Separation anxiety in children.

Logobenz2:
I no really get strength to argue else I for counter some of their posts.
How would a person say that a mom's sacrifice doesn't matter but just an obligation to fullfill?
Doesn't sound serious to me at all.
So all those homeless kids feeding from trashcan,did their moms do what they were suppose to?
So isn't it a privilege some of us didn't go through that horrific path because of the sacrifices some of our moms made?
Personally,if not for my mom,I no know where I for dey walahi.
I cannot count the resources that woman pumped into me endlessly before I finally became a man.Did she owe me that?
Such a great woman I can never do without!
I was having some issues this morning in business and I called her,her strategy she gave me did not exceed a sentence yet I've got it all figured already.
Abeg mama you too much

picture this

you say "if was'nt for your mum and countless resources"

who do you think was meant to do it? besides your mum and daddy

african parents they emotionally blind us by sounding as if it was someone's job to look after their own kids

why would one say i sacrificed for you when its your job to do not anyone else

your kids your job nothing to sacrifice for

but am not saying we should take care of our parents

eni4real:
What my mother did is beyond her responsibility. She went extra mile... Not all mums are the same.. You can only speak for your mum and I speak for mine!!!

Stories.

I don't joke with my family (wife and kids). I always admonish her to always behave herself appropriately.

We do little interaction with parents and siblings. So little room for nonsense

xavuv:
I don't joke with my family (wife and kids). I always admonish her to always behave herself appropriately.

We do little interaction with parents and siblings. So little room for nonsense

people realise what you just said years after the damage has been done

what they dont realise is that their own parents did have much interference from those own respective family as they also wanted their own freedom and space

CanadianNaija:


Stories.

I can write many pages. Sweet mum!!

eni4real:
I can write many pages. Sweet mum!!

What about your dad?

Reason many kids in Nigeria don't have stable home life...madam spends her time fighting extra girlfriends or iya! Time their fathers would have used creating a great home environment, they will be using for "loving my mom more than my wife" so glaringly thereby creating a toxic home life for their kids.
You have a wife and children and your mom is your priority?
To the extent your wife would need to drag position?
Africans! Your father should be doing this job. She has raised you well by putting energies, resources, youth and time on you- now is time for you to pass it on so that your wife will do the same thing for your children by creating a non dysfunctional and toxic home. Married men, don't underestimate undivided attention!

Yes we should help our mother but should not make them priority to the extent wifey has to "drag" for attention.

eni4real:
Even fathers no dey drag positions with mothers
That is why it is said that, "Mother is gold"


My mum is my Cristiano/ Messi. She is the best!!!

Any girl that think she is woman enough to drag position with my mum should wait for her time.. May be when she invest all her energies, resources and youth on her son, she will get the same Idol treatment from him.. Only time will tell..

But for now, all these girls should see themselves as a Chukwueze

armyofone:
Reason many kids in Nigeria don't have stable home life...madam spends her time fighting extra girlfriends or iya! Time their fathers would have used creating a great home environment, they will be using for "loving my mom more than my wife" so glaringly thereby creating a toxic home life for their kids.
You have a wife and children and your mom is your priority?
To the extent your wife would need to drag position?
Africans! Your father should be doing this job. She has raised you well by putting energies, resources, youth and time on you- now is time for you to pass it on so that your wife will do the same thing for your children by creating a non dysfunctional and toxic home. Married men, don't underestimate undivided attention!

Yes we should help our mother but should not make them priority to the extent wifey has to "drag" for attention.

Become a mother of a grown adult first, then we can talk!!!

The Mother's love for a son is the purest ever... When you get to that level you will understand. You can ask your mum... She will enlighten you better. She will not be biased...
Love for one's wife is a romantic love that must be taken seriously with loyalty and responsibility... But it become complicated when the wife is trying to compare who her husband love more....
It make no sense because there is no basis for comparison. The love is different....

When my wife become a mother of a grown adult, she will understand better. Words cannot describe the love I have for my mother for her selflessness and dedication to my progress in life... Any responsible lady should have the same love for her mother too..

