From your writeup, it seems your husband has anger issues and you have ego issues as well.

Your marriage is a young one and you guys can still make things work. Do not listen to rubbish advises online. Some are home wreckers while some are frustrated singles. I do not in anyway support emotional abuse in any form though.

I believe some men react this way when they don't get sufficient financial support from their equally working partners. He might be overburdened financially. How well are you supporting him financially?

You guys need space away from each other. I’m not trying to support divorce but some characters are unbearable and you should have noticed this during courtship. You might need the intervention of the elders in the family or better still a marriage counselor if he’s also willing to go through this route. This behavior doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating. No! If after the counseling and all and this unrepentant behavior continues I’ll advice you call it quits. It’s no good for your self esteem and mental health. In all I think you should pray about it. Maybe...just maybe...use your head

SALTandFIRE:
Only the wise can see the undertone of disregard and disrespect in OPs post
disregard and disrespect for both your hubby and baby
undertone of disrespect. If he didn't buy it you don't need to start a fight and call it an argument
you disregard your dad instead of you to listen to him. He knows better than you and how to hand a young man.
you too listen to yourself...read this quote to yourself and tell me how it sounds.! Why should you actions always revolve around arguments fighting ?

She is d nagging and alfa type dat want to fight n argue wit almost every tin

U are already going for date outside as a woman

Why tribe are u n ur religion

A man is d head of d house n i read disrespectful words already frm u n no sign of lv

U ve left ur matrimonial home 5 times...u r immatured for marriage in d first plc n must u

Dont regret later if u dont make dis marriage work

Go n beg ur husband for forgiveness and stop argument all d time with him

Most divorced single mother regret dere actions after 1 month

Your husband have anger issues and you know it so manipulate him and dont allow intruders to come into your marriage and whoever that is pushing u with bad advise of leaving your husband home is your worst enemy


Stop all this and reconcile with your man


You need a professional counselor to counsel you and your husband and be apologetic too



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Thanks all. No i am not a Muslim.
Couples will always have misunderstandings, we are 2 different people with different upbringing so we will always have mis understanding even siblings do.

I just get tired of all the leave my house and stuff.
How do I commit to a marriage financially (although, i do) and emotionally when i can be kicked out any day?

Also isn't the house s ours?
Secondly, how do I protect my child from all this?

Also I believe that every time he apologizes, i tell myself that maybe it was my fault and then i just let it go and go out of my way to please him again. I do not give him space to work on it too in other words,enabling this to continue.

Either ways thanks guys.

Madam you wouldn't get any reasonable advice on here , they will ask you to endure because most of them saw there fathers doing same to their mothers and she endured and they do same to their wives.They will see nothing wrong with your husband cheating rather they will bash and insult you.


Think about yourself and what do YOU want.

Mstick:
Madam you wouldn't get any reasonable advice on here , they will ask you to endure because most of them saw there fathers doing same to their mothers and she endured and they do same to their wives.They will see nothing wrong with your husband cheating rather they will bash and insult you.


Think about yourself and what do YOU want.

She never said her husband is cheating on her neither did anyone support such.

ecolime:

She never said her husband is cheating on her neither did anyone support such.

She said she suspects that he is... anyway enduring a hardship is not necessarily bad... it depends on the end to which you do it. There are fruitful hardships that help people progress and there are unnecessary ones that just break one down

midnighter:


She said she suspects that he is... anyway enduring a hardship is not necessarily bad... it depends on the end to which you do it. There are fruitful hardships that help people progress and there are unnecessary ones that just break one down

No one wants her to endure hardships in marraige all her life.

But she needs to find the root cause of her hubby's anger and be willing to make compromises. I want to believe the guy wasn't this cruel during their dating years.

Like I said in my first submission, money issues and lack of substantial financial support from our wives makes most men aggressive. Is she really supporting her hubby?

ecolime:

No one wants her to endure hardships in marraige all her life.

But she needs to find the root cause of her hubby's anger and be willing to make compromises. I want to believe the guy wasn't this cruel during their dating years.

Like I said in my first submission, money issues and lack of substantial financial support from our wives makes most men aggressive. Is she really supporting her hubby?

