Hello to everyone here.
Please I need advise on something that has been bothering me.
I’m a man in his middle 20s, married with a son. I have always have this issue with my wife that anytime we argue, she must tell me to go and collect my dowry money back. There was a time we had issue and she packed all her things wanting to pack out from the house. She told her aunty and her aunty advised her not to pack her things else this woman would have moved out. The reason for this fight was because she told me to open a store for her and I wasn’t having enough money on me then which she’s aware of.
This woman hardly respect me as her husband. She claims we’re best of friends before marriage and it as to stay that way. I keep asking myself if being best of friends means a woman can’t be submissive to her man as husband and wife? I can’t tell her to do something without repeating it over and over again and most times it gets into a fight because I see that as disrespect. If we need to do something and not doing it her way, there will be fight in the house. Too many things as happened that I keep questioning this union but what is eating me now is the fact that she keeps telling me to go and take my dowry back. She’s 24 and our son isn’t up to one year. We got married last year. Sorry for the late introduction.
I’m thinking to stand on the word when next she says it. I wanna break this marriage as so many little things causes issues. Space won’t allow me to say it all as this is my first time posting here. I don’t know the limit. I’ll be reading your comments. Thanks

If she wants to leave,let her leave and sound it very clear to her that 'SHE WILL NEVER COME BACK IF SHE LEAVES' then involve both families and stand your ground.

A 24 years old is no longer a child

the youth of nowadays.... getting married without knowing what it entails....... problems all the time.....my husband is disrespecting me.......my wife is disrespecting me..... no submission anymore..... everyone wants to be the boss in the house

She claims we’re best of friends before marriage and it as to stay that way.

What you're going through is what elders call " Power scuffle in marriage " which means you and your wife is struggling to hold the mantle of leadership in the house.

Dear brother, i will suggest as a man you should lower yourself for now and stop looking for respect. Believe me since you're both best of friends before marriage and also you're on same age bracket, you will exercise some patience. Your wife will continue to see you her as friend so keep calm with her. With time she will starts seeing you as husband.
Don't try to command respect either you earn it through heart to heart discussion and love.

When I read all these stories, I see the importance of courtship before marriage.
Yes, courtship not 'toasting'.
Before you get married it is important to see the reaction of your future spouse in different situations. Provoke them on purpose to see their angry side or create scenarios to see whether they can cope in hard times. Marriage is not all about the happy or good times. The litmus test of a relationship is when it undergoes hardship.
Even the most beautiful roses have thorns.

Today its disrespect.
Tomorrow its insult.
As if the spouse you married is a stranger.

I'm sorry for whatever you are going through.
come to think of it, you are allowing pressure take its toll on you, rather than douse the tension.
a lot of patience is needed at this point. with every union come it's test time to lead to testimonies.
your wife is dwarfed to life and it's realities. she an immature adult, you only need to school her.
it's all parts, background and personality. either she refused to be groomed or she was not groomed. what can you tell of her backgrounds?
she's one of those loosed canon, you unfortunately acquired one. now patience is the way out and grooming on your part.
I still see her coming around, except she has choosing to go haywire. then she has destined herself for doom.
I see it working from your part.

Admin please can I get a front page on this as to get more knowledge from people out there.
I don’t wanna make a wrong decision

What did you say to her that warranted such statement?

You married your best friend and you're looking for submission?

Dude, divorce her now o because it will only get worse. You're practically in her friendzone. Your balls will soon turn blue

Going through the same issue now. Only that I decided to leave when she started earning more than me the disrespectful became too much to manage brother you need money only money can humble a woman this days.

Are you not supposed to marry your best friend? Oh Lord everything in this family section is divorce divorce divorce. Something that can easily be resolved with communication, patience and wisdom. This generation is something else.

Newboss:
You married your best friend and you're looking for submission?

Dude, divorce her now o because it will only get worse. You're practically in her friendzone. Your balls will soon turn blue

madridguy:
She claims we’re best of friends before marriage and it as to stay that way.

What you're going through is what elders call " Power scuffle in marriage " which means you and your wife is struggling to hold the mantle of leadership in the house.

Dear brother, i will suggest as a man you should lower yourself for now and stop looking for respect. Believe me since you're both best of friends before marriage and also you're on same age bracket, you will exercise some patience. Your wife will continue to see you her as friend so keep calm with her. With time she will starts seeing you as husband.
Don't try to command respect either you earn it through heart to heart discussion and love.

I dont get u sir. So the wife should not respect her husband because they are age mates?

You are advising that the husband takes the back seat temporarily so the wife can take charge? Are u aware that if u give a woman one mile she takes thirty?

I am still confused here.

Bros, if your wife that actually agrees u paid her dowry doesn't see u as her husband and Lord, next time she wants to leave, let her go.

I will say it again, we cant find women like our mothers anymore but that doesnt mean that the men should turn vegetables all in d name of love or marriage.

Put ur foot on the ground as the man but dont be a monster.

My two kobo though.

Don't get it twisted bros. Am not saying the husband should turn to dummy, my point is that he should thread with care to safe his home. If he try to rush things it could lead to break up.

DonEd:

I dont get u sir. So the wife should not respect her husband because they are age mates?

You are advising that the husband takes the back seat temporarily so the wife can take charge? Are u aware that if u give a woman one mile she takes thirty?

I am still confused here.

DonEd:
Bros, if your wife that actually agrees u paid her dowry doesn't see u as her husband and Lord, next time she wants to leave, let her go.

I will say it again, we cant find women like our mothers anymore but that doesnt mean that the men should turn vegetables all in d name of love or marriage.

