She actually doesn’t feel like she deserves better.
If she did, her actions would show it.

Gloriagee:
He's busy feeling soooo eligible.

Everybody is saying the wifey should take the guy back. Why cant they see she deserves better?

Octopusssy:

Tah, gerrarahere! You will use what on who? Me?? Better use it as fila for that your yam head

Oya which one do you recommend? I also have one for you, complete with veil. None of them are ya rubber glove Toto scraping gold circle though

Hi TJ...
Maybe I think differently or I have chosen to see it from a different angle.
But I think for now, what you need is give yourself a break from the world, anything women, friends, family and even social media, say 21days or a month..
You really need to think about you, what you really want and also the kind of future you want for your little you(baby) 'coz whatever decision you make will determine the future of your baby...
I remember my 1st day at ante-natal, when a particular male nurse was to address us, guess what his 1st statement was??
He said "Pregnancies in Africa are usually as a result of mistakes" then I whispered to the lady beside me "even us too way don marry"? The man replied "auntie tell us say u been no get other plans"?
Truth is you really need a time alone and just ur baby's picture on your phone to think!!!
No responsible woman "married by mistake or not" wants a broken home all 4 d sake of their children and truth is you connected with the 2nd lady bcoz somewhere in your subconscious, there's a class segregation between u and ur wife, u feel she's a burden and marrying her may not give you that marriage fantasy but then, the bad news is if this 2nd lady could be this dramatic to the extent of not considering the little baby b4 putting up the fake IG, what would happen when you guys are married and u cheat on her( a trait which I think you "may" have 'coz u easily moved) she would burn down the entire house, kill you and kill herself or everyday her village people will come and settle issues b/w u guys...
U see, while you may consider my advice to think about yourself, also consider if you take your time to teach the momma of your baby so many things you know if she is willing to learn and measure up?
Marriage is a constant work in progress, there are too many things to say but the most important thing I want you to know is that you should try everything within your powers to avoid toxic partners, they don't forgive and they are good at paybacks no matter how much you try to apologize. Along the course of marriage love fails but sacrifice keeps it going till the love is built again...
I wish you stay around Abuja, i would have loved to meet you so I take u to meet with people who had similar situations and what their decisions led to.
However, I wish you and your little you (baby) the best in life.

baby124:

I don’t believe in all those dreams and revelations. Sorry.

I need to be sincere with you. u never jam gifted people. One of my sibling is a case study. Before anything happens, he had already seen it coming

Guy , your problems are ,firstly, you have a huge lust for women and a betrayal ,Secondly, you are indecisive and a gold digger. thirdly, you are not faithful and sincere. If I should quote you line by lines, she's a pst. daughter, I didn't want her to be my wife, "but u have been sleeping with her raw" ? I impregnated her unknowingly , she didn't want to give birth out of wedlock, she lured me into marrying her coz we had a pact ", we did TM & white, I don't like wearing the ring, we lived separately, in all these u didn't do anything coz she used federal might to compelled u to do them . I met one girl in an event, later we kelewu and kelewa for like twice and bla bla bla... bros, u are a liar and a deceiver and equally deceiving yourself . You will not make heaven unless you repent. My candid words and advice to you is go back and marry that one that gave birth to your child coz you have directly or indirectly reduced her value and no man will take her serious in this 21st century where every young guys and even Papa's are looking for fresh young girls to marry. . .

Op nawa for you I Know your problem you see the marriage as bondage cos you still want to keep fuc.king around you have not finished exploring but remember AID and other STDS are real in case you forgot spend more time with you wife and daughter just for like 6months and come back and tell us if you still want a divorce retract yoir steps now before it's too late

ornicus:


Oya which one do you recommend? I also have one for you, complete with veil. None of them are ya rubber glove Toto scraping gold circle though

Trojan. Sounds very capable and masculine

midnighter:
But that wife didnt do well...how will you threaten suicide to force somebody to marry you and then cry foul when the man cant stand you again?

The wife is also to blame in this in my opinion. How can you beg somebody to marry you what type of marriage was she expecting? Because shes a pastors daughter, did she remember she was a pastors daughter when she was doing rubbish with you behind closed doors?

