It's still early my sister but you have to be the woman you want your children to be proud of. The woman you want to be proud of.

Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

cooooooks:
Is this not supposed to be done during the courtship period?s

Human beings unfold daily. Marriage is continous learning and the discovery of each other is daily.

Imagine, your hubby eat beans every other week, and then one day you cook beans and he's like 'don't we have food in this house?', and so many other funny attitudes. You can't know him in all areas during courtship. Whoever tells you you should know everything about him during courtship is not a realist.

Forget all these sweet mouth marriage seminars we attend oo. When you enter, you learn with real marriage experience.

If we know it all, no need to build after marriage. The bible says, only a wise woman build her home

The poster will learn so many things from the man and she will begin to overcome those things that triggers argument with time. And the husband too will grow older to learn to stop reacting rudely to trivial things.

The rate at which marriages break nowadays, the best advise to give any young couple is just patience patience patience not reacting back in the same gesture.

I get what you're saying but at least every month, we see news articles of wives or husbands that were duped, toyed with or even killed by their spouses.

A spouse is someone you trust with your life and indeed the life of your children.

I think you have a responsibility to think very clearly and be very sure before the marriage and of course continue growing during the marriage. Especially if you guys didn't live together before marriage.

omonikiba:


Human beings unfold daily. Marriage is continous learning and the discovery of each other is daily.

Imagine, your hubby eat beans every other week, and then one day you cook beans and he's like 'don't we have food in this house?', and so many other funny attitudes. You can't know him in all areas during courtship. Whoever tells you you should know everything about him during courtship is not a realist.

Forget all these sweet mouth marriage seminars we attend oo. When you enter, you learn with real marriage experience.

If you we it all, no need to build after marriage. The bible says, only a wise woman build her home.

The poster will learn so many things from the man and she will begin to overcome those things that triggers argument with time. And the husband too will grow older to learn to stop reacting rudely to trivial things.

The rate at which marriages break nowadays, the best advise to give any young couple is just patience patience patience not reacting back in the same gesture.

cooooooks:
I get what you're saying but at least every month, we see news articles of wives or husbands that were duped, toyed with or even killed by their spouses.

A spouse is someone you trust with your life and indeed the life of your children.

I think you have a responsibility to think very clearly and be very sure before the marriage and of course continue growing during the marriage. Especially if you guys didn't live together before marriage.

did you even read her post? So you think OP wasnt sure about the guy just because he has decided to show her his a$$ after the wedding?

Lol, oga.. there is no way you can know that your missing puzzle piece is going to drive you out of your house with your infant child up to 5 times because your mom sent you some palm oil, no way!

You cant know somebody until you know them, thats just the truth. Its not OPs fault if the man just started getting out of control... he's the one who needs to behave himself

We don't know her history. If he's this brazen now and IF they had actually dates while before marriage, he MUST have shown of his immaturity and high handedness.

It's not rocket science.

In this case, he's asking her to leave the house, or he leaves. Did they live together before marriage? Even for weekends only? If they did, did he ask her to leave his house when he was angry?

It's a rad ridiculous to suggest that you can NEVER see red flags in a relationship? Is it lottery?

midnighter:


did you even read her post? So you think OP wasnt sure about the guy just because he has decided to show her his a$$ after the wedding?

Lol, oga.. there is no way you can know that your missing puzzle piece is going to drive you out of your house with your infant child up to 5 times because your mom sent you some palm oil, no way!

You cant know somebody until you know somebody, thats just the truth. Its not OPs fault if the man just started getting out of control... he's the one who needs to behave himself

Op truly your hubby has been disrespectful to you but all marriages go through teething problems . Mindset is very important in marriage and you need to decide from the beginning if you want in or out. 2 years in marriage is still early days and you guys are trying to understand each other and establish your boundaries. Words hurt but after a while you just shrug it off . If I go down memory lane and think of some of the names my hubby has called me I would have left him a long time ago. We have been together for 10 years now and I am enjoying my marriage like mad. If you and your hubby are talking and he starts getting upset keep quiet and say nothing. The day you know he is calm and okay go and talk to him and air your grievances. . Fighting and arguing does not help issues will only escalate. My husband is always worried when he gets annoyed and I don't talk he prefers arguments but I am now an expert in keeping mute. The only thing I cannot take is beating any other thing I just ignore. Just like you are a professional and well travelled are so many other women who are dealing with marital issues. If he says leave ignore him, if he leaves ignore him. If you ask him to do something for you and he forgets ignore and do it yourself. Don't let anger rule your heart choose to apply wisdom .

cooooooks:
We don't know her history. If he's this brazen now and IF they had actually dates while before marriage, he MUST have shown of his immaturity and high handedness.

It's not rocket science.

In this case, he's asking her to leave the house, or he leaves. Did they live together before marriage? Even for weekends only? If they did, did he ask her to leave his house when he was angry?

It's a rad ridiculous to suggest that you can NEVER see red flags in a relationship? Is it lottery?

People should definitely take note of red flags but youre making it seem like you should be able to predict absolutely everything somebody may become after the wedding. Sir, its impossible.

You would have asked her what happened during her courtship and if she saw any signs, instead of implying that she wasnt sure or she wasnt thinking clearly before the marriage. You cant be sure of what another human being is going to do

What omonikiba said answered your question, then you still went back and started blaming OP for not seeing some fictional red flags all over again

It is well. Make una sort una self

Zhuhilat:
Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.


Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.


Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.



I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?
Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.
Emotionally, i am done.

Please take this issue to God in prayers. Don't seek for attention outside o because of your child.

.

