I had to open another account to post this.
Me and my gf graduated from the school and are currently serving. I'm serving in Lagos while she is in abuja. She was actually redeployed from a far north state to abuja with money by her parents.
We re both in our mid 20s, We love each other so much and would like to marry asap if money comes. After we graduated from Uniben, she persuaded me to go over with her to abuja and search for greener pasture, i made frantic calls in attempts to secure a place to squat over there but to no avail, I had no relatives there and d few friends I have there aren't that close. I later had to go over to Lagos to hustle because i have a few relatives there. Even while i was in Lagos she was still insisting i come over to abuja, reasons that abuja is a more lucrative city. I truly agree to that fact but i seriously have nobody to squat with and I have nobody at all in abuja, not even been to abuja before.
At a time she managed to convince one of her mum's sales boys to take me in in his room but the guy disappointed at the last minute so I had to stay back.

Nysc came, I'm serving in Lagos, she was posted to Kebbi and later redeployed to Abuja. While in camp too, I tried redeploying to abuja on health grounds but I was redeployed bk to Edo state so i had to cancel the application and stay bk. She has been hampering that i redeploy to Abuja but i don't have the 50k fee to pay.

I'm now in Lagos serving in a school, during the holidays i always go out to look for a good job or a good hustle to do. I wasted transport fares and stress attending interviews daily and meeting people but nothing came out yet. Though i did one gig BA job and im yet to get paid. She is still insisting im lazy nd wasting away in Lagos nd i should come over to Abuja. I would like to add that I saw myself thru school with supports from my parents so I'm not lazy. One regret I have is that the hustles i did in uniben are not long term and can't be moved to Lagos. My plan is to find a good job or good hustle and ghost nysc . Im also looking forward to saving to buy a good laptop and starting online business because i have learnt a lot on Nairaland although saving 80k from 19,800 salary might take time.

I have managed to secure a room in a flat where im staying currently, I have resigned myself to be teaching in my ppa for the meantime and still be looking out . She recently became more persistent about the abuja move and gave me few days to come over or forget about her. She initially proposed to pay 50k for d relocation lobbying but relocation for my batch isn't possible until October ending. She however insist i must be in abuja this Saturday.
I have been thinking about this all week, i don't know anybody in abuja, I don't have accommodation there, how do i do my clearance in Lagos if I move, I don't even have money so I will live off her benevolence till I find something doing. Had it been i have a sure hustle/job to take up in abuja, i can make the sacrifice and leave my apartment in Lagos here. I'm just confused.
I need advice please

This matter confuse me..

Lemme wait for the elders

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AstroG:
This matter confuse me..
Lemme wait for the elders

bros I confuse pass you, i don't want to lose her but I want to be rational too

This one weak me

She recently became more aggressive about the abuja move and gave me few days to come over or forget about her.



Don't go, all I see is DANGER

Break up with her immediately

CHIMAOBICCU:
This one weak me

haa, abeg i need advise pls.

lilmax:
She recently became more aggressive about the abuja move and gave me few days to come over or forget about her.



Don't go, all I see is DANGER

Break up with her immediately

I meant persistent not aggressive sorry

This is a serious matter... Everyone with his or her own problem.

Mensah007:
I had to open another account to post this.
Me and my gf graduated from the school and are currently serving. I'm serving in Lagos while she is in abuja. She was actually redeployed from a far north state to abuja with money by her parents.
We re both in our mid 20s, We love each other so much and would like to marry asap if money comes. After we graduated from Uniben, she persuaded me to go over with her to abuja and search for greener pasture, i made frantic calls in attempts to secure a place to squat over there but to no avail, I had no relatives there and d few friends I have there aren't that close. I later had to go over to Lagos to hustle because i have a few relatives there. Even while i was in Lagos she was still insisting i come over to abuja, reasons that abuja is a more lucrative city. I truly agree to that fact but i seriously have nobody to squat with and I have nobody at all in abuja, not even been to abuja before.
At a time she managed to convince one of her mum's sales boys to take me in in his room but the guy disappointed at the last minute so I had to stay back.

Nysc came, I'm serving in Lagos, she was posted to Kebbi and later redeployed to Abuja. While in camp too, I tried redeploying to abuja on health grounds but I was redeployed bk to Edo state so i had to cancel the application and stay bk. She has been hampering that i redeploy to Abuja but i don't have the 50k fee to pay.

I'm now in Lagos serving in a school, during the holidays i always go out to look for a good job or a good hustle to do. I wasted transport fares and stress attending interviews daily and meeting people but nothing came out yet. Though i did one gig BA job and im yet to get paid. She is still insisting im lazy nd wasting away in Lagos nd i should come over to Abuja. I would like to add that I saw myself thru school with supports from my parents so I'm not lazy. One regret I have is that the hustles i did in uniben are not long term and can't be moved to Lagos. My plan is to find a good job or good hustle and ghost nysc . Im also looking forward to saving to buy a good laptop and starting online business because i have learnt a lot on Nairaland although saving 80k from 19,800 salary might take time.

