Tallesty1:
She was hurting ma'am. Those words were not said in good faith. It's like beating someone because they deserve to be beaten and crying at same time because you feel bad doing it.

trust me the girl says worse things than this. I’m really confused. The comments self is making me confused the more lol

michlins:
it takes a loyal lady to know another. And if the above is true then that makes it two loyal ladies I know. One is already taken and the second one is you. You taken too?

Lol nope.

Biglittlelois:



Well I don't know for others, but it works for me, if I'm too angry and want to vent, I just say that word continuously to the extent that I laugh at myself, I calms me down, I'd rather use that word than insult people.

she has said worse things than that. Regretted meeting me, I don’t add any value to her life. So many things when she’s angry. Trust me the naggings are silly sometimes. Make me look like I’m dating a teenager and most of the reasons are flimsy. Maybe because I didn’t pick up her call or ignored her chat or I didn’t tell her I love you too when she says it. I can’t even list them all. Too plenty

sinceraconcept:
you're very rude to generalise that Nigerian Girls are very promiscuous. Are your mother and sisters promiscuous too? Stereotype is very bad and also destroys the image of good girls out there. As for your girl,long years of courtship sucks so bad and if you've slept with her before and she's a non-virgin, she is a fornicator and has a tendency of fornicating and cheating on you and being promiscuous too and if so, she isn't different from those girls she's calling hoes. If she's really a good girl like you said, she must be chaste and those types of girls are the only types one can consider to be good girls. The only category of girls you may be gentle with if she's nagging this much are the good girls cos they're special, if she's anything asides this, you should dump her ass for a good beautiful girl. Only good girls are indispensable. If you've had sex with her before and/or she's a non virgin, don't dull yourself, keep fucking her and look for a good girl to marry when it's time. Don't keep a girl for that long next time, you Bleep bad girls and when it's time to get married, you look for a good girl and marry her, courtship isn't anything. Long term courtship today always lead to break up, short time courtship is the best with a good girl. That's how to ball bro

it’s not like we dated 6 years straight. She was an ex at some points but we always see ourselves coming back. I really don’t know man.

Tallesty1:
Haba, e never reach like that nah.

E don pass o,the guy has cheated over and over again not just once,i wonder why she's punishing herself emotionally.

Biglittlelois:



It's a long distance relationship so what do you expect? How often do you both see? who put in more effort? Cos all I see here is that you don't give her reason to trust you, work on that and you both will be fine, she didn't mean the break up bla bla bla she said, she's just venting, don't loose her, she is faithful and loyal, you might end up with someone that will pretend to be faithful or worse.

dated for long time in school before we graduated and went back to various base. There have been breakups after that and coming bCk too. We saw about two months ago. I know distance sometimes sucks but this is what I have been dealing with ever since with her. Didn’t start today even when I was faithful to a call. Always felt she would outgrow all this but it gets even worse

Simplep:
E don pass o,the guy has cheated over and over again not just once,i wonder why she's punishing herself emotionally.

how fast you are to conclude. Not that she has caught be red handed cheating or so. I even hardly cheat. This has been her attitude from day one. Always suspicious, insecure, nags. I really don’t want to go deep but there are more things to this.

Tallesty1:
You spoke my mind. The girl is really in love with the guy and the guy is the one messing up.

I don't know if the distrust in the relationship is also his fault entirely but they really need to work on it.

Two things the girl.


1.. ASSURANCE: She left at a point and when he showed back, she welcome him with open arms, this is a pointer to the fact that she has been able to find a suitable replacement. Why the guy is messing this up now that they are supposed to be celebrating their broke days is beyond me.

2. FAITHFUL PARTNER: Let's assume it was just an ordinary hanging out with a female friend, why ignore her calls? It raises a serious air of suspicion. Almost 12 in the midnight and she's still calling, tells you how restless she was.



Guys just mess up beautiful things and it is pathetic

True boss!

The girl has trust issues and this must have emanated from the guy ‘innocently’ going after other girls and feels a good girl should be fine with that...

He has opened up an attack and defense same time against the poor girl whose only offense seems to be love.