Yeah but at the same time every relationship has a rough patch

I agree with you, she hasn't really said what actually his problem is

She said in her first post that they both work and are very comfortable, then she said again that she contributes financially to their home

For me I think it's a pride issue. She might come from a well-to-do home and he's trying to cut her down to size. Did you see the part where he felt bad when her mother sent them foodstuffs? He can't feel bad unless he feels that her family pities or looks down on him

If he's feeling financially uncomfortable then he shouldn't feel somehow if his in-laws help him out...more men would complain that their wife's family is leeching from him

midnighter:


Yeah but at the same time every relationship has a rough patch

I agree with you, she hadn't really said what actually his problem is

She said in her first post that they both work and are very comfortable, then she said again that she contribute financially to their home

For me I think it's a pride issue. She might come from a well-to-do home and he's trying to cut her down to size. Did you see the part where he felt bad when her mother sent them foodstuffs? He can't feel bad unless he felt that her family pities or looks down on him

If he's feeling financially uncomfortable then he shouldn't feel somehow if his in-laws help him out

He's probably not financially comfortable at the moment and feels insecure/embarrassed with the foodstuffs sent. Young men and ego. I see reasons with you on this.

I would advise the wife to be calm and should never consider seeking attention outside. That's a NO NO.

ecolime:

He's probably not financially comfortable at the moment and feels insecure/embarrassed with the foodstuffs sent. Young men and ego. I see reasons with you on this.

I would advise the wife to be calm and should never consider seeking attention outside. That's a NO NO.

Yeah you also have a point there. I saw it as pride because he kept reminding her that he doesnt need her, like he doesnt need her (money/ family's money). And she said that money is not their problem

But then he refused to buy just a small tin of baby food Chei... i dont understand oh

He is insecure about something.. either his money or his family background

She has already been calm and its not working... they need counselling

Is he from a broken home?
Some of these family issues carry on to the childrens lives.
.
You can't control what he does, and you can't expect perfection from him. You can treat him as an equal. This lies in the way you talk to him.
He forgot something should not degenerate into an argument or fight.
Instead, seek alternatives to the need.
When you treat him as an equal, he will treat you as one.
.
One thing I use alot is the word 'Help'.
It's not hard to hear me say 'Please Help me', 'Help your daughter ' , 'Help Nigeria'. Even when it is technically not a form of help.
.
You will be amazed to know the amount of favours I get when I use those words.
.
So why don't you start saying things like 'Help your Wife' instead of insisting on something.
A little 'Thank you' goes a long way too.
Little drops of water make a mighty ocean.

The level of Jungle justice in Nigeria is alarming and should be checked. A young lady reported her husband's attitude of allegedly disrespecting and disregarding her, without hearing from the husband, judgment is been served against him already. Sadly this is what we have become in this Country.
Since I have not heard from your husband to have a true picture of the situation, I am not in a position to advice you . Beware of the counsels you get from people online or offline. Most people advising you here are either single or had a failed marriage.

In all remember that "a wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman destroys it"
Peace!

Mstick:
Madam you wouldn't get any reasonable advice on here , they will ask you to endure because most of them saw there fathers doing same to their mothers and she endured and they do same to their wives. They will see nothing wrong with your husband cheating rather they will bash and insult you. Think about yourself and what do YOU want.

why are you like this?

Rexology:


In all remember that "a wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman destroys it"
Peace!

The man is the head of the home. The leader, the example setter and the main component that keeps the house together. Once the man fails to excel in his responsibility as the head, the foundation becomes extremely faulty and the union begins to crumble. Women submit to responsible men. A Woman cannot build a home on sand. I think some men really need some marriage counselling because most of you are so unaware and lost. And before you quote me, I am not single, miserable or bitter. Thanks in advance.

my advice is that you should try as much as possible to avoid arguments . they are the root cause of the issues. Try everything you can to make it work. your husband has the emotional intelligence of a toddler.

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

If you use movies to evaluate your relationship you'll fail ooo.

Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

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Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

I feel your pain and I know how frustrating it can be when you feel so helpless with an irrational spouse. However, midnighter and ecolime are on to something and have asked you some pertinent questions, which you're yet to answer. Your marriage is still young and I believe these are still part of the teething problems, even though I see that your husband's ego & anger issues are at work here.

I think answering their questions might shed more light into the reason for husband's attitude. Is it stemmed from an inferiority complex? Does he have certain reservations about your family? What kind of background or family structure is he from? Does he see your background or parents as intrusive & maybe disrespecting his actions?

