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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel (69900 Views)
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My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Zhuhilat: 12:30am On Oct 13, 2019 |
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband Dear all I and my husband are just 2years in marriage. Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it. Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house, i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time. On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try. Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded . But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am. I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage. I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else. I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this. Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what? Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too. Emotionally, i am done. 248 Likes 22 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by 123sophocles(m): 12:33am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Sorry for your hurt and take it easy ma'am. Every relationship or marriage has its own issues. Please watch War Room. You should also try going to see a marriage counselor together. 213 Likes 17 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Oksman(m): 12:48am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Zhuhilat: If I may ask how old are both of you? 142 Likes 9 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by NGRsenate: 1:02am On Oct 13, 2019 |
I’m sorry you’re being treated this way 28 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by blackboy(m): 1:05am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate? Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him 526 Likes 51 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Zhuhilat: 1:10am On Oct 13, 2019 |
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY. . It is well. Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate. 307 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by elektra(f): 1:26am On Oct 13, 2019 |
123sophocles: Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems. Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone 420 Likes 25 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Octopusssy(f): 1:27am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Everything doesn't always have to lead to an argument, unless the both of you are always wanting to get the last word. Sometimes you have to stoop to conquer. However, making such statements as ''you have zero value to me'' and ordering you to leave at the slightest provocation is totally unacceptable and should not be condoned for any reason. My take is both of you need to have sense talked into your heads by someone older and more experienced. 298 Likes 16 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by 123sophocles(m): 1:28am On Oct 13, 2019 |
elektra:Yes, we really need it. 11 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by SKYloafFISH(f): 1:40am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Sorry for your predicament. He might not be cheating on you but I am 100% sure he has anger issues. He is also probably having a bad time at work or cash strapped. So when your mum sent food over he felt his ego was bruised. The best thing is to be patient and look for a couples counseling program. He needs to curb his anger. From your own aspects too, even though you did not say you did any negative thing, I would suggest you are patient while responding to him. Better yet just ignore whatever he is saying. But that anger management class is important 194 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by internationalman(m): 1:44am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Thanks OP for justifying many of us decision not to marry. 64 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by SALTandFIRE: 1:59am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Only the wise can see the undertone of disregard and disrespect in OPs post Zhuhilat:disregard and disrespect for both your hubby and baby Zhuhilat:undertone of disrespect. If he didn't buy it you don't need to start a fight and call it an argument Zhuhilat:you disregard your dad instead of you to listen to him. He knows better than you and how to hand a young man. Zhuhilat:you too listen to yourself...read this quote to yourself and tell me how it sounds.! Why should you actions always revolve around 225 Likes 15 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by setobaba: 2:07am On Oct 13, 2019 |
blackboy: You people should stop hiding under marriage is all about tolerance, for God sake she's also a human. Madam if you feel you've made the wrong decision by marrying your husband you had better retrace your steps back now, the more days you stay in that marriage, the lower the chances of getting another man quick. Beside how old is your husband and which tribe? 205 Likes 14 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by cococandy(f): 2:17am On Oct 13, 2019 |
![]() blackboy: 27 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by midnighter(f): 2:47am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Get him to a marriage counselor..stat... Your mother sent you some foodstuffs and it made him angry ![]() I think maybe you come from a wealthier background than him? That would be the reason why he keeps saying "i dont need you..you are of no importance to me" etc. Inferiority complex What was his reason for not buying the baby food...? So what would the baby eat... Is there any kind of detail you can add? Its not making sense. None of this stuff can lead to a full-blown argument... he seems to be harbouring some resentment about something and taking these opportunities to get back at you over insignificant things Why didnt your father agree that you should go back? Did he have a reason? Modified: I think you should read this: Reptyle: 114 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Acidosis(m): 2:58am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Another case of disrespect. But this one na daddy issues stuff. How well do you know his parents and the relationship between father and mother? 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by midnighter(f): 3:07am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Acidosis: Just curious..how is it a daddy issue? i understand "daddy issues" to mean a woman who has a problem choosing the right partner because of unresolved issues with her own father 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Acidosis(m): 3:16am On Oct 13, 2019 |
midnighter: That definition is sexist. Daddy issue is also used to describe the father complex with males. 7 Likes |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by midnighter(f): 3:19am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Acidosis: I see... I had only ever heard it used for females but I guess the same could be said for males. Thats another thing for Op to consider 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by blank(f): 4:16am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Lock the door and send his clothes out to him. Tell him he is of no importance to you and you have decided to move on. Good luck. I can't stand such disrespect. 84 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by LadySarah: 4:30am On Oct 13, 2019 |
