Blakjewelry:
i dont know why and how people always attract the opposite of them

teamforeveryoun:
Is it wrong to want to feel loved, ?

Am married with kids.
Working class.
Very funny,
Fun to be with,
Dreamy,
Intuitive
Very curious
About 35-39
And TOO down to earth.

But very very lonely.

**Warning*** This MIGHT BE A LONG READ,,,,MIGHT.

So we were off and on friends and lovers for about 8 - 9 years and somehow, we got married then baby no. 1 came 3 months later because I was already pregnant before the marriage. YES,,,please don't tell me I was already living in sin before the marriage, I was in fact swimming in it ( for all the holier than thous planning to preach up in here, I already confessed my sin so move on to something else).
2 years later baby no. 2 arrived and then no. 3.

We used to be so happy or so I thought. It used to be me and him against the world.

He made so much promises and 7 years down the marriage not one has been fulfilled. Simple and small promises,like he would definitely go back to school and get his degree, he would always make me happy, extended family would never come between us, he would try within his power to make sure i don't shed sad tears and so forth,,,,,simple promises.....

For the record, he has never paid a single bill since the marriage even before because I saw so much prospect in him, and I was willing to cover for his inadequacy, I so believed in him, he had this hustling spirit, was funny, kind and very homely. He truelly was a nice person and I never felt bad denying myself just to care for the family financially and emotionally. Sex was very OK and satisfying, so please, this is not about sex.

Resentment started when I suggested he help fill in the gap when it comes to being available for the kids, since my job takes up more time and brings in more so there won't be so much lapse between us parents and the kids even if we had a nanny who does a great job. Little stuff like drop them off at school in the morning on his way out for hustle, call the nanny regularly to check and speak to them, once in a while do their homework with them and most importantly spend time with them especially weekends and holidays if we can, ( I spend ALL my weekends and holidays when i really can with my kids, don't regret it). He felt it made less of a man, he wants to be out there, fine, but how much is out there bringing in, there are bills to pay, children to feed and general expenses that comes with raising a family. Am not earning millions but it can hold the seams of the family financially just enough, don't I deserve a bit of respect and accolade once in a while from my supposed partner? No, instead I get grumblings that I complain too much and I get angry too easily. Please, why won't I get angry when for example, I go to work on a Saturday,( he is forced to be home because no nanny on weekends) and when I rush back home after work, the house is completely upside down, kitchen is a huge mess, kids running amok and looking like they have been watching TV all day, no food available ( just to help me bring it out of the freezer to defrost before I come, I cook all the family meals) I have to start trying to melt food fast because me am even starving, clothes i put in the washing machine before I left by 5am are still in there, he jumps out of the house immediately I get in, and before am finally ready for bed, sometimes its 11pm and he is not yet back, when he does return he is reeking of alcohol,,,and when I get angry he starts complaining that why am I getting angry? Please, is it fair?
I have begged him severally to get a job but he insists he wants his own business as he can not be answerable to anybody.

He is never home and when he is,,,its either he is asleep because he was out all night according to him hustling or he is on his phone watching facebook and youtube videos. No interaction with the family unless I force him.
All our family outings has been by force from me,,,,,keeps telling me he is not that kind if person but he feels very happy being out on his own.
I have never attended a party or wedding or social gathering of any sort with him,,,he goes behind my back and when I see pictures or the clothes he used, he says it was nothing jare, that he didn't really spend much time there.

He tries to shut me up when we are having a simple argument, he would scream and yell or just walk away.

His family barge into our home whenever and however they choose, he never informs me but I had to take a stand on that as I was slowing losing my home.

Like I said before, sex used to be good but now non existent.

He doesn't look at me,,,,I could have a swastika carved on my forehead and he wouldn't notice.
I have called him severally for talks and all he does is remind of my faults which I honestly accept and try to work on but he never agrees he does anything wrong. For the longest time before we stopped having sex, he had to get drunk or high on weed, and I have honestly told him I wasn't comfortable with that but he wouldn't stop.
God knows I have been patient for years and have nearly fallen into temptations in the past but had to pull myself out before I went too deep.

