I am a 40 year old guy,married with two kids.My wife,36,left Nigeria for Australia to further her study as a Nurse.

While she was leaving in May,2017,we planned that our kids and I will join her after three months to remain as a couple and as a family,but unfortunately when she got there,we discovered that certain amendments had been made in d immigration policies for students bringing in dependents(family members),unless she is done by April 2020,get a job and go thru some immigration processes before the kids and I will be allowed to join her.

So,we had no choice but to face d reality that she will ve to remain there to study,while d kids and I stay back until she is done with her course of study.

Though,my wife has visited Nigeria three times at different times in the last two years plus.

I did my best to remain faithful to her until February,2018,but as a man,I was emotionally and sex starved that I had to get a girlfriend whom we had sexual relationship 2gether until January 2019 that I had to end the relationship.

I ended d relationship b'cos;

1)I felt very guilty for cheating on my wife as am sure my wife has been faithful.

2)She didn't allow me concentrate in taking care of my kids as she always wanted me to spend time with her.

3)I had started developing strong feelings for her to d extent that I was considering marrying her as she seemed to ve filled d vaccum my wife left and she loves me too and wanted me around always.

Though this ex side chick of mine still want us back but I ve resisted every of her attempts and persuasion to ensure I remain faithful to my wife,but d challenge I ve now is that am psychologically devastated as I am sex starved and need a woman in my life to relate with.Married guys here will understand me better.

Am suffering from chronic emotional boredom and at d same time,do not want to betray my wife again.

But what is most discouraging about d situation is that whenever I express how I feel to my wife on phone,she accuses me of discussing unnecessary issues with her and say am disturbing her.

That am not d first husband that his wife would travel out for that long and so many discouraging words that tend to push me into d hands of my ex side chick or any other girl.

It is not easy for a married man who has been sexually
active for seven years to stay alone without his wife or a woman for over two years and at the same time gets no encouragement from d said wife.

So,am thinking of going back to my ex side chick to get comfort, peharps until she is done with her activities in Australia for us to join her,hoping that I don't get lost in d arms of another woman till then.

Am just emotionally and psychologically frustrated.

Emotions are just chemical reactions in the brain..... You can control it. So far your family is balanced but you want my advice so I will give you.


Go back to the side chick. Na now you go know wetin dey dey call panpe aye. Trap of life.

Happy trapping

Is it the same virgina fluids that stains the pants that men lick during head-giving session?

My brother,am married and I can feel u but this situation is a very complex one,especially for a man who can hardly stay without sex for long unlike some women.
U ve tried so far and if u can endeavor to complete d race by April 2020 if certain will be commendable.

I feel u my brother... So sorry!

Spectrumzeee:
I am a 40 year old guy,married with two kids.My wife,36,left Nigeria for Australia to further her study as a Nurse.

While she was leaving in May,2017,we planned that our kids and I will join her after three months to remain as a couple and as a family,but unfortunately when she got there,we discovered that certain amendments had been made in d immigration policies for students bringing in dependents(family members),unless she is done by April 2020,get a job and go thru some immigration processes before the kids and I will be allowed to join her.

So,we had no choice but to face d reality that she will ve to remain there to study,while d kids and I stay back until she is done with her course of study.

Though,my wife has visited Nigeria three times at different times in the last two years plus.

I did my best to remain faithful to her until February,2018,but as a man,I was emotionally and sex starved that I had to get a girlfriend whom we had sexual relationship 2gether until January 2019 that I had to end the relationship.

I ended d relationship b'cos;

1)I felt very guilty for cheating on my wife as am sure my wife has been faithful.

2)She didn't allow me concentrate in taking care of my kids as she always wanted me to spend time with her.

3)I had started developing strong feelings for her to d extent that I was considering marrying her as she seemed to ve filled d vaccum my wife left and she loves me too and wanted me around always.

Though this ex side chick of mine still want us back but I ve resisted every of her attempts and persuasion to ensure I remain faithful to my wife,but d challenge I ve now is that am psychologically devastated as I am sex starved and need a woman in my life to relate with.Married guys here will understand me better.

Am suffering from chronic emotional boredom and at d same time,do not want to betray my wife again.

But what is most discouraging about d situation is that whenever I express how I feel to my wife on phone,she accuses me of discussing unnecessary issues with her and say am disturbing her.

That am not d first husband that his wife would travel out for that long and so many discouraging words that tend to push me into d hands of my ex side chick or any other girl.

It is not easy for a married man who has been sexually
active for seven years to stay alone without his wife or a woman for over two years and at the same time gets no encouragement from d said wife.

