marvin905:




hahahahahaha ..
your wicked..
I do understand what you mean this might have been her fantasy her Cinderella story...
but I think you need to still look at the OP side even for a little while ..an agreement is agreement whether OP took it seriously or not buh body nor fire it's blood that runs through he's veins and from the look of things the white wedding ain't coming anytime soon
one of them will have to make a compromise buh the truth is this they are already married..
my fear for OP is that he's sexual life is already fvcked up

That's fine... But they are sex less husband and wife until the church wedding. I hope he doesn't ruin his marriage before it starts. If I was her, I would look at him so differently. If he's not careful, he'll get his refund and an invite to her church wedding.

stormborn28:
she doesn't get wet at close range

their sex life Sha is gonna be boring as fvck

cococandy:

Not for her.

She believes it’s on her white wedding day. As do many Nigerian women actually. The wedding is not fully official until the white wedding day. You all know this.

I may not necessarily agree with that but he knew what she stood for. She probably had a fantasy (as was taught to her by the pious society) of keeping her virginity until she wears the white wedding gown and then having sex for first time after saying I do with the ring and all that.

He agreed to that and now he’s complaining.

Sounds like a petulant child. He should gtfo

There is a middle ground here. She is afraid of pre-marital sex. He only just need explain to her that with wedding comes marriage. That is all. She will get it and come to terms except there is something else wedding in a church premises means to her.

What I fear most for this marriage is the precedent of not accepting facts but wanting to overspiritualize things. Wifey might stick with 'only what pastor says' and hubby might capitalize on it to do as he wishes. They both need to sit at a table and plan on accepting facts as they are and not create mountains out of molehills.

P.S. You could have given your recommendation without attacking him. All the best coco. Cheers.

The law states otherwise:

3. (1) Subject to the provisions of this section, a marriage that takes place after the commencement of this Act is void in any of the following cases but not otherwise, that is to say, where-

(a) either of the parties is, at the time of the marriage, lawfully married to some other person;

(b) the parties are within the prohibited degrees of consanguinity or, subject to section 4 of this Act, of affinity;

(c) the marriage is not a valid marriage under the law of the place where the marriage takes place, by reason of a failure to comply with the requirements of the law of that place with respect to the form of solemnisation of marriages;

(d) the consent of either of the parties is not a real consent because-

(i) it was obtained by duress or fraud; or

(ii) that party is mistaken as to identity of the other party, or as to the nature of the ceremony performed; or

(iii) that party is mentally incapable of understand- ing the nature of the marriage contract;

(e) either of the parties is not of marriageable age

Freehuman:


I get you. But it is illogical to claim fraud or duress . He was in nowhere defrauded or forced to marry her. A marriage is a contract and a promise to marry is an executory contract consisting of the promisor and promisee. The man is the promisor who makes a promise to the promisee and the promisee accepts the promise. How can the promisee then be liable for fraud or duress?

By the the above I mean that it is only the party whose consent was sought that can dissolve the marriage because of fraud. The person who sought the consent cannot alledge fraud.

Below a screenshot from your article.

Marriage never finish unah don dey get wahala... Bros if she can't compromise for your sake she's not fit to be your wife, because I don't understand why she has to be inflexible in her resolution at this stage after paying her bride price....even in the presence of the Lord you guys are lawfully married. All you needed was just her father's blessings.

I so much despise unnecessarily stubborn people, until things escalate now, unah eye go clear.

Well, just reason with her make things no spoil, you have started the journey already and you are in it for life so it's best you start it with mutual understanding.

I hope she tender apologies later.

id2019:
What's stopping you from fixing date for the white wedding. She told u all this before the relationship started.

Give him the money he needs

Guest007:


That's fine... But they are sex less husband and wife until the church wedding. I hope he doesn't ruin his marriage before it starts. If I was her, I would look at him so differently. If he's not careful, he'll get his refund and an invite to her church wedding.

what if the church wedding takes another 6 to 7 months worst if the OP doesn't have the money for it.. would you still tell the OP to compromise and put in mind he's human and he has he's own limits..
so OP will just be initiated into the Vaseline crew just like that

Is she mad or the place don too wide Bleep white weeding.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

"In vain they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men."

No be me talk am, na Jesus Christ for Matthew 15 vs 9.

People have added to the scriptures and are now flaunting it as the word of God. You are married to her in the eyes of God, man and the law but silly Christians have turned marriage rites to another thing.

However she did warn you, didn't she? You should have hashed it out before paying her bride price, so unless you want to return it there by effectively annuling the marriage, carry your cross (even though the said 'Cross' is ignorant and unscriptural.)

