I am sure I am spending five years there because I decided it and I am not living illegally so I will only leave when I want to. She knows that too. I said at least because I don't know what tomorrow holds and I really don't want to be in Nigeria anytime soon and I just left. Barely three months now.

I can't keep her waiting and the two kids is going to make it really difficult. It would have been easier if it is one.

What I am asking is, I don't know anambra traditions very well but there are parts that won't let you go with the child if you didn't pay the bride price or iku aka I really don't know how the whole thing is done and whoever that marries the girl goes with the child. I really want her to get married and I am really sorry this is happening but I wouldn't want to lose my claim on my kids if finally they are mine to anyone or situation.

sirdouglas:


What if I had given her money to do abortion or helped her with it and travel then few years down the line she couldn't conceive or complications from tje abortion claims her life later. Will it be better?? With the kind of condenmination that I am getting from my fellow guys, now I understand why others always choose the easy way out. I hope you know accepting this pregnancy has cost me a great deal? Financially, emotionally, socially and every f*cking part of my being?

I have some personal reasons for that. I didn't just wake up one morning and made that decision.

Keep your mouth lashing to youself. I know your life is perfect but allow me to sort mine in peace. I am not begging for money remember. And don't for a minute that you are more civilized than me. Sh*t do happen and you are suppose to understand that.

If you can't. Mpa nyem efe dia.

Hmmmm am sorry if I sound too rude because I don't actually condemn people. See while I was a bit younger let's say about 23yrs. I dated a girl who wouldn't mind getting pregnant even when both of us knew we were not ready. She was a novice and naive because she was younger then, and I was being foolish too. But after few years now comes maturity and responsibility. That is why I am blaming you meticulously. I can't even date a girl now if I don't see her as a potential wife because now I am more mature and I know what I want in life. You are a grown man and I believe you are way older than her. So you should have stood your ground when you know you can't marry her and never allow her sympathy wears on you.well such is life and shiite happens like you said. But make this a lesson never to smell what you won't eat again. Thanks and good luck

You accepted the pregnancy because this might be your only chance to father a child. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

About the poo you are in, every man's path of life is different. Some follow path A-B, some B-C, or C-D or even A-D.

On the issue on ground, things might not have gone the way you wanted but when life throws you lemons, my dear make lemonade.

My honest opinion, marry her, if you say she isn't intelligent, take her with you to civilization, get her some education. Fix her up and build a family.

sirdouglas:


You can see how people with perfect lives are condemning me already. I doubt if some of them read all that I said.

The thing is this, I will be spending at least 5 years abroad. I am sure I am spending five years there because I decided it and I am not living illegally so I will only leave when I want to. She knows that too. I said at least because I don't know what tomorrow holds and I really don't want to be in Nigeria anytime soon and I just left. Barely three months now.

I can't keep her waiting and the two kids is going to make it really difficult. It would have been easier if it is one.

What I am asking is, I don't know anambra traditions very well but there are parts that won't let you go with the child if you didn't pay the bride price or iku aka I really don't know how the whole thing is done and whoever that marries the girl goes with the child. I really want her to get married and I am really sorry this is happening but I wouldn't want to lose my claim on my kids if finally, they are mine to anyone or situation.

Bro, you should have simply allowed that young girl abort that fetus and moved on with her life because it is obvious you already had it all figured out and knew you'd be away for five years hence, your pressure on her to keep the pregnancy as a back up plan for a kid while you are out there exploring other pussayss.

Now tell me, if someone would treat your sister this same way how would you feel or react.

This is cunningly selfish and evil. Pure and simple my guy.

I say it as it is and was presented...

daddytime:
Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbeke, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans only when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

Oga she is really not a beauty if that is what you are implying. And while I was in Nigeria, I was doing really good for myself. I could afford girls for more beautiful than her. I met few, if you read through my post you will see that I said in the first few lines that I date at that time for the sole purpose of marriage. I WANTED TO MARRY HER BRO!!! .....why are you people so mean and heartless?? Even before I met her I know I will be traveling. And I told her as soon as the time is right. I told her almost a year before I travelled and you saying all this is very bad of you and tell more the kind of person you are.