My wife should wait for her time. .. It is not by being an XX being.. It is by hardwork...
May all mothers eat the fruit of their labour (Amin)!!

I will marry someone who loves me and someone I strongly love too so that my kids won't make me the center of their universe when they are old enough to be independent. Thank Goodness for the beautiful individualistic/independent climes here. Carry on bro

eni4real:
Become a mother of a grown adult first, then we can talk!!!

The Mother's love for a son is the purest ever... When you get to that level you will understand. You can ask your mum... She will enlighten you better. She will not be biased...
Love for one's wife is a romantic love that must be taken seriously with loyalty and responsibility... But it become complicated when the wife is trying to compare who her husband love more....
It make no sense because there is no basis for comparison. The love is different....

When my wife become a mother of a grown adult, she will understand better. Words cannot describe the love I have for my mother for her selflessness and dedication to my progress in life... Any responsible lady should have the same love for her mother too..

My wife should wait for her time. .. It is not by being an XX being.. It is by hardwork...
May all mothers eat the fruit of their labour (Amin)!!

eni4real:
Become a mother of a grown adult first, then we can talk!!!

The Mother's love for a son is the purest ever... When you get to that level you will understand. You can ask your mum... She will enlighten you better. She will not be biased...
Love for one's wife is a romantic love that must be taken seriously with loyalty and responsibility... But it become complicated when the wife is trying to compare who her husband love more....
It make no sense because there is no basis for comparison. The love is different....

When my wife become a mother of a grown adult, she will understand better. Words cannot describe the love I have for my mother for her selflessness and dedication to my progress in life... Any responsible lady should have the same love for her mother too..

My wife should wait for her time. .. It is not by being an XX being.. It is by hardwork...
May all mothers eat the fruit of their labour (Amin)!!

you are misguided both wife and mum offer different kind of love

you are putting all into one instead of separating the kind of love they both give to you,

a wife has her own kind of love, which is she give you from the day you start dating, as men you should be mature enough to understand the different love they give

neither can replace each other so dont compare the two

freecocoa:
Hmmm, how can one ignore all of that? I mean, your wife has to deal with your mum, she just has to, expecting her to constantly ignore unfairness is not a very loving thing to do, and then threatening to get angry if her human side eventually shows, is just heartbreaking to say the least.

Tbe person you're quoting is not married.

ZIMDRILL:


you are misguided both wife and mum offer different kind of love

you are putting all into one instead of separating the kind of love they both give to you,

a wife has her own kind of love, which is she give you from the day you start dating, as men you should be mature enough to understand the different love they give

neither can replace each other so dont compare the two

Exactly
But wives love to compare..
There is no basis for comparison.. They should focus on their motherhood career!!

Hope you noticed that a young lady created this thread just to compare??..

armyofone:
I will marry someone who loves me and someone I strongly love too so that my kids won't make me the center of their universe when they are old enough to be independent. Thank Goodness for the beautiful individualistic/independent climes here. Carry on bro

Family is everything tho

eni4real:
Exactly
But wives love to compare..
There is no basis for comparison.. They should focus on their motherhood career!!

Hope you noticed that a young lady created this thread just to compare??..

wives might compare but i think the main problem would be the husband

why ?
do you know that as men we dont how to transform from a bachelor to husband, we compare our wifes cooking with our mums instead teaching our wives ourself how the our favourite dish is done

we dont take time to learning, new recipes from our wives, instead we want our wives to do the exact recipe our mother does without knowing that, our wives were brought up in a different home and environment

also our mums prepare us to be not like our wives cooking, why because they never teach us to cook ourself those favourite dishes we like, teaching your own wive how to cook your favourite dish can bring a couple to understand each other better and also help in being a romantic etc

rought 95% dont know how to cook their favourite food, therefore comparing your wife's cooking to mums bring in the feeling of not being a good cook and unwanted therefore wife might not like your mother simply because she is being told that she is not a good cook

no woman would want to be called a bad cook especially when it comes to cooking for her own husband

so mothers play part in seeding the not liked feeling by daughter in laws

the best thing move away from parents and relatives, if you live in the same town, go to a new place whereby you learn to establish yourself and new couple and stop reporting every mistake your other half do learn to sort out your misunderstanding without calling relatives

