You husband might be a member of Nairaland romance section.
They are usually very naive and disrespectful

When u marry for materialism
This is what u get

Young couple.

Firstly don't have more children at this point.
The toxic marriage should be ironed out.
See professional counsellor to put the marriage in right direction.
If that does not work, divorce him and move on with your life.

Kokaine:
na wa oh
This marriage of a thing is very difficult. When I see issues like this it makes me want to marry a white woman

at least they have the highest rated of divorce. You will be so happy to please a white catch that you will actually be a good husband lest the rates come to play.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

My take on this:

In as much as I will not suggest a divorce to married couple, I will also not advice any partner to continue living in pain because of what the society is going to say.

I've seen marriages that started this way and the wife was hoping that he will change. 30 years down the line, he never changed ( because men rarely change) and the wife had to live in pain.

If you know what it means to fry a spoilt egg together with a good egg, you will understand what I'm saying.

When a man begins to see his wife as worthless, there's big trouble. If sense is not talked into him ASAP, he will soon treat her as trash (even rag has value)

Please don't divorce (because you might not be able to handle the pains of divorce). It's more painful than you can imagine.

Also, don't keep condoning being treated as trash by your husband (you are just two years in marriage...how far can you go/cope with that? ).

Making a marriage work sometimes means taking your rightful place as a wife. People recommended War Room. Yea...that lady didn't win her husband by tolerating him.

You need wisdom here woman.

Your goal is to make your marriage work (have a happy home).

What you do not need is your husband treating you like nobody.

If you are a christian, I advice you speak to God on which way to go about it. I am sure the HolySpirit will direct you (God wants you HAPPILY MARRIED).

I can't tell you exactly which principle to follow strictly to make your marriage work ( there's no one-size fit-all formula as marital issues are concerned). However, I know someone who can make your marriage work and make your husband the best man for you all your life; He is called GOD.

Cry to God to make your marriage work.

God loves you and He will never be interested in you suffering.

Cry to God woman, cry to God!

tiredoflife:
When u marry for materialism
This is what u get

You just said rubbish

How are you sure she married for materialism?

Did you read the part that she said they are both working and are very very comfortable?

If you don't have an answer to heal a wounded soul, you keep quiet please.

Keep quiet!

- You are both young and impatient with eachother
- Do you work? If not, in what other way(s) do you really add value to him?
- You are never equal to your husband in a marriage, though, you are not his slave or househelp too (don't always stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him).
- Stop leaving your home to your parents (5times within 2years is not good), your mind is still in your parent's house.
- He is obviously young (I seriously believe) and inexperienced in marriage but can learn and should learn, continue to teach him how you prefer to be treated. He will get it.
- Lastly, you can NEVER find that "love", "respect".... outside, the best is what you have got. The best man for you married you. Where were the others before you both got married? Nowhere!
Marriage is not a joke. It is hard work! Work hard together...

jossydee1:


My take on this:

In as much as I will not suggest a divorce to married couple, I will also not advice any partner to continue living in pain because of what the society is going to say.

I've seen marriages that started this way and the wife was hoping that he will change. 30 years down the line, he never changed ( because men rarely change) and the wife had to live in pain.

If you know what it means to fry a spoilt egg together with a good egg, you will understand what I'm saying.

When a man begins to see his wife as worthless, there's big trouble. If sense is not talked into him ASAP, he will soon treat her as trash (even rag has value)

Please don't divorce (because you might not be able to handle the pains of divorce). It's more painful than you can imagine.

Also, don't keep condoning being treated as trash by your husband (you are just two years in marriage...how far can you go/cope with that? ).

Making a marriage work sometimes means taking your rightful place as a wife. People recommended War Room. Yea...that lady didn't win her husband by tolerating him.

You need wisdom here woman.

Your goal is to make your marriage work (have a happy home).

What you do not need is your husband treating you like nobody.

If you are a christian, I advice you speak to God on which way to go about it. I am sure the HolySpirit will direct you (God wants you HAPPILY MARRIED).

I can't tell you exactly which principle to follow strictly to make your marriage work ( there's no one-size fit-all formula as marital issues are concerned). However, I know someone who can make your marriage work and make your husband the best man for you all your life; He is called GOD.

Cry to God to make your marriage work.

God loves you and He will never be interested in you suffering.

