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Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:10am On Sep 03, 2019 |
(The Site for Funny Songs) Presents: The Longest Joke in the World: After much research, we have found the longest joke in the world. Enjoy. The Longest Joke in the World * * * Lost in the Desert So, there's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol Joshmedia and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst. Joshmedia1 is not the author Source: longest Joke in the world Not Joshmedia |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:13am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia: Read |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:27am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia: |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:28am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia:Beginning |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:42am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia: |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:57am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Well, anyway," continued Nate, "I'd probably suggest giving you permanent good health. It would negate the methanol now in your system, you'd be immune to most poisons and diseases, and you'd tend to live a very long time, barring accident, of course. And you'll even have a tendency to recover from accidents well. It always seemed like a good choice for a request to me." Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:58am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Cure the methanol poisoning, huh?" said Jack. "And keep me healthy for a long time? Hmmm. It doesn't sound bad at that. And it has to be a request about a change to me? I can't ask to be rich, right? Because that's not really a change to me?" "Right," nodded Nate. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:58am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Could I ask to be a genius and permanently healthy?" Jack asked, hopefully. "That takes two requests, Jack." "Yeah, I figured so," said Jack. "But I could ask to be a genius? I could become the smartest scientist in the world? Or the best athlete?" Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 2:59am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Well, I could make you very smart," admitted Nate, "but that wouldn't necessarily make you the best scientist in the world. Or, I could make you very athletic, but it wouldn't necessarily make you the best athlete either. You've heard the saying that 99% of genius is hard work? Well, there's some truth to that. I can give you the talent, but I can't make you work hard. It all depends on what you decide to do with it." Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:00am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Hmmm," said Jack. "Ok, I think I understand. And I get a third request, after this one?" Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:00am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia: |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:03am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia:Before |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:03am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia:Next |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:04am On Sep 03, 2019 |
JoshMedia:Again |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:07am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Maybe," said Nate, "it depends on what you decide then. There are more rules for the third request that I can only tell you about after the second request. You know how it goes." Nate looked like he'd shrug, if he had shoulders. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:08am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Ok, well, since I'd rather not be blind in a day or two, and permanent health doesn't sound bad, then consider that my second request. Officially. Do I need to sign in blood or something?" Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:10am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "No," said Nate. "Just hold out your hand. Or heel." Nate grinned. "Or whatever part you want me to bite. I have to bite you again. Like I said, that's how it works - the poison, you know," Nate said apologetically. Joshmedia1 is not the author. |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:10am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Jack winced a little and felt his shoulder, where the last bite was. Hey, it didn't hurt any more. Just like Nate had said. That made Jack feel better about the biting business. But still, standing still while a fifteen foot snake sunk it's fangs into you. Jack stood up. Ignoring how good it felt to be able to stand again, and the hunger starting to gnaw at his stomach, Jack tried to decide where he wanted to get bitten. Despite knowing that it wouldn't hurt for long, Jack knew that this wasn't going to be easy. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:12am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Hey, Jack," Nate suddenly said, looking past Jack towards the dunes behind him, "is that someone else coming up over there?" Jack spun around and looked. Who else could be out here in the middle of nowhere? And did they bring food? Wait a minute, there was nobody over there. What was Nate... Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:13am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Jack let out a bellow as he felt two fangs sink into his rear end, through his jeans... Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:14am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Jack sat down carefully, favoring his more tender buttock. "I would have decided, eventually, Nate. I was just thinking about it. You didn't have to hoodwink me like that." Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:16am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "I've been doing this a long time, Jack," said Nate, confidently. "You humans have a hard time sitting still and letting a snake bite you - especially one my size. And besides, admit it - it's only been a couple of minutes and it already doesn't hurt any more, does it? That's because of the health benefit with this one. I told you that you'd heal quickly now." Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:17am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Yeah, well, still," said Jack, "it's the principle of the thing. And nobody likes being bitten in the butt! Couldn't you have gotten my calf or something instead?" Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:18am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "More meat in the typical human butt," replied Nate. "And less chance you accidentally kick me or move at the last second. "Yeah, right. So, tell me all of these wonderful secrets that I now qualify to hear," answered Jack. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:19am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Ok," said Nate. "Do you want to ask questions first, or do you want me to just start talking?" Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:22am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Just talk," said Jack. "I'll sit here and try to not think about food." "We could go try to rustle up some food for you first, if you like," answered Nate. Joshmedia1 didn't write this. |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:23am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Hey! You didn't tell me you had food around here, Nate!" Jack jumped up. "What do we have? Am I in walking distance to town? Or can you magically whip up food along with your other powers?" Jack was almost shouting with excitement. His stomach had been growling for hours. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:24am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "I was thinking more like I could flush something out of its hole and bite it for you, and you could skin it and eat it. Assuming you have a knife, that is," replied Nate, with the grin that Jack was starting to get used to. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:25am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Ugh," said Jack, sitting back down. "I think I'll pass. I can last a little longer before I get desperate enough to eat desert rat, or whatever else it is you find out here. And there's nothing to burn - I'd have to eat it raw. No thanks. Just talk." "Ok," replied Nate, still grinning. "But I'd better hurry, before you start looking at me as food. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:26am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Nate reared back a little, looked around for a second, and then continued. "You, Jack, are sitting in the middle of the Garden of Eden." Jack looked around at the sand and dunes and then looked back at Nate sceptically. Joshmedia1 is not the author |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:28am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia "Well, that's the best I can figure it, anyway, Jack," said Nate. "Stand up and look at the symbol on the rock here." Nate gestured around the dark stone they were both sitting on with his nose. Jack stood up and looked. Carved into the stone in a bas-relief was a representation of a large tree. The angled-pole that Nate was wrapped around was coming out of the trunk of the tree, right below where the main branches left the truck to reach out across the stone. It was very well done - it looked more like a tree had been reduced to almost two dimensions and embedded in the stone than it did like a carving. Joshmedia1 is not the author. |
Re: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia: 3:29am On Sep 03, 2019 |
Joshmedia Jack walked around and looked at the details in the fading light of the setting sun. He wished he'd looked at it while the sun was higher in the sky. Wait! The sun was setting! That meant he was going to have to spend another night out here! Arrrgh! Jack looked out across the desert for a little bit, and then came back and stood next to Nate. "In all the excitement, I almost forgot, Nate," said Jack. "Which way is it back to town? And how far? I'm eventually going to have to head back - I'm not sure I'll be able to survive by eating raw desert critters for long. And even if I can, I'm not sure I'll want to." Joshmedia1 is not the author |
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