Hello fellow Nairalanders.

I have a very strong issue bothering my mind, there is this lady I'm in love with, the love is very mutual as she is also madly in love with me too. She's everything I want in a woman and I am planning on getting married and settling down with her next year.

The issue is that, I am Igbo but my girlfriend Yoruba. Personally, I have no issue with that, she doesn't too but my parent does. This past week, mum overheard me speaking to her on the phone in Yoruba language and with the way I sounded over the phone, she knew we were dating. Immediately I ended the call with my girlfriend, my mum asked if that was my gf I just finished speaking yoruba to on the phone, I nodded in affirmation, mum said it's over her dead body will I marry a Yoruba girl, she was warning me when my Dad entered, my Dad being a Pastor, I thought he would reason with me and see reason from my perspective, but instead, he supported my mother.

They both gave me reasons why the idea of me marrying my Yoruba gf is dead on arrival. One of it is how my gf will cope anytime we travel to our home town and she's invited to the Igbo women meetings, will she be hired an interpreter to interprete bits by bits whatsoever they are saying? Or will she forced them to speak English instead of the official igbo language being spoken at meeting?

Another reason they both gave me is that, no one in our lineage has married to anyone who is not igbo, both from my Paternal or Maternal side and I won't be the first. My Dad once said that if eventually I marry my Yoruba gf, I will forget my roots, I won't be coming home regularly and with time, she will force me not to come home at all.. and so on and so forth.

It's so glaring that my parent are TRIBALISTIC. There is no two ways about it.

I really love this girl, she's very decent. Her mum is aware we are dating and it seems there won't be any problem or issue from my gf's family side. I really want to marry her as she's my ideal type of woman, however, leaving her can be mentally and emotionally damaging to us.

How do I cope with my tribalistic parent? How do I convince them that my love for her knows no boundaries, tribe or race? Is there anything my parent are seeing that is still blind to me?

I'm in dire need for mature minded advice.

Thanks in anticipation

Have you have gone through this phase before, what did you do to overcome this situation?

As a child of God, it is good to always listen to your parent.

It's really a tough situation. I hope you win in the end. Cheers mate!

It's really sad that your father forgets the part of the Bible which says a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one.

HemmanuelRichy:
It's really a tough situation. I hope you win in the end. Cheers mate!

Hopefully. Thanks brotherly.

Alexaonfleek:
It's really sad that your father forgets the part of the Bible which says a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one.

They are hell bent on no Yoruba gf in their family. I'm even tempted to run far away from them.. Maybe in 5-10 years time, they would not have any choice than to accept her into the family. It's just so sick that I can't even marry my fellow Nigerian

Palace32:
They are hell bent on no Yoruba gf in their family. I'm even tempted to run far away from them.. Maybe in 5-10 years time, they would not have any choice than to accept her into the family. It's just so sick that I can't even marry my fellow Nigerian

before you make the decision of running away,first sit down calmly and ask your parents the problem they have with yorubas.if they don't still agree for you,look for someone they both respect and present your case to him and ask him to help talk to them.if they still don't agree,pls go ahead and marry the lady u love,knowing fully well you have tried your best and damn the consequences.las Las it is both of them that will still come and carry grandchildren

My brother, I'm igbo too and my elder brother Married a Yoruba, and they have been living happily together for 20 years . I was surprised in 2017 when I saw a Yoruba woman in Abia State the slay mama was speaking igbo fluently meaning she mostly have lived in the east for a long time, even though she's from Ondo State. Nna that aunty love her igbo husband with a passion.

My dear if you and your love understands that cultural issues will arise and be ready to battle it together please go ahead . I will tell you one thing for sure REAL LOVE IS DIFFICULT TO COME BY If you love this girl please be her knight in shining armour.

I know a guy whose girlfriend took in , she's Yoruba the guy is igbo, my dear the guy's family disowned him, they even wrestled away from him the house he built and he became an outcast , I'm one of those that encouraged him to go ahead with the wedding , even as I speak I still help them out any little way I can. I'm so happy their love is waxing strong, with 2 kids to crown it.

You already have a good idea , please stay away from them for as long as you can, if they don't come to their senses so be it , it's hard to say but am sorry , igbos are the most tribalistic people in Nigeria if you minus religion. If they reject you your Yoruba in-laws will accept you , I have seen that happen a lot. The most liberal in the whole country.

Just make sure this girl loves you that's all.

we nigerians we dont have problem when we marry oyibo or asian but when it comes to marrying outside our tribe we always have issues..why?

Money stops nonsense!

This is one of the reasons Nigeria will never develop as a country. Imaging, we can't even marry our fellow Nigerians in peace. If you can't marry someone you love because she is a Yoruba lady, if I can't do my business with the best person I know that capable of the business because he's an Igbo man and I can't help fellow Nigerian who needs help at one particular moment cuz he's an Hausa-fulani Muslim and We keep shouting one Nigeria. Hypocrisy of highest order!! Where is the "one Nigeria"? How do we grow as a nation if we don't love ourselves? I weep for this country.