So,am thinking of going back to my ex side chick to get comfort, peharps until she is done with her activities in Australia for us to join her,hoping that I don't get lost in d arms of another woman till then.

Am just emotionally and psychologically frustrated.

Just an excuse to cheat! Go back to her and enjoy yourself! Do you think ur wife doesn't feel the same way?

If you really want to be faithful, u can without bringing these excuses!

Do you want us to validate 'cheat' for you so that u won't feel guilty anymore?

A woman who takes her marriage as equally a career as any other careers should never afford her husband that much distance and time apart..

That doesn't mean the woman is to be blamed though. You alone carry all the blame..

So much for men not attaching emotions to Sex..

Some guys here on nairaland would be making it seem like men are not emotionally inclined as women... like they are robots..

Emotionally frustrated yes, psychologically frustrated no because you know what's right from wrong..

There's always a cause for cheating but the cause doesn't in anyway justify the sin..

You have cheated on your wife simple. Don't try and make us reason with you why you cheated on her.

1. If you're sure your wife has been faithful to you, why can't you give her the same respect?

2. What kinda female diverts your attention away from your children? They should be your #1 priority at all times, not her.

3. Mtcheeeeeew. Do you think it has been easy for your wife to be away from her husband and kids?

miib:


Just an excuse to cheat! Go back to her and enjoy yourself! Do you think ur wife doesn't feel the same way?

If you really want to be faithful, u can without bringing these excuses!

Do you want us to validate 'cheat' for you so that u won't feel guilty anymore?

This is not a licence to cheat.Besides sex,there are emotional attachments u share with a woman.

My wife and I slept on d same bed everyday for seven years until she traveled and suddenly am alone.All to myself and my wife is just concerned about her life in Australia.

No expression of emotions or anything close.
Not all about sex please.

you are a generous man and its not easy ,side chick can help out but dont go too deep into your side chick if you really love your wife and keep your side chick relationship classify

theButterfly:
1. If you're sure you're wife has been faithful to to you, why can't you give her the same respect?

2. What kinda female diverts your attention away from your children? They should be your #1 priority at all times, not her.

3. Mtcheeeeeew

My kids made me sacrifice d affair.
So,I obviously cherish my kids.

Am not married yet, but I will advice you always use condom, you know what that means

It's not like you've celibated in the last two yrs. According to you, she's visited thrice. Yet, you're sex starved that you had to cheat.
Being sexually active is not an excuse here as you're making it seem and you men don't have the monopoly in having uncontrollable sexual urges. Today, even married women whose husband are present and active are cheating too. Values have degraded, people no longer keep boundaries, some young people are alien to mastering the act of self-control, anything goes when they're hòrny. So, keeping multiple sexual partners is the order of the day. You begin to wonder why divorce rate has increased drastically over the years? Ask yourself a question, would your wife take this excuse you gave here if she finds out about your side chick? If yes, then carry on, but if no, then you should be more focused on your marriage than sex for now. it's not like you won't have it later, or have her around when you both want.

If it were a lady that posted this eh

1.Is sex food that you can't do without it?

2.if it is food to you...join Vaseline crew!!....cheating on ur spouse is no no

you know ur sexual level before allowing your wife to travel out,so please live with it!!

Spectrumzeee:

My kids made me sacrifice d affair.
So,I obviously cherish my kids.

Sor you can simply get a sex doll. 2020 is around the corner. Don't allow another take away what your wife has built.

GrabHisBalls:
It's not like you've celibated in the last two yrs. According to you, she's visited thrice. Yet, you're sex starved that you had to cheat.
Being sexually active is not an excuse here as you're making it seem and you men don't have the monopoly in having uncontrollable sexual urges. Today, even married women whose husband are present and active are cheating too. Values have degraded. People no longer keep boundaries. Some young people are alien to mastering the act of self-control. Anything goes when they're Hot. So, keeping multiple sexual partners is the order of the day. You begin to wonder why divorce rate has increased drastically over the years? Ask yourself a question, would your wife take this excuse you gave here if she finds out about your side chick? If yes, then carry on, but if no, then you should be more focused on your marriage than sex for now. it's not like you won't have it later, or have her around when you both want.

I dare to say again that my problems does not just revolve around sex but companionship.

Even marriage is not all about sex and producing children but companionship and leaning on each others shoulders, share ur thoughts and communicate.

How can a man be married and live his life worse than a bachelor?

