goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Your hubby maybe suffering from Bipolar disorder. He may need to visit a psychiatrist

If you've really tried to talk tins over n its not working,involve ur pastor if he is really involved in church or anyone u know he respect while praying for Gods wisdom to handle this.Do a soul saarch too to b sure ur not part of d problem as its always easy to see odas fault n make amends where u know u have goofed .After every if is still acting up,you can give him his space n get a life, i mean not being every where on his face like his disposition is what will determine ur. Happiness,cos if he feels so,he will always behave this way.Try to live ur life on purpose cos u were not born to marry.know what u were created for n channel ur energy there.One of two, he will know u have a life not tied to his n speak up if there are issues or stop acting up.You neef to learn to follow pple d way they are n don't allow pple treat u in a way they won't want to b treated.las las na mind game

healthserve:



I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

. [color=#000099][/color] God bless you!!!

ibiba55:
. [color=#000099][/color] God bless you!!!

Thank you Sir

There are so many problems involved in marriage yet people will be forcing singles to marry. Now see how this woman has gone to marry a sadist, it's unfortunate.

Your husband is probably a Gambler!

KanuSE:


Sisisioge's advice is like adding more fuel to the fire especially for a lady who's tryna find solution to her marital issues.

If you get closer to sisisioge you would be surprised that she wouldn't dare act out her own advice sef.

if the guy isn't under any kind of pressure and will not open up even after several one on one discuss,then it's obvious that he's just tryna be unnecessarily mean
Hence,the only way out is for the lady to protect herself from going insane.

I agree with sisioge cuz it will make the man feel exactly what the wife has been going through and turn a new leaf.

At times the only way to achieve peace is through war!

But I get your point

Dollarseeker:
madam u did something, tell us what u did. or you did something u think he doesn't know about but he is aware of. Hope you are not cheating on him?

She did something that makes him take a holiday three weeks in a month?

Mizwisdom:
There are so many problems involved in marriage yet people will be forcing singles to marry. Now see how this woman has gone to marry a sadist, it's unfortunate.

No problems in marriage but every problem once you settle with the wrong person.

my elder brother is still behaving like the op's husband. He confided in me that his wife cheated on him with his ex who is married to someone else. He has tried to forgive her ,but he is finding it difficult to forgive her. Maybe the op is hiding something... we need to hear the man's version of the story.

I think singles in Africa need to be sensitized about psychiatric illnesses such as bipolar disorder, psychopathy and narcissism. That's the only way to spot subtle signs of them whilst dating, and flee accordingly.

For one, I've found that narcissism plays out in more Nigerians than we want to admit, yet no one says anything till they get hitched to one, and then start seeing very strange and depression–inducing displays.

But I digress.

.....
Honestly don't know what to advise as per a husband who is either a psychopath or a narcissist,especially for such a new marriage. Hope you find helpful insights from strong men and women here, op.

Wishing you and your home the very best.

Ritaokafor:
Read this book"why you act the way you do". Can't recall the author's name. Your husband is melancholic. Suffers terrible mood swings. Just be patient with him in prayer till he comes out of it.
Mood swings differ, depending on the sufferer. It can be short or long term. I am a victim and exhibit most of the things you see in your husband. By God's grace,I will overcome it cos people around you suffer for no just cause.
My dear, the only solution is to be patient and prayerful. When he is out of it, will be the loving man you married!

You are right, I exhibit everything her husband does. I am also a melancholic.

Godsknight:
my elder brother is still behaving like the op's husband. He confided in me that his wife cheated on him with his ex who is married to someone else. He has tried to forgive her ,but he is finding it difficult to forgive her. Maybe the op is hiding something... we need to hear the man's version of the story.

.

Does your brother have proof of this? I have seen cases where women have been falsely accused of infidelity due to the insecurity and mental imbalance of the husbands. If your sister-in-law truly cheated then your brother should leave the marriage. His behaviour is not helping his mental state and is definitely not helping his wife's.

sisisioge:
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!

one word for you , SHILLOH !

