Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

This is so sad.

If you want to take any advice from the men here, just imagine:

1. If you were the one who built the house.
2. If you were the one with more money telling your hubby to pack out at every argument.
3. If he was the one who came here to complain.


Will they tell him to watch war room, pray and be humble?

Capital no.

You will see talk like "that's how women are. Once they make money blabla bla..."

Whatever choice you make put your sanity and your daughters own first. If you are emotionally unstable your daughter will suffer emotionally.

Maybe you should spend time away from him until he shows that he wants to make things work.

He could be going through a difficult time, or maybe he thinks he can get away with this. Either way, he has to decide to treat you and your relationship with respect.

You are just looking for one excuse to leave your marriage, I will believe this story when I hear your husband's side of the story.

123sophocles:


Yes, we really need it.

Oga speak for yur sef don't say we.

AntiBrutus:


But you men go about calling women gold digger for not wanting your broke asses?

Seems Naija men are the prototype for confusion.

hehe, Nigerian women have taught Nigerian guys how to dig gold too na


But on a more serious note, it is not wise for any lady to get married without a source of income of her own no matter how rich her husband is, before the marriage, get money from him and establish a business, a trade, or something for yourself my dear sisters pls.



Not that the man may need the money from you but in this era that some ladies are making waves, a man may develop sudden dislike or hatred for his wife on seeing and hearing how great his friends and fellow men's wives are doing exploit financially which may make him start to see his own wife as a nodowell



So AntiBrutus, most times its not because the man will ask his wife for money but sometimes its for ego and for rocking shoulder outside and bragging to his friends about his wife.....and again death does not pre inform any man when it will come, so every reasonable man ought to ensure his wife is financially empowered like him.


My soon to be wifey will be even more richer than me, in fact, I am building her already and she is doing wonders on her own, little more mentoring from me and she will join the stars

Acidosis:

Another case of disrespect. But this one na daddy issues stuff. How well do you know his parents and the relationship between father and mother?

I thought only women had daddy issues?

When they say 'for better, for worse', they know marriage is not always a platter of gold.

Now is the worse time, I hope you don't go back on your words.

It's normal for a couple or one of the two to get tired of marriage. Reminiscing on your romance days could help in this case; then jejely let him know how much you are hurt by those words.

And pls make sure your ways are pure & be straightforward. Men hate being taken as mugu

Lol @ the person below me,
This is not about owning the house
It's about 'ego'

Woman your man is nothing but a boy...
So he had not acknowledged that you owns the house together... Telling you to pack out at will show he is not even matured to be a groom

This is not normal at all. The two of you need to sit down and decide if you guys can live together as husband and wife or call it quits.
Did you guys date? Did he behave like this during courtship?
Since he feels that you are not adding value to his life, get him to explain what he meant. Since you are also working, are you contributing financially to the upkeep of the family or is he the only one shouldering the responsibility? You guys need to open up to each other.

LOMBARDY:

Pls Goan sit down...I know someone will come here and blame the lady!
Is she not human? Why must the husband be treating her like garbage if he doesn't f*ck outside?
This is the 5th time she left and returned..that shows she is trying to make it work despite zero efforts from the husband.
Nigerian husband's like feeling like a god at the time

How can he leave the house by 12pm without quantitative explanation to his together forever whilst she is still struggling to feed the baby?

I know ur type, is either the type that kicks ur husbands foot or will die singl3...

SALTandFIRE:
Only the wise can see the undertone of disregard and disrespect in OPs post
disregard and disrespect for both your hubby and baby
undertone of disrespect. If he didn't buy it you don't need to start a fight and call it an argument
you disregard your dad instead of you to listen to him. He knows better than you and how to hand a young man.
you too listen to yourself...read this quote to yourself and tell me how it sounds.! Why should you actions always revolve around arguments fighting ?

You're completely right.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

U simply married an immature husband who’s not emotionally or psychologically ready for married and what it Entails. He will drain u of every good thing u feel about urself and make u worth less than a piece of rag. It’s not a problem to have arguments bt how often they happen matters Alot. On the flip side ur husband might not know the negative effects of his behavior towards u and u might need to look for sm1 he respects to address the issue objectively cos u might have ur little faults here also that makes him act this way.