usually both side relatives in the 1st years are never interested about the marriage but protecting one of their own, only years later thats when they start to support both of your as couple due the fact that they have now learn over time that your nolonger individuals but a couple

parents and relatives should let you be able to sort out your problems on your own without them interfering whether through invitation or being nosy

the word my family means wife and kids

thats why you find that when one asks how is your family they mean your wife/husband and kids then if one want to ask about your mum/daddy they dont use the same phrase as how is your family but they say how is your mum and daddy

there are family but once you are married, family is your wife/husband and kids, then the rest is the extended family mum daddy uncles aunties nephew and nieces

this idea of putting your parents 1st before your wife is the reason why sometimes, kids suffer when parent dies especially the father because you would have gave your parents the idea that the parents are important that your wife and kids therefore they dont feel pity for your kids when die they kick the wife out from the house and divide the assets among themselves without thinking about the future of your wife and kids
simply because your taught them that they come 1st before wife and kids

ZIMDRILL:


wives might compare but i think the main problem would be the husband

why ?
do you know that as men we dont how to transform from a bachelor to husband, we compare our wifes cooking with our mums instead teaching our wives ourself how the our favourite dish is done

we dont take time to learning, new recipes from our wives, instead we want our wives to do the exact recipe our mother does without knowing that, our wives were brought up in a different home and environment

also our mums prepare us to be not like our wives cooking, why because they never teach us to cook ourself those favourite dishes we like, teaching your own wive how to cook your favourite dish can bring a couple to understand each other better and also help in being a romantic etc

rought 95% dont know how to cook their favourite food, therefore comparing your wife's cooking to mums bring in the feeling of not being a good cook and unwanted therefore wife might not like your mother simply because she is being told that she is not a good cook

no woman would want to be called a bad cook especially when it comes to cooking for her own husband

so mothers play part in seeding the not liked feeling by daughter in laws

the best thing move away from parents and relatives, if you live in the same town, go to a new place whereby you learn to establish yourself and new couple and stop reporting every mistake your other half do learn to sort out your misunderstanding without calling relatives

usually both side relatives in the 1st years are never interested about the marriage but protecting one of their own, only years later thats when they start to support both of your as couple due the fact that they have now learn over time that your nolonger individuals but a couple

parents and relatives should let you be able to sort out your problems on your own without them interfering whether through invitation or being nosy

the word my family means wife and kids

thats why you find that when one asks how is your family they mean your wife/husband and kids then if one want to ask about your mum/daddy they dont use the same phrase as how is your family but they say how is your mum and daddy

there are family but once you are married, family is your wife/husband and kids, then the rest is the extended family mum daddy uncles aunties nephew and nieces

this idea of putting your parents 1st before your wife is the reason why sometimes, kids suffer when parent dies especially the father because you would have gave your parents the idea that the parents are important that your wife and kids therefore they dont feel pity for your kids when die they kick the wife out from the house and divide the assets among themselves without thinking about the future of your wife and kids
simply because your taught them that they come 1st before wife and kids

too many generalizations and you don't have to embellish situations to prove a point....men into know how to transform from bachelor to been married abi?..but women can transform from spinsterhood to ufe easily?.. yinmu..marriage if for matured people..if a matured man married an immature Lady, there will be problem, if a mature Lady, marries an immatures/mummy boy_problem dey...if two matured people have inconsiderate mothers,they have issues.....nothing is certain..