This man is just like me. I also don't talk when provoked, like I keep grudges which I won't even act on.
The only difference is it wears off after a day.


But I'm trying and praying to change. I also want to show that am angry when provoked. Tired of bottling it all up.

Daisy17:
.

Does your brother have proof of this? I have seen cases where women have been falsely accused of infidelity due to the insecurity and mental imbalance of the husbands. If your sister-in-law truly cheated then your brother should leave the marriage. His behaviour is not helping his mental state and is definitely not helping his wife's.

The wife confessed and admitted to her mistake.... his own swing mood is not as bad as the op's husband... He only gets cold when the thought poops up in his head. He thinks time will heal his wound and get over it. I have advised him to overlook her mistake and start on a clean slate

No witch doctor or medicine man can cure self poisoning , you are lying and expecting help? OK your symptoms shows the gentle man avoids your food because he has discovered u have an affair with someone and when he eats your food or has sex with you, he's a dead man so as you were saying , what have you done wrong?

Jacinthe:
I think singles in Africa need to be sensitized about psychiatric illnesses such as bipolar disorder, psychopathy and narcissism. That's the only way to spot subtle signs of them whilst dating, and flee accordingly.

For one, I've found that narcissism plays out in more Nigerians than we want to admit, yet no one says anything till they get hitched to one, and then start seeing very strange and depression–inducing displays.

But I digress.

.....
Honestly don't know what to advise as per a husband who is either a psychopath or a narcissist,especially for such a new marriage. Hope you find helpful insights from strong men and women here, op.

Wishing you and your home the very best.

Big words of wisdom. I'm definitely writing and giving public speech on all these. I also didn't pay much attention until I became a victim. I've seen vowed to speak on it and expose the subject so at the slightest hints of narcissism and psychological issues, innocent people can flee

There are three sides to every story.
Your story ain't complete, ma'am.
Seek advice from married people, not here on NL with crackheads.
If you love your man and want to savage your already sinking marriage. Be truthful!
You know him before now and thought he might change. You married him with all the deficiencies. Be the partner he married and solve the problem. Running to SM won't solve a sh!t.
Sincerely and wholeheartedly pour out your heart to him in the early hours of the morning. Tell him, you're ready to do whatever he wants, let him just tell you what the problem is. Whatever! just get him to talk or open up. Some men like keeping to themselves. Sometimes, it ain't about you. It could be be something personal. You must be down to earth to let him open up. This is simple. Be a friend. There's something you ain't doing right.
The solution starts with you.

Apination:

You are simply asking her to make things worse, you think ignoring him and not cooking would be a wise decision? He would only go ahead and tell his people his wife doesn't cook at home and he eats outside.
Don't ever go out on your own as though nothing is happening o, he will not only accuse you of infidelity but also use it as excuse to fuel whatever he might be doing on the side

I only asked her to try it for a few days it’s to help him get tired of that strategy... and there is a way you can go out of the house to give yourself a treat that when you come back home with some of the things you bought your husband will know you just went out to spoil yourself and there was nothing to it..


see personally I won’t like to be digging into my own personal life here.. you don’t know the experiences I have had and how I got out of it and you don’t know why I have given that advice.

See marriage is or should be a union of two consenting adults .. if any of the parties to the marriage has done anything wrong the other person should be able to talk to them about it and not be giving them silent treatment .


See one of the rules of marriage success is open engagement ... you must be able to talk about everything ... if his wife has wronged him in any way he should learn to talk to her about it and not be trying to cower her with malice it’s childish and he must be made to see it that way ... I am sure it’s an age long habit from his childhood .. if you engage his parents , siblings or friends they will most definitely have something to say about that habit ..


madam you are the one that will make him snap out of it cos you will be the one frustrated in the union if you don’t do something about it now... the first few years of marriage is the period to reject what you don’t want if not you may continue to live with it for the rest of that marriage .. for how long will you continue to beg him or talk to him by force? Wasn’t he the one that saw you and proposed? He needs to grow up pls and the time is now before the children start coming biko.