Put ur foot on the ground as the man but dont be a monster.

My two kobo though.

She should see her husband as her Lord, Lord kwanu?

So you were best of friends which is obviously the main reason why you guys got married, now you want to be a tyrant, a Nigerian monster Dude, you are funny!!!
Anyway, your life...your house....

If you desire respect that much, you should've waited cos the baby that will marry and respect you ceremoniously and unceremoniously is still crawling.

Theyoungmatron:
So you were best of friends which is obviously the main reason why you guys got married, now you want to be a tyrant, a Nigerian monster Dude, you are funny!!!
Anyway, your life...your house....

If you desire respect that much, you should've waited cos the baby that will marry and respect you ceremoniously and unceremoniously is still crawling.

Coming from a teenage pr0stitute just like LilllyVal. I'm not surprised.

OP so your wife cannot raise capital to open her own business? Nigg@s out here marrying liabilities

genq:


Coming from a teenage pr0stitute just like LilllyVal. I'm not surprised.

OP so your wife cannot raise capital to open her own business? Nigg@s out here marrying liabilities

Yep that's backward hustling to me

Oloki:
the youth of nowadays.... getting married without knowing what it entails....... problems all the time.....my husband is disrespecting me.......my wife is disrespecting me..... no submission anymore..... everyone wants to be the boss I'm the house

Baba what should we wait for, life now is too short especially been a Nigerian. When I tell my some of my friends that I want to get married in 2020 making me 27 they will start laughing, but the married one already seems happy and complete. Though I’m not the bossy and problem type

genq:


Coming from a teenage pr0stitute just like LilllyVal. I'm not surprised.

OP so your wife cannot raise capital to open her own business? Nigg@s out here marrying liabilities

Frustrated fetal chauvinist.
Snail-skulled little rabbit. Choke on the queasy convulsing nausea of your own trite foolish beliefs. What meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of inexperienced opinion have on female gender? Your perpetual fantasies on women is inconsequential. It is baffling that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
On a good day you’re a half-wit and a drool. You are deficient in all that lends character with the personality of a wallpaper soaked in dank and filthy water. Your reasoning are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness, spreading misery and sorrow wherever you go.

Next post from you will be completely ignored.
Thank you

op what exactly do you do that makes her disrespects you.
look,majority of the times,when people disrespect people they ought to respect,it means that conciously or unconciously,the people they ought to respect are either disrespecting themselves,or are disrespecting the people they ought to respect.

Theyoungmatron post=83126992[s:
]Frustrated fetal chauvinist.
Snail-skulled little rabbit, choke on the queasy convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. What meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of inexperienced opinion have on female gender? Your perpetual fantasies on women is inconsequential. It is baffling that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
On a good day you’re a half-wit and a drool. You are deficient in all that
lends character with the personality of a wallpaper soaked in dank and filthy water. Your reasoning are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness, spreading misery and
sorrow wherever you go.

Next post from you will be completely ignored.
Thank you[/s]

Awn!

rawitools:
Going through the same issue now. Only that I decided to leave when she started earning more than me the disrespectful became too much to manage brother you need money only money can humble a woman this days.

Reading this scared the shit out of me... Any hope for reconciliation with your wife? Did she try to settle with you?

This is why i dont really support early age marriage for guys,i prefer a very matured guy of above 30 years,lot of experience will have been gathered. Shes obviously not in love with you again bro,hard truth!

SmellingAnus:
Reading this scared the shit out of me... Any hope for reconciliation with your wife? Did she try to settle with you?

not at all sir . I just need money and to improve my self financially I think that would strike a balance or make her humble. I blame this country bro able bodied men no place to work.

Chapter1vs6:
To the people that will take this thread seriously

l want you to know this post was made by the same person that opened the Zhuhilat account

And how do you know that...

Isaac0199:
Admin please can I get a front page on this as to get more knowledge from people out there.
I don’t wanna make a wrong decision

You can never get any knowledge or solution from Nairaland.People will give you different opnion and at the end you will be confused and make wrong decission.

My only advice is that you bear it and have focus on how you can make money.Once you make it,all those story will stop instantly ,you will see the practical meaning of respect from her.She will even be begging you anytime you are annoyed.She sees you as nobody because no cash.Most women are like that especially when they are comparing themselves with other of their friends that married to rich or average man or when they start eyeing or moving with another well to do man outside marriage.

Apart from money,call her and sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her on who you are not happy over the way she disrespects you,where do she think you offend her and what is that thing she feel you are doing wrong that wrants all these insult from her.

rawitools:
not at all sir . I just need money and to improve my self financially I think that would strike a balance or make her humble. I blame this country bro able bodied men no place to work.

you very right... Many women have even left their husbands more under this present Government and harsh economy... I pray you come back on your feet... There is something about women that once they have cash more than you, you just know that the marriage is in big trouble except the man too is very rich...

rawitools:
Going through the same issue now. Only that I decided to leave when she started earning more than me the disrespectful became too much to manage brother you need money only money can humble a woman this days.

Thank you my brother.Nothing but money. Lets forget about beating around the bush.Once you make it and have the money,she will be more than humble.

I pity d fool that breaks d rule when a woman is in charge.
If u want ur home to be at peace, allow her to rule d house while u run d family. Besides she's too young to see life from ur own perspective.
In marriage, women calm down at 35 when all their attractions have gone especially when makeups can no longer hide their age. As a man, double ur hustle and triple ur patience. You'll come out stronger. King Solomon never divorce any of his wives, and that made him a hardcore.

Is this a rebuttal to Zhulilat`s thread? Or some other one?