I am about to get married, but still lives with my parents in our house. It's a 3-storey building. We occupy 2 flats in the last floor. I stay at the back with my dad's apprentice and my mother's help, while my parents stay at the front flat. However, we share things in common - electricity, dustbin, foods, water, gate, and so forth. I freely go into their flat, and vice versa.

There is another building behind our live-in house, which also belongs to my father. The occupant of the third floor packed out, and I wanted to move in there, but my dad objected to that, preferring instead that I remain in the flat where I am. Now he has rented out the apartment.

I guess my parents [and my siblings] want me to remain in the house even after marriage because all other of my siblings have moved out, and they want one child to be physically close to dad and mum.

My bride prefers we rent an apartment elsewhere.

What do have to say to me, and ensure a peaceful resolution?

A father and mother sent 4 of their five children to London and America and kept the last one at home doing jamb because "they want one child to be physically close to dad and mum".

When any of the four, doctor, lawyer, engineer and pharmacist returned home to visit, the younger one sees she's not regarded as highly as them as dollar and pounds go further than her accountant naira even though she's the one cleaning mummy and daddy's poo. But I'm sure your own will not be like that.

Last born?
Well with the kind of structure you have,you could stay with them.You have your own flat and you can have privacy.

BUT it comes with a caveat.......if you ever find yourself uncomfortable (especially your wife),you have to move out.

@budaatum
I am not talking about money or respect here.

charlsecy:
@budaatum
I am not talking about money or respect here.

Neither am I. But do tell, what exactly are you talking about?

Oh I see they want one child to be physically present and it is you they choose abi.... Na wa for your siblings.

My brother it is better you rent your own apartment when you are planning to get married to avoid some issues....family house is not the best option...Even parents and their biological children do have issues let alone bringing your wife to live in family house...renting your own apartment is the best option

Just ensure you visit your parents....they will cherish such visit more unlike living in the same compound...

Move out

Your share space with your mum’s help and Dad apprentice? And you want to get married

Why do you want to rent your fathers house, what difference does it make ?

I cannot see how your parent is hindering you , cos you have not made any effort to move out

You are still moving in Same “ circle “

Guy just move out.. Get your crib. Your wife will thank you for it.

I don't support being too close to family for the first few years of marriage because it always leads to issues. No matter how mature or nice the in laws or the wife is, some small issues will crop up and overreaction may set in.

Rent a crib, visit your parents either alone or with your wife often. But do not stay close or live in your papa house

budaatum:
A father and mother sent 4 of their five children to London and America and kept the last one at home doing jamb because "they want one child to be physically close to dad and mum".

When any of the four, doctor, lawyer, engineer and pharmacist returned home to visit, the younger one sees she's not regarded as highly as them as dollar and pounds go further than her accountant naira even though she's the one cleaning mummy and daddy's poo. But I'm sure your own will not be like that.

Wickedly, bluntly and succinctly typed or said!!!

If you really want to move out, you wouldn't be here asking us what to do, just say the truth, you like staying there and don't want to leave, I bow for your gf, she really try for being with someone still staying in family house.

Staying there will keep him diverting rent money to doing other things...




Wo you a man who wants to get married...

So think twice.. For the sake of peace move out..

Bringing in a wife to come live in the family house tends to breed "see finish".

Fountainofyouth:
If you really want to move out, you wouldn't be here asking us what to do, just say the truth, you like staying there and don't want to leave, I bow for your gf, she really try for being with someone still staying in family house.

Lmao.... you female folks think life is easy , you know how much to rent a 2bedroom flat in a city?


Because most of you female folks stay with your family even till death if you dont Have a suitor but If it’s the other way round you’ll be saying rubbish

Plead:


Lmao.... you female folks think life is easy , you know how much to rent a 2bedroom flat in a city?


Because most of you female folks stay with your family even till death if you dont Have a suitor but If it’s the other way round you’ll be saying rubbish

From what the OP typed, you would read that the parents do not want him to experience independent living even refusing him move to the building behind the one they reside in which also belong to the parents.

Why did his other siblings move out when they got married when they could be living rent-free in their parents' property?

Plead:


Lmao.... you female folks think life is easy , you know how much to rent a 2bedroom flat in a city?


Because most of you female folks stay with your family even till death if you dont Have a suitor but If it’s the other way round you’ll be saying rubbish

Oya stay in your father's house and marry now, since you're comparing women and men in that kind of scenerio, then come to nl and post your woes when there are different type of clashes and see finish between your wife and parents, we will only read, laugh and comment as we see fit okay, rubbish.

charlsecy:

What do have to say to me, and ensure a peaceful resolution?

When you are ready to get married, move out. I. E. Just move into your home from the wedding ceremony.

If your dad gave you the empty flat, maybe...

Pavore9:


From what the OP typed, you would read that the parents do not want him to experience independent living even refusing him move to the building behind the one they reside in which also belong to the parents.

Why did his other siblings move out when they got married when they could be living rent-free in their parents' property?

I disagree that they don't want him to live independently.

Allowing him to occupy the vacant flat at the neighbouring compound means his Dad will lose the rent of that flat.

In Lagos that losing 600-850k on an average of a 3bdr. I am sure that's why his Dad objected!

OP if you have the financial means to move, Please do!

If your finances can't handle it yet, stay back until you grow it. Yes getting married in your pops house is never a good idea but na condition make crayfish bend.

My grandDad rented one of his apartment to his SonInlaw, yes tongue wagged and all that it was a shameful something as a man, today that same SonInlaw is way richer & has several houses of his own.

So check your Aza and reason with ya wife. No go follow hypocrite Nairalander mouth.

Fountainofyouth:
If you really want to move out, you wouldn't be here asking us what to do, just say the truth, you like staying there and don't want to leave, I bow for your gf, she really try for being with someone still staying in family house.

Honestly, his gf try o, move out fast!

Plead:


Lmao.... you female folks think life is easy , you know how much to rent a 2bedroom flat in a city?


Because most of you female folks stay with your family even till death if you dont Have a suitor but If it’s the other way round you’ll be saying rubbish

Oh please... many female folk are even the ones paying rent in their husbands house.

If he is not ready to move out and build a family away from.mummy and daddy, he should remain single and continue to allow them baby him instead of bringing a wife into a trap.

I am guessing that the said flat does not have a separate Kitchen, If it does, I would have said start cooking by yourselves as a married couple. First discuss it with your parent so that it won't look like your wife was the one that said so...have a little independent, stay and save a little money so that you can start building your own..
If I were you, the money I will use dash the landlords, I will open a separate account and start dumping it there as if it was meant for the landlord himself..If you do that religiously every month, in 3years, U will be surprised how much you will be saving... I have no Idea why I was giving you this advise for free sha.. I paid to acquire the knowledge

charlsecy:

What do have to say to me, and ensure a peaceful resolution?

In as much as your parents need one of their children to stay close to them, you don't have to be the sacrificial lamb

You can rent an accommodation close to where they are living or the same neighbourhood

No matter how nice ur wife is and how good your parents are, they must quarrel if you live with them in the same building and when that quarrel starts she will make sure you feel the hotness

Besides you guys just got married and you need your privacy to enjoy and explore yourself

Living with your parents will bring somany issues that will lead to Unresolved quarrel with your wife

Pls follow her advice in this respect for peace to raign in your home