U must make sure no man disrespects u to the point of being a common rag in his house. Yes be humble and patient bt also don’t loose ur senses to a manipulative and unreasonable man. His choice of language when u have quarrels is like emotional blackmail and manipulations. Also him leaving the house for u is simply childish. If he wants to cheat he shud do it like a man and stop threatening u over little issues in ur own or rather his own house.

franchasng:
hehe, Nigerian women have taught Nigerian guys how to dig gold too na


But on a more serious note, it is not wise for any lady to get married without a source of income of her own no matter how rich her husband is, before the marriage, get money from him and establish a business, a trade, or something for yourself my dear sisters pls.



Not that the man may need the money from you but in this era that some ladies are making waves, a man may develop sudden dislike or hatred for his wife on seeing and hearing how great his friends and fellow men's wives are doing exploit financially which may make him start to see his own wife as a nodowell



So AntiBrutus, most times its not because the man will ask his wife for money but sometimes its for ego and for rocking shoulder outside and bragging to his friends about his wife.....and again death does not pre inform any man when it will come, so every reasonable man ought to ensure his wife is financially empowered like him.


My soon to be wifey will be even more richer than me, in fact, I am building her already and she is doing wonders on her own, little more mentoring from me and she will join the stars

Indeed. Are you not the double-mouthed pattot again.

Pavarottii:

I know ur type, is either the type that kicks ur husbands foot or will die singl3...

More women have died in marriages as single-married women.

So? What is all the threat of dying single, like we are not all gonna die after all?

midnighter:


Lol I don confuse... She said in the post that she and her husband both work and are comfortable. What, for goodness sake, are you writing

My broda, read btw the line you see more than what the op has just scripted.... You can't be of great value to the family and a right thinking guy will tell you that you are not valuable to him...
I'm a guy, I know how it works...

franchasng:
hehe, Nigerian women have taught Nigerian guys how to dig gold too na


But on a more serious note, it is not wise for any lady to get married without a source of income of her own no matter how rich her husband is, before the marriage, get money from him and establish a business, a trade, or something for yourself my dear sisters pls.



Not that the man may need the money from you but in this era that some ladies are making waves, a man may develop sudden dislike or hatred for his wife on seeing and hearing how great his friends and fellow men's wives are doing exploit financially which may make him start to see his own wife as a nodowell



So AntiBrutus, most times its not because the man will ask his wife for money but sometimes its for ego and for rocking shoulder outside and bragging to his friends about his wife.....and again death does not pre inform any man when it will come, so every reasonable man ought to ensure his wife is financially empowered like him.


My soon to be wifey will be even more richer than me, in fact, I am building her already and she is doing wonders on her own, little more mentoring from me and she will join the stars

I pity u, sooner or later u will know what u av done to urself... Be thinking the money She is making is for Taking care of the family...

setobaba:


You people should stop hiding under marriage is all about tolerance, for God sake she's also a human.
Madam if you feel you've made the wrong decision by marrying your husband you had better retrace your steps back now, the more days you stay in that marriage, the lower the chances of getting another man quick.
Beside how old is your husband and which tribe?

What has tribe got to do with marital problems?

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

You are a wise person. More wisdom fall in you.

AntiBrutus:


More women have died in marriages as single-married women.

So? What is all the threat of dying single, like we are not all gonna die after all?

Av u ever seen a post or seminar or any ngo forcing people to marry? Rather it's the other way around... My broth3r or sister nobody is forcing u... If u like marry , if u like no marry... Is it my marry... So stop quoting and trying to preach the benefits of not marrying...
Me I will marry and reproduce and be happy... The creator that have us preek and Toto didnt do for acting porn or for singl3s...

internationalman:
Thanks OP for justifying many of us decision not to marry.