Ok

AwkaetitiBabe:
Sor you can simply get a sex doll. 2020 is around the corner. Don't allow another take away what your wife has built.

I agree with u and am making efforts to stay so but in a situation where a wife places her career above her marriage, what do u call that?

No time to talk to me on phone,express love,use sweet words in reciprocating mine and giving me hope that we will reunite.

Always forming busy

It's emotionally killing

Hmm this is a strong case,i sincerely do not trust women of our generation,so i would kindly advise you to do whatever sails yuh boat,cos maybe she might just be doing same or worse after all u two r both humans...

Spectrumzeee:

I agree with u and am making efforts to stay so but in a situation where a wife places her career above her marriage, what do u call that?

No time to talk to me on phone,express love,use sweet words in reciprocating mine and giving me hope that we will reunite.

Always forming busy

It's emotionally killing

She's probably stressed with studies and work. Don't push too much before she decides to jump ship OK. I pray everything works out well for you.

Sit down and ask yourself...... which is more important... career or family?. You guys chose career over family. You were committed to her and she to you...you love her and she loves you... you stepped out because you were sex starved. Both of you are in the same situation... why wouldn't you think she is doing the same as you? 2020 she would be done.... fine... she would be eligible to file for the family... would she? You were considering marrying the side chick..... is she considering marrying someone else... if she is in a relationship? Take her not wanting to talk about sex as a sign.... all is not well.
My advice... keep the side chick close.... hope for the best but be prepared for the worse.

AwkaetitiBabe:
She's probably stressed with studies and work. Don't push too much before she decides to jump ship OK. I pray everything works out well for you.

Stressed with studies?My dear,that is not an excuse.
U say so b'cos u re a woman.
She shld not expose her husband b'cos of her career.
U think it is easy for a married man to stay without his wife for two years.

I commend him o b'cos it's not easy.
Even those with their wives with them daily still ve side chicks and concubines littered everywhere.
She shld be able to manage her marriage from a distance,not being hostile at d same time.

Lemskey:

Stressed with studies?My dear,that is not an excuse.
U say so b'cos u re a woman.
She shld not expose her husband b'cos of her career.
U think it is easy for a married man to stay without his wife for two years.

I commend him o b'cos it's not easy.
Even those with their wives with them daily still ve side chicks and concubines littered everywhere.
She shld be able to manage her marriage from a distance,not being hostile at d same time.

Yes you are right. Perhaps the op can have a heart to heart talk but if it doesn't improve, he can as well get a side chic to keep sane. He shouldn't neglect his kids though

Spectrumzeee:

I dare to say again that my problems does not just revolve around sex but companionship.

Even marriage is not all about sex and producing children but companionship and leaning on each others shoulders, share ur thoughts and communicate.

How can a man be married and live his life worse than a bachelor?

Companionship wasn't initially mentioned. It was sex, sex, and sex.

I guess you know that if her schedule is tight, she won't give you as much attention as she was when she was in Nigeria? You men do this a lot na. Since communication is key in any marriage/relationship. Discuss your fears with her and get to a compromise. You should be talking to her, not Nairalanders.

Get yourself soap or Vaseline and stay faithful to your wife.

If you need companionship, you've got 3 kids and they're still kids four of you can sleep on same bed and talk about Spongebob, Cinderella, Toy Story, Power Rangers and Speeding Gonzalez the fastest mouse in Mexico.


If you wanna talk dirty you call her, take your soap or Vaseline, go to your toilet, put her on video call and let her reciprocate whatever move you're doing.... and fab fab fab yourself until Las Las you're ok.... it's safer than side chick.

Hope she's not those shy, boring and holy holy kinda wife cuz that's the worst thing to happen to a man.....


As long as my wife can supply me unlimited nude pics or willing to masturbate on the camera for me.... even she went to Jupiter for 2o years I can't never ever consider a side devil call chicks.....

STAY FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE MISTER.



I'm out

GrabHisBalls:
Companionship wasn't initially mentioned. It was sex, sex, and sex.

I guess you know that if her schedule is tight, she won't give you as much attention as she was when she was in Nigeria? You men do this a lot na. Since communication is key in any marriage/relationship. Discuss your fears with her and get to a compromise. You should be talking to her, not Nairalanders.

When I talked about emotional and psychological boredom,that was what I meant.Obviously, sex will come in.

However,whenever I talk to her about how I miss her,our time 2gether,our sex life,she keeps ignoring me, telling me that she has more pressing issues to deal with in Australia in her course of study.

Sometimes,she says am tormenting her mentally by talking about how I miss her, sex and time with her.