These answers might help in providing solutions in how to better deal with him going forward. One thing I would say is try to refrain from getting into arguments or wanting to have the last word with him.

Also does he have any older person apart from his parents that he respects a lot & looks up to? That you can possibly discuss with?

Zhuhilat:
Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.


Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.


Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.



I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?
Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.
Emotionally, i am done.

It's one of those things, try to do your own best.
Marriage is hard work

i know you are a muslim but run now to synagogue for your family deliverance.

5 times already � I don't care about the details. if you are a Muslim, by the third count it automatically means a divorce no argument

Money is not this mans issue so why would he get upset that his mum in law brought food stuffs. A lot of mothers bring/ send foodstuffs it doesn't really matter if shes the wife or husbands mum, Its not strange for the mothers to do so.

I will find it strange if a wifes mum sends village garri, yams every every and the husband gets upset and calling it disrespectful getting to a level of leave my house.


Just try to avoid getting into arguments with him and let him be when he's ready he ll come back home

NoToPile:
Money is not this mans issue so why would he get upset that his mum in law brought food stuffs. A lot of mothers bring/ send foodstuffs it doesn't really matter if shes the wife or husbands mum, Its not strange for the mothers to do so.

I will find it strange if a wifes mum sends village garri, yams every every and the husband gets upset and calling it disrespectful getting to a level of leave my house.


Just try to avoid getting into arguments with him and let him be when he's ready he ll come back home

Spot on! Just keep your calm and avoid any form of confrontation or argument. That's the best you can do for now.

Also never you leave your home for your parent's as you both own it. Thank God he is not the physically abusive type. Focus on your well being and that of your baby. He will definitely come back to his senses.

My granma sends me garri, dry pepper, oil from village, oh, let me not forget she sends yam and plantain too, even melon. Mama can send the whole village if possible.

My hubby enjoys it now. Initialy, he wasn't comfortable with it, I told him mama do that to all her children and am not an exception. She cant travel to your house empty handed, never.

What we do is we give her money in return, there are times i send her money to get me oil. Not an insult at all. All caring mothers do this and it's not because they want to disrespect you. The only thing is give them the cash, more cash to cover the food stuffs and more, buy them cloths and things you know they need. Chikena.

On arguing, you guys are still new, stop running upandan. My hubby n I argued alot when we newly got married. I had to learn to laugh when he start, when I start my own he goes to bed because we never liked the way we argued. You both are still in that 'know me know' you period.

You want to look out, no good man out there ooo, forget getting love outside. Build your home.

I have two sisters, a twin sister and a younger sister.

If their husband ever tells them to leave the house, I'd advise them to pack out.

This is how domestic abuse starts. After this, it will be one hot slap and so on.

Please go for marriage counseling (preferably not religious) and if he continues, make contingency plans.

Sorry my sister.

Zhuhilat:
Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.


Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.


Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.



I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?
Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.
Emotionally, i am done.

Thunder might need to pay you a visit.

If her husband is constantly threatening to throw her out, where will she find love? No be for the outside.

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

.ote]

Very important question. I hope she's not one of these 18 year old brides.

Perhaps that's why her dad did not ask her to go back to her husband.

Oksman:


If I may ask how old are both of you?

Is this not supposed to be done during the courtship period?

omonikiba:
My granma send me garri, dry pepper, oil from village, oh, let me not forget she sends yam and plantain too, even melon. Mama can send the whole village if possible.

My hubby enjoys it now. Initialy, he wasn't comfortable with it, I told him mama do that to all her children and am not an exception. She cant travel to your house empty handed, never.

What we do is we give her money in return, there are times i send her money to get me oil. Not an insult at all. All caring mothers do this and it's not because they want to disrespect you. The only thing is give them the cash, more cash to cover the food stuffs and more, buy them cloths and thing you know they need. Chikena.

On arguing, you guys are still new, stop running upandan. My hubby n I argued alot when we newly got married. I had to learn to laugh when he start, when I start my own he goes to bed because we never liked the way we argued. You both are still in that 'know me know' you period.

You want to look out, no good man out there ooo, forget getting love outside. Build your home.

How has your comment helped her matter?

If you have nothing to say, watch TV. What kind of a comment is "it's one of those things".

swaggylomo:


It's one of those things, try to do your own best.
Marriage is hard work