ZIMDRILL:


wives might compare but i think the main problem would be the husband

why ?
do you know that as men we dont how to transform from a bachelor to husband, we compare our wifes cooking with our mums instead teaching our wives ourself how the our favourite dish is done

we dont take time to learning, new recipes from our wives, instead we want our wives to do the exact recipe our mother does without knowing that, our wives were brought up in a different home and environment

also our mums prepare us to be not like our wives cooking, why because they never teach us to cook ourself those favourite dishes we like, teaching your own wive how to cook your favourite dish can bring a couple to understand each other better and also help in being a romantic etc

rought 95% dont know how to cook their favourite food, therefore comparing your wife's cooking to mums bring in the feeling of not being a good cook and unwanted therefore wife might not like your mother simply because she is being told that she is not a good cook

no woman would want to be called a bad cook especially when it comes to cooking for her own husband

so mothers play part in seeding the not liked feeling by daughter in laws

the best thing move away from parents and relatives, if you live in the same town, go to a new place whereby you learn to establish yourself and new couple and stop reporting every mistake your other half do learn to sort out your misunderstanding without calling relatives

usually both side relatives in the 1st years are never interested about the marriage but protecting one of their own, only years later thats when they start to support both of your as couple due the fact that they have now learn over time that your nolonger individuals but a couple

parents and relatives should let you be able to sort out your problems on your own without them interfering whether through invitation or being nosy

the word my family means wife and kids

thats why you find that when one asks how is your family they mean your wife/husband and kids then if one want to ask about your mum/daddy they dont use the same phrase as how is your family but they say how is your mum and daddy

there are family but once you are married, family is your wife/husband and kids, then the rest is the extended family mum daddy uncles aunties nephew and nieces

this idea of putting your parents 1st before your wife is the reason why sometimes, kids suffer when parent dies especially the father because you would have gave your parents the idea that the parents are important that your wife and kids therefore they dont feel pity for your kids when die they kick the wife out from the house and divide the assets among themselves without thinking about the future of your wife and kids
simply because your taught them that they come 1st before wife and kids

I don't mean it this way..
The husband should not start the comparison through cooking, conduct etc
I am focused on the scenario whereby the wife is obsessed with the comparison.. . Some wives compare for no tangible reason... Yes, no tangible reason!

freecocoa:
So I’m hoping the experienced folks here can help shed light on this topic, as it seems to be a very real issue in many families, please tell us how best you think one can deal with a man that sides with his family over almost everything. It’s like they can do no wrong in his eyes, even when he seems not to agree entirely with what they’ve done, you are still left with feeling like, he’s siding with them, and more than siding with them, is that he gets angry when you try to point out how badly behaved they are, have been or were, as the case maybe.

We’d love to read especially from the men , seeing as most Nigerian men like to take sides with their family(sisters and mothers mostly) over their SO. Not that I believe that there are or should be sides , but what do you do call it, when that’s exactly what you are seeing happen?

Marriage is not an object, not a state, a technology, nor fantasy. It’s another reality that we must realize. Anything whatsoever that man puts his hand to do without concrete knowledge that will provoke his understanding of the subject matter will have hiccups and eventually fail. Our society is as a result of this great institution (marriage), and the failure resulting from that institution is what is causing pains in the society. The man is angry, the woman is angry, the children are angry, due to neglect and abandonment, lack and all. So, they get mentally derailed, and it’s the society that suffers their pains. You bash me, I bash you, we bash all. And the results... look at the environment. Psychopaths!!!

There are standards for marriage, it won’t work if these standards are not met.
For instance, you can’t be living with your parents and your wife and kids, are you crazy?
You can’t be running to your parents, or siblings to report your wife or your husband or to seek advise, is something lost in your brain?
For Christ sake, the moment you get married, your father, mother, sister, and brother, becomes your relatives, and your spouse automatically becomes your family, your next of kin, and vise-versa. For heavens sake, your husband, or wife comes first, not your parents or siblings.

Ephesians 5:31
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Isn’t that deep than it appears? It doesn’t mean you should abandon your parents, but must be separated to your wife or your husband.

The most important institution on the face of the earth is the marriage. And this institution has been under attack since the days of Adam and Eve, because every marriage that won’t work produces bad seeds. Many reading this are pained, children without father or mother, abandoned! Neglected! Many are results of marriages that won’t work. The boys are pained, as they had to grow up to learn how to be a man by themselves, and it’s painful having to be a man without a father, having to be a woman without a mother.

Op, you and your husband needs knowledge in the area of marriage. Seek it. You won’t find it on Nairaland. Buy books that addresses the issue, get your husband to read, and do same.

