I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Hmm. Let me wait for the elders.

Lost love

Tell her you have made up your mind to marry a younger wife. Eat outside, come home late. I hope she will begin to use her senses

The issues have eaten deep into
The marriage and are not likely to be resolved without external counsel.

Itemise clearly what the issues are and call two
Matured people in her family. And have a round table with them. If things don’t get better in six months get ready to split up amicably.

She seems unhappy and resentful of a few things in the marriage. What I sense is having
So many children all at once sent her into some
Depression which she never really got treatment for! It can be overwhelming and not everyone can manage and adapt to married life so easily!

She’s also got temper issues obviously to hit the dependants so severely

I wish you good luck

You apologizing after beating her shows you are a good man. Truth be told a man like me will never do it provided that her accusation have been on for a long time.

For goodness sake what did she take u for. A sleep around. Definitely that is a disrespect to me and I will never take that.
Sorry but she have to learn the hard way. Involve her parents into the situation, if she truely wants it to work out she will harken to their advice. And if the parents choice to side their daughter. Am sorry you in for it. And divorce looks like ur bet.
The truth is only a woman can make it work. It's easier for a woman to kick up a conversation with her husband after a quarrel. Using her feminine influence, and the man will gladly join her. And all things are resolved.
But if your wife is hard hearted. It will be something else.

It is well

the stories i have read here is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tried

I honestly think your wife is suffering from serious depression, she’s not happy deep down inside and they’re some internal issues bothering her. She’s taking it out on you and everyone around her. The problem started once children came into the picture, she’s probably feeling the same regret you are feeling. This is not the time to divorce, this is the time for communication. This is the time for patience. This is the time for understanding. This is the time for wisdom. You are the man of the house, you need to take control of your territory.

If it means her getting help for depression, taking medication such as anti depressants let her do it. If it means going for therapy/counselling, then do it. If it means involving a third party who can transfer wisdom to you, then do it. If it means sitting down and communicating one on one thoroughly then do it. This is not the time to run away from your problems, you will find more problems leaving your wife and children in the long run. Once you cure the root of your problem, you will live peacefully.

She was calm to you.

Did you ever take out time to find out how she was to every other person? People she considered defenseless and below her? People she wanted nothing from?

No campaign after election, be like na her real character she dey show now.

I saw the part you hit her and you are obviously sorry for it. Considering her history of doing same to kids, isn't she being hypocritical here? People can't take what they dish out sha.

All I see is a woman trying to emotionally blackmail you with silence, make you do her bidding, while she continues breaking heads.

Abeg, do what gives you peace.

Please, lets leave this depression talk! We all know we won't be having this conversation if it were a woman that reported her husband for battering her. I am not a psychiatrist, I don't know how depression works. But I am human and I know that child labour is a crime, it is even worse that these kids leave with stitches and wounds every other time. What if they died? OP is an accomplice and a victim too, he should do away with her!

Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

Na waa ooo. Nothing justifies being abusive to children to the extent of inflicting bloody wounds on them. She is just a beast, I'm sorry to say. In my part of the world she would be in jail by now b|c no one is going to excuse child abuse/violence.

O boi!

Some people are just terribly unlucky with the kind of people they get saddled with as spouses. Oga, you've done all you could. You should either continue to manage her or walk away. Good luck with your choice.

I am sorry I know you mean well but depression doesn’t make you a violent person. I have worked with depressed people and I have been depressed myself and depressed people don’t maim children. She is a violent person simple. In fact when you’re depressed you withdraw not attack.

Op, when violence enters a marriage/relationship then a line has been crossed and it’s no longer healthy. Honestly, I am not optimistic about the future of that marriage. You should try a marriage counselor but I am sorry I am not hopeful, people rarely change. I agree with pocohantas observe how your girlfriend/boyfriend act around people that she/he isn’t going to gain anything from/or trying to impress that’s her/his true character.

olabrinks:
I honestly think your wife is suffering from serious depression, she’s not happy deep down inside and they’re some internal issues bothering her. She’s taking it out on you and everyone around her. The problem started once children came into the picture, she’s probably feeling the same regret you are feeling. This is not the time to divorce, this is the time for communication. This is the time for patience. This is the time for understanding. This is the time for wisdom. You are the man of the house, you need to take control of your territory.

If it means her getting help for depression, taking medication such as anti depressants let her do it. If it means going for therapy/counselling, then do it. If it means involving a third party who can transfer wisdom to you, then do it. If it means sitting down and communicating one on one thoroughly then do it. This is not the time to run away from your problems, you will find more problems leaving your wife and children in the long run. Once you cure the root of your problem, you will live peacefully.