The girl is confused and fights back, Yoruba folks call it ‘ija ife ‘ (love fight)

At Op, no woman will ever allow all these excesses in marriage, you will eventually mature one day and realize you had been senseless, and you lost a jewel.

Be very patient with her and tame her with your show of love, fight to regain her trust once more

In case you didn’t notice; you are her world...

Biglittlelois:



Lol nope.

you're about to go out of the market too

michlins:
you're about to go out of the market too

If you say so.

The endless "Bleep u" and "bye" are enough reasons to get you tired of the relationship already!

Lol, if you marry her, you will divorce in less than 6 months. She's rash, uncouth, uncultured and has "omo alata" style of abusing someone. She will be a husband while you are the wife.
Except, you want to turn to a woman beater to reset her brain.

You are hell bent on marrying her or still confused if you should not just because of her loyalty but because she knows how to handle that mic very well. Just be sincere.

I pity you if u marry her.

Selfkontrol:
trust me bro even when I’m faithful to the call she still acts stupid. Her problem is assumptions. She always assume I do things. If I don’t pick her calls maybe for a few hours, then I’m obviously with a woman, I can’t go out on my own. It must be with a girl. I can’t chat with any girl. There must be something. Like I’m literally isolated from everyone when I’m with her. All this things are thins I can’t tolerate and that’s what is bringing the problem

Well, I rarely quote folks on here, but seems to me you need to start listening more than you counters, you've been given a ton and half advices but it appears you already have answers to em all, why then throw shits at peeps here faking you need their intellectual efforts when in reality you aren't the type who listens? Look here dude, the girl knows you more than we do, but you seem to me a crook who's excellently excellent in making black stuff looks like white. Even in your replies you sounded manipulative, I've got a hard time figuring the kind of advice you really need, you're being offensive and defensive at the same time, I mean who does that? If you're really faithful then do wtf you've gotta do bruh but just like the OTs been dished out from the intelligent folks here, I'll like to stress further... to keep a relationship you need to preserve the self respect, grow some ego and make her realise those shitty talks are intolerable forthwith! Cut convos if necessary , sometimes the ideal antidote to sour relationship is walking away .

At OP, You are dating a narcissist. Educate yourself about narcissism and you will finds your answers there. A woman who is morally bankrupt with a bad temperament can’t be a good wife. Don’t wait till she traps you with pregnancy before you realize she isn’t wife material. Lastly careful whom you marry and have your baby by because they will influence your children in so many ways in life. I know you won’t want your children to think of u less than a man or using the f word because mummy says that to daddy all the time. Abuse is never ok to tolerate in the name of love. A woman who truly loves u will respect you. My 2 cents

THIS is the problem.

She's not working

She's staying with her parents.

Are her parents controlling?

Why doesn't she come and stay with you? Why doesn't she come and work in Warri? Or you in Lagos?

The idea in Nigeria that young adults, especially female, are still children is BAD for their mental health.

Have you guys thought of living together? If not, why not?

She does have feelings for you and like some others have suggested, you may be cheating or have cheated on her. If you have, her anxiety and fear is WELL-FOUNDED.

She's too old to be treated like a child. Not by her parents and not by you (she thinks you're playing on her intelligence).

Selfkontrol:
theres nothing I I haven’t done or say to make her trust me. Even considering the distance I still give her attention but she’s never satisfied. Her life is just so lonely, she absolutely got no friends. I’m like her best friend and bf she tells everything. She’s quiet and don’t even like to seek for advice. She’s not someone that can discuss things like this to seek for advice. She believes in her own judgment and think she’s right. No elder sister to advice her no good friend. I really feel sorry for her to be frank becos I try as much as i can to be a loving bf. She have had bfs in the past but non worked and I think it’s this same salty attitude. Sometimes I neglect somethings out of pity because trust me her life is somehow. Sometimes when she explains to me I just feel sorry for her. To the point she wants to rush me into marriage cos she’s tired lol. A girl of 23 tired of staying in parents house. Tired already she hasn’t gotten a job. Wants to use marriage as an escape route. It’s sad

So you HAVE cheated!!

