My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

Do you want to marry someone you can't trust? If yes, go ahead, if no then quit the relationship.

Dude its quite a difficult scenario though. But i tell you this....in marriage trust comes first before love. you see this love shacking you guys now, give it 2 or 3 yrs in the marriage it fizzles and you guys are back to reality.
What keeps a marriage is that friendship loyalty and trust. Trust is the basis of marriage though.
If you would always weigh everything a partner tells you out of distrust, then you both are not fit to be in a relationship, talk more of marriage.\
Dude you wont be happy if you end up living that life. Theres no joy in always investigating anything your loved one tells you.

I feel maybe you can put her to a test of your own again, and check if she passes it without lying. Maybe she's changed or maybe she's not.
So put it to test

Bro as for the abortion, just forget that one, Its a mistake
without a doubt more than 60% ladies have gone through it. Either operation or drug.
If you've taken postinor before, you've committed abortion. So just move on with that...don't judge her with regards to that

If I no marry virgin wetin i gain? ashawo everywhere.

Hmmm

As if u no fvck anoda wen una break up...confess ur own make we see if d relationship no go borrow legs.

donchrisville:
Dude its quite a difficult scenario though. But i tell you this....in marriage trust comes first before love. you see this love shacking you guys now, give it 2 or 3 yrs in the marriage it fizzles and you guys are back to reality.
What keeps a marriage is that friendship loyalty and trust. Trust is the basis of marriage though.
If you would always weigh everything a partner tells you out of distrust, then you both are not fit to be in a relationship, talk more of marriage.\
Dude you wont be happy if you end up living that life. Theres no joy in always investigating anything your loved one tells you.

I feel maybe you can put her to a test of your own again, and check if she passes it without lying. Maybe she's changed or maybe she's not.
So put it to test

Bro as for the abortion, just forget that one, Its a mistake
without a doubt more than 60% ladies have gone through it. Either operation or drug.
If you've taken postinor before, you've committed abortion. So just move on with that...don't judge her with regards to that

I disagree with you on this. Postinor is a contraceptive, it prevents pregnancy. If you say Postinor is abortion, then all other family planning methods are also abortion.

She lied to you before and she did it again despite that you asked her to come out clean.

Now this is what I observe.

Your fiancee may not be a bad girl or a "liar" in total sense. The fact that she even told you before marriage somehow proves that because she could have kept it from you forever.

But she is the type that will LIE to cover up mistakes from you or anyone and save herself from shame. This is the kind of person she is perceived to be.

So the question is are you ready to live with such a person?

It could happen that one of your uncles or brothers will visit your home, temptations will set in and they will have sex, she's the type that will hide it from you.

As she goes about her daily activities, she might meet a guy and have a fling with her, get pregnant and even give birth and present it as your own to save herself from shame.

It could happen that she hooks up with her ex especially after there's an unsettled misunderstanding with you, something plays after another and they have sex and may even be continually doing that but hide it from you.

I only gave those as examples based on possibility. Your fiancee might not be the prosmicuous type. But it still cannot be ruled out totally.

Modified: Or such attitude could manifest in any matter whether it is related to sex or infidelity or not where she'll lie to you to cover up and save herself from shame

So you are the one who should ask yourself if you want to live with such a person as couples.

Good luck

My brother once a hoe is always a hoe.. lemme nt lie 2 u o, me i dnt believe in love covering multitude of sin, i can 4gv but i no the 4get shii cus as time goes on it wil flash back anytime she misbehave. Trust me if i am in ur shoes i wont marry a lady who lie asf... I am nt saying i'm perfect but i alway thnk of 2maro b4 taking any action.. I put it to you that after ur wedding she wil tel u tnz that u wil jst kuku die so i wil advice u 2 discharg her nw b4 lawyers start eating ur hard earned money as filing fee and appearance fee for ur divorce matter ... God save us frm all dis hoeloshos distracting my fellow men

And ubunja said

That breakup she initiated for no reason

Marry her quick bro,u have a friend... U won her this time around totally

donbachi:
As if u no fvck anoda wen una break up...confess ur own make we see if d relationship no go borrow legs.

I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

coolguy4christ:


I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

deputy Jesus...clap 4 ur sef.

For her to disclose she had an abortion is a signal she loves you and want the marriage to work . Personally, I hate ladies that lacks sexual purity .

OladimejiRufai:
She lied to you before and she did it again despite that you asked her to come out clean.

Now this is what I observe.

Your fiancee may not be a bad girl or a "liar" in total sense. The fact that she even told you before marriage somehow proves that because she could have kept it from you forever.

But she is the type that will LIE to cover up mistakes from you or anyone and save herself from shame. This is the kind of person she is perceived to be.

So the question is are you ready to live with such a person?

It could happen that one of your uncles or brothers will visit your home, temptations will set in and they will have sex, she's the type that will hide it from you.

As she goes about her daily activities, she might meet a guy and have a fling with her, get pregnant and even give birth and present it as your own to save herself from shame.

It could happen that she hooks up with her ex especially after there's an unsettled misunderstanding with you, something plays after another and they have sex and may even be continually doing that but hide it from you.

I only gave those as examples based on possibility. Your fiancee might not be the prosmicuous type. But it still cannot be ruled out totally.

So you are the one who should ask yourself if you want to live with such a person as couples.

Good luck

Thank you for your advice. But she is not promiscuous, I'm almost certain of that.

And the first instance she lied, did not involve sex.

Lightway:
And ubunja said

That breakup she initiated for no reason

This got me cracking.

