I'm Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.


She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

Married man...... Only boys are pressured into marriage

So wetin be the koko of wetin you write now

A pastors daughter does not care about pre marital sex, even her Pastor parents that consented to the awkward marriage.

If it's just one of those church weddings and certificates and no registry certificate, its easy for you to walk out of the marriage now. Tell her how you feel and If she wants to keep wearing wedding band and stay married to herself just so she can keep up appearances, that's her own wahala.

Your child though should not suffer for your indiscretion. Make she s/he is well taken care of.

The woman is not a small girl , why not narrate to her all that transpired? If she wants to go further with you then it's solely her decision. I really dont like people who make others feel stupid

She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

You got a lady pregnant, you married her.
Next thing, you connected with another lady while playing chess.
What next? You've started discussing orgasms with her after you both went to see a movie.
Now a short black lady has been chasing her in her dreams



TBH, Never in my life have I seen a BOY as so confused, wayward, deceitful, irresponsible and promiscuous as this OP.


Thanks.

You impregnated her, and not 'she eventually got pregnant.' If you were so up and doing to get a lady pregnant, be ready to father the child; and stop thinking she needs your pity..and mind you, she is your wife now (even though you have both sinned on pre-marital basis). About your affair with the other dame, it is quite appalling many men are so indecisive in important matters. What I deduce from all your tales is that you are irresponsible -- please believe.

Still wondering what could have made a full grown man dating someone he cannot marry to the extent of gotten her pregnant.

@wicked op, please take good care of that pregnant girl before it too late. Being pregnant is not easy, please support here emotionally and financially. She is carrying your child for God sake. How would you feel if someone is doing this to your daughter?

ifyalways:
A pastors daughter does not care about pre marital sex, even her Pastor parents that consented to the awkward marriage.

If it's just one of those church weddings and certificates and no registry certificate, its easy for you to walk out of the marriage now. Tell her how you feel and If she wants to keep wearing wedding band and stay married to herself just so she can keep up appearances, that's her own wahala.

Your child though should not suffer for your indiscretion. Make she s/he is well taken care of.

The kind of hatred women have for each other is unbelievable. Especially when they realize a "church girl" is involved.

Cutehector:
The woman is not a small girl , why not narrate to her all that transpired? If she wants to go further with you then it's solely her decision. I really dont like people who make others feel stupid

@ freemantj

You did a marriage and you still cheating that realyvbad

Beware end time is near
And also for your unborn kid
God is watching you

Nonsense thread. You are such a player and you should fix up your mess.. Rubbish

zeb04:
@ freemantj

hi... Any reason for tagging someone at my comment?

FreemanTJ:
2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.

MR MAN STOP DECEIVING YOURSELF.

>YOU GOT A LADY PREGNANT- 1ST OFFENSE.

>YOU COULD HAVE USED CONDOM BUT NO- 2ND OFFENSE.

>YOU AGREED TO MARRY THE LADY WITHOUT BEING FORCED- 3RD OFFENSE.

>YOU LEFT YOUR WIFE PREGNANT AND ENGAGED SEX WITH ANOTHER LADY- 4TH OFFENSE.

>YOU DECEIVED THE LADY BY REFUSING TO TELL HER YOU WERE MARRIED SO YOU CAN SEX HER TOO- 5TH OFFENSE.

>YOU HAVE THE OPTION OF DIVORCE IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE YOUR WIFE BUT YOU CHOSE TO KEEP HER AND HAVE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS- 6TH OFFENSE.

Oga simply put you're a subtle deceiver and 419er.

Call your wife, get a divorce and marry your heart's choice because you'll live a life of regrets if you don't.

Pay your monthly dues on your child and you'll be good.