@op, am very sure your parent would never opposed you if its an American or European lady. Your parent need to understand the word of LOVE as a Christian.

Mogambo123:
My brother, I'm igbo too and my elder brother Married a Yoruba, and they have been living happily together for 20 years . I was surprised in 2017 when I saw a Yoruba woman in Abia State the slay mama was speaking igbo fluently meaning she mostly have lived in the east for a long time, even though she's from Ondo State. Nna that aunty love her igbo husband with a passion.

My dear if you and your love understands that cultural issues will arise and be ready to battle it together please go ahead . I will tell you one thing for sure REAL LOVE IS DIFFICULT TO COME BY If you love this girl please be her knight in shining armour.

I know a guy whose girlfriend took in , she's Yoruba the guy is igbo, my dear the guy's family disowned him, they even wrestled away from him the house he built and he became an outcast , I'm one of those that encouraged him to go ahead with the wedding , even as I speak I still help them out any little way I can. I'm so happy their love is waxing strong, with 2 kids to crown it.

You already have a good idea , please stay away from them for as long as you can, if they don't come to their senses so be it , it's hard to say but am sorry , igbos are the most tribalistic people in Nigeria if you minus religion, if they reject you your Yoruba in-laws will accept you , I have seen that happen a lot. The most liberal in the whole country.

Just make sure this girl loves you that's all.

Thank you very much for this great piece. My next plan of action is to meet our General Overseer in our church, the man is igbo, his son is married to a Yoruba lady. Let see how it goes.
Igbos are the most tribalistic no doubt!! I once chipped the idea of getting married to a Yoruba lady to my uncle's hearing, you need to see the surprised look he gave me. Seriously no one, I mean not a single soul in my family wants a Yoruba in-law. Very pathetic

Akanoaaa:
This is one of the reasons Nigeria will never develop as a country. Imaging, we can't even marry our fellow Nigerians in peace. If you can't marry someone you love because she is a Yoruba lady, if I can't do my business with the best person I know that capable of the business because he's an Igbo man and I can't help fellow Nigerian who needs help at one particular moment cuz he's an Hausa-fulani Muslim and We keep shouting one Nigeria. Hypocrisy of highest order!! Where is the "one Nigeria"? How do we grow as a nation if we don't love ourselves? I weep for this country.

@op, am very sure your parent would never opposed you if its an American or European lady. Your parent need to understand the word of LOVE as a Christian.

My brother you can say that again!!! I even forgot to add that we are in the South West part of the Country. All my parent own was achieved in a Yoruba state. Yet they don't want any of their children to marry from the South West. I'm sure if I get married to her, I will be isolated by my family but I don't give a damn about it. My love is worth the stress.

Alexaonfleek:
before you make the decision of running away,first sit down calmly and ask your parents the problem they have with yorubas.if they don't still agree for you,look for someone they both respect and present your case to him and ask him to help talk to them.if they still don't agree,pls go ahead and marry the lady u love,knowing fully well you have tried your best and damn the consequences.las Las it is both of them that will still come and carry grandchildren

Many thanks for your input Alexa
I'm thinking of talking to our General Overseer, they literally worship the man like a god, let's see if he would help make sense to them. Daddy GO is Igbo and his son is married to a Yoruba woman maybe he has a manual they don't.

Your parents reasons clearly are not sensible, It wouldn't take 2-3 years for her to learn key Igbo Sentences and words.
She can join the Igbo women committee in some few years ..
Marrying outside your tribe doesn't pull you away from your tribe whatsoever, rather it gives you a sense of consciousness to understand different cultures and share yours with people.


I think you should explain this to an Elder or any Senior Pastor, let your Parents be talked to. This is the 2019, they can't be acting primitively and expect people to do the same.


I tire for your parents .

If your parents insist you marry a goat, will you do it?

They are crossing a similar line here.

Stick to your woman. Tell your parents that your fiancee will learn your language. Even if no one from your father/mothers side married outside their tribe, it's not enough reason to take away your happiness. Your father is a pastor yet he places so much importance on your wife attending village meetings.....he is so tribalistic, hmm.

My guy,follow ur hrt and mk sure u are ready to tk responsibility of your action,be a man..work money for ur self and ur parent will support ur idea of getting married to a yoruba lady..dey wont b living with u for d rest of ur life..who ever u want to be beside u till old age,that decision depends on u. Go for wat mks u hapi

Grow up guy!
Know that whatever two of you decide is final.
But first, ensure you have a job/business and don't live with your parent. Then make your decision as a couple. Your parents or her parents have no authority over you as an adult. Sound it very clear to them. You don't need to run away. Both of you should maintain your stance and call anyone's bluff. Love is not something anyone can toy with.
But first ensure you are the only one that influences her and not her parents. If she's still influenced by her parents, then you might be heading for another disaster.
I'm talking from experience.