Cry to God woman, cry to God!

don't you think the man should cry to God because he has issues for always telling his wife to leave? Or men don't need God in their marriages, too? Nigerian men marriage is a sham.

BRATISLAVA:
don't you think the man should cry to God because he has issues for always telling his wife to leave? Or men don't need God in their marriages, too? Nigerian men marriage is a sham.

The man is not seeing why he should make his marriage work my dear.

He needs help.

It's the hard truth. He's deluded already and you can't tell him to cry to God because he's not seeing anything wrong in his actions right now.

It's a sick man that needs a doctor.

Let's help care for his ailments and see how he responds to treatment.

Nnemuka:
You husband might be a member of Nairaland romance section.
They are usually very naive and disrespectful

funny.
I am sure Op must have forwarded this link to his whatsapp.

setobaba:


You people should stop hiding under marriage is all about tolerance, for God sake she's also a human.
Madam if you feel you've made the wrong decision by marrying your husband you had better retrace your steps back now, the more days you stay in that marriage, the lower the chances of getting another man quick.
Beside how old is your husband and which tribe?

What brought the question of Tribe into this now? Can’t you be objective with your facts? Must you bring tribal sentiment into everything before making your useless opinion known?

beeijeoma:
Op truly your hubby has been disrespectful to you but all marriages go through teething problems . Mindset is very important in marriage and you need to decide from the beginning if you want in or out. 2 years in marriage is still early days and you guys are trying to understand each other and establish your boundaries. Words hurt but after a while you just shrug it off . If I go down memory lane and think of some of the names my hubby has called me I would have left him a long time ago. We have been together for 10 years now and I am enjoying my marriage like mad. If you and your hubby are talking and he starts getting upset keep quiet and say nothing. The day you know he is calm and okay go and talk to him and air your grievances. . Fighting and arguing does not help issues will only escalate. My husband is always worried when he gets annoyed and I don't talk he prefers arguments but I am now an expert in keeping mute. The only thing I cannot take is beating any other thing I just ignore. Just like you are a professional and well travelled are so many other women who are dealing with marital issues. If he says leave ignore him, if he leaves ignore him. If you ask him to do something for you and he forgets ignore and do it yourself. Don't let anger rule your heart choose to apply wisdom .

I prefer to read than comment most times, but this reply here is the only advice I think the OP should take.

As a man, I wont tolerate my wife challenge and argue with me, there are other ways to register your grievances which the quoted reply has advised. It simple, there's only one captain, learn to be a crew. And you'll turn the man hearts into that of a baby.

No matter how lucrative you earn, you're under your husband. If you keep on with the power tussle, then know it that your marriage is heading for the rock. There's no two ways about it.

tiredoflife:
When u marry for materialism
This is what u get

I don't think it has anything to do with materialism. But I am sure her narrative is one sided. You only need to read her post and understand the underlying tone.
I takes wisdom to deduce the problems from her post

Irreconcilable differences

jossydee1:


The man is not seeing why he should make his marriage work my dear.

He needs help.

It's the hard truth. He's deluded already and you can't tell him to cry to God because he's not seeing anything wrong in his actions right now.

It's a sick man that needs a doctor.

Let's help care for his ailments and see how he responds to treatment.

I think I understand why you said that. But still, men need God. Not only women. Why aren't they advised to seek God too?

jossydee1:


You just said rubbish

How are you sure she married for materialism?

Did you read the part that she said they are both working and are very very comfortable?

If you don't have an answer to heal a wounded soul, you keep quiet please.

Keep quiet!

You should shut up. Where is the wounded soul? All I see is a disrespectful woman with zero home training lacking morals to keep her ass stable in her husbands house. She needs to re orientate herself about marriage. You don’t bring that Girlfriend/Slayqueen attitude into marriage.

That is what we call mar-rage. You see what's happening is a symptom of something you have no idea. You are from different backgrounds, your husband is a collection of experiences and training. Sometimes we have no idea of what people have been through or going through.

This is where love comes in, he needs your help and you need help too. I can only recommend you get closer to God and pray for him always, be humble swallow some pride and leave 3rd party out of your home. If you are a Christian let the Holy Spirit be your 3rd party. Just say Holy Spirit save my marriage, help me and my husband.

