Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages ". By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

ImaIma1:
To an extent it does, but it's not only our family upbringing that moulds us. Well except we were caged at home all our lives and didn't go out to see what the world was about.

I grew up in a home where we never celebrated my parents bdays. I didn't even know their birthdays but we the kids celebrate ours.

We go to school, boarding or day, university, etc, we make friends and we see how things are done. We go to church, mosque and listen to teachings on relationship/marriage, attend marriage counseling before wedding (i don't know about Muslims)

So someone cannot come and say she doesn't know she's supposed to submit because her mother didn't submit or that he doesn't know he will provide for the family because his father didn't. It doesn't add up. It's mostly someone trying to turn a blind eye and conveniently using upbringing as an excuse.

That is a personal flaw except the person was home schooled and locked up at home till it was time to get married.

calgaryFriend:

This is an example of what the OP is saying, who told you that birthday must be celebrated ?
How does not celebrating/celebrating birthdays become an issue...

This generation is so weak and very dependent on attention, what happened to giving praise to God for a new day and moving on ?
Must you call everybody and give them food and drinks on your birthday ? What if for some reasons you cannot afford to do that , is your happiness going to be affected ?

Damn

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

calgaryFriend:

This is an example of what the OP is saying, who told you that birthday must be celebrated ?
How does not celebrating/celebrating birthdays become an issue...

This generation is so weak and very dependent on attention, what happened to giving praise to God for a new day and moving on ?
Must you call everybody and give them food and drinks on your birthday ? What if for some reasons you cannot afford to do that , is your happiness going to be affected ?

Damn

nlPoster:


Is there something about this lady that makes you folks unable to function or reason?

This is the second time a person would post a daft response to something she said?




Romans 14:5- One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.

calgaryFriend:


There is no point getting into any discussion with you , looking at your response, it shows you lack the capacity to reason and iterate .
You quoted a bible verse to do what ? You are an example of a typical Nigerian youth, very lazy, mentally, physically and psychologically.
You are quick to quote the scripture without any intelligent analysis, an attempt to cover up your intellectual deficiency.

I am not your typical dumb Nigerian youth that you bamboozle with scripture, or an ignorant member of your fake church.

I asked the lady a simple question that she or neither you have been able to provide any response to...

How does celebrating/not celebrating birthdays become a factor of existence, and the question came up cos the poster write up that I quoted showed she considered her/her parents inability to celebrate her birthday to be a sort of anomaly or aberration.
If your parents cannot afford to celebrate birthday for you, its not a crime...

Very weak minded and entitled generation of youths...

crackhaus:
Communication is all what matters...

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Hamachi:
Do u know that...
Some of the problems we have today in our marriages, is from our upbringing.?
Ok wait lemmi explain!!!

The way we were brought up comes back to affect our marriage.

I have a friend who as a growing child, her dad was the breadwinner. He paid their fees, have money for foodstuffs , paid the rent and helped dem with their home work. Her mum was a nurse but her father still played his role. She grew up with the mentality that a man should be d one to provide for his family She got married to a man who in his own family, his dad had abandoned the home affairs to his mother. She would hustle from morning till night just so dey can eat. She paid their rent and fees. Mind u, his father was not broke oh!

Now wen they got married,She expected him to bring money for feeding...wosai!! The man don dress go work. He didn't know she was angry. And sincerely he was just being normal .He didn't know he was doing something wrong. When kids started coming nko? My friend was mad. She was dying inside. To her, he should know wat to do as a man. She stopped buying the kids pampers and food. Until he brought money.

The quarrels came
The fighting came ,
the name callings came and
the beatings came too.
His family saw her as a wicked wife.
do u blame them? mbanu

That was wen i came in. I told her if u have the money,buy it. They are ur kids too. She heard me and started buying things at home.Then came the next complain "he does not appreciate my efforts "

I had a talk with him and from our discussion, i knew where the problem was coming from....his background. He kept saying..."cant she do it? After all my mother did it since i was born till date. Wat is she doing dat i wont hear word.?" See eh, any mentality u grow up with,especially wen it was practiced by people u hold dear, e dey hard to leave u. So i told my friend to keep talking to him. let him know dat d woman is only a helper not a bread winner.