ZIMDRILL:



people realise what you just said years after the damage has been done

what they dont realise is that their own parents did have much interference from those own respective family as they also wanted their own freedom and space

Im not getting you sir

eni4real:
I don't mean it this way..
The husband should not start the comparison through cooking, conduct etc
I am focused on the scenario whereby the wife is obsessed with the comparison.. . Some wives compare for no tangible reason... Yes, no tangible reason!

i was giving an example how our wives end up disliking our mothers due to us comparing her cooking

babyfaceafrica:
too many generalizations and you don't have to embellish situations to prove a point....men into know how to transform from bachelor to been married abi?..but women can transform from spinsterhood to ufe easily?.. yinmu..marriage if for matured people..if a matured man married an immature Lady, there will be problem, if a mature Lady, marries an immatures/mummy boy_problem dey...if two matured people have inconsiderate mothers,they have issues.....nothing is certain..

i was just giving an example and i didnt not say women are better in the transition

the focus here was and is on men, yes women have their own mistake too but that would be another thread

xavuv:


Im not getting you sir

i was just agreeing to your point and expanding more

that people tend to see the point you said after the damage has been done in the relationship between wife and relatives

Once such a situation has been established, fight alone, don't even give him the chance to go further, face him aloneyamd continue your solo protest with him

Even if he tells the family that you are giving him headache, they won't believe him because you a dealing with him alone, let him alone feel the heat of choosing his family over you and then concentrate on the children.
The children will always be in the mother's side so draw your children closer

But if no kids in the marriage yet, just keep quiet and play the fool

nairalandposter:
Hopefully these "nude ladies" dancing in transparent vehicles in traffic, would get defenders like we're seeing here after some time.

I find this funny but why should they not get defenders if they need to be defended?

nairalandposter:
As usual, and not surprisingly, here is what the irresponsible folks overlooked about the topic:

- The thread title says "family" meaning people, not a person.

- Most immediately jumped up to defend their "family", which to them does not mean their wife and offspring. They feel nothing for these ones (especially the wife) besides hostility.

-Many are behaving as if their "family" specifically requires them to have these attitudes, like a deep fear their status in their family is somehow under threat if they don't behave in this manner.

- Women are telling some folks they don't require this excessive show of foolishness to prove filial love, anything or whatever you call it, the person (a man, supposedly) is still arguing they do. Unfortunately, excessive attachment to a particular person, be it wife or mother, is never good for your mental health. You might not know this, but it hinders your ability to function effectively as an adult. That's why a mother who knows maturity would not encourage it.

You get it.

I really don’t understand how people can’t be reasonable simply because their family is involved, ofcourse I understand the love and special sentiment you have for them, but that doesn’t mean you won’t use common sense when dealing with issues. I know how much I love my siblings, however, that doesn’t mean I can’t call them out when they in the wrong, especially concerning someone I love, who is now also a member of said family, by virtue of marriage.

Me I just tire o.

I get crazy when I see a man team up with his siblings and mother, to harasses his wife, this has got to be the highest form of weakness/cowardice ever.

bukatyne:
Funny how we keep cherry picking.

The man that does not understand oneness in marriage will open his mouth to yap about submission.

Gen 2:28 clearly states that a man will LEAVE his mother and father and CLEAVE to his wife and the two will become one flesh.

Simple, short and precise.

If you are not ready to do this, don't bother with Christian marriage or hoping to reap its benefits.

Odiegwu o! The thing no tire you?

Is it that the men aren’t listening or that the mothers just won’t let go? Cos quite frankly, thinking about it, I begin to wonder, why do these mothers even allow such nonsense continue? Why want to play the role of a wife to your son? Are you well at all?

Then the man, you can’t man up to your mum to tell her what’s real, yet you want someone else’s daughter to worship, adore and treat you like the lord of the whole world, yet simple “mama please stop” you can’t say, you are a very stupid and weak man that shouldn’t be taken seriously.

bukatyne:


Mothers don't have unconditional love for their daughters?

Fathers don't have unconditional love for their daughters?

When I start to hear 'my mom is first' bla bla, it tells me that such mother never enjoyed the love of her husband so her son has to compensate.

