healthserve:



I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

Bro come my house come take Weed, 5 wraps dey for you baami

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Whatsoever God gives will not hurt you... Go to the war room, and also try to work on your noticed weakness..

My dear in situations like this u need to turn to God. God is the only one who can heal your sorrow. Reporting him to his family members will only worsen the whole thing. And one more thing I need to tell is that...... U shouldn't be arguing with your man in any situation. It piece a man so much. I repeat...... Go on your knees. Pray harder. God is your solution. Good luck.

abogjohn:
Bro come my house come take Weed, 5 wraps dey for you baami

Na spiritual wife the worri your husband

igwefivestar:
am so sorry Op, but I think the enemy is at work. Take it to God in prayers. Something is seriously wrong somewhere

Enskynelson:
Good men don't just become monsters. It is either a spiritual issue or there is something you did that has turned the once loving man into an cold ice- without feelings. Try and attack the problem with both approach. An SMS he saw on your phone, that secret he found u kept from him etc could be the reason. Try and find out.

Is turning every issue into a spiritual/religious matter a sign of mental laziness of inability to think things through for solutions


www.nairaland.com/attachments/4138528_fbimg1471362711749_jpeg32428b294a57b4debde63e3fd7301227

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Smile your problem is simple, and that man loves you, I'm a single, but lives with married people so I have little idea, men are good but some women failed to realized it, when u say your man is good he will act in a good way to u even if he is bad b4

My solution to ur problem is as follows:
Everyone has someone he/she listen to no matter what? it could be family member, pastor, friends many people do not him to be reported for whatever, so try to know the person he cannot hide anything from that like so much, call the person to intervene, don't report to d person to justify urself but just want amendment, may God guild your home

unclerae:
Na spiritual wife the worri your husband

You can replace the church below with mosque/shrine as well.


www.nairaland.com/attachments/6392490_screenshot201703251113431_jpege7efc671bcd65efa910c8efb45a5868a

He has "Ogbanje" spirit following him.

Countless stories of breakup after marriage is discouraging us who are about to tie the knot.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Something is bothering him that he doesn't know how to discuss with you. This is the same story we've seen over and over again.

You can try breaking the ice by taking him out on a dinner or picnic or a weekend getaway (whatever you can afford but away from your familiar surroundings). Talk, gist, laugh and relax together during your outing then after he has relaxed, ask him what is bothering him. Tell him as his wife, you've got his back, no matter what it is. You should be ready for anything though, it could be as severe as him wanting a divorce or as ridiculous as a stranger questioning his manhood so prepare your mind psychologically not to react in shock, judgement or despair. Backbones don't become emotional on hearing news of displeasurable nature. Talk about it if you can and if you can't, promise him to help him find a solution and mean it.

Possibly you have got married to a guy not fully ready to settle down. Woman settling down with a guy who is really to settle down I mean guy that love to have a family it's quiet different from a guy who marry to please his spouse or who marry out of pressure surely these are the traits of what always happen in such union but it can be resolve and their would be peace.

Pls try to dig deeper into him to know what he actually wants or like in a woman which you are not doing pls don't listen to those who will tell you to dump him remember some union do have rough begining but later things get smoother. Be patient never give up, no nagging or accusation pls just dig out what he likes and want from you.

God bless.

vingeophysicist:

Marriage is a good thing when you get the right person.
Someone that understands you and cherish you. That is why courtship should be compulsory.

I'm sure the man was doing all this to the op and they did courtship before they married.
Why then is the sudden behavior from the man?

He might be going through BIPOLAR


Pay more attention to his mental health

Moods swings, seems to me that he is emotionally unstable and there is a high probability that you are not the root cause of it,this looks more psychological. Give it your last shot ,ask him if you have done anything wrong,let out your emotions,cry if you have to and if he still doesn't bulge,then its time to shield yourself from the emotional roller coaster, either u learn to live with him like a neighbor since that is what he wants or you move on.

1

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

Something outside of the marriage is weighing down his mind... He is not acting to eat you or being violent. Try identify it and discuss it as your problem.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

When he gets home next, start crying and use every emotional trick you can conjure and go to him, so that he knows how his actions is hurting you. I'm trying to rule out the possibility of him having a mistress but it's a high possibility.

But in all, that ring you are wearing is not for fashion, it's more powerful than you can imagine, go on your knees, raise that finger with the ring on it while praying and demand from God to hold your husband and bring him closer to you, because you have a convenant with God himself and your husband. Don't get tired o, marriage is a constant battle, you can't afford to run in round one. Go and pray

The guy heraaam when una dey date...u dealt with him...he is know on a revenge mission.....jokes anyway...Try this may work I'm not calling for divorce, tell him dear since you are not willing to listen to me I'm going back to my parents house....stay away for 2 weeks or more if he truly loves you he will come looking for you and apologize then say what's in his mind

Something is definitely wrong somewhere....marriage is no joke,one of the reasons why I'm not bothered even if I'm too ripe infact "over ripe"for marriage.if a couple is not compatible it won't work at all.

healthserve:



Yeap. Big time narcissist. The guy played on her emotions to get married to her. We need to let her know she married the wrong dude and its a choice now to cope or

This would amount to jumping to conclusion as none of us has the opportunity of hearing from the husband. Let's refrain from setting a bad precedent in this kind of matter coz we need to be asking the Op some serious and critical questions.

She knows why she went into marriage with that young man & feigning ignorance of these flaws would be unacceptable IMO.

Thanks

healthserve:



I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

WOW

Mrsj89:
Ignore him, look for ways to make yourself happy, ignore him completely he keeps doing that because of the effect it has on you, don't let it get to you, he will stop

as per your moniker (mrsj89), it shows you are married, since it carries 'mrs.'

this is not the best advise, I must say.

marriage is not for a man and his wife to be keeping malice, or be an alien to each other naaah.


how could u give this kind advice to a woman who is worried about her new/fresh matrimonial home?


see, the lady u are advising knows something had gone wrong from her own side, which is why she's here seeking advises. she wants to correct it but if she refuses to say the real issue, she won't get anything helpful here.


if the husband was the one who came online to seek this kind of advise, just know that it is the husband that had done something wrong and wants to correct it.


well, me dey here to learn sha,


make I dey lurk around.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

you have been blackmailed by someone to him and ur husband has not been matured about it to walk up to you and asks if these accusations are true.

KanuSE:


This would amount to jumping to conclusion as none of us has the opportunity of hearing from the husband. Let's refrain from setting a bad precedent in this kinda of matter coz we need to be asking the Op some serious and critical questions.

She knows why she went into marriage with that young man & feigning ignorance of these flaws would be unacceptable IMO.

Thanks

Working with what I have. Thank you Sir

The one week he is normal may be the week the other girl is observing her menses. The other three weeks he starts his mood with you may be the days the other girl is able to satisfy him. Do you know of someone he may be seeing? There are some difficult questions you need to ask urself and seek answers within you. Think deeply sister, study him very well and try to know where the problem lies. It isnt rock science. It's very simple.

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

sisisioge:
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!

no!!! Something is definitely wrong and if it is not infidelity then it is something bigger and dangerous,i Hope it has nothing to do with finances or secret society ish.....

Outreachms:


WOW

He might be under a lot of pressure (work and bills)

Get a job if you're not working already and assist with some of the minor bills .

Get busy and reduce the over flooded attention but make sure your respect for him is intact.

If he doesn't change,take sisioge's advice

Good day my sister, I was touched with your post. Hope you not mind reach me on ilohsly@gmail.com. marriage is met to be enjoy not to be endure. When one is enduring his or her marriage alot has gone wrong.

it available just call or whatsapp