He should leave the second girl alone, she too doesnt seem to have a respect:



For this act alone, you should be able to tell that the girlfriend is no good. You told her to take the instagram down and she refused and insisted on humiliating your wife who had nothing to do with her frustration. Who the hell is she to dictate to somebody how they should display their marriage on social media? You cant possibly defend this to yourself or anybody reading it.

Go and sort things out with your wife, divorce her if it gets to that but just make sure you take care of your daughter in this

And you need to work on your habit of lying and evading the truth. All of this could have been avoided if you had let your yes be yes and your no be no

very reasonable comment... The first comment I read that also passed some blames to the wife...

Let me put it as it is.... The wife manipulated him into marriage... Finito... But op too being a sissy was blackmailed into marriage... Op also has a very selfish lying nature which he seems not to see as a big deal and I pity for more girls that will fall into his hand...

Which movie be this brother?

cococandy:


His type are never at fault.
It’s one thing to admit you did wrong and seek forgiveness but to never admit it and try to turn it around on others. Na . this OP will die if some cheats on him.
But look at him.

He has not even considered seeking his wife's forgiveness. He is still trying to justify his infidelity as it they put a gun to his head when he was impregnating her.

CONFUSED MEN EVERYWHERE!!!!

What do you stand to gain ?What did you intend to achieve or end up with.
You are playing around with the emotion of two innocent ladies and you think you are smart,
you can"t play your game for a long time, it will be exposed soonest. Karma will catch up with you and You will surly pay for it.
You are not sincere to any of them,

Shame on you Mr CONFUSION

SmellingAnus:
very reasonable comment... The first comment I read that also passed some blames to the wife...

Let me put it as it is.... The wife manipulated him into marriage... Finito... But op too being a sissy was blackmailed into marriage... Op also has a very selfish lying nature which he seems not to see as a big deal and I pity for more girls that will fall into his hand...

Exactly. All three of them are to blame, but he is the "placeholder". He doesnt have a spine otherwise that girlfriend wouldnt dare go against his instruction and disrespect his wife.

His wife who cornered him into marriage in the first place and then agreed to live on the other side of town! Thats just the state of society...she was so desperate for marriage that she agreed to stay out of his sight just so that she could answer "Mrs". Couldnt she see the insult in that arrangement? Kai! Threatening suicide on top of pregnancy. What type of stupid suicide is that

The thing is that he also brought his own sins to the table so he is not totally lost. But the way he is trying to defend his girlfriend's actions and at the same time remove his own culpability in messing up with his wife shows that he hasnt really understood the problem.

He is not a particularly bad person but indecisive and allows himself to be carried away and manipulated too easily without counting the cost.

Hmmmm men's are very wicked, u stated having sex with her while u know that u do not love her from ur heart.

The greatest mistake I see in all this is the op not living with his wife. Not agreeing to live together opened the door for all these. By living together, the love would have come seamlessly. My take: cut off completely from the second lady and go live with your wife.

You are as stupid as your post. Idiot human being. Repent, or perish in hell fire, because your despicable affairs has no imitation.

FreemanTJ:
I'm Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.


She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

Moral of this story... 1. Never start what you cannot finish 2. Pray never to find your true love after marriage.... Na so e take be..

Nehemz:
Hmmmm men's are very wicked, u stated having sex with her while u know that u do not love her from ur heart.

which one be men's again biko?

BlackPantherCri:


He has not even considered seeking his wife's forgiveness. He is still trying to justify his infidelity as it they put a gun to his head when he was impregnating her.

He’s already told everyone that he doesn’t care about his marriage to her. So I don’t expect him to apologize to her.

He’s the one who’s right and she’s wrong for ‘forcing him to impregnate her and then trap him into marriage’.

The cheek on that guy

Op, you're sick. Wait until you get this one pregnant, you don't know depression kills ba! Ask Ubi Franklin.

crackhaus:

The funny thing about your comment is that you typed it, submitted it, read it over again to check for errors, and you still did not detect the complete lunacy in your behaviour.

Ever heard the phrase, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

midnighter:


Exactly. All three of them are to blame, but he is the "placeholder". He doesnt have a spine otherwise that girlfriend wouldnt dare go against his instruction and disrespect his wife.