That was how George Clooney thought he was too cool to marry until he hit 50, then he learned the value of relationship and companionship.
Today, he has a wife and twins ( a boy and a girl )
There are some things that money or fame or friends can give you, except companionship! A soul mate!

setobaba:


You people should stop hiding under marriage is all about tolerance, for God sake she's also a human.
Madam if you feel you've made the wrong decision by marrying your husband you had better retrace your steps back now, the more days you stay in that marriage, the lower the chances of getting another man quick.
Beside how old is your husband and which tribe?

What has tribe got to do...?

When are u going to tell us the ones u do tell him during ur *arguments*

elektra:


Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

There is a movie for men to watch too 'Fire proof'

You have repeated your daughter's care severally. Did you abandon him when your daughter was born? Did your sex life reduce? are you saying you from your end there is no trigger for his behavior? Do you compare him, appreciate his effort or complain based on your supposed standard?
Also, note that the early period of marriage is the most challenging cos both couples begin to realize that the package they saw is different from reality. It takes time to adjust to reality and requires patience, understanding, and communication. Certainly, he must be complaining of something, what is it?

Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

Classy!!!

olabrinks:
The man is the head of the home. The leader, the example setter and the main component that keeps the house together. Once the man fails to excel in his responsibility as the head, the foundation becomes extremely faulty and the union begins to crumble. Women submit to responsible men. A Woman cannot build a home on sand. I think some men really need some marriage counselling because most of you are so unaware and lost. And before you quote me, I am not single, miserable or bitter. Thanks in advance.

Pavarottii:

Av u ever seen a post or seminar or any ngo forcing people to marry? Rather it's the other way around... My broth3r or sister nobody is forcing u... If u like marry , if u like no marry... Is it my marry... So stop quoting and trying to preach the benefits of not marrying...

Probably you don't think before typing, if you did...you would have realized it is utterly senseless to tell people they will die single.

Is it your single?

Then you ran straight to NAIRALAND. And when you were running you forgot half the story right? People hear only what they want to her. Ok, drag your man here Lets hear from him. Its 12.30am now

ecolime:
From your writeup, it seems your husband has anger issues and you have ego issues as well.

Your marriage is a young one and you guys can still make things work. Do not listen to rubbish advises online. Some are home wreckers while some are frustrated singles. I do not in anyway support emotional abuse in any form though.

I believe some men react this way when they don't get sufficient financial support from their equally working partners. He might be overburdened financially. How well are you supporting him financially?

So, you mean a man has the right to tell the mother of his child she is useless because of money?

Chai women don suffer o.

Why didn't he impregnate himself and give birth, cook clean etc. So, he will know how useless women are.

If you want a woman who will contribute, make sure she has a job or business before marriage.


Nothing justifies this disgrace.

ifyalways:
Whatever you do, do not call or text or contact him in anyway to beg him, invite or ask him to come back home. Take a deep breathe, put your feet up and enjoy some peace and quiet.
Tomorrow, take a piece of paper and write down boldly that you will not accept disrespect and emotional abuse from him anymore. List out all his disrespectful attitudes and let him know that as hes walking back into the door, he had better drop them. No negotiations. Also let him know that you are ready to make the marriage work but only if hes ready and willing. Paste or keep it where he'd surely see it whenever his petty ars.e come back.

Emotional abuse and disrespect is as bad as physical abuse. Getting up from the floor, setting boundaries and standing firm is the only way to stop being anyones door mat. Love and treat yourself right FIRST .

Talk true, if you're the one your husband writes demands on a piece of paper, would you accept it?

A wife that always argues with the husband get as e be. I am very sure insults will be attached. Unfortunately, you won't tell us all that. ..

AntiBrutus:


Probably you don't think before typing, if you did...you would have realized it is utterly senseless to tell people they will die single.

Is it your single?

Yes can't she die single... Following ur analogy... It will be better if he or she does single.., abi?

If you were to be my sister, I would not advise you to stay there and make it works. Get a life and be independent. Barely two years and he is already asking you give times to go and that you add no value to his life . My dear in 3 years if he doesn't get either richer or become more successful u gan be as useless as a rag. So when ur fellow idiots who left love to marry wrong advises you to make it works( magician) hug urself and prepare to be useless all your life.... Just after a baby oooo imagine after 2 Allah u go over useless