Don't come here posting and acting all righteous. Why won't she be "controlling" when she knows that you're cheating on her.

What is the lol for.

Please break up with her let her meet a real man that won't cheat on her.

You have almost definitely killed love for this girl.

You say she's beautiful so there won't be a lack of suitors. She will probably marry someone just to get out of the house whether she loves him or not.

Congratulations. You have given women another reason, another example of why they should not trust men.

Clap for yourself.

Selfkontrol:
you are not wrong saying she’s rude and lack respect sometimes but saying I cheat lol. [b]Yes I might have [/b]but never in anyway has she ever caught me or seen me or have I rubbed it on her face. I’m too smart for that. All she does is suspect and assumes even when I’m doing nothing. You may feel she has caught me in the past but noo she has never. I have remained faithful to an extent. She’s just naturally jealous and insecured

From experience, girls like this cheat. I tell you bro. She doesn't trust herself so she can't trust you.

So next time sandra8 or funmisticqueen write nonsense, show them this thread.

Biglittlelois:
I'm so glad some guys here are really seeing things from the girl's aspect

Biglittlelois:



Lol for a lady to use fvck you constantly, means she respect you too much to insult you with vile, degrading words, fvck you isn't even an insult.

WTF!! you are justifying her usage of such word? Can you use such word on your spouse or parents ma'm?

This doesn't make sense.

If you use fvck, you can't complain about your girl using fvck.

Besides, in this case, she's venting at her so called by who has cheated on her before and was out on a date.


She said he was not man enough to be proud of his cheating.

AstroG1:





For her to use the word 'Fxck you' constantly without remorse,shows she's not worth ur stress

Your girlfriend behaves like Frank's girlfriend in the family TV series "My flatemates".
Same attitude, jealous, insecure, nags, and gets angry easly.

He's not innocent. He's cheated before.

AfroKnight:
How many “bye” did I read in that chat log? Like 100 or so.


This girl suspects too much. Ah ahn. Innocent brother like this, you’re suspecting him. For what?

If you’re sure she can’t poison you later on in life, stay with her.


But this your breakup chat is too funny abeg.

I was like that before, reason being that there was no money and believe me relationship without money really brings the worst part in a woman. Also in your post i can see that she really didn't trust you, that made it worst, build up your trust with her, let her know how much you love her and that you will never cheat on her.
These kind of girls fake breakups are likely to reset their memories, try staying away from her for some weeks. It will surely work.

cooooooks:
He's not innocent. He's cheated before.

She didn’t catch him. And it’s her insecurities that probably drove him to seek fresh air outside.

Selfkontrol, you can marry her if you think she is not the type that would wake up one day and stab you before breakfast.

Me I can’t deal with insecure chicks. They will snap one day and break your head.

People are not stupid. She knows. She just doesn't have evidence. She knows he cheated. He knows that she knows but can't prove it. The guy is bad for her.

AfroKnight:


She didn’t catch him. And it’s her insecurities that probably drove him to seek fresh air outside.

Selfkontrol, you can marry her if you think she is not the type that would wake up one day and stab you before breakfast.

Me I can’t deal with insecure chicks. They will snap one day and break your head.

Talking from experience:
Main reason why she might be controlling; she has been by your side all this while and like you said she provided for you.
That's a normal behaviour with *most* ladies
The *best* solution is to
Sit and have a heart to heart talk
Also wear the pants in your relationship
Show her you are a man
Assert more dominance
I used to behave like her
Introverted, no friends, always do what I want, e.t.c
Till my guy spoke to me *gently*
The change won't happen overnight nah
But gradually
Also please don't make the mistake of trying to correct her in public
When introverts spark na war
She is independent yeah?
But one thing most independent women want secretly is a *dominant* man not a sissy
Although they won't tell you
So, just talk to her
That's the main thing *communication*
Show her she's loved
You said you don't show it or something
How about you take her to the movies or do something romantic or something she likes often
Call her
Text her
It doesn't have to be a cringy love message
A simple good morning or goodnight could do the trick
Like I said *gradually*
Do this consistently and you'll notice changes little by little
It's best you nip the problem in the bud now before marriage
Don't forget *COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY*
Goodluck

You need to teach this girl how to respect you
You will only achieve that my earning it, not forcing it
Package yourself in attitude, play with her, but let her know once she crosses the boundry
She need to be tamed and constantly reassured of your love.