I have managed to secure a room in a flat where im staying currently, I have resigned myself to be teaching in my ppa for the meantime and still be looking out . She recently became more persistent about the abuja move and gave me few days to come over or forget about her. She initially proposed to pay 50k for d relocation lobbying but relocation for my batch isn't possible until October ending. She however insist i must be in abuja this Saturday.
I have been thinking about this all week, i don't know anybody in abuja, I don't have accommodation there, how do i do my clearance in Lagos if I move, I don't even have money so I will live off her benevolence till I find something doing. Had it been i have a sure hustle/job to take up in abuja, i can make the sacrifice and leave my apartment in Lagos here. I'm just confused.
I need advice please

I'm here wondering how Abuja is more lucrative than Lagos.
The most available job in Abj is Civil service job. You can say Abuja is a lot more peaceful, but definitely not more lucrative.

Mensah007:


haa, abeg i need advise pls.

i will advise you to forget her for now, and improve on yourself

She seems quite assertive which is usually a good thing.

Can't she just you? She also sounds like she's from a relatively middle class home, can she find you an accommodation or at least a job?

If it's teaching job, depending on the subject there is ALWAYS a job available.

The sad thing is that your Lagos job isn't paying you well si I completely see her point. If your lagos job was much better, then I would have said she's being unreasonable.

Could you do other side gigs in Abj?

kowema:



I'm here wondering how Abuja is more lucrative than Lagos.
The most available job in Abj in Civil service job. You can say Abuja is a lot more peaceful, but definitely not more lucrative.

my brother same here o. Its just cos of peace . I think I feel lighter now I poured out my heart out tho

op. Dont break up with her. She obviously loves you. Maybe its the distance thats making her persistent. She might be worried about the effects of the long distance on the relationship. The fact that shes willing to invest on your being closer with her and the fact that you are making the effort says alot.
But she shouldnt be immature and consider your situation. Thats sacrifice. Let her know how dicey the situation is. She should use simple logic cause times are hard. If she wants to settle down, as a wife, she should learn how to cope. Try to assure her too.

Mah no lie.... This matter confused me a bit...... But lemme ask u some few questions.....
Peradventure u relocate to Abj, did she promise to get u a job or a meaningful source of income?
Do u have any relative in Abuja?
How are u sure Abj is more lucrative than lag?
Judging from your write up, if u eventually relocate to abj on her request even tho she meant well for u two......... Shes definitely going to dictate things to u as in shes definitely the one thats going to be in charge as far as ur relationship is concerned.
Bottom line: she loves u, no doubt....she meant well, no doubts but her emotion is giving her away, she needs to face reality.
Think deep

cooooooks:
She seems quite assertive which is usually a good thing.

Can't she just you? She also sounds like she's from a relatively middle class home, can she find you an accommodation or at least a job?

If it's teaching job, depending on the subject there is ALWAYS a job available.

The sad thing is that your Lagos job isn't paying you well si I completely see her point. If your lagos job was much better, then I would have said she's being unreasonable.

Could you do other side gigs in Abj?

Tanks for replying bro.
She is from a middle class home,

She had initially said she can budget 40k for me to find a room in abj. Honestly, i don't tink she can raise 50k for lobbying and also 40k for hz. She is insisting I can find sth to do in abuja by myself immediately because I'm a very dogged person. I hustled in Uniben and she was seeing and enjoying d profits.

You truly understand her point and I understand too, but d main issue now is nysc. If I was done with nysc already, I won't tink abt this twice

nuelsam:
Mah no lie.... This matter confused me a bit...... But lemme ask u some few questions.....
Peradventure u relocate to Abj, did she promise to get u a job or a meaningful source of income?
Do u have any relative in Abuja?
How are u sure Abj is more lucrative than lag?
Judging from your write up, if u eventually relocate to abj on her request even tho she meant well for u two......... Shes definitely going to dictate things to u as in shes definitely the one thats going to be in charge as far as ur relationship is concerned.
Bottom line: she loves u, no doubt....she meant well, no doubts but her emotion is giving her away, she needs to face reality.
Think deep

no..

no....

I honestly don't know....

this might true..

Very very true boss

Blackivy29:
op. Dont break up with her. She obviously loves you. Maybe its the distance thats making her persistent. She might be worried about the effects of the long distance on the relationship. The fact that shes willing to invest on your being closer with her and the fact that you are making the effort says alot.
But she shouldnt be immature and consider your situation. Thats sacrifice. Let her know how dicey the situation is. She should use simple logic cause times are hard. If she wants to settle down, as a wife, she should learn how to cope. Try to assure her too.

You are very correct, I really do appreciate her efforts but i don't know how rational this is

It seems the girl has plans for you in Abuja but you're dull. All she needs is a bold step from you but she ain't seeing it.
Mr. Man, go to Abuja and sleep in a motor park if necessary.

I no dey like this kain thing. Oga corner, u need to stand your grounds oh. If moving to Abuja is the only way she can accept u back, tell her to go her way. Which kain control be this nah? Can’t she see you’re trying so hard to make things work? No try yourself o! If you don’t have a sure job and a place to stay, Abuja to frustrate u die! Round up your Nysc and see how ways will open here in Lagos. I know u love her, but you’ve gotta use your head. She can’t just be calling the shots and you sef go dey move like turkey.