If it happens to be your sister and you decides to do away with the pregnancy I wouldn't object to it. The blood will be on your head. Those kids are not a mistake despite the situation. You are telling me in other words that I should have aborted the twins?? Really?
Well, I leave you to your conscience. Like I said from the beginning. Getting married to her is not completely out of the table but I wish I could find an alternative to save the day.

I wouldn't descend to your level to trade words with you but I know that I am not a bad person and I never for once wish evil for that girl or planned anything that would hurt her.

All these guys wey dem no wan cook yam but dem go dey peel am sef una matter don tire me.


From every indication according to your narrative, if you marry that lady you'll personally traumatize her verbally, you'll make her life miserable. Every mistake she makes will give you automatic ticket to remind her how you never wanted to marry her and bla bla bla... you'll never be impressed with whatsoever she does.

The marriage might not even last a year before everything goes south.

Anyways, you've ruined her life already. who go wan marry After-Two? So I have no advice for you, live with your shîtz.


How people will F outside marriage and don't consider a sin and when it comes to taking a pill... that's when they remember what's wrong and what's right.
Last time I checked every sin carries same punishment, no lesser or greater sin.

sirdouglas:


Oga she is really not a beauty if that is what you are implying. And while I was in Nigeria, I was doing really good for myself. I could afford girls for more beautiful than her. I met few, if you read through my post you will see that I said in the first few lines that I date at that time for the sole purpose of marriage. I WANTED TO MARRY HER BRO!!! .....why are you people so mean and heartless?? Even before I met her I know I will be traveling. And I told her as soon as the time is right. I told her almost a year before I travelled and you saying all this is very bad of you and tell more the kind of person you are.

If it happens to be your sister and you decides to do away with the pregnancy I wouldn't object to it. The blood will be on your head. Those kids are not a mistake despite the situation. You are telling me in other words that I should have aborted the twins?? Really?
Well, I leave you to your conscience. Like I said from the beginning. Getting married to her is not completely out of the table but I wish I could find an alternative to save the day.

I wouldn't descend to your level to trade words with you but I know that I am not a bad person and I never for once wish evil for that girl or planned anything that would hurt her.

I wonder why you are taking it personal.

I judge issues based on how they are presented.

Anybody wey God bless with small wisdom can tell from your first post and this how dishonest a human you are.

You can tweak or spin your story anyhow to fool the gullible's here...my brother I don see 99 for life e remain one.

Most of my comments on here are based on personal experiences or those from people around me.

If I tell you say e no get wet in you want tell me, believe me...e don tey wey the zip wey dey my eye spoil.

I got a girl pregnant at 14...go figure

madampresident:
You accepted the pregnancy because this might be your only chance to father a child. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

About the poo you are in, every man's path of life is different. Some follow path A-B, some B-C, or C-D or even A-D.

On the issue on ground, things might not have gone the way you wanted but when life throws you lemons, my dear make lemonade.

My honest opinion, marry her, if you say she isn't intelligent, take her with you to civilization, get her some education. Fix her up and build a family.

Thank you a lot dear. You opinion is really really appreciated.

I have really considered that. I am still considering it but I have this believe that people don't really change. They are who they are. I am afraid!! I don't want to die young. She can't f*cking keep a secret. Within the first week she found out that she is pregnant. Even with no tommy to show for it. The whole plaza where I do my business knew about it. I was mad. Barely a week!! Not the first time. Her mother is the first person that knows whatever I tell her then her friends. She listens to side talk. Someone can convince her tomorrow that I am a bad person and she will start acting on it or kill me in my sleep without considering everything I have done for her. Its not just about the moment. I afraid of the future. I don't see her as one who is promiscuous but you know you women are good at hiding things like this. I never cheated on her. I am terrible at that. She was working for someone around my business area and that's how we met.

There is still enough time to fix this but oh God!! I wish I have the answers.
About the only chance to father a child, that's not true and I forgive you for that. I did it because I have conscience. I know she can't take of the baby all by herself.

Just Marry her like that, she will get to improve to your taste. If you know you can satisfy her sexual urge and others, later, find her like NCE TO GET TRAINED FOR EDUCATION AT LEAST THAT WOULD HELP

daddytime:


I wonder why you are taking it personal.

I judge issues based on how they are presented.

Anybody wey God bless with small wisdom can tell from your first post and this how dishonest a human you are.