I do not see sons from loving families have 'excessive' love for their mothers.

Can we ask why these men never profess such love for their fathers?

Or are the fathers not worth it? Or the fathers did not sacrifice for their children? Or their fathers cannot do anything for them?

Well, like I tell my sisters, shine your eyes.

I don’t even like how it’s made to seem like one has to choose, ofcourse if it came down to having to make a choice, a spouse must put his/her partner first, for me, this should just be something everyone knows but don’t have to mention or talk about. A mother should know that if she wants to (for instance)have her hair done(most basic example) and her DIL needs to do same and the man can only provide for one person,
the man should know the money is automatically his wife’s, mama sef should know this if she’s sensible, any reasonable person should know this. I’ll only leave room for special occasions where mama can be put first in times like this, a reasonable wife should know that as well.

But alas! Just look at what these men here are saying, I sorry for the ones that will marry these men walai!

project4OO:


When your man always sides with his family, then simply stop fighting your husband's family. When there is no fight, there won't be a need or reason to take his parents' sides.

Why do you have to assume the woman is the one fighting the family? I think my post even made it clear that it’s the man’s family, fighting the woman. Or are you saying the woman should take whatever’s thrown at her?

sassysure:

U are absolutely right.
But, some of the mothers, despite having their husband's unconditional love are still extremely possessive of their sons especially the rich ones.
The answer is control.

If u are a control freak, no amount of love will do.

U see manipulative and competitive young girls? ( competitive in the sense that they will want to have what their friend has, they metamorphosis into young women who will want their boyfriend to buy that latest iPhone for them not because they need it or the guy has the money but because the hottest babe in town or class has that), they are the type that cling to their sons.
They emotionally blackmail their sons with sob stories that their wives will be a nobody before them.
They don't actually love their sons. They did what they should do as mothers( it's ur obligation to train ur child as long as u have decided to get pregnant and have a baby.
U don't do ur child any favour at all.its ur job. The emotional manipulation don't work) but they use that to hold and control their sons as long as they are alive.
It takes some times for some sons to shake off that shackle of control and see their wonderful mum as who she is.
A control freak.
My aunt is a perfect example. She was worst than patience uzorkwor
Her son almost killed the wife( 8 months pregant) b4 this man got himself. The only difference was he was not sleeping with her mother. The mum was the wife.
When this man got himself he became completely opposite.
The hatred he had for this woman was second to none and barred him from visiting him in the city.

The same thing I think. These women are just annoying bitchy control freaks, you even see some young women exhibiting these sign. They are the sisters in-law you are probably even older than, who wants you to serve/worship them because you married their brother. Tell me how such a person won’t turn into a sadistic MIL tomorrow?

People are just really crazy in this world.

Logobenz2:
When you get to oshodi ehn,repeat this same line to all those hungry,homeless kids you see under those bridges you hear?
Nonsense!!
Did the mothers of those children do what they were suppose to do?
Now some of us did not pass through all of that horror because heroes gave birth to us and we will worship them till we die.
I repeat,no woman is worthy enough to get the same kind of love a son should give her mother who sacrificed her all to give their kids a better life.
Only an idiotic man does that.

What exactly does or will this idiotic man do, as regards his wife and mom, to be termed idiotic?

If mama is insulting his wife and he tells mama not to do that, that makes him idiotic?

GboyegaD:


Unfortunately, you are coming from a bias perspective and makes it difficult to explain to you. While I agree some men would support their family over you, i think it is about finding a way to show that their actions hurt you so that he understands but many times, most women would rather nag about it.

What makes you think my perspective is biased? I’m a woman who hopes to have a son someoday and also be a MIL, so how exactly am I biased?

ogawisdom:


An idiot like u should learn to respect the opinion of others. Now get lost already. It's my choice I love my mum more than any wife n it will never change.

I can marry 10 wives but will only have one mother guess ur decaying brain cell may never understand.

My sweet mum is a no go area, she is the only person I can gladly die for in this world.

Did you read where she said she is a mum and her first son is 24 or are you plain idiotic? Are you okay? Don't you have respect?