can u lend ur family member ur whole FIRST salary ( i mean without removing anything for yourself). it is nt that u dnt need the money at that time but u just lend her just to settle some debts. pls can u do that?

seanwilliam:
can u lend ur family member ur whole FIRST salary ( i mean without removing anything for yourself). it is nt that u dnt need the money at that time but u just lend her just to settle some debts. pls can u do that?

If you need the money for YOUR life issues, then there is no way you should put yourself in debt, in order to get someone else out of debt. That's ridiculous. You are not solving anything here, you are just sweeping it under the rug.

MrBrownJay1:


If you need the money for YOUR life issues, then there is no way you should put yourself in debt, in order to get someone else out of debt. That's ridiculous. You are not solving anything here, you are just sweeping it under the rug.

bro, what do u suggest i do next time?

seanwilliam:
bro, what do u suggest i do next time?

Next time?! What do you mean NEXT TIME?! you shouldn't even do it once, let alone twice... What about saying NO, I CANT/WONT or DONT WANT TO?!

MrBrownJay1:


Next time?! What do you mean NEXT TIME?! you shouldn't even do it once, let alone twice... What about saying NO, I CANT/WONT or DONT WANT TO?!

the person is an immediate sister. i just want to knw how to control my emmotion on matters like that. she is in debt

seanwilliam:
the person is an immediate sister. i just want to knw how to control my emmotion on matters like that. she is in debt

Ok, as much as I understand that you love your sister, you have to focus on YOU 1st. Do what you need to do with the money, and if there is anything left over, give hr a percentage of it. Be honest with her that you want to help her but have your own life priorities to deal with. It is selfish for her to expect YOU to fix HER life.

MrBrownJay1:


Ok, as much as I understand that you love your sister, you have to focus on YOU 1st. Do what you need to do with the money, and if there is anything left over, give hr a percentage of it. Be honest with her that you want to help her but have your own life priorities to deal with. It is selfish for her to expect YOU to fix HER life.

hmm, thanks. though i seriously need the money nw but she is giving me excuses. i blame myself

also one thing about me is i always try to make people especially family and close friends happy(happy in this sense doesnt mean to please/impress someone o. i hope u get that) it s affecting me

seanwilliam:
hmm, thanks. though i seriously need the money nw but she is giving me excuses. i blame myself

No excuse of hers would be greater than YOUR LIFE... It is selfish of her to try to put her life's issues on your shoulders. Give her what you can, and if she doesn't like it then give her NOTHiNG (and see how she prefers that)

This is your first salary...smhw

It can be quite hard to say NO to family...
But I do not hesitate if I must say NO, especially for things that don't make so much sense or the ones that can wait and be settled in bits...
You're struggling hard to make money...don't make them feel it's always available to be spent.

You can give your sister the money in bits...month after month since you want to help her...

Family love is strong but don't crumble yourself trying to help another.

Debt? Personally I'll tell her to take that responsibility o. Face it, afterall that's what life is about. It really matters how you solve problems when they get thrown at you.

Simply give d amount you can afford to give.

@mannila and mrbrownjay1 how do i collect my money without being seen as a bad person

Giving it out was the first mistake

Asking for it back has already made u a bad person...may be second mistake...and I doubt she will give u since u said she's already giving excuses.

But bro...do u know u were already in debt to ursef which u needed to settle first?
How?
All the expenses u made all through ur first month at work...was the money not from somewhere? Most probably your savings...which u needed to replace and even top up before even attending to any other issues.

If at all she'll listen to u, u can tell her u need some of the money for the coming month's expenses...but I doubt u'll get anything substantial, if at all.

I'm not saying u should not love ur family but dont kee ursef for them.

For me, deep down in me, I know there are some family members I can't entrust certain amount to, coz I know everyone's level of responsibility esp when I'm expecting a payback. Before u go see one naira...u go first tell me how u take enter the debt first...if it's outta ur own stupidity, u go carry ur cross...I can only advise or help with "free money".

@mannila. if she doesnt gv me this money ehn, e go pain me o. haa i swear i go stingy pass tortoise. chai. i swear i no commot 1naira from the money. i just carry am gv am. the way she talked on phone person go pity am. i have learned. i no go lie e pain me o. i will ask her by month end again

by tradition,
u are supposed to give (all) ur 1st salary to ur parents.
lending to a family member is even mild

anthonyuncle:
by tradition,

u are supposed to give (all) ur 1st salary to ur parents.

lending to a family member is even mild

huh? they were dumbfounded that i could do dat. honestly i pity her but it woudnt happen again

anthonyuncle:
by tradition,

u are supposed to give (all) ur 1st salary to ur parents.

lending to a family member is even mild

Says who? Which tradition be that abeg? Don't tell me African o.
Sometimes we just do some irrational things, and from routines they turn tradition...Abeggie

Mannila:


Says who? Which tradition be that abeg? Don't tell me African o.
Sometimes we just do some irrational things, and from routines they turn tradition...Abeggie

go and ask da people that u asked questions at da early stage of ur life

seanwilliam:
huh? they were dumbfounded that i could do dat. honestly i pity her but it woudnt happen again

of course they'll be surprise,

but she now knows that she have lost ur trust & can never come asking u for such help again

anthonyuncle:


of course they'll be surprise,

but she now knows that she have lost ur trust & can never come asking u for such help again

huh naso. thanks

but one should endeavour to pay borrowed money. it is not easy. well i dnt blame them grooming and napo, cos u no fit smart them.

anthonyuncle:


of course they'll be surprise,

but she now knows that she have lost ur trust & can never come asking u for such help again

Not entirely true o.
Some people no get shame o.