I Love You, But I will Hit You! [url][/url]https://sapioverts.com/i-love-you-but-i-will-hit-you/

Aunty Lara was always pregnant. Every hour, 365 days a year, her stomach would be protruded. At first, I used to think that she wrapped clothes and hid them inside her stomach . I used to think that was an awesome sense of fashion and my cousin will remonstrate, “They probably don’t have any bags at home, that’s why she uses her stomach”. She would look so round and haggard, and reek of garlic. I think her hair was the only thing that gave off a semblance of sanity, always in cornrows, always, and before I was in JSS 3, she already had 7 children.

Aunty Lara was married to Uncle Charles who is related to me in ways I know not of. From her name, Omolara you can tell she was Yoruba meanwhile we were Igbo. They lived at our boys quarters and hearing the sounds of her crying and begging for her life became like a mixtape that was never turned off. It was like that noisy generator that is permanently placed in front of your open window.

Sapioverts.com[url][/url]https://sapioverts.com/i-love-you-but-i-will-hit-you/

I Love You, But I will Hit You! – Uncle Charles was abusive, he would hit her and insult her over the slightest things. Everytime he started hitting her, I remember my mum would call all of us into the house and shut the door then she would rush out to ask for help to stop him from killing his wife. It was always “to stop him from killing his wife “and never “to help his wife feel better”(very few articulate people can tell the difference) and maybe if they did that, she would have found the strength to love herself and leave that marriage.

He had this very annoying sister, Aunty Chika, who often came to visit and would sometimes stay for weeks. She’d come to our house gisting with my mother about how her brother wasn’t a bad person. Growing up we were taught that anytime you do something wrong, so, I actually thought the beatings were justified. Plus, he always bought biscuits for my siblings and I.

I Love You, But I will Hit You! – I started noticing the beating when I was five or six years old even though my mum says it started a long time before I was born. His sister, Aunty Chika would talk about how it was the devil possessing him and my mum who hated that she didn’t take her brother’s actions seriously would recommend one of her pastors to do the deliverance.

As I got older, something changed. Even though Aunty Lara didn’t buy me biscuits or compliment me on how smart or beautiful I was, I knew she was the victim. I would hate it anytime someone said things like “abeg o, please don’t kill her” or ” do you want to kill the mother of your children”.

I Love You, But I will Hit You! – No one talked about the emotional abuse, this woman was broken. The wounds always healed up but her soul never did. She was stripped of her pride and forced to live without self worth. Even her protruding tummy no longer looked fashionable. She looked defeated and void of spirit. We all knew why, her husband–The man that swore to love and cherish her–yet, nobody did anything to help.

On one occasion, he said that everytime he got annoyed with his wife, he blacks out and his vision was like being in an empty- dark tunnel with him feeling nothing until he was stopped. He had no control over it, he had to be stopped. He said that when he beat his wife, it was like he had control over one thing in his life and in that moment he knew that her life was in his hands. It was addictive and pleasurable. Uncle Charles was a Psychopath who bought us biscuits to garner favours.

I Love You, But I will Hit You! – I remember my parents interceding and warning him that if he didn’t stop, he would have to leave the house. I think he paused for like three months but after that, the abuse became worse. I would return from school to tales of how his wife was rushed to the hospital from so much beating. I know somebody out there is thinking “what was their business?” I would give that person three reasons;

(1) No one likes a bully

(2) We cared about Aunty Lara even though she didn’t care for herself
(3) If a noisy generator is always at your window, won’t you do something to make it stop?

I didn’t understand why she stayed and I still don’t. He was poor, she was having more babies than their house could contain. It was whole damn mess. Maybe she just couldn’t leave because of her children or maybe she didn’t know she had an option or maybe she loved him.

Now, let me tell you an interesting story. My personal experience with the abusive Uncle Charles. One of those times when Uncle Charles promised to change and would go for weeks without hitting his wife, he would almost everyday come to our house to complain to my mum about something his wife did. It was his wife that was always doing something and to him, he was never wrong.

So, that day he came to the house and mind you a day before that day I thought I heard my parents talking about how his first son beat him up(that was what I heard). So, when he came in he asked for my parents and we told him they were not around. I don’t know when I said to him, “if you came to tell them Victor(his son) beat you? They already know”.

I didn’t realize what I had done wrong until I saw my elder siblings glaring at me with grimaces on their face. I was on the floor before I realised that he had hit me, and he just kept hitting me till I passed out. That was the last straw. Our neighborhood was on fire that day, everyone was shouting and crying, they thought I had died.

I Love You, But I will Hit You! – My dad had him arrested but I guess he later dropped the charges against him because when I returned from the hospital, the boy’s quarters was empty. I later found out that it was him that had mercilessly hit his eldest son after hitting his wife and my parents had called him to give him a last warning.

November 2018, Aunty Lara died during childbirth, at least that was the story at first. The truth came out after Uncle Charles was arrested again. Victor, their first son, had screamed back at him and so he thought that the best way to show that he was still the head of the family was to beat his wife until she went into labor.

I Love You, But I will Hit You! – She had bruises on her face, a couple of her tooth were missing and burn marks were on the side of her tummy. But guess what, the family covered it up. I don’t know how or why, but they did. They said most of the injuries were self inflicted. On hearing this, my heart broke into a myraid pieces.

I was also a victim of Uncle Charles and I knew what it felt like. I had my parents to protect me, she didn’t. Her youngest children hawks sachet water now. Uncle Charles goes to work and makes money but no one knows where all the money he makes goes to, because it definitely doesn’t go into taking care of his own children. There is no hope for a better future for these kids, they are not in school.

If you’re out there and you think it is okay to abuse another person, whether emotionally, mentally or physically, place your hands on your chest and say this, “I have a problem and I need help”. Most of these abuse stems from low self-esteem and a need to show control. Most men who feel emasculated tend to show their “power” by hitting their women. Loving something doesn’t mean you own that thing. Stop it, it is wrong!

While they stayed with us, I heard my big headed Cousin ask my dad why Uncle Charles was always hitting his wife and he said something like this ” most times when people feel dissatisfied with their lives, and know they cannot police themselves, they resort to policing everyone else around them.”

Hearing my dad that day, my young brain understood that Uncle Charles wasn’t happy with himself and so he wanted everyone around him to be unhappy. I knew my big headed Cousin didn’t understand anything my dad said because I heard him stuttering ‘police’ to himself and later that evening, he asked my mum ” is police not those people that use to arrest people?”

only broke, depressed and low self-esteem men hit their wives,you can't find a sane Rich man to subject his wife to any form of assualt or abuse...the incessant rise in assualt needs to be readressed

It Is only a woman who does not value her life, that would allow a man treat her so badly in marriage. But even if she does not value her life, she should stay alive for the sake of her kids. Now she is in her grave while her kids are selling pure water, wouldn't it have been better if she left that marriage, live alone with her kids, even if they still sell the same pure water?. Women need to wake up.

Nice one

Men who beat women are animals
But it's the choice of the women to leave or die

tunjilee003:
only broke, depressed and low self-esteem men hit their wives, you can't find a sane Rich man to subject his wife to any form of assualt or abuse ...the incessant rise in assualt needs to be readressed

What planet are you referring to

Well, Aunt Lara chose the best option for her.