Dear LMN,
I am a young man in my early 30’s. I met my wife over a decade ago though we didn’t get married till three years ago.
She was a virgin when I met her, and I was a young man trying to find my feet after a colossal quarrel that saw me leaving my step-father’s house to start life at 17. Well! That’s a story for another day.
I started a business with the little money I had saved before leaving my parent’s house, and she was quite supportive.
I gained admission into University the following year to study Computer science, and she had to take over the business, and this brought us closer.
We had sex for the first time, and she became pregnant. Not knowing what to do at 18, as she was 16 at that time which I later discovered was a lie anyway. She was actually 20.
I confided in my mum, and she wasn’t saying anything concrete on what I should do, and upon the advice of a close friend, we sought an abortion which I paid for.
I could not deal with the guilt, and I swore it wouldn’t happen again, and for a while, we decided to hands-off sex and should she ever get pregnant, we will keep the baby since the business was doing well at least my dad had me at 21.
2009, she took in and did an abortion without telling me until the deed was done. I was furious but forgave her as I wasn’t perfect myself. It was my mistake. I should have learnt to keep my hands off her. However, I made her swear to me that she will never do such a thing again.
2009/2010, I was diagnosed with acute heart palpitation. I was always in and out of the hospital, coupled with two accident I suffered at that point.
It became so worse I thought I wasn’t going to make it, so I asked her to have a child for me should in case I don’t make it, she could lay claims to the business via the child, so my family don’t come after our sweat and kick her out.
2010, was a year I didn’t think I will survive as the pain as gone from bad to worse and the frequency of my in and out of the hospital had tripled. I guess she also thought I was going to die anyway.
I was already putting things in place should in case I didn’t make it, and I always told her all I was doing. I also willed some of my shares to her and placed virtually everything under her care away from my shitty family who had gone into town announcing that I was sick cos I was involved in ritual money, which I would never do till Jesus comes.
She got pregnant in 2010 and again aborted it without my knowledge whist I was battling to stay alive and live for us. She kept it secret till 2017.
We got married in December 2016 on her birth month and was expecting babies, but none was forthcoming.
Months passed, there was no sign of pregnancy, and I became worried. She was always blaming me for drinking too much as I was trying to come to terms with the fact that we just lost virtually everything after marriage and was trying to get back on my feet. We were kinda struggling, compared to how it used to be, and we relocated from Warri to Abuja after our wedding, and there was no contact to fall back on.
2017, I was able to raise money for some test, and with the help of a good friend, we were referred to a specialist who practices at Mayo or so, in the US.
It was during one of those online consultations she opened up on her real age, and also told the doctor she had an abortion in 2010. I became furious and got our families involved as I was done with the marriage. Too many deceptions I could not handle.
In 2012, while I was out of the country to hustle in an eastern African country, our Nigeria business was having challenges, and I kept injecting funds, unknown to me, she was saving the business funds in her own account and had saved over 500k, via her sister would confided in me.
The business was taking care of each of their needs, including her personal needs, rents and feeding and that of her sister.
Its been three years since marriage, and there is no day she does not accuse me of being the sole reason she is not pregnant. I have since reduced my drinking and smoking habit, still no show.
During those dark days that I almost opted out of the marriage, I met a lady, and she helped me get back on my feet with my present job. We got closed and had sex on two occasions while we were high on liquor, which I have since confessed to her. She was one of those persons who encouraged me to accept my wife back as there is no perfect home.
I just discovered she got pregnant from our two encounters and had to abort the child as not affect my marriage.
While I am not happy with what she did, it confirms the doctor’s report that nothing is wrong with me. However, my wife won't let me be. She keeps seeing me as the source of her problem.
I am at this stage, tempted to have a child out of wedlock just to prove to everybody that I am still a man and not a woman as I have been named at several occasion.
But then again, this will destroy her as she has no place to go should I send her packing. I am tired of the lies and emotional blackmail. I have never accused her once for being barren, I never told her of unprintable names I have been called at several occasion for my inability to have a child at this time, nor have I allowed my family pressure her, not even my mother I love so so much. I practically fight my mother cos of her, but she won't leave me be.

What should I do at this point, as she will never stop comparing me with my mate. What do I do? I am tired I just think of abandoning the home and traveling out without her consent to start all over again in the western world.

#copied.

As you make your bed so you shall lie on it.

You guys are made for each other. For better for worse.



As someone wrote somewhere, "men are getting emotionally immature for marriage". I am trying so hard not to believe it but going by the number of threads opened by guys on daily bases, this is alarming.

See this dude trying to cover his incompetence by cheating on his..... Bro...you failed n s Omani levels, this one is a long one, let me get back to you in a minute.

klassic:
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We had sex for the first time, and she became pregnant. Not knowing what to do at 18, as she was 16 at that time which I later discovered was a lie anyway. She was actually 20.

MISTAKE #1
So you guys were having unprotected sex yet you didn't know the consequences of such act?!

I confided in my mum, and she wasn’t saying anything concrete on what I should do, and upon the advice of a close friend, we sought an abortion which I paid for.

MISTAKE #2
Listening to BS friends for matters of the two of you....what about asking the opinion of your woman too?!

I could not deal with the guilt, and I swore it wouldn’t happen again,

MISTAKE #3
So you wanted to have the child?! Then why did you listen to your silly friends?!

and for a while, we decided to hands-off sex and should she ever get pregnant, we will keep the baby since the business was doing well at least my dad had me at 21.

MISTAKE #4
So, condoms, contraception etc was forbidden on your side of the jungle?!

2009, she took in and did an abortion without telling me until the deed was done. I was furious but forgave her as I wasn’t perfect myself.