Shalom

After we settled our fight I told her I was traveling home to see my parents but the truth is my wife was about to put to bed. While I was away, she noticed i stopped communicating and we had another major argument, I lied I was really busy since I hadn't seen my parents in 2 yrs. So we stopped communicating for a while till I was away from my wife again. She insisted I was hiding something but I shoved the thought away.
After some weeks we got back together again, this time she said she had a dream I was lecturing/training people and was earning half a million fro the job. I told her I had a passion for training so I decided to do proposal for training, so i asked her if this would fly at her workplace and she agreed she'll do her best.
So she talked to her boss about the proposal and he asked that i see him the next day, he was going to introduce me to the head of training which he did. Her boss introduced me as his brother and even told people around her workplace that that's her fiance. At this time I was confused, she was embarrassed, she didnt expect her boss to tell everyone about her relationship especially now that we're not stable. I appreciated her effort but could bring myself to tell her now that half of her colleagues think we are dating.

The training department promised to get back to us and it was all looking positive. For the first time she asked to sleepover on a Friday and get back home the next day which I agreed and this time we decided we weren't having any sexual relationship since we've had an argument that the relationship was all about sex. The next day she woke and insisted she had a dream about a pregnant woman who came around to take her things from my place. Before she told me her dream she said she knows I'd hiss. In my mind I knew she was right but I insisted it wasn't true. Unfortunately she got a message on WhatsApp to deliver a mail from her workplace so she asked to borrow my system to quickly get the work done.

While she was trying to login google had saved my wife's email on gmail, so she said she couldn't log in but she'd rather use yahoo. When I checked the email I saw my wife's mail and I was only hoping she doesn't try to find who owned the mail. I was shocked she didnt ask, she just finished sending out the mail and left.

Around 10pm that day she already knew I was married, she sent several messages insisting I was married with a daughter yet I could lie to her even knowing that she has a policy against dating married men.

She knows you have a wife. She has done her research but she wants you to deny it. You are man enough to see your wife, be intimate with her unprotected, attracted to her and impregnate her. Work on your marriage and stop looking for the coward way out. What a cheap excuse all over this thread. Shame on you OP.

Come and complete this story.

GraGra247:


MR MAN STOP DECEIVING YOURSELF.

>YOU GOT A LADY PREGNANT- 1ST OFFENSE.

>YOU COULD HAVE USED CONDOM BUT NO- 2ND OFFENSE.

>YOU AGREED TO MARRY THE LADY WITHOUT BEING FORCED- 3RD OFFENSE.

>YOU LEFT YOUR WIFE PREGNANT AND ENGAGED SEX WITH ANOTHER LADY- 4TH OFFENSE.

>YOU DECEIVED THE LADY BY REFUSING TO TELL HER YOU WERE MARRIED SO YOU CAN SEX HER TOO- 5TH OFFENSE.

>YOU HAVE THE OPTION OF DIVORCE IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE YOUR WIFE BUT YOU CHOSE TO KEEP HER AND HAVE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS- 6TH OFFENSE.

Oga simply put you're a subtle deceiver and 419er.

Lol

When she eventually picked my calls, I apologized profusely. I told her i was already planning to get a separation from my wife once the child was at least 6 months. I promised I was going to see her people so we can do a traditional marriage and eventually get a divorce. She was so devastated and said she was depressed. I told her I'd been reading the marriage act and asked for her forgiveness. Then I explained why I got married to the lady and circumstances surrounding the marriage.

She said she needed to talk to someone and was suicidal, she had an exam the next day and said she wasn't thinking straight. I felt really bad as I'd grown fond of her. I kept checking on her to ensure she wasn't going to do anything stupid. We communicated from 10pm till about 5am when her folks were almost awake and till she got prepared for her exams. I tried to calm her down but she kept crying on public while talking to me.
She insisted she couldn't allow me go through with the decision of divorce and she needed to seek forgiveness from my wife and daughter. Later on she said she wanted her pound of flesh.
She later called saying she spoke to her uncle who insisted I should leave the relationship that I wasn't serious with the whole divorce process and the separation was to buy time so he could resolve with his wife and divorce doesn't take 2years and it could take longer. I was disappointed because I meant what I said when I said I was seeking separation and would marry her traditionally but I guess she was overwhelmed by her emotions and decided she would contact my wife.