You can tweak or spin your story anyhow to fool the gullible's here...my brother I don see 99 for life e remain one.

Most of my comments on here are based on personal experiences or those from people around me.

If I tell you say e no get wet in you want tell me, believe me...e don tey wey the zip wey dey my eye spoil.

I got a girl pregnant at 14...go figure

IT IS PERSONAL BRO
You sound ridiculous. Do you think this is a movie script?? This is my life bro, my life!!

If you got a girl pregnant at 14 I guess the girl is how old ten?? And you aborted the pregnancy obviously cos you sound very inhuman and unreasonable.

I was traveling she is aware. Did you read the part were I said she was making fun of me that my sperm is not working?? She wanted to be pregnant. Youknow that kind of stupid love that makes a girl wants to carry a man's child. I know she never wanted the abortion cos if she did, she wouldn't have told her mother. She would have done it and cut ties with me at worst so don't even go there.

I know you honestly want to see me as a villian but remember she is 20 at the time of the pregnancy. She an adult even before the law. So stop this your witchhunting, is not helping matters.

Sirdouglas, i have been in this kind of dilemma before but mine was slightly different from yours anyway though she is not educated but smart in her own way and she is beautiful, work as a contract staff(Casual as they call it) in the same company i work, she knows how to hairdress people(i mean hairdresser).
The problem in my own case is that the first time i saw her i just felt a thing for her(Cupid), i talked to her the first time she snubbed me and on several occasions i try making her see reasons that i like her but she still refused me but i got know from her best friend the reasons for her refusal that because i was an Admin staff(Parmanent) and she is contract staff and i just wanted to use and dump her.
To cut the story short, i had to brush up her mindset and we started dating but i have never ever imagine myself marrying her just a fling with her is what i desire, but God come catch me o, after a year of dating her(fling) she got pregnant for me(i knew i was responsible coz during that time i was the only one in her life) she wanted abortion; Nope! i wanted the child not her(if u know).
I stopped her from working and was catering for all her needs but the funny part is that we did not tell her parent up until she delivered but only her sibling knew because they were around but the parent are in the village, Well to God be the glory my own parent accepted her because she delivered a bouncing baby boy(Even if it is otherwise it doesn't change a thing)

So bro, its your own decision and your parent acceptance that matters not even your best friends nor nairalanders, so decide wisely.


Note: i did introduction(iku aka) after like 8 months of her pregnancy, she is from akwa ibom and I'm from IMO and my son is nine months.

Dear OP, I understand that marrying out of pity isn't the best. I'm dazed that at your level of exposure that you don't want to marry from Anambra state due to either experience or limiting beliefs as a result of stereotype. I had my worst experience in life in the east that made me detest Ibos but I grew to learn to deal with people based on who they are and not based on where they're from as you don't know what value the person can add to you that'll propel you to your destiny as man is created to be interdependent and fortunately my best friend is an Igbo lady.
Concerning the issue on ground, don't overrule doing a paternity test and involve someone you trust to minimize the risk of the result being tampered with as you're faraway. If the kids are yours, please try not to be an absentee father even if that's what it's going to be.
Help her to become a better person so that she can seek financial freedom because you didn't state the extent to which you were committed to her development while the relationship lasted. Don't try this in your current location as you may never get away with this. I pray no one does this to your daughter(s) in future and you reminisce in regret of what you did to someone's daughter. Still think about her potentials that may be worth it when you've ascertained the paternity of the kids.
I pray that when she grows older and discover herself she'll pursue her dreams and become altruistic towards women that get abandoned by their baby fathers that could have done the right thing.

nurex01:
Just Marry her like that, she will get to improve to your taste. If you know you can satisfy her sexual urge and others, later, find her like NCE TO GET TRAINED FOR EDUCATION AT LEAST THAT WOULD HELP

Instead of that, wouldn't it be wise that I find a business she is good at abd set her up so she can take care of herself and the twins?? Looking at the situation on ground, do you sincerely think there is time for that now?

I am not around and ordinarily, not everything she should be asking me to provide. She should be able to take care of her basic needs and I plan to help her fix that. Maybe by next year or so when she can leave the kids in the care of her mother.