It’s unfortunate your partner is childish in my opinion but you have to find a way around it for your own benefit

You need to let him know his silent treatment doesn't get to you o and you will do it with play and laughter ...such people you don’t follow them to fight o cos it will only worsen things..... when he is keeping the malice act around him a playful manner make jest of the way he looks with his malicious face...and with all the play play don’t do like you are desperate to talk to him o.. you can even pull his private part sef with joke asking him if he wants to do one round with laughter o... he may still be frowning but with time he will soften ... just show him his malice is not working biko and learn to find a way to make him to talk about issues ..with time you will see that he will be opening up when he has issues with you... talking about issues helps so much in marriage

You will see with time he will change but if he doesn’t then you have a big problem on your hands and you have to find other ways of solving it.

See marriage is meant to be enjoyed and one person should not be struggling to make it work... you have to create your own comfort and joy in your home o don’t let anybody frustrate you.

The couple should seek for counselling. Its important.
From counselling he might be encouraged to get medical help if he need it.

Well let me drop this advise from a man's perspective. Just package the feeding money if you can, and send it down to his parents (mother) if they're still alive. With the message that says (this is from your son who said he won't eat anything until he sees you people are eating). After you've done that, relax and see who will want to speak to the other person about an issue. Then keep quiet don't say a word (reversed psychology). Just say I will only talk about this matter when my in laws are here. Shekina!!!

AwkaetitiBabe:
Not enough excuse. What wife won't assist her husband financially if she can?

your perspective as a woman. I just told you what some men go through.

Check urself. U did something ur not telling us.

May God see u thru...like my sista would say marriage is not as yummy as u think. That's y anyone talking about marriage to.me is wasting her time. Cause am not yet ready 4 it ... Cause wat u seeing in relationship is totally different from marriage......
God please give me my own wife not anoda person wife Biko...... If na weyin go.make me repent I go repent

A man who ignores his wife's food goes to the market and buy food items cooks and eats all in the name of keeping malice with his spouse is simply an immature and uncivil

Surprisingly the OP described me.
He is not angry at you during those periods. He just want you to get on with your life and stop dotting over him. Do you have a job?

Hello Madam,

I totally understand what you are going through. I was like that with my wife in our first year of marriage. My wife really suffered and in my sober moments,I wondered why I treated her in such a manner.

In my quest for a solution,I sought the face of my maker. I went thoroughbred intensive deliverance sessions with MFM and as we continued praying,I was seeing marked improvement in my relationship with my wife .Today,we live in joy and happiness.I have been delivered of those negative influences

Madam,your husbands case is spiritual.
He Hasbro consciously and willingly fight that force that is bent on ending your marriage.

Since the time of Adam and Eve till now,the devil has been fighting marriages as he knows that is God's designed way of replicating His image on the earth.

Earnest,Fervent prayers strategically targeted will always change things for the best.

I wish you well

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

plain fact is DAT 'HE IS CHEATING'

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

Something is deeply troubling him and eating off his happiness, and you have not figured it out yet.
He might not be bringing you into it yet, because he might be the type of man who doesn't see their wives as mate/helper.
And the fact that he doesn't have the solution to the problem all figured out yet, he sees your pestering as part of his problems.

Godsknight:
The wife confessed and admitted her mistake.... his own swing mood is not as bad as the op's husband... He only gets cold when the thought poops up in his head. He thinks time will heal his wound and get over it. I have advised him to overlook her mistake and start on a clean slate

Okay. Gotcha

healthserve:




Big words of wisdom. I'm definitely writing and giving public speech on all these. I also didn't pay much attention until I became a victim. I've seen vowed to speak on it and expose the subject so at the slightest hints of narcissism and psychological issues, innocent people can flee

Quora is a great platform ( that's if you're not yet a member)