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Since July, you did traditional and you have not done court marriage after 4 months, do that and stop wasting time. She may either be a great partner or not. Fulfill your part of the bargain and stop postponing your enjoyment.

marvin905:




hahahahahaha ..
your wicked..
I do understand what you mean this might have been her fantasy her Cinderella story...
but I think you need to still look at the OP side even for a little while ..an agreement is agreement whether OP took it seriously or not buh body nor fire it's blood that runs through he's veins and from the look of things the white wedding ain't coming anytime soon
one of them will have to make a compromise buh the truth is this they are already married..
an agreement
my fear for OP is that he's sexual life is already fvcked up

A fight can only occur between two people or groups before it can be called a fight, in other words if she does not give her consent then it's not agreement. But if after the white wedding and the woman's reasons for not consenting was different from what she said( if she's a non-virgin, if she can't bear children due to her own faults) only then can I believe he's been scammed and he can do whatever pleases his soul.

BarrElChapo:
The law states otherwise:

3. (1) Subject to the provisions of this section, a marriage that takes place after the commencement of this Act is void in any of the following cases but not otherwise, that is to say, where-

(a) either of the parties is, at the time of the marriage, lawfully married to some other person;

(b) the parties are within the prohibited degrees of consanguinity or, subject to section 4 of this Act, of affinity;

(c) the marriage is not a valid marriage under the law of the place where the marriage takes place, by reason of a failure to comply with the requirements of the law of that place with respect to the form of solemnisation of marriages;

(d) the consent of either of the parties is not a real consent because-

(i) it was obtained by duress or fraud; or

(ii) that party is mistaken as to identity of the other party, or as to the nature of the ceremony performed; or

(iii) that party is mentally incapable of understand- ing the nature of the marriage contract;

(e) either of the parties is not of marriageable age

Do you understand the marked below? As a lawyer, you should understand that. You may discuss with collegues offline.

UyaiIncomparabl:

You're georgeous UyaiIncomparabl

She is right you just have to wait until wedding it's unbiblical to have sex before you are join together in church. She is not hiding anything. I was unable to have sex with my wife after traditional engagement until after wedding. Be patient man and in no time you will be good

Drkeo:
She's hiding something from you....

Let him go and look for olosho to cure his Congi.

The law says consent but the law also say of "either parties" the could mean that those who couched the law envisaged that both the proposer and proposee both give their consent, if any one of the those anything to negate it as in the instant case misrepresentation by the woman of her capacity to bear children. it would turn her consent to fraud.

[quote author=Freehuman post=83611559

Check 3(d) above the key word is consent. Before you quoted me I had edited my post to explain it better to you. I hope you understand.
************

I get you. But it is illogical to claim fraud or duress . He was in nowhere defrauded or forced to marry her. A marriage is a contract and a promise to marry is an executory contract consisting of the promisor and promisee. The man is the promisor who makes a promise to the promisee and the promisee accepts the promise. How can the promisee then be liable for fraud or duress?

By the the above I mean that it is only the party whose consent was sought that can dissolve the marriage because of fraud. The person who sought the consent cannot alledge fraud.
As far as proposal is done in Nigeria by a man, he cannot claim fraud or duress. Fraud or duress can only be relied upon by the promisee or the party whose consent was sought.
Below a screenshot from your article.[/quote]

Look at the what the law says I bolded it.

Freehuman:


Do you understand the marked below? As a lawyer, you should understand that. You may discuss with collegues offline.

Weak man

teemy:


There is a middle ground here. She is afraid of pre-marital sex. He only just need explain to her that with wedding comes marriage. That is all. She will get it and come to terms except there is something else wedding in a church premises means to her.

Wedding in a church premises obviously means the world to her. He should go along with her on that. For this specific issue, there’s not really a middle ground.
If he says he won’t marry her anymore because of this issue, they will still have to go through a divorce process (same as if he waits until after the church wedding only to find out that she’s not a virgin).
So what’s it to him? Divorce now or divorce later. Same process. He might as well speed up the church wedding and find out what it’s going to be.

What I fear most for this marriage is the precedent of not accepting facts but wanting to overspiritualize things. Wifey might stick with 'only what pastor says' and hubby might capitalize on it to do as he wishes. They both need to sit at a table and plan on accepting facts as they are and not create mountains out of molehills.

I agree with this. I find over religious folks cringey. I don’t know what it is about them.
I think OP should have stayed in his lane. Can’t go for Mary Amaka and expect Kim kardashian in the bedroom.

P.S. You could have given your recommendation without attacking him. All the best coco. Cheers.

Mmm

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

If you love her and she is a virgin as she claims, sort yourself out and let her know that since she is not responding, you have to seek elsewhere

But bear in mind, she is going to be very stubborn as a person, I hate it when she uses church as a disguise to everything she does

Assuming you don't have money to do marriage now, then you will have to wait until when you are capable of financing wedding

Go and sort yourself and don't ask me how, if you are not a virgin

But if both of you are a virgin, keep waiting

LilMissFavvy:
If you were not mature to date a staunch born again Christian, then you should not have dated the lady. Wether she is a virgin or not, she gave you her word, no sex before marriage. I know few gals who maintained such rules, and dated till marriage before sex.

