There is nothing wrong in her decision, in my church you are not allowed to make love until after church wedding.

cococandy:
So these men shame women for being oloshos who have sex before marriage but can’t stand one who’s actually waiting for the wedding night?
Confused mofos.

OP that woman knows what she wants which is more than anyone can say for you.

You may not be good enough for her so if it pleases you, let her go. She will find someone who shares same beliefs as her and will be willing to wait.

then you can find the one who will have sex with you whenever you want so that you and your fellow NL retrdds can swarm around and call her olosho.

But you bleeped before ur wedding,how many people called you olosho here?

kunleweb:



She reserves a right to her definitive of principles and institutions ma

Ok sir.

mechanics:
There is nothing wrong in her decision, in my church you are not allowed to make love until after church wedding.

That is a church rule/doctrine and not according to the Bible.

Dear Op,

I really understand your point and can relate on your position, but in fairness to your wife, she's already told you right from onset what she wanted.

Secondly, you told us she is a born again which means, traditionally, you guys are married but according to her faith, you are not married but only engaged until the church rite.

My advise, you have really tried waiting for almost 2 years without sex with her (I'm not sure I can... smiles), please fast track your white wedding preparation if you cant wait any longer and you can start having her honey to yourself. Suspending the white wedding only suspended your days in her paradise as it seems she is a lady that you love genuinely. Above all, please be patient with her and am sure she will forever appreciate you for that and vice versa.

God bless your union.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

icankel:
God bless u my dear, I feel like sending any available Boko haram person to his location. The girl been honest and transparent to him yet he's still lamenting, maybe he only wanted sex and the girl played smart on him

Lol, please not boko haram, just a drunken policeman to reset his brain

OP, I will not blame you or call your wife names but rather I will say she is a disciplined woman but she's taking it too far though based on her convictions. To some people , traditional wedding is not really the thing but church wedding and I think that's where she's getting her ideas from. Also, maybe she belongs to some church groups that normally give their members rites whenever anyone is getting married, it could be that she wants everything to be done and her rites given fully to avoid shame of "undue" pregnancy. My advise, fast forward the church wedding as soon as possible and get access to drill the pussy.

okoroemeka:
I don't believe the op has got a good wife like u saying,how can she be a good wife when konji is destroying the man that paid her traditional bride price and she does nothing, something is definitely fishy here and also there will be compatibility issues,the man is virle and ready for love, while the lady can relate with the guy for 1year and not feel anything,the op is definitely getting married to a frigid woman and his sex life will suffer,how can i take something for life without testing it and seeing how it works,well it seems the op is a perfect gentleman because many men I know will not tolerate that rubbish, Even before going for the traditional stuffs I must start the engine and Rev it to Max power,the lady even live in owerri and still claiming virgin, haaaaahaaa!!!

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

After payment of the bride price?...if this is true, you are entering a one-chance marriage. Even if she's a virgin nko? The bride price has bn paid for crying out loud!

So if you don't have money for church wedding...what happens?

steppin:

Getting married to her has made that particular arrangement null and void.
It's like buying a car with the necessary documents, and then deprived of using the car for a flimsy excuse.

It hasn't, he should have voided it before the marriage

Will you sign for a car with the side mirrors missing and then come back and complain that you cannot see what is behind you?

iAudio:
where is church wedding written in the Bible?

Church wedding is simply oyibo tradition copied by Africans.

That has nothing to do with what we are discussing here

E get as person go drag this kind matter till that wedding night just becomes full of tension and resentment. I just hope this issue doesn't put a dent in your relationship. You both should tread carefully and try to understand each other.

MariaAngeles:

You say wise things

Thanks dear

Daree88:


This is the best response I have read so far. I kept wondering before scrolling down to see your contribution, why someone would have a good wife and still complain? Are you marrying primarily because of sex? If you respect her, respect her view about life too. And if you had gone this far, suspending wedding because of differences in your views about timing for sex before marriage is too mean, unscrupulous, menial and preposterous a reason. Why can't you just wait until after the wedding? You won't die before then. After all, you will get tired of it after your wedding. Soonest, I will be getting married, and for love's sake, I have sincerely and happily respected all my fiancee's rules and I am more comforted to do so because those things are temporal but marriage is till death. So, why can't I endure what is temporal for that which is permanent since those things will by themselves go after wedding? I respect those godly principles of my fiancee cos that is what is called VIRTUE which is not common in this generation where we are controlled by our impulses and satisfy it at all cost and don't care whether we defy moral values or not.

I pray she's not making a mistake, because your self-centeredness can affect your marriage, that's a bitter truth, except you change and allow God mold you. Please, desuspend your wedding (if there's an English like that), wait for that day and enjoy yourself after then. I understand, but still be patient; you will have a good wife in her.

Lol sir even if there's no English like that, you can still create one. I agree with you, all the best on your upcoming nuptials

mignone:


The so-called white wedding doesn't have to be a lavish one;in fact, ppl (esp easterners) spend more on d trad. than to receive the priest's blessings.
That aside, the point here is that there was an agreement.

I'm sorry, there was no agreement in the write up.... "I didn't take it serious" was the statement.

midnighter:


Of course, traditional marriage has spiritual backings. Who said that it doesnt?

Even my own parents only did trad so kindly see yourself out of my mentions! Confused people who dont read somebodys post very well Shior!

Shame on you confused person! You don't even understand your own comment.