Am human and I deserve real affection too.

I don't know but in recent times, am really lonely because I don't really have friends or time to even hang out with friends. Asides from my kids that make being alive still worth it, am just lonely.

Is it wrong I wish someone would appreciate me and honour me and I do same for the person because I know it will be appreciated, is it wrong am having that longing?


Please,,,all the WAR ROOM fellows,,,,go and sleep.
I pray.
Am human.

Cutehector:
It is not wrong my dear. You have really tried especially in terms of providing.


Please no matter what happens, do not let the devil tempt you to cheat on your husband..

Mood11:
Your husband is frustrated.. And he is taking it out on you.

The only thing that can help him is getting a job or a business. With time, once he begins to do something productive you will see he will calm down.

Don't give up. May you find strength and peace to carry on.

It is not easy.

Blakjewelry:
i dont know why and how people always attract the opposite of them

theButterfly:
That you "were off and on friends and lovers for about 8 - 9 years" meant you were breaking up with each other repeatedly, which was a warning sign, imo. Some people are really just meant to be friends and that's all.

Leoniine:


because they believe the "more opposite," the sweeter or most compatible...?

And, it's kind of interesting to be with someone different from who you are. Different mindset, perceptions, personalities and so on.

stanliwiser:
love is different from like.
All your characteristic will only make people like you including the He in your long blog post.
simple as ABC

for all the holier than thous planning to preach up in here, I already confessed my sin so move on to something else

nlPoster:


Why the especial bile for the so called holier than thous?

None of who are on the thread btw. What gave you the impression they'd be preaching to you about your nl topic when the site is known for fake tales?


And you did move on to something else even without anybody preaching to you, not so? My only comment here is wedding is not marriage, that's all.

teamforeveryoun:


I already said it was going to be long, you don't need to point that out.

If am correct, you are saying my characteristics doesn't fit LOVE rather LIKE,,,,,,.

Please. Help a sister,,,what characteristics can make me lovable? Am open to learn.

Interesting.

teamforeveryoun:


Sometime along the way, I actually felt so, but alas, we have come this far,,,,I don't know what to say again.

teamforeveryoun:
Is it wrong to want to feel loved, ?

Am married with kids.
Working class.
Very funny,
Fun to be with,
Dreamy,
Intuitive
Very curious
About 35-39
And TOO down to earth.

But very very lonely.

**Warning*** This MIGHT BE A LONG READ,,,,MIGHT.

So we were off and on friends and lovers for about 8 - 9 years and somehow, we got married then baby no. 1 came 3 months later because I was already pregnant before the marriage. YES,,,please don't tell me I was already living in sin before the marriage, I was in fact swimming in it ( for all the holier than thous planning to preach up in here, I already confessed my sin so move on to something else).
2 years later baby no. 2 arrived and then no. 3.

We used to be so happy or so I thought. It used to be me and him against the world.

He made so much promises and 7 years down the marriage not one has been fulfilled. Simple and small promises,like he would definitely go back to school and get his degree, he would always make me happy, extended family would never come between us, he would try within his power to make sure i don't shed sad tears and so forth,,,,,simple promises.....

For the record, he has never paid a single bill since the marriage even before because I saw so much prospect in him, and I was willing to cover for his inadequacy, I so believed in him, he had this hustling spirit, was funny, kind and very homely. He truelly was a nice person and I never felt bad denying myself just to care for the family financially and emotionally. Sex was very OK and satisfying, so please, this is not about sex.