MISTAKE #5
At this point in time, you still didn't A) take this unprotected sex thingy seriously and/or B) got rid of this highly deceitful/dishonest woman?!

It was my mistake. I should have learnt to keep my hands off her.

MISTAKE #6

Keeping your hands off her certainly was NOT the problem here.... Come on!!!!

However, I made her swear to me that she will never do such a thing again.

I guess, you trusted this deceitful woman who had already shown that she was a liar...and a good one at that!

It became so worse I thought I wasn’t going to make it, so I asked her to have a child for me should in case I don’t make it, she could lay claims to the business via the child, so my family don’t come after our sweat and kick her out.

MISTAKE #7
Really?! The only way you thought was a rightful claim to ownership of the biz was for her to become a single mother?!?!?! How old were you then?!?! Very childish!!!

She got pregnant in 2010 and again aborted it without my knowledge whist I was battling to stay alive and live for us. She kept it secret till 2017

.

MISTAKE #8
That's what happened when you trust snakes.... This woman has shown you from the very beginning that she was untrustworthy and deceitful, but instead of understanding that and running away, you chose to believe her lies/nonsense and stay with her

It was during one of those online consultations she opened up on her real age, and also told the doctor she had an abortion in 2010. I became furious and got our families involved as I was done with the marriage.

MISTAKE #9
Furious at the monster you created?! And why bring the same family that was so against you then?! Your actions at that moment make absolutely NO SENSE!!!

In 2012, while I was out of the country to hustle in an eastern African country, our Nigeria business was having challenges, and I kept injecting funds, unknown to me, she was saving the business funds in her own account and had saved over 500k, via her sister would confided in me.
The business was taking care of each of their needs, including her personal needs, rents and feeding and that of her sister.

MISTAKE #10
So you were still with this deceitful babe, and taking care of her barren self?! Kai!!! why?! Hasn't she shown you enough deceit?! Are you into sadomasochistc pleasure?!when would Enough be ENOUGH?!

Its been three years since marriage, and there is no day she does not accuse me of being the sole reason she is not pregnant. I have since reduced my drinking and smoking habit, still no show.

MISTAKE #11
So you now fully is committed to having a child with this deceitful/untrustworthy snake?!?! Why?!?!?!

During those dark days that I almost opted out of the marriage, I met a lady, and she helped me get back on my feet with my present job. We got closed and had sex on two occasions while we were high on liquor, which I have since confessed to her.

MISTAKE #12
No wonder you two are a perfect fit for one another....you are no better than the snake you call wife. You guys deserve one another.

She was one of those persons who encouraged me to accept my wife back as there is no perfect home.

MISTAKE #13
Coming from the woman who slept with another woman's husband, that's just PERFECT!!!

I just discovered she got pregnant from our two encounters and had to abort the child as not affect my marriage.

MISTAKE #14
Bwaaaah,,,you must be the unluckiest man on earth.... You have A) a wife who is a deceitful/untrustworthy barren woman OR B) a fertile woman who doesn't give a damn about you, and would never dream of having a kid by you.....bwaaaaaaah!

While I am not happy with what she did, it confirms the doctor’s report that nothing is wrong with me. However, my wife won't let me be. She keeps seeing me as the source of her problem.

MISTAKE #15
So you actually believe the rubbish your wife was telling you?! After all the abortions and destruction of her womb?!

I am at this stage, tempted to have a child out of wedlock just to prove to everybody that I am still a man and not a woman as I have been named at several occasion.

MISTAKE #16
You can have 100 kids and would still be be a WOMAN. You hated like one snow day one. What do you expect?!

But then again, this will destroy her as she has no place to go should I send her packing. I am tired of the lies and emotional blackmail. I have never accused her once for being barren, I never told her of unprintable names I have been called at several occasion for my inability to have a child at this time, nor have I allowed my family pressure her, not even my mother I love so so much. I practically fight my mother cos of her, but she won't leave me be.

MISTAKE #17
And then you have the audacity to wanna be called A MAN, while acting like a woman on her damn period.....smh!

What should I do at this point, as she will never stop comparing me with my mate. What do I do? I am tired I just think of abandoning the home and traveling out without her consent to start all over again in the western world.

Finally
Have you ever thought of being A MAN for once?!

you guys deserve each other



two horrible people in a bottle

this is nice

Una fit abeg. Carry ur cross

I will advise her to go and have sex outside too because it looks like that is the way you guys test your fertility.

Cool down, its just 3 years of marriage. Relax your mind and allow her to do same. You guys should see a good doctor and receive treatment if necessary. Most importantly forgive yourself and your wife

Go for a test in a reputable hospital. You can ask for a gynscologist in a government hospital to assess you both.
Some of the causes of infertilty in couples include: low or no sperm count(men).
Female: hormonal imbalance( a 4 channel or 5 channel assay can be done to ascertain this). Occluded( blocked) fallopian tube, endometriosis, myoma( fibroid) polycystic ovarian syndrome( pcos).
Her womb may also have been affected by those abortion. Go for test to confirm all these and avoid living blindly. If you need further stuff, message me.
Best luck

Una fit each other die....take your wife for a test in hospital to ascertain the real truth about her womb.

About five of your babies were all killed off By their own mothers! God help us

How do girls have the heart to do that?

Chai! Just calm down. Relax...just relax. Don't think too hard...don't drink...don't try to find the root of the matter...tomorrow is another day...just relax biko.


And don't mind the plenty things Mr brown up there wrote. All these kind matters need people involved to relax and act with clear heads. Your story is so sad...I pity your madam so much so that I wanna hug her...what the heck was she thinking! Dang! You two should just relax biko.

NnaaGuy:
About five of your babies were all killed off By their own mothers! God help us

How do girls have the heart to do that?