Hey guys,

My sister is threatening the peace of the family with her wanting to marry a guy she met about a year ago.
We are a traditional Igbo family with very close nuclear and extended family. We value family so much that we are close to our cousins/siblings and we help each other.
She met this Edo guy and things changed. Her friends went down to almost none, relationship with family became bad and most important life decisions or advice she takes from him instead of speaking to her parents/family.
She told the family of her proposal to marry this guy, 6 months into their relationship.... its almost a year now and the family is not in support.
Although she loves this guy, the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable. The issue, to her, is that she is approaching 30 and may not get another suitor.
She is ready to sacrifice all for him even her family and threatened that its only death that would not allow her marry him.
This is becoming a big issue. The family is divided. The parents are saying No.... her sisters support her.

abeg help put mouth.

not for front page pls

For all you have narrated,you have not specifically pointed at any character flaws of the said Suitor apart from him not being an Igbo or rich.

Your sister is a full grown adult and if you can't point out any other reason for not supporting her marriage apart from ethnic bias then it is unfortunate..

Like you said she's not getting any younger,she's found a man she loves and unnecessary interference from you based only on tribal bias is only going to worsen her relationship with you..

Aren't Edos human? I still can't believe some people and family have chosen to remain clannish and closed-minded in this day and time.

The poor lady has found love while you all don't approve of it and your fear now is that she's aging quickly and you're not sure whether another man will look her way after you all chase the present, yeah?

Love and happiness knows no ethnicity. Over ten of my female cousins inter-married, chose from the West and West+East families,The last of them was the only one who chose to do the home thing and it isn't because she is close minded.

I strongly empathize with your sister. However, I wish the dude could shun love a while and see through your hearts. You guys don't have a problem with his attitude or the way he treats her. The one problem is that he isn't Igbo but from Edo State. As per financial capability, why not have your parents call him and ask crucial questions?

If I were to advise him, I'd ask him to walk away. Your family is too clannish and unenlightened to choose from. You guys will give him problems in the nearest future and in the event that you allow the union BECAUSE OF HER AGE, he won't be accepted totally by the extended family. Please forward this to him if you can.

Not being igbo, should not be an issue at this time and age rather the personality of the man. Your sister no longer having friends, diminished relationship with your family all because of the man is a clear indication that the man is enabling dependent personality in her which is for his selfish interest.

She is an adult, there isn't much your family can do as she insists on sailing on waters your family feel is dangerous.

Pavore9:
Not being igbo, should not be an issue at this time and age rather the personality of the man. Your sister no longer having friends, diminished relationship with your family all because of the man is a clear indication that the man is enabling dependent personality in her which is for his selfish interest.

She is an adult, there isn't much your family can do as she insists on sailing on waters your family feel is dangerous.

Apt! As per the emboldened, I wouldn't be so sure though. I know and have seen ladies who are willing to protect their relationship at all cost and wouldn't mind ditching their circle of friends. Perhaps her friends share the same sentiment as her immediate and extended family which was why she made the move. It necessarily might not be because the dude proposed it for his selfish interest.

It is even possible that she has never been loved or treated the way the dude is treating her at the moment which in turn fuels her conviction that he is THE ONE.

God epp us.

Before what we used to have is " Do you love him? " but present it is " Can he take care of you "

Although she loves this guy, the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable. The issue, to her, is that she is approaching 30 and may not get another suitor.

The truth of the matter is not because the guy his not igbo its simply because of the guy current financial status.

May God help every struggling men and women.

...the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable.

Very stupid and myopic reasons.
Does he have a job,his own apartment and can he raise money to fund a wedding?
He must deal in drugs before he can be seen to be financially capable.smh

DarkJeddi:
For all you have narrated,you have not specifically pointed at any character flaws of the said Suitor apart from him not being an Igbo or rich.

Your sister is a full grown adult and if you can't point out any other reason for not supporting her marriage apart from ethnic bias then it is unfortunate..

Like you said she's not getting any younger,she's found a man she loves and unnecessary interference from you based only on tribal bias is only going to worsen her relationship with you..

Thanks for the point...
I dont even think age is now an issue for most women now.
My fear is even if this sails through, it will favour the man than her. She may not be free with her own family whom should be supporting her at all times.
a woman's family is very important to her even till death

Sanchez01:

Apt! As per the emboldened, I wouldn't be so sure though. I know and have seen ladies who are willing to protect their relationship at all cost and wouldn't mind ditching their circle of friends. Perhaps her friends share the same sentiment as her immediate and extended family which was why she made the move. It necessarily might not be because the dude proposed it for his selfish interest.

It is even possible that she has never been loved or treated the way the dude is treating her at the moment which in turn fuels her conviction that he is THE ONE.

God epp us.

Ladies do all these to protect love... its unfortunate men don't.
You might be very correct....... I hope he keeps treating her that way for life if they marry...

thorpido:
...the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable.

Very stupid and myopic reasons.
Does he have a job,his own apartment and can he raise money to fund a wedding?
He must deal in drugs before he can be seen to be financially capable.smh

sigh.... You know its not easy moving into a totally alien culture... leave love aside.
You cant blame the parents, there are a lot of fears and uncertainties especially when you havent experienced this from any of your relatives

madridguy:
Before what we used to have is " Do you love him? " but present it is " Can he take care of you "

Although she loves this guy, the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable. The issue, to her, is that she is approaching 30 and may not get another suitor.

The truth of the matter is not because the guy his not igbo its simply because of the guy current financial status.

May God help every struggling men and women.

Not sure of his financial status is security not being broke

philfrey08:
Hey guys,

My sister is threatening the peace of the family with her wanting to marry a guy she met about a year ago.
We are a traditional Igbo family with very close nuclear and extended family. We value family so much that we are close to our cousins/siblings and we help each other.
She met this Edo guy and things changed. Her friends went down to almost none, relationship with family became bad and most important life decisions or advice she takes from him instead of speaking to her parents/family.
She told the family of her proposal to marry this guy, 6 months into their relationship.... its almost a year now and the family is not in support.
Although she loves this guy, the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable. The issue, to her, is that she is approaching 30 and may not get another suitor.
She is ready to sacrifice all for him even her family and threatened that its only death that would not allow her marry him.
This is becoming a big issue. The family is divided. The parents are saying No.... her sisters support her.

abeg help put mouth.

not for front page pls

Financially dependent or not

Love handles all that

She should be allowed to follow her heart before she blames the family of any misfortune in her life

Tradition or no tradition, its made by men not women and a woman doesn't determines where she will get married to

If the guy is from America, will the same traditions be used as excuses ❓