Finally you don't seem to be fvcking her well
She sound sexually starved
Invite her over for a week and dickmatize her, she will be more loyal
Goodluck bro

Wait first... You guys dated for six whole years, you didn't find out on time she was rude, controlling and all the other things you mentioned... Mehn you didn't really love her to start with. You are just confusing yourself abeg. You just play with the word " love" anyhow, this said girl in particular, you only Listed her weaknesses nothing more, she loves you, she has been there for you and all of a sudden her weakness is all you see. Do you really think you don't suck or have your irritating and nonsense behavior? You do, but she overlooks that and decides to stick with you because she's in love.



And to all guys, if you are starting new in a relationship and you see a character your partner exhibits which you can't cope with... Let that girl go abeg and save all of us the stress of " we have been dating for six years but she nags a lot" mtchewwwwww.



Biko let her go because from your write up you are already tired of her and bringing it here shows, you just want to justify yourself by bringing up silly excuses and trying so hard not to feel guilty because most people are giving you their support and thumbs up

Ezkid:
Well, I rarely quote folks on here, but seems to me you need to start listening more than you counters, you've been given a ton and half advices but it appears you already have answers to em all, why then throw shits at peeps here faking you need their intellectual efforts when in reality you aren't the type who listens? Look here dude, the girl knows you more than we do, but you seem to me a crook who's excellently excellent in making black stuff looks like white. Even in your replies you sounded manipulative, I've got a hard time figuring the kind of advice you really need, you're being offensive and defensive at the same time, I mean who does that? If you're really faithful then do wtf you've gotta do bruh but just like the OTs been dished out from the intelligent folks here, I'll like to stress further... to keep a relationship you need to preserve the self respect, grow some ego and make her realise those shitty talks are intolerable forthwith! Cut convos if necessary , sometimes the ideal antidote to sour relationship is walking away .

thanks for your advice

AstroG1:
That girl is controlling you,she's using your emotions and love for her to blackmail you. All I see is a Guy,trying to be a Man but couldn't. Use your head and deal with the facts that the girl is abusive,repulsive,has a bad character and highly volatile. Control yourself first b4 u try to control her.


You need to be Miseducated on women matters for Sense to locate you


Peace

You are very poor with the use of grammar. Volatile and your last sentence "you need to be miseducated..........."

Human can never be volatile and your last sentence is like a death sentence.

Ok, I hardly comment in this part of the forum, but this hit straight in the heart because it feels like we are dating the same girl, so many similarities.

- She is 24, I'm 27
- We've dated since 100level, broke up once for a year and we came back, so approximately 5years of dating
- She is an introvert, I'm the only friend she got
- not demanding, She was there all through
- She stays with her married sister, and marriage is the only way she thinks she can escape her controlling sister grasp
- She is very insecure, Always thinks I'm up to something.
- She is not as abusive as yours, but she can get violent (broke my phone twice, scattered the whole house in the presence of my brother)
- I love her to bits but three weeks ago I had to tell myself the honest truth and break up, She felt it was a joke at first. She always believes I can't

I had to be honest with myself, I can't deal insecurities and violent tendencies, (Yours would have been if y'all stay in the same city), I wanted her to not see marriage as an escape route, and have a thing of her own, I tried to contribute severally to make a start doing stuff, but at the end, she obviously doesn't want to do anything(she picked this from her sister, she is a full housewife to a rich man)So I guess she wants same life. I was patient enough for 2years, hoping she would change, She never did. People don't change! I would have broken up earlier, but I do pity her and I felt I owe her.

It not been easy without her, she called me some days ago and told me she was depressed, I really want her but I can't deal with all these above.