Resentment started when I suggested he help fill in the gap when it comes to being available for the kids, since my job takes up more time and brings in more so there won't be so much lapse between us parents and the kids even if we had a nanny who does a great job. Little stuff like drop them off at school in the morning on his way out for hustle, call the nanny regularly to check and speak to them, once in a while do their homework with them and most importantly spend time with them especially weekends and holidays if we can, ( I spend ALL my weekends and holidays when i really can with my kids, don't regret it). He felt it made less of a man, he wants to be out there, fine, but how much is out there bringing in, there are bills to pay, children to feed and general expenses that comes with raising a family. Am not earning millions but it can hold the seams of the family financially just enough, don't I deserve a bit of respect and accolade once in a while from my supposed partner? No, instead I get grumblings that I complain too much and I get angry too easily. Please, why won't I get angry when for example, I go to work on a Saturday,( he is forced to be home because no nanny on weekends) and when I rush back home after work, the house is completely upside down, kitchen is a huge mess, kids running amok and looking like they have been watching TV all day, no food available ( just to help me bring it out of the freezer to defrost before I come, I cook all the family meals) I have to start trying to melt food fast because me am even starving, clothes i put in the washing machine before I left by 5am are still in there, he jumps out of the house immediately I get in, and before am finally ready for bed, sometimes its 11pm and he is not yet back, when he does return he is reeking of alcohol,,,and when I get angry he starts complaining that why am I getting angry? Please, is it fair?
I have begged him severally to get a job but he insists he wants his own business as he can not be answerable to anybody.

He is never home and when he is,,,its either he is asleep because he was out all night according to him hustling or he is on his phone watching facebook and youtube videos. No interaction with the family unless I force him.
All our family outings has been by force from me,,,,,keeps telling me he is not that kind if person but he feels very happy being out on his own.
I have never attended a party or wedding or social gathering of any sort with him,,,he goes behind my back and when I see pictures or the clothes he used, he says it was nothing jare, that he didn't really spend much time there.

He tries to shut me up when we are having a simple argument, he would scream and yell or just walk away.

His family barge into our home whenever and however they choose, he never informs me but I had to take a stand on that as I was slowing losing my home.

Like I said before, sex used to be good but now non existent.

He doesn't look at me,,,,I could have a swastika carved on my forehead and he wouldn't notice.
I have called him severally for talks and all he does is remind of my faults which I honestly accept and try to work on but he never agrees he does anything wrong. For the longest time before we stopped having sex, he had to get drunk or high on weed, and I have honestly told him I wasn't comfortable with that but he wouldn't stop.
God knows I have been patient for years and have nearly fallen into temptations in the past but had to pull myself out before I went too deep.

Am human and I deserve real affection too.

I don't know but in recent times, am really lonely because I don't really have friends or time to even hang out with friends. Asides from my kids that make being alive still worth it, am just lonely.

Is it wrong I wish someone would appreciate me and honour me and I do same for the person because I know it will be appreciated, is it wrong am having that longing?


Please,,,all the WAR ROOM fellows,,,,go and sleep.
I pray.
Am human.

theButterfly:

Yes, you've both come far.

If you've never gone for counseling together, do go asap.

I wish you and your husband all the best.

mumumugu:


before marriage a man is confident because of funds. after marriage, money reduces.he is angry wants to improve his esteem by making more money..yet you talking love. if you love his esteem add to his source of income without removing from it

nlPoster:
OP your language is too hard for any discussion.

Pray for your husband, if your story is true.

Think about how you can have a forgiving spirit so you dont encourage anti social behaviours you dont like in yourself.

I see you just opened this account today.

teamforeveryoun:


I apologise if I come across as hard, maybe all this time of trying and failing, expecting but disappointed must have hardened my tone.

My story is very true and I hope talking here helps me in ways that can not be explained.

Yes, I just opened the account, so its easy for people to just give their opinions without judging you based on your past posts on NL.

This is a real story. I have struggled with depression even before I got married and it only got worse because of what started happening, I have been suicidal but remembered that my kids need me and people will end up saying I killed myself because of a man. No, I have this deep sadness growing in me and I just want to open up to people.
You are only alone when you don't say whats wrong.
That's why I opened a new account.
No judgement, just be emphatic, if you can.

nlPoster:


Some of your statements in your OP are very suspicious.


And knowing how nlers base 98% of their social lives and existence on people's marriages, any topic referring to marriage is always guaranteed to generate an audience here.

In view of that, you probably should edit your post and remove the controversial phrases. So people dont give advice that would give them.