elektra: Fireproof. I tell them to watch "fireproof " ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 60 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by LadySarah: 4:33am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Bearing in mind that your name sounds muslim,are you sure a second wife isnt loading? ![]() ![]() ![]() What needs to be said. 1a.When someone says hurtful things to you during a quarell,that is wht they have been thinking about you. 1b. 5x and you always come back.You are a good woman but Its time to change tactic. 2.The house belongs to both of you.If he says leave,dont leave.If he didnt push you or your stuff out,stay.Dont give him room to keep disrespecting you.Go to the fridge,take enough food then back to the sitting room.Make sure you stretch your legs well on the cushion and watch your favorite movie.You can Play a song and sing away ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() If your presence irritates him,then he should leave.If he doesnt come back and the house is rented,make sure you stay till the last day of rentage and go back to ur parents,thats if he refuses to renew it. Thankfully,their home is opened for you. 3.The baby's welfare should be paramount to both of you.so,if he didnt buy it,both of you should endure the crying.Do not initiate any discussion anymore . 4.At this stage,you shouldnt think of another baby.Theres no peace here.Work on yourselves. 5.Pray.Counselling is also neccessary.If he refuses to go then let him be. 6.If it gets physical,Nne,run!!!!!!!!!! ![]() ![]() PLS,Thankfully you work.Stop these arguments.Ignore him when he tries to provoke you.Dont watch warroom ![]() ![]() 217 Likes 12 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by Nobody: 4:37am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Verbal abuse ✔ Emotional abuse ✔ Physical Abuse: Loading... 133 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by LOMBARDY(m): 5:10am On Oct 13, 2019 |
SALTandFIRE:Pls Goan sit down...I know someone will come here and blame the lady! Is she not human? Why must the husband be treating her like garbage if he doesn't f*ck outside? This is the 5th time she left and returned..that shows she is trying to make it work despite zero efforts from the husband. Nigerian husband's like feeling like a god at the time How can he leave the house by 12pm without quantitative explanation to his together forever whilst she is still struggling to feed the baby? 188 Likes 12 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by LOMBARDY(m): 5:11am On Oct 13, 2019 |
theButterfly:God bless you. Am surprised he hasn't laid his hand on her but am sure it will come to that. Nigerians be feeling like marriage is a bondage 104 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by LOMBARDY(m): 5:13am On Oct 13, 2019 |
LadySarah:Simple!!!! 31 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by ifyalways(f): 5:40am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Whatever you do, do not call or text or contact him in anyway to beg him, invite or ask him to come back home. Take a deep breathe, put your feet up and enjoy some peace and quiet. Tomorrow, take a piece of paper and write down boldly that you will not accept disrespect and emotional abuse from him anymore. List out all his disrespectful attitudes and let him know that as hes walking back into the door, he had better drop them. No negotiations. Also let him know that you are ready to make the marriage work but only if hes ready and willing. Paste or keep it where he'd surely see it whenever his petty ars.e come back. Emotional abuse and disrespect is as bad as physical abuse. Getting up from the floor, setting boundaries and standing firm is the only way to stop being anyones door mat. Love and treat yourself right FIRST . 110 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by yeyeosoronga: 6:00am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Time to re-evaluate your marriage and life If you're so unhappy in the marriage, perhaps a separation will help clear your head? The times you have no arguments, are you happy with him? I'm sure you guys don't argue 24/7. But if you do, that marriage is almost completely dead. Can those arguments be avoided? Unfortunately, not every husband is reliable, otherwise buying food for his child shouldn't have been forgotten. In such an instance, perhaps you could have left the child with him when he came home, and gone out to buy the baby food yourself (unless all the shops would have closed by then). For now, try to avoid arguments with him, since you know he gets unreasonable. When you learn to accept you're married to an unreasonable man, it may be easier to live with him. I know someone who is married to a man who's thinking is different from everybody else. Even his own family members (brothers, mother) always ask her how she copes with him, and they all try to avoid him and his wahala. One good thing about their marriage is that they don't live in same city, so it's easier for her to manage him like that. She doesn't get irritated as much as she would if they lived together, even though she still gets moments she's tired of it all. She's used to his idiosyncracies, and just let's him talk, talk but she would still do what she thinks is right for herself and her children. If you can still manage him, avoiding arguments as much as possible then do so. If however you are so unhappy, as some relationships can drain the life out of you that you feel committing suicide might even be a better option, then go for a separation to clear your head. A separation might be the time to decide if it's worth going back or moving on finally. 25 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by sisisioge: 6:03am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Which kind wahala be this sef! This is the time to start looking at permanent relocation jare...Canada, Austria or anywhere else. You don't have to share information about your plans and no more babies until the dust settles. I hope you understand. Good luck. 23 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by SendAbroad: 6:43am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Zhuhilat: If he says you should leave the house, tell him to use his hands to pack your loads and go and drop you back in your father's house. Do not crave attention outside except you have resolved your marriage and concluded both of you have gone seperate ways lest you are looking for more trouble. In every relationship, communication is key. The communication is deteriorating and both of you need to find out where it started going wrong and steer the ship back from rough waters into calm waters. 25 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Husband Always Tells Me To Leave His House During Quarrel by dominique(f): 7:48am On Oct 13, 2019 |
Men vowing they can't live in homes owned by their wives should come and see threads like this, they don't want to endure what women have been enduring for centuries. Nobody should have a monopoly of disrespect, if you can't take it, don't give it. 71 Likes 7 Shares |
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