So ask yourself, Can you manage? be brutally honest with yourself, note, marriage magnifies everything, any happening during a relationship will most likely double during the marriage . Make your decision after, it wouldn't be easy, trust me! but in the end, a broken relationship is always better than a broken marriage.

Selfkontrol:
honestly you are so right. I’m just sick but confused. Will I get a better girl that’s the question that keep popping on my brain. I have had quite some girls in the past but non can be compared to her. Talking about control. She tries hard to but I don’t give her that chance. I’m the hardest person you can deal with when it comes to women things because I don’t take shit from girls. But when she flames up like this. She says a lot of things that just make me sick and reconsider my plans for marriage. Is this what I will go through in marriage? It’s really a lot man I just wish I could type all. I love her so much but I hardly show it cos it not my nature to be acting al lovey lovey. But she always thinks I take her as an option. I really don’t know mern. I don’t pick call problem, I off phone problem, it’s either I’m with a woman or something

Don't deal with her using logic, she has trust issues and you will complicate issues as she will continue to suspect every of your moves and keep emotionally blackmailing you, women are good at that. Silence and reverse psychology is what you need to put her in her place. Your relationship lacks the dominating role player meaning, there is power tussle between you and your girl. No one wants to be sumbimissive and no one wants to walk out of the relationship.

The only way to get that power back brother is ghosting her. If she comes back showing remorse, lay the ground rules for the relationship, if you the one that goes back to her showing remorse, be ready to be the submissive one till she gives birth to your child, then you get your power back because it would be too late for her to leave you then even if you cheat. If she can't leave you now, she won't leave you in the future.

One last secret is communication is key.

mrjojo:
Ok, I hardly comment in this part of the forum, but this hit straight in the heart because it feels like we are dating the same girl, so many similarities.

- She is 24, I'm 27
- We've dated since 100level, broke up once for a year and we came back, so approximately 5years of dating
- She is an introvert, I'm the only friend she got
- not demanding, She was there all through
- She stays with her married sister, and marriage is the only way she thinks she can escape her controlling sister grasp
- She is very insecure, Always thinks I'm up to something.
- She is not as abusive as yours, but she can get violent (broke my phone twice, scattered the whole house in the presence of my brother)
- I love her to bits but three weeks ago I had to tell myself the honest truth and break up, She felt it was a joke at first. She always believes I can't

I had to be honest with myself, I can't deal insecurities and violent tendencies, (Yours would have been if y'all stay in the same city), I wanted her to not see marriage as an escape route, and have a thing of her own, I tried to contribute severally to make a start doing stuff, but at the end, she obviously doesn't want to do anything(she picked this from her sister, she is a full housewife to a rich man)So I guess she wants same life. I was patient enough for 2years, hoping she would change, She never did. People don't change! I would have broken up earlier, but I do pity her and I felt I owe her.

It not been easy without her, she called me some days ago and told me she was depressed, I really want her but I can't deal with all these above.

So ask yourself, Can you manage? be brutally honest with yourself, note, marriage magnifies everything, any happening during a relationship will most likely double during the marriage . Make your decision after, it wouldn't be easy, trust me! but in the end, a broken relationship is always better than a broken marriage.

wow bro. There’s so much similarities btw what you just said and my gf. She also sees marriage as an excape route which I was very angry at her. Told her with such mentality she would be led to end up with anyone. Mine is introverted too. She got no female friends. No one to advice her even. Sometimes I have pity for her considering the stress she goes through with basically no life. Honestly this is just my case. This is it!!! We have had series of fights in school before because at a point we where living together. It’s not in my nature to lay hands on a girl but she brought out the worse in me and we had a serious fight which made her destroy many of my properties, my TV set, home theater, microwave and center table.She almost destroy my laptop if not for timely intervention. I really don’t know if it’s genuine love I have for her or just out of pity. I have this soft spot for her and the strsss she’s going through now is too much. Not gotten a job yet and back to her parents house working in there restaurants where she basically work from morning till night with no time for herself plus shouts and insults from mother. The girl was there for me back in school so Walking away is just so hard honestly