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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? (943 Views)
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Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 9:38am On Nov 06, 2019 |
Good day Family I've been thinking and have decided to share my thoughts here. What does it really take to forgive someone? Let's say someone offends you and the person is fully aware. Now the person refuses to apologise. After days or weeks of being hurt, you decided to 'forgive' the person. Will you call that forgiveness? Personally, I don't think you have forgiven the person. I think there is a thin line between 'letting go' or 'not holding grudges' and forgiveness. What you simply did was 'letting go' and not forgiveness. You simply decided not to hold grudges; not to let your heart heavy. I think the offender MUST apologise or show remorse in one way or the other before forgiveness can take place. What do you think? |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Skyfornia(m): 9:40am On Nov 06, 2019 |
Yes ofcourse...If you forgive the person...you are doing yourself more good. Now to you OP, can you forgive your child of any crime committed towards you even when he/she didn't apologize? If yes, then you can equally extend such gesture to someone else. 2 Likes |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Carbon2Oxide: 9:52am On Nov 06, 2019 |
That's me. I hate the word "sorry" so much. I just let it go and move on |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Kalashnikov102(m): 10:22am On Nov 06, 2019 |
For sure! Especially in relationships, families..some forgivness hurts more |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 10:23am On Nov 06, 2019 |
Skyfornia: If my child is still a kid, I might totally ignore his/her actions. But if he/she is a full blown adult, it might still have to apply. That doesn't mean I will start treating him/her differently. Although I didn't helave parents and siblings in mind when making the post. What about painting a scenario where the person that offended you initially repeats the same offence, don't you think that the way you will react will be different from the way you will react if he had apologised the other time? You might feel belittled and taken for granted. This might go a long way in showing that you never truly forgave the person. I'm just being Human in my thoughts. Thanks for your input anyways. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 10:26am On Nov 06, 2019 |
Carbon2Oxide:So that means you forgive people without them having to apologise? |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 10:29am On Nov 06, 2019 |
Kalashnikov102: True 1 Like |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Carbon2Oxide: 10:49am On Nov 06, 2019 |
AnthCunny: Sure |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Nobody: 12:25pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
AnthCunny: Forgiveness can come without apology. And it very often does. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by edoairways: 1:28pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
When you say that you are sorry, it restores the dignity of the hurt person and makes them feel better. ... An apology may restore trust and understanding to a relationship, because it contributes to a feeling of safety and makes both the receiver and the giver feel comfortable and respected. A sincere apology allows you to let people know you're not proud of what you did, and won't be repeating the behavior. That lets people know you're the kind of person who is generally careful not to hurt others and puts the focus on your better virtues, rather than on your worst mistakes. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Nobody: 2:49pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
I easily forgive. This life ain't nothing. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by olushola72dot: 4:08pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
Yes of course when we are yet sinners Christ died for us |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 4:26pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
buyfromalaba: You just typed 'let go and move ahead', and I totally agree. That is what is expected whenever you are hurt. My point is that there is a thin line between 'letting go' or 'moving ahead' and forgiving. I think forgiving someone is not just a one person thing. The offender has to admit his offence, apologise or show remorse before the other person can proclaim forgiveness. Meanwhile, the offended person may decide to move on - not disturbing himself with the offence - but that doesn't necessarily mean he has forgiven the person. Hope you get where I'm coming from. My thoughts though. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Allsingles: 4:28pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
AnthCunny: We all need forgiveness and we all need to extend that same forgiveness to others not just today, but every day. IT’S TIME TO FORGIVE. Do you struggle with forgiving people when they wound you emotionally? If so, please you shouldn't. Spend some time with your friends, your spouse and family members today and ask him/her if you have wounded them emotionally and then sincerely apologize for hurting them. THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS. When you Forgive anyone that offended you, you will feel relieved and free from emotional truama too. A woman of God, Joyice Meyer; says and i quote "Do yourself a favor and Forgive" So you are actually doing something awesome to yourself emotionally when you Forgive anyone that offended you. Forgiveness is not a must do but it's compulsory and very crucial that you do it and.... https://allsinglesandmarried..com/2019/07/i-will-never-forgive-you.html |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by sholay2011(m): 5:59pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
