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Help Me Make A Decision On What Mattress To Buy (vitafoam Or Mouka) / Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision / Making A Family :::: Its For U (2) (3) (4)
Re: .. by Nobody: 9:51pm On Nov 03, 2019 |
frozen70g:thanks a lot. I appreciate |
Re: .. by Nobody: 3:56pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
LadyBeee: What of the father? He has refused to be associated with the child. You can't force him. So, let him be. The child did not beg to be brought into this world, so why abandon her with your mother? Is it until she starts referring to you as aunty before you realize the enormity of such an action? Anyway, I have given you my own two cents. It's the same advice I would give to my sisters if they were in your shoes. I should tell you that I have seen cases, at least two, where the child, also a girl, left with the grandmother also got pregnant before her 19th birthday. You will blame yourself if anything untoward happens to that child. You are mentioning the father now. Do you really want that man to raise your daughter with you after having shown such gross irresponsibility? When you begin to reap the fruit of your hard labour on the girl, especially when she becomes an important person in future, we on NL won't be there to enjoy it with you, neither will the man. Well, the choice is yours, isn't it? #modified You are not dead or incapacitated and someone else is performing the role of mother to your own child? Hmmmm... |
Re: .. by Nobody: 4:09pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
Baldwretch: That is your own point of view. There are many responsible gentlemen out there who won't mind marrying a single mother. I for one would prefer a lady who is a single mother of one to a lady who has aborted before. And there are many like me out there also. Hiding your child away somewhere because you want to get married shows that you are not honest. On the contrary, if I see you have a child and I see that you take care of the child well, then I have a preview of the fact that you are responsible despite the child out of wedlock and also, I can gauge your level of commitment and how you will take care of our own kids. It takes a mature guy to handle this and I am sure what the OP is looking for is a matured guy, not some small kid who is yet to take care of himself. If she hides the kid and she dates you, when she finally tells you she has a kid you will run away and that is the truth. You will hide under the excuse that she lied to you. It is best she makes the child her best friend and hope that a mature guy will come her way who will love her and adore the kid. cc: LadyBeee |
Re: .. by Baldwretch: 6:05pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
FrLukas: Thank you for airing your point of view too haha. Yes there are responsible men out there who don't mind but it's a lot of work for both her and the men, who may be interested in her. I mean, responsible men would have to come a whole lot closer and would be asking too personal questions. Not many responsible men would do that. You seem to be oblivious to the fact that men still woo women anywhere. In the bus. In the mall. Just walking down the street. From a distance, no one really cares if she has learnt her lessons, or as she puts it "Once bitten, twice shy." Humans re not mind and chemistry-readers. You have probably passed by your "type" many times as regards women, but you didn't even care o say hi because you cannot read mind or people's private lives. What kind of fragrance is a single mother with her kid exuding? What kind of impression does it pass from afar? It's this: I am married. Or, I am irresponsible. It depends on whether you assume the best or worst about people. The default state is I'm married. Why would you want to go into small, small talk with a married woman? Again, I am not in any way telling her to lie to potential suitors. That would be grossly unfair. Your partner deserves to know the terrible past you've had and to access whether he's in or out. As regards suitors, I am of the draw-them-all and get very, very blunt crowd. FrLukas: I also prefer a lady who is a single mother of one to a lady who has aborted before, but again, the bolded is clearly what I am talking about. Are you going to assume that the woman, with her child, while you fellows boarded that bus is a single mother? The child was born out of wedlock? Don't you see how her prospects is pretty slim? Do you expect her to start a story of her woes when any male remotely asks about the baby's father? She still wants to be private about it since it's not everybody's business but how does privacy com into the equation if she's always talking about it? FrLukas: You talk as if matured people do not have deal breakers and having deal breaker is a bad thing. No, on the contrary, it is not. FrLukas: Humans are different bro. You can only speak for yourself, lol. If I know she has a kid, I'll very likely not approach her but if I did approach her and know the kind of person she is, then I will most likely stay. Character. Love. Behaviour and more can keep people despite having it bad. If the exterior is bd, since I am human, I'll assume the interior is too but if I am made to believe that the exterior is good, I will assume that the interior is too but if I dind out that the interior is good despite finding out later on that the exterior is bad, then i will likely stay since the interior is all that matters to me. The interior and exterior matter to some but not all people. Haven't you sen marriages that survived despite a somewhat catastrophic bad odds? LadyBeee, let me advice you. Since getting a husband is not advanced calculus, keep the child with your mom for another 6 to 12 month and see what happens. When someone approaches you, give it like a week or two, gauge his interest and go for it. He deserves to know that you birth before, but he also deserves to know the kind of person you are beyond the surface that single motherhood portrays you to be. It is well. just my opinion. |
Re: .. by Nobody: 6:09pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
LadyBeee:did they end up leaving you,or you actually dont give them chance? |
Re: .. by Nobody: 9:03pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
Humans are different bro. You can only speak for yourself, lol. If I know she has a kid, I'll very likely not approach her but if I did approach her and know the kind of person she is, then I will most likely stay. Character. Love. Behaviour and more can keep people despite having it bad. If the exterior is bd, since I am human, I'll assume the interior is too but if I am made to believe that the exterior is good, I will assume that the interior is too but if I dind out that the interior is good despite finding out later on that the exterior is bad, then i will likely stay since the interior is all that matters to me. The interior and exterior matter to some but not all people. Haven't you sen marriages that survived despite a somewhat catastrophic bad odds? LadyBeee, let me advice you. Since getting a husband is not advanced calculus, keep the child with your mom for another 6 to 12 month and see what happens. When someone approaches you, give it like a week or two, gauge his interest and go for it. He deserves to know that you birth before, but he also deserves to know the kind of person you are beyond the surface that single motherhood portrays you to be. It is well. just my opinion. [/quote]I only understood the last paragraph of your comment but as for that exterior and interior part, hahahaha I'm really at a loss |
Re: .. by Nobody: 9:07pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
Baldwretch:only understood the last paragraph of your comment but as for that exterior and interior part, hahahaha I'm really at a loss grin grin |
Re: .. by Baldwretch: 10:32pm On Nov 04, 2019 |
LadyBeee: Lmao. The exterior is what people see, what they perceive you to be, but the interior is what you actually are, how people really see you especially from very, very close proximity lol. If you see a taxi driver in, say, Jalingo, Sokoto, Benin City, etc, etc, I don't think it is unreasonable to assume that he has no university certificate; you'd have to come a lot closer to get a better understanding of who he is. May your tears come from laughter sis. It is well. 1 Like |
Re: .. by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:05am On Nov 05, 2019 |
LadyBeee: its an african thinking that having a child, would stop you from getting married. generally we are taught to look down on ladies that have kids before marriage or even those who lose husbands at very young age. Hence you find that there is no respect given a single parent, there are treated as 2nd class citizen by both male and females. let one love you for who you are with your child in the picture from the start, than hiding the child |
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