It's not that hard to advise you but you will still do what you intend to do.
Whatever decision you decide to make kindly put your 3 kids in consideration.

If your wife has no respect for you to this extent, if you like, call her whole village and the king, she will only respect them during that meeting, once they leave, she will continue being the tyrant that she is. Forget that depression after child birth talk, was she also depressed before the kids came that she couldn't help out around the house?

Sorry for all the troubles she has put you through. You sound emotionally drained. Pele.

My situation at some point was kinda similar but not as complicated.
This is what you do.
1. You must tell yourself that you owe no one your happiness. You came alone and you will leave alone.
2. You marriage is supposed to bring forth happiness and children of which you are pleased to make it so, no one should destroy your plans for your kids. You both are responsible for the upkeep of these kids
3. You are the man in the relationship called marriage.
4. Your wife should compliment u and not disorganize u.
5. Your love for the family should not be misunderstood for weakness.
6. Do the best to protect your marriage but dont sacrifice your life for it. The moment u quench another dude will slide in.
7. Do not expect everything to be as planned, obstacles must exist, but u have to be tough to jump over
8. Plan for your older age as your wife attitude shows no love for u when old age sickness comes.
9. Communicate with your kids and love them equally. Teach them to love both urself and their mum
10. Keep your family issues to urself.

I only blame you for apologising when you beat her, you suppose beat her back to back so that she'll know how it feels injuring other people's children to the extent of pool of blood and rushing to hospital, very inhumane somebody, and she has children oo, na her type dey cause havoc if anybody so much as touch her own kids, infact divorce her b4 she pushes you to suicide or murder, nonsense


Modified; I never finish she is a narcissist and a passive aggressive human, how would somebody be keeping malice with the husband, for months? See the way she confuse your brain accusing you wrongly just to prove she's right, very manipulative irritant, na her type dey make good men turn to bad aśshole, rubbish

Please as I no plan to stress person daughter at all in the name of union, make person no bring this kind attitude for me because I go play kizz daniel song for the person joor # pack and go oh

Officialgarri:
Tell her you have made up your mind to marry a younger wife. Eat outside, come home late. I hope she will begin to use her senses

No try this one at OP,person a no send you ,dont care if you do the above.It will only give her room to flirt with a new imaginary boy who she assumes might give her peace.And trust me your matrimonial bed will be the field.
Questions you need answer from us tho ,is your wife above 25?
What is your age gap?

Please there's nothing that pains me than seeing a woman, infact a young lady hit another person's child to the point of inflicting injury on the person.. It's a turn off for me

So you can't use paragraphs? What kind of muddled up tosh is that?

The way she is hitting her subordinates n inflicting injuries on them, this woman can easily kill u while asleep. Your life is in danger as she has anger issues.

She doesnt have any respect for u, gradually start planning ur exit from this bondage bc ur life is on the line.

Just one poisoned food n u are gone

Why did u apologize for reacting with beating when she pushed u to the wall, it was needless n I DNT support hitting women but ie only if they don't push a man to the wall

There is no love and no respect in that marriage since she has continued with her attitude without any remorse.
The ball is in your court, you either divorce her or you go hard on your knees and pray to God to change her.


I hope she won't kill someone someday and frame you for the murder, Ndo o.

According to iya rainbow,
For better, for stay!
For worse, for go!!!

What's more scary than marriage? Don't think I can risk it oo.


Before I read a news or see 1 sweet home I don't 10 bad homes and marriages. I feel all I need is a baby mama to keep my sanity and peace of mind

I don't blame those who keep baby mama's
No emotional trauma

Don’t know how true is dis story
But if is true
That your wife is mean
Stop giving her attention
Start eating outside
Till she is ready to make peace
But give her money for feeding
Stay in a different room with her
N be happy
She never ready for marriage

And you never even focus on the aspect of if she is likely cheating on you. Bro divorce her and train your kids yourself. Before she does something bad to you someday. You are going through alot that you cant even spell properly, i can feel the pains you are going through bro.

.

Oga, Give me your address lemme arrange boys to beat the hell out of her. You should not soil your hands so that you will not be tagged a wife beater. Just 2k and a bottle of fake Jack Daniel will do.

You should have left her the day you found that girl in a pool of her own blood. That is a terrible environment for your kids to grow up in. Imagine what lessons your kids are learning from these violent acts.

She is evil and manipulative. You should get out of there ASAP!