Good thread but the responses have been one-way traffic. In truthfulness, you are right OP. the process of forgiveness is never complete without repentance (except in cases of pure ignorance). Even the ever-loving God who can forgive anything will not forgive you except you repent. What most people claim to do when they say they have forgiven is to 'let go' and 'ensure the bitterness or resentment goes away' (even though it may come back intermittently if something triggers the memory of the wrongdoing). But the complete process of forgiveness is a step towards the reconciliation of relationship, like it was prior to the wrongdoing. So, most people will let the offender go in the hearts (as good Christians) but will no longer want to do anything with that person (who wants to risk it? ![]() Now to cases of ignorance such as your little child messing around or a passenger stepping on your foot in a bus, forgiveness can easily be complete because you are convinced it wasn't premeditated, calculated or the offender does not have access to full information or wisdom. Jesus Christ did this on the cross for those that nailed him (Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing.). But in cases where there was a tangible relationship and also depending on the gravity of the offence and if it is not a case of ignorance, there is no forgiveness (that leads to complete restoration of the relationship like it was before) without not just apology, but repentance. And the mistake we all make is to place the burden of the whole process being complete on the offended person, whereas the offender has a vital role to play. It is always important though that the offended has a heart that is willing to forgive and one that easily lets go of resentment. Having a heart willing to forgive towards someone does not automatically complete the process of forgiveness. In a nut shell, FORGIVENESS is a PROCESS while letting go the resentment and hurt is just an ACTION, which may be the first part of the process. 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 6:03pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
Allsingles: Thanks for the advice |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 6:17pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
sholay2011: Thanks so much for your input� I've experienced situations where I 'forgave' someone that offended me, although he wasn't aware that he offended me. I felt was kind hearted enough to forgive him without his apology. To be honest I felt a kind of peace within me knowing fully well that I've forgiven him. But the day something led to something that I had to remind him of something he did long time ago, he apologized quickly with all sincerity. There was a new kind of peace that enveloped me. It was then I realized that I was deceiving myself when I told myself I didn't need his apology. For the fact that I easily reminded him of his earlier deed showed that I was still expecting his apology. Maybe I'm a different human being... lol 1 Like |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Florblu(f): 6:33pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
One of the good things i have learnt is forgiveness. Since the beginning of this year I can't remember forgiving anyone because i refuse to let anything hurt me so why should I forgive when i'm not hurt? Not everyone will realize their mistakes and apologize for their wrongdoings. Refuse to get hurt by whatever anyone say/do to you and there won't be a need to forgive anyone. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by Florblu(f): 6:36pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
AnthCunny: What would happen if he refuse to apologize the moment you reminded him of his wrongdoings? Will you feel different or will you deny yourself of the joy you deserve? |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by sholay2011(m): 6:54pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
Florblu:No one is saying OP should be waiting for an apology to 'forgive'. But the truth is it is difficult for a relationship (if there was any) to be completely restored when there is no repentance (in this case, in form of an apology). We should get to that place where we can easily let things go as we ourselves are not perfect. But it is always easier said than done. For example, you have a best friend who you are soo close to and you caught her with your husband in bed (God forbid). You decide to forge ahead in your marriage (though trust has been broken) and let resentment go BUT that best friend relationship is forever tampered with and it will not be completely restored without complete repentance on the path of that best friend and conviction on the path of the offended. Forgiveness is a process that normally should result in reconciliation, not what makes you feel good and free (which is a different thing: learning to let go of that resentment). The belief on this thread is forgiveness is just for the sake of yourself: so you don't start to keep malice or become a bitter, vengeful person. That only happens when you believe forgiveness is simply about letting go of the wrongdoing in your heart, yet, you don't want to associate with that person again like you did prior to the wrongdoing. It is a good school of thought but not sound. Forgiveness is for both parties. A heart willing to forgive is what we should always have. Note: All these do not apply when ignorance is in play. Your best friend cannot sleep with your husband in ignorance for example. That's folly. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 7:57pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
[quote author=Florblu post=83798801] What would happen if he refuse to apologize the moment you reminded him of his wrongdoings? Will you feel different or will you deny yourself of the joy you deserve?[ /quote] I wasn't holding any grudge against him from the onset and I still had peace of mind and joy. If he refuses to apologise, we might argue over it trying to blame each other. But if it is certain and clear to both of us that he is at fault and still refuses to apologise, we will still be cool, I will let go, no grudge against him. But saying that I have forgiven him over the incident is different. He MUST apologise (in one way or the other), before I can say I have forgiven him. |
Re: Can You Truly Forgive Someone Without Him/her Apologizing? by AnthCunny(m): 8:22pm On Nov 06, 2019 |
olushola72dot: You mentioned Christ, so let's see the Bible way. Luke 17:4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” Luke 17:3 Pay attention and always be on your guard [looking out for one another]. If your brother sins (misses the mark), solemnly tell him so and reprove him, and if he repents (feels sorry for having sinned), forgive him. (Amplified) 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I could go on and on. In all these passages, confession and repentance were conditional for forgiveness to take place. My own interpretation to the Bible passages. I stand to be corrected. |
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