Don't go the path of infidelity, its usually ends in sorrow. In no time you and your husband will overcome your challenges.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

From your write up, you’ve got that Slay Queen attitude inside of you. You lack Morals and basic skills to keep a home. Was the relationship this toxic during courtship? What changed about you? Your Mum is somehow to blame, not to sound insulting duo. She didn’t teach you those basic things from your youthful age that’s why she’s providing a hedge for you right now. Stop running back to your Mum and learn to make your marriage work, stop seeking advice from your slay queen friends that are not yet married. You should listen more to your Father I’ll suggest. I wish I could tell you more truth you need to hear.

Madam, I actually understand your pain but I will advise that you should not consider social media as a channel in resolving a family crisis. I will be frank with you. Marital problems r best solved between couples. I can tell you categorically that your husband is not cheating, if he was, you could have come across some things that will make him a suspect. And going through your write up, you did not mention anything related to that, that means he is not a suspect. There is something around the marriage that is putting pressure on your husband n is eating him up quietly. That thing is making him get angry with you quickly. Now, you need to use your wisdom to fish out that particular thing in other to save your family. Don't, I repeat, don't indulge yourselves in anything outside that will finally crash your home. If you want to do that, then, get a divorce. And finally, since you have observed that your husband like quarrelling on small issues, try your best to always avoid exchanging words with him whenever you discover he is about to get angry n don't forget to pray. Always remember that all families you see around, have their challenges, most of the families don't bring out their issues in public but they find a way of settling their difference within.

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

From your statement, advising people like you is a waste of time and resources. Your husband must have told you times without number how stubborn and stone hearted you are.

Mstick:
Madam you wouldn't get any reasonable advice on here , they will ask you to endure because most of them saw there fathers doing same to their mothers and she endured and they do same to their wives.They will see nothing wrong with your husband cheating rather they will bash and insult you.


Think about yourself and what do YOU want.

You’ll marry her when she leave the house yea? Leave her matrimonial home for where kwa? Go back to live with her mum permanently or till some other guy comes to marry her? Since your advice is also on this forum, it’s worthless like you’ve said.

cooooooks:
It's still early my sister but you have to be the woman you want your children to be proud of. The woman you want to be proud of.

Nice.

You both behave like babies. May I ask how long you guys dates? Because I'm curious how much getting to know each other you people had before tying the knot, yet you never for once noticed this his entitlement behaviour and level of annoyance and how he rambles when annoyed. Anyways, there are no bed of roses anywhere, if its just about the rambling and the derogatory remarks when he's angry, then its very manageable, just talk and keep talking. You're just two years together, you still have a long way to go. But if it is about infidelity, one you can strongly substantiate, well, the ball is your court. Myself for one, the only off signal for me is infidelity, I'd rather leave than share!
Meanwhile...
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Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

I am a few year above 10 in.marriage. I secular system you probably will regard someone like me as a Fellow but there is no Fellow in marriage. Everyone is a learner till death do you part.
Now to the issue, the foundation is very important and your faith. I will therefore use Christianity to counsel you.
Are both of you Christians or you just go to church? This question is very important, because as Christians if you have an issue the first thing is for both of you to kneel down beside your bed humbly to pray that God should intervene and grant to of you wisdom and the emotional strength to resolve you differences. Don't be surprised that you have serious misunderstanding, because both of you have different upbringing and perspective, one can talk carelessly , the other can take radh decision , but you are now one. The place of praying together sincerely cannot be overemphasized. Tell God all you typed here as it's paining you from the bottom of your heart. God hates putting away.Both of you must learn the teachings of Jesus in Christian Forgiveness. (Seven times of Seventy times Seven)
Your suspicion must also be addressed. If you suspect he's cheating on you which you consider as the motivation for his actions, asking him with wisdom not with direct accusations . You should perhaps see your pastor for further counseling, but please for the sake of the child involved, you two have to make the marriage work. It is what is destroying the western society, we must not allow it creep into ours . If you both fervently pray together, see the development as an attack on your marriage, which is contrary to the plan of God , you will find it easy to handle the crisis. Pray together, be ready to admit you fault and humbly ask for forgiveness, let him also do the same, it should be a bedroom affairs. Holy Spirit being the chief judge of the appeal court will give your family the desired peace, but don't fail to go to him in prayer.

dominique:
Men vowing they can't live in homes owned by their wives should come and see threads like this, they don't want to endure what women have been enduring for centuries. Nobody should have a monopoly of disrespect, if you can't take it, don't give it.