Let me not bring in my own personal rules anyways, but if you came this far to ruin your marriage with her, so be it. Just that you have wasted her time. Otherwise, stop wasting time, fix the white wedding and have your wife. Go for all medical tests, not every girl who says no sex before marriage is hiding something, that's it.

hmmmmmm...im watching

what if you only had money for TM ? There are people who only do TM and they are happily married. You’ve already done the needful traditionally and she’s your wife. White wedding isn’t for Africans but most Nigerians are brain washed into thinking they have to do wedding after TM and some do it only to impress people or to compete with others... smfh.

what cannai say

BarrElChapo:
Look at the what the law says I bolded it.

Still confusing you.

Either means one of the parties. Neither means none.

Either means if the bride accepts the consent then she may sue or if the groom accepts the consent he may sue for fraud.

Either of the parties simply means "any one of the parties".

"Both" would me two.

It's either transport by road or rail.

UyaiIncomparabl:

You're so pretty UyaiIncomparabl

Macon1212:
She is right you just have to wait until wedding it's unbiblical to have sex before you are join together in church. She is not hiding anything. I was unable to have sex with my wife after traditional engagement until after wedding. Be patient man and in no time you will be good

show me the place in the Bible that says anything about church wedding..
you guys will just be turning the Bible upside down..
who created church wedding is it God or the British

Well, the solution here is quite simple
Firstly, you respected her opinion of no sex until after wedding(Trad & White probably), why do you want to compromise that @this point where you've invested much?

1- Two things are involved with this virginity issue, either she's lying about it to trap you till you've done all the needful or she is actually a virgin who wants to keep things religiously till the end according to her faith.

Solution 1: Take her to a private clinic for a personal virginity test(make her see reasons why), if she is confirmed to be one, then save up for your white wedding and fully appreciate her, but if the test shows she's not a virgin, then you have two options

Option 1: Return her bride price to her people, count your loss and move on because if foundation starts with this level of love scam, trust me you'll regret it bitterly too soon

Option 2: Carry on with the relationship if after finding out she's not a virgin as she claimed and you decided to forgive n forget after whatever reasons she might come up with, e.g i thought I'll lose you blah blah blah..she will have not much options than to give you the sexual life you crave for and patiently wait for the white wedding.

PS: Virginity is not really a big issue before marriage these days, but since she has made it a real bullet point, make your choices carefully to avoid stories that might disturb the heart later

sassysure:

She absolutely don't have any right.

Even Catholic church will tell u to kiss, play but be careful during marriage course. That's invariably telling u to have sex but don't get pregnant till after wedding.
What is wrong with humans?
All these sisters that flock Pentecostal churches everywhere eating and drinking pastors words like food.
Jesus went to a traditional marriage in his place. What we call white wedding or wedding is the traditional or normal marriage in oyibo land.

If that man dissolves the marriage and she dont see another to marry, she will blame Satan.
I hate when women don't use their brain.
I'm so angry.

hmmmmm

Sirvingeo:
op you got a good wife. She has the fear of God that is why she wants you to do the church wedding which depicts God's involvement. You better don't loose a good woman because of sex o. I promise you a lady that could go this far for God will never cheat on you after wedding .

I wish you happy marriage life and I pray I get a godly wife like her. Amen!!!

To slap you very hungry me...

marvin905:




what if the church wedding takes another 6 to 7 months worst if the OP doesn't have the money for it.. would you still tell the OP to compromise and put in mind he's human and he has he's own limits..
so OP will just be initiated into the Vaseline crew just like that

This is a national problem, why do we have to manipulate and win at all cost? Op can convince her and she probably would give in but what did op gain?
If:
He lost her love, her respect and her trust. I'm telling you what he is doing will change his marriage before it even starts... This isn't about sex and bride price but integrity and respect. If he looses these in her eyes then her hyman is all he'll get from her. She'll change quickly and op will be back here next year with a new problem.

Africans are mostly stupid people, so the traditional bride price payment is not wedding? Christianity has done more harm than good to the black man's sense of reasoning. Nonsense. Until we realise that church wedding is the white man's traditional wedding, we shall continue to act stupidly in africa

If she goes to deeper life she may be correct.

No sex before marriage means..

(1) No sex with my fiance but I can have sex with outsider. I want to preserve fiance, so I don't want him to sleep with me; but I can get it from ex or whoever.

(2) No sex with my fiance and no sex with outsider. I am not trying to impress my fiance, I am just again all forms of pre-marital sex. I may or may not be a virgin, but I can never bow to pre-marital sex again.

(3) No sex, I am a virgin.

this guy is the most confused human beign i have ever seen in this nairaland,

abeg what are you even saying self you this guy?

Hahahahahaha

cococandy:


Wedding in a church premises obviously means the world to her. He should go along with her on that. For this specific issue, there’s not really a middle ground.
If he says he won’t marry her anymore because of this issue, they will still have to go through a divorce process (same as if he waits until after the church wedding only to find out that she’s not a virgin).
So what’s it to him? Divorce now or divorce later. Same process. He might as well speed up the church wedding and find out what it’s going to be.

I agree with this. I find over religious folks cringey. I don’t know what it is about them.
I think OP should have stayed in his lane. Can’t go for Mary Amaka and expect Kim kardashian in the bedroom.




Mmm

@ bolded, you no go kill person