WriterX:


the op has issues oh, demanding for body even when he and her agreed on what and how things were going to be done, imagine his level of self imposed right over the woman's body like really?
mehn and to think some people are going Crazy with the shirty " she is a slut and all" is really annoying to me.

She is a very decisive and determined individual and to me that's a rare quality to find in a woman, imagine the OP dEmanding his right to have his way with her body like, make she give am the op where is the said love he speaks about .

lol, abi

Hmm I'm sure they will be fine once they cool down and discuss it. I just didn't like his self-centred approach

This people inviting third parties (Nairaland) to their marriage....una welldone

DozieInc:


You deserve a medal.

Igwe Georgia no listen to advise

Haha a medal...hope it's gold?

Chigold101:
It will not but the man would know he has a bigger battle to fight.
Remember the church wedding certificate is given to the woman not the man. The woman would have what to approach the court with incase of stories that touch the spine.

which Bigger battle..
are you sure you in this planet and in this country...
cause you sound gullible

dennel:




Well, you can’t force everyone to reason just like you and that’s why we have different opinions, races, beliefs, religions, tribes and all...

We all can’t sleep a turn our heads on a side, so dts why you need to look deep into others perspectives and either take or leave their decisions or ideas...

Mind you, I still didn't oppose or claim you’ve spoken wrongly responding* Ts your own opinion n you damn entitled to it*

Is it possible to do a thing without a reason? I've only asked you to state your reasons.

fela4live:

Shame on you confused person! You don't even understand your own comment.

Lol you don't even understand anything, the shame is yours and yours alone!

midnighter:


Lol you don't even understand anything, the shame is yours and yours alone!

Lol......go to work lazy youth!

DeeMain:


You have no honour. You have no respect for her nor for God. You gave her your word! And those words mean absolutely nothing to you.

Brother, I am angry. Two, I am ashamed on your behalf.

You agreed to wait till wedding night and now you are shifting goal posts, playing the victim and manipulating and blackmailing and guilt tripping her just so you can have your way.

This case is not about whether you are legally married or not already or if she is a virgin or not so don't try to bamboozle us with extraneous materials here as someone like me will call you out on your BS. This issue is about an agreement to wait and a promise not kept.

And the guilty party is YOU.

You see the way you do one thing is the way you do so many things. If I were her, I will begin to have serious doubts about your character and wonder if I've made a huge mistake.

Naansense and manipulation!

I tell you o, really serious doubts! ... especially for bringing the case to Nairaland.

Offpoint:

I'm sorry, there was no agreement in the write up.... "I didn't take it serious" was the statement.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Here u av it sir.

You say your wife, she is not your wife, she is your girl friend.

midnighter:


That has nothing to do with what we are discussing here

It is supposed to be, in Africa, once you have done the traditional rites, you are married. And whoever is married should take home his wife.
But instead, we wait to add the borrowed oyinbo culture too before we say we are married.

Therefore, my post has everything to do with the topic of discussion.

DeeMain:


You have no honour. You have no respect for her nor for God. You gave her your word! And those words mean absolutely nothing to you.

Brother, I am angry. Two, I am ashamed on your behalf.

You agreed to wait till wedding night and now you are shifting goal posts, playing the victim and manipulating and blackmailing and guilt tripping her just so you can have your way.

This case is not about whether you are legally married or not already or if she is a virgin or not so don't try to bamboozle us with extraneous materials here as someone like me will call you out on your BS. This issue is about an agreement to wait and a promise not kept.

And the guilty party is YOU.

You see the way you do one thing is the way you do so many things. If I were her, I will begin to have serious doubts about your character and wonder if I've made a huge mistake.

Naansense and manipulation!

Nice one. Apt and accurate

iAudio:
It is supposed to be, in Africa, once you have done the traditional rites, you are married. And whoever is married should take home his wife.
But instead, we wait to add the borrowed oyinbo culture too before we say we are married.

Therefore, my post has everything to do with the topic of discussion.

Nope, the topic is about manipulation. If he didn't subscribe to the so-called oyibo culture he should have told her when they discussed it earlier

If he sees traditional marriage as sufficient he should have told her in the first place instead of pretending to accept it

Oyibo culture is not the problem but having a different value system from your partner and not making it clear to them from the courtship stage. This is why what you are saying is not relevant.

It would be the same thing if she had said she didn't want children, he didn't object and then comes back to complain that she stays on birth control

igwegeorgiano:
my dear am tempted to ask thus question is church wedding actually in d bible? To the best of my knowledge and I stand to be corrected church wedding is a western ideology its not an African stuff at all

There's nothing like church wedding. It's just a copy of other tradition

igwegeorgiano:
not at all. I did not considered her virginity but cos she has proved beyond doubts to be the woman I wanted but with this over righteous attitude and not taking into cognisance that I have paid her bride price and other traditional obligations is what I don't understand

Why are you like this? But what exactly don't you understand? She told you very clearly that she wouldn't have sex until after church wedding. You were silent on the issue, which means you had no issue with it.

And all of a sudden, you're acting confused as to why she isn't allowing you sex after the traditional wedding, and even had to bring it here to seek advice from people who do not value marriage, Over something she already clearly told you.

You're a manipulator. You're the one not keeping to the end of the bargain. Instead of you to bring your wedding date forward quickly, you're acting angry. She should be the one angry with you seriously. Why did you not tell her your stance on this when she told you hers? you thought she was joking? you don't even take her seriously.

If you like take advice from enemies of marriages from this platform and ruin your marriage and a good wife. OK bye.