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

Look man this is all about you. Like some fellas rightly said. Do you want to go into a relationship you don't trust your fellow partner?
You made a mistake trying to regurgitate that dead relationship. Always learn to let go. Just quit that relationship now. Before lawyers go use you pay their pikin school fees.

coolguy4christ:


Thank you for your advice. But she is not promiscuous, I'm almost certain of that.

And the first instance she lied, did not involve sex.

Bro you can't say for sure if she's promiscuous or not. The fact remains, she initiated that break up for that sex spree that got her pregnant. Take it or leave it.

Sirvingeo:
For her to disclose she had an abortion is a signal she loves you and want the marriage to work . Personally, I hate ladies that lacks sexual purity .

Yeah she loves me and she wants our marriage to be built on truth. I think I have already forgiven her, but the issue I have is forgetting what she has done and be able to trust her completely again.

No sex relationship with you, yet she has unprotected sex with another and you are in love. F00ls will always exist in abundance. Please take her to the alter immediately.
I think the hard core rap of the 90's we used to listen to helped shape us into men. we used the lyrics to help us through heart breaks and the way the rappers talked about women shaped our mentality. I don't understand the category of young men we have now. An embarrassment and a disgrace to real men.

Omar09:


Bro you can't say for sure if she's promiscuous or not. The fact remains, she initiated that break up for that sex spree that got her pregnant. Take it or leave it.

She is not promiscuous, though one can only speak for one's self. I don't think that was the case at bolded. We were having recurrent arguments at the time, I myself needed a break then too, I just couldn't let go because I still loved her and wanted us to work.

You said you fancy sincerity, and now you’re getting mad at the lady for being sincere.

She’s being remorseful which is why she’s opening up to you. Some ladies won’t even bother telling you such painful events.

coolguy4christ:


Thank you for your advice. But she is not promiscuous, I'm almost certain of that.

And the first instance she lied, did not involve sex.

Then you should think about instances not relating to sex. I wanted to give such examples but I could not find any.

But sha, she seems to be the one that would LIE to cover up and save herself from shame, whenever she does something whether it's relating to sex or not.

OladimejiRufai:
She lied to you before and she did it again despite that you asked her to come out clean.

Now this is what I observe.

Your fiancee may not be a bad girl or a "liar" in total sense. The fact that she even told you before marriage somehow proves that because she could have kept it from you forever.

But she is the type that will LIE to cover up mistakes from you or anyone and save herself from shame. This is the kind of person she is perceived to be.

So the question is are you ready to live with such a person?

It could happen that one of your uncles or brothers will visit your home, temptations will set in and they will have sex, she's the type that will hide it from you.

As she goes about her daily activities, she might meet a guy and have a fling with her, get pregnant and even give birth and present it as your own to save herself from shame.

It could happen that she hooks up with her ex especially after there's an unsettled misunderstanding with you, something plays after another and they have sex and may even be continually doing that but hide it from you.

I only gave those as examples based on possibility. Your fiancee might not be the prosmicuous type. But it still cannot be ruled out totally.

So you are the one who should ask yourself if you want to live with such a person as couples.

Good luck

What u did was uncalled for. What u did was to hit the last nail in the coffin, sad thing there is that u don't even know the lady in question.
Any person coming to Nairaland for advice on his/her relationship should expect to have such advices from people that don't bare them good fortune.

This is a confession... Not like you found out. If she deemed it necessary to purge herself of deceit before the wedding then she's still trustworthy... Let it go.

drnoel:


What u did was uncalled for. What u did was to hit the last nail in the coffin, sad thing there is that u don't even know the lady in question.
Any person coming to Nairaland for advice on his/her relationship should expect to have such advices from people that don't bare them good fortune.

sorry if what I said hurt anyone's feelings or painted someone black.

But I made it clear that the woman may not be the prosmicuous just because I don't know her like you said.

or what exactly are you pointing at?

if your only problem is the lie then forgive her cause she still told you the truth. if eventually you decide to find another woman who will not lie to you then you are surely wasting your time..she told you the truth cause she knows how much you hate lies and she has got a conscience. Trust me no lady will easily tell you she had an abortion.

So u mean to tell me that u never did any sort of sh!t while u guys were not together? So u r d saint between u two...?

OladimejiRufai:


sorry if what I said hurt anyone's feelings or painted someone black.

But I made it clear that the woman may not be the prosmicuous just because I don't know her like you said.

or what exactly are you pointing at?

Nope, just wanted to point out that fact. Cheers

Headlesschicken:
So u mean to tell me that u never did any sort of sh!t while u guys were not together? So u r d saint between u two...?

I'm not a saint....but I wasn't sexually involved with anyone while we were apart.

coolguy4christ:


Yeah she loves me and she wants our marriage to be built on truth. I think I have already forgiven her, but the issue I have is forgetting what she has done and be able to trust her completely again.

... Then let her go, if you know you can’t trust her again then there’s no point in marrying her.

I just want let you know that, she can decided not tell you she had an abortion when you guys were apart if she want to and you won’t find out.
Remember she is a woman and I think you know what am driving at, for the fact that she told with all sincerity that means she loves you and value the relationship leading to marriage but if you think you can’t forgive and trust her again let her know cus marriage no be child’s play.
This is a life time contract which you know trust and loyalty is important.
Well, you know where the shoes hurt.
Peace

the question here should be who she aborted for?
if the answer is you, what is the point of this thread?

Learn to take responsibility for your actions or did she got herself pregnant?

seyigiggle:
the question here should be who she aborted for?
if the answer is you, what is the point of this thread?

Learn to take responsibility for your actions or did she got herself pregnant?

Read the story again before you spew rubbish