In my own house, na me dey fix bulb if e die. Cos if i dont, dat warri guy no care. Na me dey fix my door handle ,or call plumber if the taps have issues. At first, i been dey vex say which kind man no go maintain him house? We stayed in a house for 3yrs without a lock on our door cos he didnt even notice it was bad. Me too i comot face. If he wont do it, let it be like that

Until i went to warri for holidays...they were all using touch to bathe in the bathroom and there was light, when i asked, they say the bulb don die since. inukwa? Bulb of how much.?
The money to buy it was not the problem but nobody mind even go there.

Am still talking sha
Something he grew up with, e go take time to change.
If i didnt understand the problem, we for dey fight everyday

U marry man wey family no dey do any gathering .Dem no even know their papa bday. Everybody on him own.
Then u want him to always be at home,care for u ,remember ur anniversary and birthdays...u enter one chance.
Wen u start complaining,he will see u as a nag.
before u know,fight don start,e go pack leave ur house.Even with dat, e no see wetin dey wrong oh!

Its not just the men,we women too get our own.

I believe communication can solve most of the problems dat fighting will cause.

It is now in our hands to train our kids the right way.Not just our daughters oh!
Becos if u train dem well igoring the boys,ur well trained daughters will end up marrying the untrained guys.Taking us back to square one

Lets give our children the best training with sound morals so dat their generation of marriages will be sweeter than ours.

i rest my case.
#copied!

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

It is now in our hands to train our kids the right way.Not just our daughters oh!
Becos if u train dem well igoring the boys,ur well trained daughters will end up marrying the untrained guys.Taking us back to square one

bukatyne:


I very well agree with you hence courtship is to know yourselves to establish compatibility.

Magnoliaa:


Great books. It's all about discussion ... and sharing of bills, roles, etc. Expectations being addressed.

There's one, too - about Energizing Cycle and Crazy Circle.

Marriage is no that hard, a big deal, to me. There's nothing "new" in it that others haven't experienced. And you learn from them. It just demands things bigger than love and feelings. Like compatibility. I recall he wrote about a Christian and a Wiccan breaking up their relationship, because it can not work. And even among two Christians with different upbringing and outlook on spirituality.

ZIMDRILL:


courtship never brings out the true you, because you only see each other for fee hours and all needs and wants of your boy/girlfriend are not your full and sole responsibility


whereas the moment you get married, there is too much expectations from each other then extend families, finally life its throws in stones and boulders, trying to navigate through all that thats when you might realise that your thinking of how marriage is run is based on how you grow up

and how you grow up and now are different times and challenges. what worked for your parents doesnt mean it works for you and wife


with my little experience we fail, to ask and let your partner explain according to them how they think over an issue at hand, instead one enforce his/her way of thinking and solving an issue instead to hear the view of your other half and understand were there are coming from

usually it works in realising that your thinking are different and you can quickly find were you clash and find a solution to the clash and then proceed to find a solution to the problem

calgaryFriend:


There is no point getting into any discussion with you , looking at your response, it shows you lack the capacity to reason and iterate .
You quoted a bible verse to do what ? You are an example of a typical Nigerian youth, very lazy, mentally, physically and psychologically.
You are quick to quote the scripture without any intelligent analysis, an attempt to cover up your intellectual deficiency.

I am not your typical dumb Nigerian youth that you bamboozle with scripture, or an ignorant member of your fake church.

I asked the lady a simple question that she or neither you have been able to provide any response to...

How does celebrating/not celebrating birthdays become a factor of existence, and the question came up cos the poster write up that I quoted showed she considered her/her parents inability to celebrate her birthday to be a sort of anomaly or aberration.
If your parents cannot afford to celebrate birthday for you, its not a crime...

Very weak minded and entitled generation of youths...

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.