See wetin you marry put for house. Some men dey try sha. Love is never an excuse to tolerate rubbish.. Always go for the best things in life because that is what you deserve.

She might be cheating on you, might! Ask her if she still want to work everything out, ask her if you should involve your elders and seek advice. Her answers will tell you if she wants to remain married.

Oga you're married to a very strong woman, i swear!

How can i stay in the house with my supposed loving husband, my joy giver, my gist mate for a damn 4months without talking to each other

How we want take do our small, small gossip together na? OP this life is too short biko, invite the elders of both families and trash things out together, you need to be happy abeg. Las las na to marry our friends sure pass!

I will.be miles away from a violent person.
One day, she will transfer her madness to the kids.

No advice except head to the court before somebody dies.
The children want a peaceful home too.
Document her evil ways and head to court so u will get custody of the kids. Very hard, who knows, one day when the dust must have settled, u will met a woman who value, respects and love u. This wife of yours don't.

U enabled her so much she has sprouted branches everywhere.

Crazy woman.

egopersonified:
If your wife has no respect for you to this extent, if you like, call her whole village and the king, she will only respect them during that meeting, once they leave, she will continue being the tyrant that she is. Forget that depression after child birth talk, was she also depressed before the kids came that she couldn't help out around the house?

Sorry for all the troubles she has put you through. You sound emotionally drained. Pele.

The woman is bad market.
The man is just a sperm donor to answer Mrs, that's all.

Who knows, maybe madness ticks her. We have so many crazy ones out there.

But men, a woman is this bad yet u still want to bed her.
I'm sure that was his major problem. 4 months is torture to some people.

Mr OP, are you waiting until she transfers the anger and hate to you before you act?

Kai!

The lady seems To be depressed and stressed which is exacerbating her negative qualities (some of which you already noticed before the marriage)

Please get her some psychiatric help and involve her relatives, marriage counsellors and an experienced church member that you trust. If she keeps on after those then you can try a separation in order to keep your sanity. Maybe you both need some space for while

I can't get it out of my head that she almost killed 3 different children that came to help you people.

So is it sickness or wickedness A mixture both I suspect

And the thing is that this guy still loves her so much even after all of that. He would still rather stay married to her

There is not even one atom of anger or resentment in his post

most women ,while dating ,they keep on pretending to be the a good woman,
but just after marriage and child birth the beast in them manifest , as for me i will complain to her family people , if she continues then i will divorce her ass off

liberalchick:
I am sorry I know you mean well but depression doesn’t make you a violent person. I have worked with depressed people and I have been depressed myself and depressed people don’t maim children. She is a violent person simple. In fact when you’re depressed you withdraw not attack.

I don't really agree, depression affects people in different ways and there are also different types of depression . Some people present with uncontrolled aggression, irritability or rage

Not everybody becomes withdrawn and sad. Some people lash out and take their despair out on others

If she is ill then she needs treatment even though it doesn't completely absolve her of responsibility for her actions.

Sometimes i regret that you regret marrying your wife too.
Wetin we go do now?

Close down the shop, drive her to her parents house and leave her there. Send someone over with her personal belongings.


Change your locks .


Let her be there for at least six months, her senses will format to factory settings.( Don't tell her that her stay there is for a while, act as if you don't want the marriage anymore.)

Watch and see her reaction,,; will she be remorseful of her acts and ask for forgiveness?
Will she fight for her kids? Will she go about slandering your image? And so on. Your next action will be determined by all these.



Keep your children with you( You have nieces and nanny that will help you with them)
The atmosphere at your home is so negatively charged and the environment is not good for raising children.



It's a shame some people don't value what they have until it's taken from them.

Rent another apartment for her and ask for a separation. Meanwhile prep another lady for marriage subconsciously

If your wife doesn't come around after a year, get a divorce and a restraining order, so she doesn't stage another violent attack.

Get married to the other lady, IF she is warm with your kids genuinely. No compromise again o.

Pearl05:
Close down the shop, drive her to her parents house and leave her there. Send someone over with her personal belongings.


Change your locks .


Let her be there for at least six months, her senses will format to factory settings.

This too. That seperation is sha important.

CC Guest007

izaray:
Oga you're married to a very strong woman, i swear!