His wife who cornered him into marriage in the first place and then agreed to live on the other side of town! Thats just the state of society...she was so desperate for marriage that she agreed to stay out of his sight just so that she could answer "Mrs". Couldnt she see the insult in that arrangement? Kai!

The thing is that he also brought his own sins to the table so he is not totally lost. But the way he is trying to defend his girlfriend's actions and at the same time remove his own culpability in messing up with his wife shows that he hasnt really understood the problem.

He is not a particularly bad person but indecisive and allows himself to be carried away and manipulated too easily without counting the cost.

so true... Currently his wife doesn't even want the marriage again... Op is not happy that the wife is leaving during period, he would have preferred they divorced much later cos he doesn't love her and according to him he will never be happy in the marriage...

Loool.....I think most of ur post on this topic are almost 99% correct ....op is not just seeing it yet...lool ladies decide what is truth actually...I don’t buy for 1 second that she never suspected op ...the amount of times she asked op in different ways .....nah..she knew something was up...she’s probably hurt that it was finally true based on evidence

baby124:

Hahahaha hahahahaha! Hmmm!!!! You are a joker! How long have you known this girl? What a joke.

MY BROTHER,TO TELL YOU THE HONEST TRUTH. I WILL STRONGLY ADVICE YOU STICK TO THE LADY THAT IS CARRYING YOUR BABY.
THE DID HAS BEEN DONE PLEASE DON'T GO ABOUT 2FACE* ! HAVING MANY BABYMAMA'S YOU ARE LIKELY TO RISK AND INCUR MANY ISSUES.
TURN THE TABLE AROUND AND ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION.
WHAT OF IF SOMEONE DID THIS TO YOUR SISTER, WILL YOU BE HAPPY? YOU HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE,WHILE NOT DEAL WITH THIS AND SEE WHAT COMES OF THIS FIRST THEN YOU SHOOTING IN MANY DIRECTIONS.
DO YOU WANT TO BE A FATHER OF MANY NATIONS?

BatleFox:






Before you continue first tell SmellingAnus and Gforce2015 that you are gay and you love sperm so they will understand where you are coming from.

You so evil-minded to the essence that you don't believe in abstinence and you don't believe in celibacy....
Son of vipers... Waste generation...
Keep living your de_ulded life...

You're right. Who agrees to stay at the other side of the same town after marriage?

cococandy:
She actually doesn’t feel like she deserves better.
If she did, her actions would show it.

After two years, you are now telling us.

How true is this story?

How are we sure you are saying the truth?

Another format on nairaland.

If this story is true then you are not only foolish you are a boy ! A small boy!! Nonsense

FreemanTJ:
I'm Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.


She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

Why are you like this ? You are married and toying with someone's heart. Later they will say men are scum because of people like you.

SmellingAnus:
so true... Currently his wife doesn't even want the marriage again... Op is not happy that the wife is leaving during period, he would have preferred they divorced much later cos he doesn't love her and according to him he will never be happy in the marriage...

Oh I didnt even remember that last part

Can you just imagine? Shes saying she wants to stop and he's still talking rubbish. He doesnt want to be around her, he keeps her on the other side of the island like bale of okrika, now she too doesnt want to see him and hes still complaining

Because he doesnt want to be the one who got dumped, he cant imagine the short black woman dumping Oba of Benin like him, he wants to be the one to rubbish her life first so that he can feel better. Everything is a competition of "smartness" or game of chess to him

Walahi this man is bloody stupid

All I can see is a man who is not ready to face his responsibilities as a married man. He's still in the spirit of sowing his wild oats while breaking hearts in the process.

@OP
Be a responsible father to your daughter at least. You brought her into the world and she should not suffer. You can choose to build a proper relationship with your wife who appears to like you despite your shortcomings. You're also free to walk away (divorce) if you have no feelings for her. At least she'll be free to move on and possibly find someone who really appreciates her.

On the other hand, you can choose to marry your prophetess girlfriend. Just note that you need to change your lifestyle to make any marriage work. You're currently too deceitful and self centred. It's difficult to manage a home successfully with that attitude.

this story is not complete
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FreemanTJ:


I have resorted to separation which is the first step to divorce. We dont live together as couples. I just haven't made it official. I wanted th baby out first then at least 6 months old before I started the process but as it is, things are now more complicated.

all dese south south boys sef