Sirdouglas, nothing is permanent, she being naive and dumb can change with the right education and exposure. A single mom of twin ain't easy and she's very young. I know how cunning onitsha people can get though so I'll advise you make sure d baby is really twins cos they might have said that so you cough up double.

sirdouglas:


Instead of that, wouldn't it be wise that I find a business she is good at abd set her up so she can take care of herself and the twins?? Looking at the situation on ground, do you sincerely think there is time for that now?

I am not around and ordinarily, not everything she should be asking me to provide. She should be able to take care of her basic needs and I plan to help her fix that. Maybe by next year or so when she can leave the kids in the care of her mother.

yeah! Since you are not around, you can get her a business to finance the twins. my point is that you should sha marry her if you enjoy some things in her. She will later suit your mood

sirdouglas:


Instead of that, wouldn't it be wise that I find a business she is good at abd set her up so she can take care of herself and the twins?? Looking at the situation on ground, do you sincerely think there is time for that now?

I am not around and ordinarily, not everything she should be asking me to provide. She should be able to take care of her basic needs and I plan to help her fix that. Maybe by next year or so when she can leave the kids in the care of her mother.

Its not good for kids to be without both parents. Did your parents have u outa wedlock? So be a man and do the right thing.. She's young, how are u sure d family won't help her eat the money?

sirdouglas:


IT IS PERSONAL BRO
You sound ridiculous. Do you think this is a movie script?? This is my life bro, my life!!

If you got a girl pregnant at 14 I guess the girl is how old ten?? And you aborted the pregnancy obviously cos you sound very inhuman and unreasonable.

I was traveling she is aware. Did you read the part were I said she was making fun of me that my sperm is not working?? She wanted to be pregnant. Youknow that kind of stupid love that makes a girl wants to carry a man's child. I know she never wanted the abortion cos if she did, she wouldn't have told her mother. She would have done it and cut ties with me at worst so don't even go there.

I know you honestly want to see me as a villian but remember she is 20 at the time of the pregnancy. She an adult even before the law. So stop this your witchhunting, is not helping matters.

Go and sit your nonsense ass down.

Go look for oyibo or slay queen marry, when your eye clear na double knee you go take cry come look for this mgbeke.

You are a cunning, deceptive and self-centered predator who fed fat on the naive girls innocence.

You dey look for people wey wan tell you wetin you want hear to justify your actions.

Nonsense an ingredients.

One thing I used to think a lot about is that no matter how difficult a man is, if a lady wants to give out sex, she will sha do it in one way or the other. Kai

Esthered:
Dear OP, I understand that marrying out of pity isn't the best. I'm dazed that at your level of exposure that you don't want to marry from Anambra state due to either experience or limiting beliefs as a result of stereotype. I had my worst experience in life in the east that made me detest Ibos but I grew to learn to deal with people based on who they are and not based on where they're from as you don't know what value the person can add to you that'll propel you to your destiny as man is created to be interdependent and fortunately my best friend is an Igbo lady.
Concerning the issue on ground, don't overrule doing a paternity test and involve someone you trust to minimize the risk of the result being tampered with as you're faraway. If the kids are yours, please try not to be an absentee father even if that's what it's going to be.
Help her to become a better person so that she can seek financial freedom because you didn't state the extent to which you were committed to her development while the relationship lasted. Don't try this in your current location as you may never get away with this. I pray no one does this to your daughter(s) in future and you reminisce in regret of what you did to someone's daughter. Still think about her potentials that may be worth it when you've ascertained the paternity of the kids.
I pray that when she grows older and discover herself she'll pursue her dreams and become altruistic towards women that get abandoned by their baby fathers that could have done the right thing.

Bro, my experience with anambra women is personal and it's cost the life of someone dear to me. If I should tell you the whole story, you wouldn't be saying all this.

I NEVER ABANDONED HER. IT HAS NOT BEEN 3 MONTHS I LEFT OGA AND I HAVE BEEN COMMINICATING WITH HER. HOW ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO HANDLE THIS?? SHOULD I START BABYSITTING HER?? OR STOP BUILDING A FUTURE SO I CAN HELP HER AND THE KIDS??

AM I NOT TRYING? WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE THIS MEAN AND INCONSIDERATE?? AM I NOT HUMAN ?