How can i stay in the house with my supposed loving husband, my joy giver, my gist mate for a damn 4months without talking to each other

How we want take do our small, small gossip together na? OP this life is too short biko, invite the elders of both families and trash things out together, you need to be happy abeg. Las las na to marry our friends sure pass!

Oya let's be friends.

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even taught I have sisters that are good cook but I have decided to take care for catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us.she claimed she couldn’t not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter. One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence . After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her. That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this . Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

You married a very violent and wicked woman!


Any lady that beats and maltreat other people's kids is a wicked woman that does not deserve any mercy from God and from man!

You married the wrong woman, and I doubt there is solution in sight other than divorce or separation.


Your wife was bad before you married her just that you were carried away and didn't pay attention to how she treat other people of lower class around her.

Before you marry any lady, even man, observe how they treat other people below them; their younger siblings, their nephews, nieces, young neighbors, their family help, etc.


Honestly I pity your situation, may God help you oh

I'm so scared. God should give us the right woman

Your wife has deep psychological issues. Not talking about depression here. As in she’s got mental health issues that are unaddressed. I don’t know how you will approach her to seek help being that she’s this violent.

If this story is true, please start a divorce proceeding and sue for custody. Get all your witnesses who have been brutalized by her to prove your case. It is in your best interest that you run away from this woman. Just carry the kids and run away. She will end up harming them if you leave them with her. She will also end up killing someone and putting you in trouble for it. Goodluck!

I hope your nieces parents find out and have her jailed. You can even tell them to come and report her to police so that she can spend sometime in jail maybe her head will rewire. This will also help you prove your case for child custody.

Don’t sacrifice your happiness for your children. They will grow up and leave you alone to deal with this demon. They will also be damaged psychologically by her if you don’t get them out and find happiness for yourself. Before jumping on the next woman, be careful and be sure she would be a good wife and mother.

baby124:
Your wife has deep psychological issues. Not talking about depression here. As in she’s got mental health issues that are unaddressed. I don’t know how you will approach her to seek help being that she’s this violent.

Depression is a deep psychological issue in and of itself, especially if it's untreated.

It doesn't just mean the person is sad and harmless... she may just be a malicious person coupled with a depressive disorder that's making it worse

midnighter:


Depression is a deep psychological issue in and of itself, especially if it's untreated.

It doesn't just mean the person is sad and harmless... she may just be a malicious person coupled with a depressive disorder that's making it worse

This is not depression. This lady is extremely violent, paranoid and lacks empathy. She’s not depressed. She has other serious mental health problems that OP cannot manage without psychiatric help.

baby124:

This is not depression. This lady is extremely violent, paranoid and lacks empathy. She’s not depressed. She has other serious mental health problems that OP cannot manage without psychiatric help.

Depression presents in different ways in different people and there are different kinds. Paranoia is a symptom of psychotic depression. Depression can cause aggressiveness in some people

Depression doesn't just mean somebody feels sad or wants to commit suicide.

I agree with you that she needs psychiatric intervention but I don't accept that just because she is exhibiting extreme behaviours, it must mean she is suffering from some fantabulous condition

She may just be somebody whose symptoms got out of control on top of not being a nice person in the first place

midnighter:


Depression presents in different ways in different people and there are different kinds. Paranoia is a symptom of psychotic depression. Depression can cause aggressiveness is some people

Depression doesn't just mean somebody feels sad or wants to commit suicide.

I agree with you that she needs psychiatric intervention but I don't accept that just because she is exhibiting extreme behaviours, it must mean she is suffering from some fantabulous condition

She may just be somebody whose symptoms got out of control on top of not being a nice person in the first place

This is not depression. Depression by its very meaning is that you are in a depressed state. Not someone who is this active, fighting, harming, lack of remorse... doesn’t care even if her children eat!!! Paranoid. Are you joking? We are so quick to ascribe depression as a blanket illness when there are so many different mental illnesses out there.