Let me quote this my aunty. 95 per cent of women may not have cerebral capability to handle having upper hand in marriage. Our cultures gave women ownership right to their husband's properties. But it makes it shameful for a man to think of joint ownership of his wife's properties.

Note that op won't tell us all her stinking actions in that home. She's here to learn how to dispossess her husband of that singular weapon ("leave my house" ) .

She said "why can't we have arguments that won't lead to "leave my house"? She enjoys arguments because she's making her own money. Most men hate it when they talk and the wife making sharp responses back. It means there are two bosses, and you know where that leads. She should enjoy the arguments while they last. There's nothing wrong in a woman making her own money. But it naturally creates two Masters in a home where the man is not a libra or Aquarius (astrology). My wife usually pays our bills before she later collect doubles of such from me. And if I say no money to pay her back, she understands there is truly no money for such. She knows she would still get the money back in other ways even without knowing it. That makes me see her as someone who understands joint ownership of everything we have. I will never in my right senses ask her to leave my house. Wife's mom sent foodstuffs. If it's me, I will call her mom to know when next she will travel. That makes a mother to know her daughter is in a safe hand. You have to once in a while show that you don't have it all.

We are wired differently at birth; no matter our social or religious leaning, we will never be able to conquer our biology. As an independent woman, my wife can move from one meeting to another, may decide not to come back home that day with genuine reasons, and I won't raise any alarm. She's an adult for God's sake. My wife may not cook for 3 days in a row with reasons. I simply call her sisters to come help her cook. She would still be at home while her sister is cooking. All these make her feel she's not under pressure. The only problem with her is she talks back whenever I'm angry. All demons in hell know that a woman dares not reply me when I angrily make corrections. My words are often carefully selected in such a way that you won't find them offensive, and adding my power as the husband, you need not objecting to them. As a language user, I can device words that will make you weep, but when you tell others what I said, they will ask you "and what is wrong in a husband saying that?"

It's not easy for two people of different gender to live under same roof. In my immediate surrounding, over 90 percent of marriages are failing. So, different women run to my wife with all manners of marital problem despite her own baggages. I gave her pieces of advice that solved 4 prominent cases involving richer husbands than me. These women see my wife as a heroine, and she tells them I'm the one that told her what to tell them.

needful:


Hear ur silly self. So because she endured ur silly shit, it's now a ground for other women to endure such an abusive relationship. You aren't even shameful to utter this type of gibberish. Spit

Thank u for the insult mr/miss needful,

Zhuhilat

the best advice i can give you is to seek divorce. He doesn't love you and it doesn't seem like he will change.... because he is not a good man. A good man will treat you with care and respect even when he has stopped loving you. Pack your bags and go, this time around, don't come back.
I fear he might up the ante and start using violence on you when you have an argument

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

No body will ever tell you to leave, but two years is too early, we only hear your side of the story, it's more like you both have anger issues, and woman need to be soft sometime to make the marriage work, if everyone believes they are always right, the next relationship you want to go into may be a catastrophic more than the previous one. Except you want to stay unmarried, don't leave this one until you make it work.

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

When you have already made up your mind why sought for an advise . Follow your heart sister and you ll get the result sooner or later.

.

This is best response to your worries, Madam am emplore you to lower your ego and listen to ur father.

quote author=SALTandFIRE post=83088059]Only the wise can see the undertone of disregard and disrespect in OPs post
disregard and disrespect for both your hubby and baby
undertone of disrespect. If he didn't buy it you don't need to start a fight and call it an argument
you disregard your dad instead of you to listen to him. He knows better than you and how to hand a young man.
you too listen to yourself...read this quote to yourself and tell me how it sounds.! Why should you actions always revolve around arguments fighting ? [/quote]

godfrey01:


See your mouth.. Who is the Head of the house. Who is paying the rent. There is something the woman is not telling us. Do you think is all men that can stand offensive words from a woman without retaliating back.. Thank God for my type. Whenever my woman will start barking, I will just get my headset and start listening to music cos I don't want to hear noise. Or better still just take. Stroll.. When her mind Don come down then we go talk...

When you married a dog that barks why won't you think out of your arse.