I didnt think she was going to go through with the threat of contacting my wife but she did. She asked me earlier if my wife was aware she was going to contact me and I replied yes which was a lie. Eventually, she narrated it all to her and created a fake page on instagram with our wedding pictures which she found on facebook. Immediately, my wife put a call through to me and she wouldnt stop crying.
Ever since we got married I have not had sex with my wife as I never wanted the marriage. In fact I wanted to get a PhD in the UK to get out of the situation as fast as I could. She was unhappy and just wanted some privacy. She said she didnt want our wedding picture out there since it showed she was pregnant and told me to tell my gf to bring down the page on IG. I reached out to my gf but she insisted on leaving the page out there so that no one would fall prey to me. She also mentioned my wife reached out to her to bring down the page but she wouldnt as she was part of the problem. She insisted if my wife at least gave an hint she was married to me on social media then maybe she would have save alot of single ladies falling prey to married men.
I asked her to drag my if she wants but to leave my wife out of it but she claimed to have forgotten the password.
She said in fact she's helping me save my marriage that I should fix it and put my wedding pictures on social media.

Op, what type of double life is this nah? So anytime you open your mouth you ooze out lies upon lies, abi? No iota of truth in you.

Look at how you're toiling with the emotions of two women. You don't even care about the state of your pregnant wife or the heart of an innocent lady who loved you genuinely and even went out of her way to introduce you to her workplace. Whom you could have opened up to from day one about your marital status. You led her into breaking her vow and you think that is fair?

Keep deceiving yourself that you'll divorce your wife.

Wicked man.

You better restitute your way by asking for their forgiveness and focusing on your family.

I eventually put up my daughters picture then I noticed she brought down the fake page but she said she was still depressed and it would take the grace of God to help her heal. She told me the baby looked exactly like me which I began to notice too when I went to visit them this weekend. My wife claims she can't continue the marriage which I'm supposed to be happy about but I didnt want it to be around this type of circumstances.
The other lady is so confused and devastated and is probably still in love with me.

I didnt wish to be in this mess. If I stay in this marriage I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life. I'll be there for my child whenever she needs me. For the other lady, we could have been perfect but now that her family is against it, it seems a no go area. I've always been financially supportive to my wife and baby even though it wasn't the type of marriage I planned for.
I dont know how to make it up to the lady as she has insisted she wont forgive me for lying to her while my wife cant stand me either.

Nothing wey Musa no go see for gate..

joseo:
Married man...... Only boys are pressured into marriage

Not when she's insisting on killing herself.

ifyalways:
A pastors daughter does not care about pre marital sex, even her Pastor parents that consented to the awkward marriage.

If it's just one of those church weddings and certificates and no registry certificate, its easy for you to walk out of the marriage now. Tell her how you feel and If she wants to keep wearing wedding band and stay married to herself just so she can keep up appearances, that's her own wahala.

Your child though should not suffer for your indiscretion. Make she s/he is well taken care of.

I actually ensure both of them are very okay. I actually gave her my car during the period she was pregnant and she still has it. I'm just unhappy in the marriage and no it wasn't just a church certificate, her parent ensured of that.

0ppa:
You impregnated her, and not 'she eventually got pregnant.' If you were so up and doing to get a lady pregnant, be ready to father the child; and stop thinking she needs your pity..and mind you, she is your wife now (even though you have both sinned on pre-marital basis). About your affair with the other dame, it is quite appalling many men are so indecisive in important matters. What I deduce from all your tales is that you are irresponsible -- please believe.

I accept whatever you throw at me

The type of women you attract .
One is unnecessarily vindictive and dramatic and the other stuck on you.

There are chances you can still work out things with your wife/baby momma. Can you both take a weekend out, leave the baby for the grannies and try to work/talk things out ?

Tales by moonlight.
Btw Nl family section has gotten its groove back.Who else noticed?
Stories upon stories

ifyalways:
The type of women you attract .
One is unnecessarily vindictive and dramatic and the other stuck on you.

There are chances you can still work out things with your wife/baby momma. Can you both take a weekend out, leave the baby for the grannies and try to work/talk things out ?

They both dont live in lagos. Yes, I'll definitely try to work on this.

FreemanTJ:


They both dont live in lagos. Yes, I'll definitely try to work on this.

Invite one of them for a week and, take some time off!