All the advice seem good.
My dear us as a married man ,
After work, how will u now manage ur sexual desires because ur wife will definitely use that part against u & I'm sure u don't wanna become a loose man.
That's the major problem I see here.
U can sleep in another room, u can dry-clean ur clothes, u may manage ur eating but that sex part , u might have problem.
I hate dirty homes,
It's just pure laziness and unreasonable expectation that is being displayed by ur wife

Chubhie:
CC Gues. t007

What does he want from us? He picked a 'small' girl and gave her 3 children in 1 year. I can't can baby

baby124:

This is not depression. Depression by its very meaning is that you are in a depressed state. Not someone who is this active, fighting, harming, lack of remorse... doesn’t care even if her children eat!!! Paranoid. Are you joking? We are so quick to ascribe depression as a blanket illness when there are so many different mental illnesses out there.

I already explained in my last post how those symptoms can be linked to a depressive diagnosis.

I repeat: there are different types of depressive disorder and symptoms present in different people in different ways.

You said not to use it as a blanket statement when you yourself just used it as blanket statement! You can't just take the word "depression" and then make it mean what you want it to mean.

A "depressed state" doesn't mean anything in a clinical context unless you link it to symptoms like lack of appetite, lack of sleep etc

Not caring if her children eat and having lack of remorse can be a sign of apathy, which is another common symptom of depression and is a part of that "depressed state" as well

There are different clinical classifications used to diagnose people.

Depression doesn't just mean the person lies in bed crying all day. You can fight and harm people as well if that's your own presentation.

On top of that, she may just be a vindictive person herself. Mentally ill people still have personalities of heir own, good or bad, and they need to manage them along with their condition. Just like somebody with an injured leg still needs to walk and get around

The OP needs helpful evaluations of his situation and not overreactions as if she's just suffering from one obscure illness that will take decades to find the name of

Chubhie:
CC Gues. t007

My concern is why aren't Mr and Mrs behind bars for child abuse?

Genqq:
Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

To Report your wife to relevant authorities won't work , she would resent it and report your wrong doing to the police in d nearest future. Remember that no one is perfect..

Also, if you jailed her, ..na you go use your money to unjail her after she has been raped in jail and what will d children think of you jailing their mother when they are old?
This is not d best of advice but i will give you a like sha.

Pearl05:
Close down the shop, drive her to her parents house and leave her there. Send someone over with her personal belongings.


Change your locks .


Let her be there for at least six months, her senses will format to factory settings.

I'd say 6 years... He needs to be a father now because this went well past husband and wife issues.

Divorce her o... For your own good. Or threaten her with divorce as a black mail and see her reactions.

That woman will transfer the bad attitude to your kids how would u feel if your daughter grows up and her husband starts complaining about something like this.

Read what u wrote again would u allow somebody else go through something like this not to talk of u.

midnighter:
Kai!

The lady seems To be depressed and stressed which is exacerbating her negative qualities (some of which you already noticed before the marriage)

Please get her some psychiatric help and involve her relatives, marriage counsellors and an experienced church member that you trust. If she keeps on after those then you can try a separation in order to keep your sanity. Maybe you both need some space for while

I can't get it out of my head that she almost killed 3 different children that came to help you people.

So is it sickness of wickedness A mixture both I suspect

And the thing is that this guy still loves her so much even after all of that. He would still rather stay married to her

There is not even one atom of anger or resentment in his post

Hmmm. I was sooo vex with her abuse of children that I never considered mental health issues. Post something or the other. She can't be around her own children then. I think she's only respecting them (her children) because op is her husband. He needs to take custody of his children and send his wife off 4 psychological evaluation, or be ready to be a single parent. This is scary

midnighter:


I don't really agree, depression affects people in different ways and there are also different types of depression . Some people present with uncontrolled aggression, irritability or rage

Not everybody becomes withdrawn and sad. Some people lash out and take their despair out on others

If she is ill then she needs treatment even though it doesn't completely absolve her of responsibility for her actions.

That lady isn't depressed at all.
She is simply wicked, manipulative and vindictive too.
She is behaving like one who watch Nigerian movies too much and embraces gossips.
Also, she is naturally lazy.
Some people are like that.
Some have OCD.
There are some men who can live with pigs too.
Each mallam with his kettle.
My problem is that one day she will kill somebody.

Gone are the days we beat anyhow.

Nowadays, it's frowned upon.

5 yrs and the husband is looking for solution now.
5 yrs, he allowed such behaviour to build up.
He is complaining now cos madam has refused to give him kpekus.

Genqq:
Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

Thank you for that part.

Is it until she kills someone before the husband reports her to the necessary authority?