I envy you OP, I wish I had such family. I feel like my stubbornness is wasted due to an understanding family. Tribe doesn't guarantee anything my mother married an Ijebu ode man same tribe as her, and she got the worst treatment. But she's now married to a Benin person and have peace. The irony

What's the morale of my story ? No idea

Palace32:
Hello fellow Nairalanders.

I have a very strong issue bothering my mind, there is this lady I'm in love with, the love is very mutual as she is also madly in love with me too. She's everything I want in a woman and I am planning on getting married and settling down with her next year.

The issue is that, I am Igbo but my girlfriend Yoruba. Personally, I have no issue with that, she doesn't too but my parent does. This past week, mum overheard me speaking to her on the phone in Yoruba language and with the way I sounded over the phone, she knew we were dating. Immediately I ended the call with my girlfriend, my mum asked if that was my gf I just finished speaking yoruba to on the phone, I nodded in affirmation, mum said it's over her dead body will I marry a Yoruba girl, she was warning me when my Dad entered, my Dad being a Pastor, I thought he would reason with me and see reason from my perspective, but instead, he supported my mother.

They both gave me reasons why the idea of me marrying my Yoruba gf is dead on arrival. One of it is how my gf will cope anytime we travel to our home town and she's invited to the Igbo women meetings, will she be hired an interpreter to interprete bits by bits whatsoever they are saying? Or will she forced them to speak English instead of the official igbo language being spoken at meeting?

Another reason they both gave me is that, no one in our lineage has married to anyone who is not igbo, both from my Paternal or Maternal side and I won't be the first. My Dad once said that if eventually I marry my Yoruba gf, I will forget my roots, I won't be coming home regularly and with time, she will force me not to come home at all.. and so on and so forth.

It's so glaring that my parent are TRIBALISTIC. There is no two ways about it.

I really love this girl, she's very decent. Her mum is aware we are dating and it seems there won't be any problem or issue from my gf's family side. I really want to marry her as she's my ideal type of woman, however, leaving her can be mentally and emotionally damaging to us.

How do I cope with my tribalistic parent? How do I convince them that my love for her knows no boundaries, tribe or race? Is there anything my parent are seeing that is still blind to me?

I'm in dire need for mature minded advice.

Thanks in anticipation

Baba, if you love the said Lady, then go ahead and marry her. Your parents aren't the ones marrying the Lady so do not let parental influence stand in your way. I am Igbo and my Wife is from Edo State. My Wife doesn't really understand the Igbo Language so I have to interpret to her whenever the need arises. My Wife is fluent in the Yoruba Language, while I'm not, so she interprets to me when the need arises. My Wife attends no Village meetings and that because I have no connection with my roots. Do not let anyone stand in the way of your happiness in life. Cheers.

Love is the greatest gift to mankind

Palace32:
Have you have gone through this phase before, what did you do to overcome this situation?

are you willing to become the Peter (of p'square) in your family? If you can handle the pressure then carry go but if you can't, hmmmm

lefulefu:
we nigerians we dont have problem when we marry oyibo or asian but when it comes to marrying outside our tribe we always have issues..why?

nor mind them joor

This one is strong...

Palace32:
Hello fellow Nairalanders.

I have a very strong issue bothering my mind, there ....

How do I cope with my tribalistic parent? How do I convince them that my love for her knows no boundaries, tribe or race? Is there anything my parent are seeing that is still blind to me?

I'm in dire need for mature minded advice.

Thanks in anticipation

It will do you a lot of good to listen to advise from your parents in this situation

Inter tribal marriages usually come with a lot of challenges

Mogambo123:
My brother, I'm igbo too and my elder brother Married a Yoruba, and they have been living happily together for 20 years . I was surprised in 2017 when I saw a Yoruba woman in Abia State the slay mama was speaking igbo fluently meaning she mostly have lived in the east for a long time, even though she's from Ondo State. Nna that aunty love her igbo husband with a passion.

My dear if you and your love understands that cultural issues will arise and be ready to battle it together please go ahead . I will tell you one thing for sure REAL LOVE IS DIFFICULT TO COME BY If you love this girl please be her knight in shining armour.

I know a guy whose girlfriend took in , she's Yoruba the guy is igbo, my dear the guy's family disowned him, they even wrestled away from him the house he built and he became an outcast , I'm one of those that encouraged him to go ahead with the wedding , even as I speak I still help them out any little way I can. I'm so happy their love is waxing strong, with 2 kids to crown it.

You already have a good idea , please stay away from them for as long as you can, if they don't come to their senses so be it , it's hard to say but am sorry , igbos are the most tribalistic people in Nigeria if you minus religion. If they reject you your Yoruba in-laws will accept you , I have seen that happen a lot. The most liberal in the whole country.

Just make sure this girl loves you that's all.

I don't really blame them for being tribalistic. The scars of the civil war are still there. No tribe has suffered as much as the Igbos so its only normal they are distrusting of other regions.

madridguy:
As a child of God, it is good to always listen to your patent.

Nope, the bible says "obey your parents in the Lord" his parents are tribalistic, God is not!!