50 percent of women are really suffering in this thing called marriage,madam follow your heart

It seems he misses his bachelorhood. You've stressed how financially well off he is. He probably thinks he's wasting his peak sexual market value (SMV) years with just one woman when he could easily have a dosen every week.

He could end up regretting though.

Norabay:
50 percent of women are really suffering in this thing called marriage,madam follow your heart

50?

Just 50?!??

Norabay:
50 percent of women are really suffering in this thing called marriage,madam follow your heart

85%.

.

OP,
How old is your husband?

elektra:


Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

Not all men are lukewarm in prayer.

jeyselassie:


Not all men are lukewarm in prayer.

Not all women are either, least of all the OP so why is war room suddenly the solution to her problem....

ecolime:
From your writeup, it seems your husband has anger issues and you have ego issues as well.

Your marriage is a young one and you guys can still make things work. Do not listen to rubbish advises online. Some are home wreckers while some are frustrated singles. I do not in anyway support emotional abuse in any form though.

I believe some men react this way when they don't get sufficient financial support from their equally working partners. He might be overburdened financially. How well are you supporting him financially?

Hmmmmm!!I have no doubts you are a big bros and experienced. I don't really like commenting when it comes to marriage issues but the question is: What's the limit to the financial assistance?A Man that sees his wife financial assistance as a right doesn't deserve it. The reality is, both spouses must put heads together to make headway and the home financially stable but i detest men who feels a woman should be coersed to render such assistance. There's an underlying reason for every action. Even a mad man responds to love when shown. Ops husband didn't buy his baby food coz the wife offended him and the offence was that,the mother-in-law sent food stuffs to them. Let him see a marriage counselor before anger and low self-esteem kills the marriage.

I'm not blaming OP for anything and if you scroll up, you'll see that I asked for more info.

The whole point of courting is to gauge the compatibility of the proposed couple. If a couple is dating or courting seriously for a significant amount of time (say 3 months), red flags and potential incompatibility faultlines will show up. Little by little but they will show up and you will notice them.

I won't reply again because we're derailing OP's thread.


Cheers.

midnighter:


People should definitely take note of red flags but youre making it seem like you should be able to predict absolutely everything somebody may become after the wedding. Sir, its impossible.

You would have asked her what happened during her courtship and if she saw any signs, instead of implying that she wasnt sure or she wasnt thinking clearly before the marriage. You cant be sure of what another human being is going to do

What omonikiba said answered your question, then you still went back and started blaming OP for not seeing some fictional red flags all over again

midnighter:


Not all women are either, least of all the OP so why is war room suddenly the solution to her problem....

looks like the guy is cheating. Its only the woman that can get her husband back and she has to seduce him/also have time to get deep into his mind without judging him. Once you judge him he withdraws.

All the mo shey leni, mi o shey lola kindergarten marriages. E ku daycare OP. Please just show him this thread and tell him I said he should grow up. He should stop playing with his marriage because, his stupidity can only end in regret.

People should be very careful the words and insults they say to their loved ones. When it comes out it hurts for a very long time.

jeyselassie:
looks like the guy is cheating. Its only the woman that can get her husband back and she has to seduce him/also have time to get deep into his mind without judging him. Once you judge him he withdraws.

Lol, so how did you come to this dazzling conclusion? Shey when you stop buying baby food, it means youve started cheating? Lol

midnighter:


Lol, so how did you come to this dazzling conclusion? Shey when you stop buying baby food, it means youve started cheating? Lol

he left the house 12am. Well a guy who is just having brawl with his wife will sleep in the parlour.

jeyselassie:
he left the house 12am. Well a guy who is just having brawl with his wife will sleep in the parlour.

Ooohh you have a point.

but he may just be running away to stop himself from beating her

midnighter:


Ooohh you have a point.

but he may just be running away to stop himself from beating her

he had no trace of violence plus it's not enough to beat her. And if you trace the options of her leaving the marriage or him previously you will see that's as a result of options. And a man is most prone to cheating during childbirth when deprived of sex for a while coupled with a woman's indecisive cravings, though not all men , so it may just be the lingering effect of the sex he was having during childbirth and she has gained access to his needs not gratified by his wife. A little TLC and deep connection with him ought to do and this isn't sex. This is actually taking time out to really treat him right. Probably surprising him with something.

jeyselassie:
he had no trace of violence plus it's not enough to beat her. And if you trace the options of her leaving the marriage or him previously you will see that's as a result of options. And a man is most prone to cheating during childbirth when deprived of sex for a while coupled with a woman's indecisive cravings, though not all men , so it may just be the lingering effect of the sex he was having during childbirth and she has gained access to his needs not gratified by his wife. A little TLC and deep connection with him ought to do and this isn't sex. This is actually taking time out to really treat him right. Probably surprising him with something.

Well, thats one way of looking at it. I guess she can try it if she likes

I wonder why you never saw the warning signals... When I see the calibre of men some women decide to marry in the name of "security", I marvel. Receive grace to endure. It's for better for worse... That's the vow you took.

midnighter:


Well, thats one way of looking at it. I guess she can try it if she likes

well its just the gospel according to me chances are, daddy may have other issues.

Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

young marriage, certainly u ve not be able to understand ur hubby wella, now take this.
During his happy moment, bring dos things up...
You don't like leave my house for any simple tin
You don't like dat
Trash it at dos happy moment and see how it stuck in her brain ,try to play around it and a bit serious. A reasonable man will know how important it is for u to be saying this @ ds very hours.
Communication is the only thing I see lacking in ds ur relationship and trust me sharing enuf time together

elektra:


Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

Fireproof.

I am nice like that