If eventually u land a good job in Lagos I don’t think that lady wee even leave Abuja to be with u. Oga use your tongue count your teeth. Collect the remote for her hand and move on with your life.

Mensah007:
NB: She has already broken up with me and insists that my moving over is the only thing that can change her mind. She wants d best for us nd has been supportive of me throughout our uni days and is a very good girl. She is really really serious abt this.


lalasticala , mynd44 , ishilove, , farano , Rocktation mods pls move to FP

How can she be so authoritative like this, that is men malady, How many time have you visited her in abuja? I think she is missing your presence, you should've make time to pay her a visit, maybe one or three days with her will calm her protest and from there you know how serious she is about your relocation to abuja, don't forget to remind her you are the man in the relationship you know what is good for both of you, you know the important of closeness in the relationship so she should not objectify your doings because of her insecurity.

In life there's only so much you could do... If its impossible for you to join her then you can't join her. You have tried your hardest but you Must prioritise your future above any relationship. You have to do service, you need accommodation...

The only option I see is you forsaking your future for this relationship and that doesn't sound healthy or right.

I think you should call her bluff and let her know that you have tried and you have no options. If she wants to end the relationship over this then you will have to live with that.

I'm thinking she doesn't believe that you are trying so she's putting pressure on you to make you move. But, she needs to understand that you have tried and that the ball is in her court now.

If she truly loves you, trust me, she will come back, and if she doesn't then she had a better option and opportunity for herself and there's not much you could do about that.

elmagnifico411:
I no dey like this kain thing. Oga corner, u need to stand your grounds oh. If moving to Abuja is the only way she can accept u back, tell her to go her way. Which kain control be this nah? Can’t she see you’re trying so hard to make things work? No try yourself o! If you don’t have a sure job and a place to stay, Abuja to frustrate u die! Round up your Nysc and see how ways will open here in Lagos. I know u love her, but you’ve gotta use your head. She can’t just be calling the shots and you sef go dey move like turkey.

If eventually u land a good job in Lagos I don’t think that lady wee even leave Abuja to be with u. Oga use your tongue count your teeth. Collect the remote for her hand and move on with your life.

She has always drummed it in my ears that nothing will make her move to Lagos not even a good paying job

Guest007:
In life there's only so much you could do... If its impossible for you to join her then you can't join her. You have tried your hardest but you Must prioritise your future above any relationship. You have to do service, you need accommodation...

The only option I see is you forsaking your future for this relationship and that doesn't sound healthy or right.

I think you should call her bluff and let her know that you have tried and you have no options. If she wants to end the relationship over this then you will have to live with that.

I'm thinking she doesn't believe that you are trying so she's putting pressure on you to make you move. But, she needs to understand that you have tried and that the ball is in her court now.

If she truly loves you, trust me, she will come back, and if she doesn't then she had a better option and opportunity for herself and there's not much you could do about that.

she literally thinks I'm doing nothing here, saying I have gotten lazy.

Mensah007:
NB: She has already broken up with me and insists that my moving over is the only thing that can change her mind. She wants d best for us nd has been supportive of me throughout our uni days and is a very good girl. She is really really serious abt this.


lalasticala , mynd44 , ishilove, , farano , Rocktation mods pls move to FP

bro, as bad as this might sound, i’d advice you break up with her. See, in life u have to learn to crawl before you walk. That girl is just trying to force u to walk without crawling. I have never and would never be a fan of long distance relationship, that is one of the first thing i tell who ever i’m in a relationship with.

Mensah007:


she literally thinks I'm doing nothing here, saying I have gotten lazy.

The pressure is to manipulate you so turn the tables. If you are 100% sure that you have tried then call her bluff...

Manipulate her by telling her that she is a bad girlfriend for stressing you out, for adding pressure at a point you need support.

Play the victim, pick a fight and hold your ground, she'll come and comfort you and hopefully give you another 6 months.

Pick a huge fight over this... If you could go and visit even for a day, just so you could do it in front of her, fighting over the phone won't have the same effect on her.

Mensah007:


She has always drummed it in my ears that nothing will make her move to Lagos not even a good paying job

There are 2 people in this relationship! What have you drummed into her ears

Bruv, stop this she said mantra... You might be fighting for your destruction if you're not careful...

God, life or whatever you call it might be pushing something out of your life and you are here busy fighting for it...

You need a break to reevaluate your relationship, this could be your answer to switch the tables and have her convince you why she's the right person for you. Self respect is attractive.

Don’t subject yourself to the goodwill of your girlfriend.

One day it will come back to haunt you.

There are better opportunities in Lagos for a stranger than anywhere in Nigeria. If you hustle in lagos, you will eat.

As in woman wan control u?
See guy u cant kill yourself and die

Bro take life jejeh make nobody push you into doing things you are not ripe for.

AfroKnight:
Don’t subject yourself to the goodwill of your girlfriend.

One day it will come back to haunt you.

There are better opportunities in Lagos for a stranger then anywhere in Nigeria. If you hustle in lagos, you will eat.

This is basically my greatest fear, living off her goodwill