I had to come to Nairaland b'cos I know I can still get some reasonable pieces of advice as much as I will get foolish and unreasonable ones.

D few friends I ve whom even ve their wives with them ve like two or more side chicks.

Is it such ones I will run to for advice?

Spectrumzeee:

I agree with u and am making efforts to stay so but in a situation where a wife places her career above her marriage, what do u call that?

No time to talk to me on phone,express love,use sweet words in reciprocating mine and giving me hope that we will reunite.

Always forming busy

It's emotionally killing

there is something you should realize about your wife, she is now in a better environment, living a good life, her mentality about marriage has also changed. She actually has nothing to loose if your marriage crashes as a result of your desire to cheat. You stand a chance to gain entry into Australia to live a standard life through your wife if you can wait till April 2020 and see what pans out. If you go back to your side chick, have it at the back of your mind that she will be more ferocious in trying to tie you down, she can attempt this through various means such as trying to get married to you, trying to get pregnant, or going diabolical to get you glued to her. Whatever you do with your ex side chick, or any other new side chick, DONT GET HOOKED, if you get hooked, you loose out completely in your marriage. Your wife will move ahead with her life, she would only be taking her kids along with her in her movement, except of course you want to hold on to them.

nuelyoyo:
there is something you should realize about your wife, she is now in a better environment, living a good life, her mentality about marriage has also changed. She actually has nothing to loose if your marriage crashes as a result of your desire to cheat. You stand a chance to gain entry into Australia to live a standard life through your wife if you can wait till April 2020 and see what pans out. If you go back to your side chick, have it at the back of your mind that she will be more ferocious in trying to tie you down, she can attempt this through various means such as trying to get married to you, trying to get pregnant, or going diabolical to get you glued to her. Whatever you do with your ex side chick, or any other new side chick, DONT GET HOOKED, if you get hooked, you loose out completely in your marriage. Your wife will move ahead with her life, she would only be taking her kids along with her in her movement, except of course you want to hold on to them.

I appreciate ur concerns and advice my brother.

But,I will like to understand more of what u mean by her mentality as regards marriage being changed.

How do people over there view marriage?

What is their orientation?

Spectrumzeee:

When I talked about emotional and psychological boredom,that was what I meant.Obviously, sex will come in.

However,whenever I talk to her about how I miss her,our time 2gether,our sex life,she keeps ignoring me, telling me that she has more pressing issues to deal with in Australia in her course of study.

Sometimes,she says am tormenting her mentally by talking about how I miss her, sex and time with her.

I had to come to Nairaland b'cos I know I can still get some reasonable pieces of advice as much as I will get foolish and unreasonable ones.

D few friends I ve whom even ve their wives with them ve like two or more side chicks.

Is it such ones I will run to for advice?

Since you believe she's faithful, then the feelings are mutual. Perhaps, her avoidance of talking about her feelings is what's making you feel the way you do while to her, it's a way of not being pressured. In as much as you want to be understood, you should also put yourself in her shoes. If I were you, I won't do anything that'll create a gap in my marriage. Once there's one, it's harder to bridge such gaps. While she's complaining of the academic workload, you should be encouraging and once she has holidays, she should come over as you've both been doing. This is meant to last for a while, not lifetime.

Offpoint:
Get yourself soap or Vaseline and stay faithful to your wife.

If you need companionship, you've got 3 kids and they're still kids four of you can sleep on same bed and talk about Spongebob, Cinderella, Toy Story, Power Rangers and Speeding Gonzalez the fastest mouse in Mexico.


If you wanna talk dirty you call her, take your soap or Vaseline, go to your toilet, put her on video call and let her reciprocate whatever move you're doing.... and fab fab fab yourself until Las Las you're ok.... it's safer than side chick.

Hope she's not those shy, boring and holy holy kinda wife cuz that's the worst thing to happen to a man.....


As long as my wife can supply me unlimited nude pics or willing to masturbate on the camera for me.... even she went to Jupiter for 2o years I can't never ever consider a side devil call chicks.....

STAY FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE MISTER.



I'm out

Hmm...I love this.

I tried to initiate this in d first few months of her trip outside.

She complied with d video sex twice and we masturbated 2gether and after that she refused to even allow me see her nudes on video call till 2day.

She said it was a distraction to her and it was draining her mentally.

Like u said,if we had been doing that occasionally,I doubt I would ve been bored emotionally, psychologically or sexually,let alone seeking for an attachment outside.

That bond b'w a husband and wife would ve still been firm.