If you are a rehabilitation facility then you can go ahead and marry her. But don't come back to this forum to whine and tell stories that touch hearts.

sacramento1212:


If the character issues is from her growing up as per from a toxic environment, then that's a big issue but if it's a clear issue of Spiritual manipulation, it can be handled and she'll be tamed. Provided she has a lot she's bringing to the table as the good sides that is not easily gotten from another

Spiritual?? It is possible because toxicity is an unthinkable trait especially in an educated lady.. (This lady in question even said, 'I have no option than to respect you in marriage'.. What?? )
Mind you, people spiritualize every bad trait that is beyond their control..
Don't be fooled..
. If she has a Spiritual problem which is strong enough to damage her character, I think it is a big issue that her parent ONLY should take care of..
Don't put unnecessary weight on your young self.. It might be too much to bear.

Japa to the next..

God will provide a better one, just don't date until you have moved on completely.. Rebound love is bad!!!

Another sob thread. Very pathetic


Your mum warned you,you saw with your own eyes and despite all indications that she doesn't give a damn about you... You are still asking if she would change after marriage, which means you intend to marry her...


What exactly is the advice you want now?

bixton:



It appears you have not finally made peace with yourself to let her go.

Try this out and let the outcome be the judge....
Bring out all your dirty clothes of one month ago and that of about 3 of your friends. Also add hers to it and tell her to do the washing while you sit down and observe. .......

I'll like to know how it plays

I haven't tried doing what you just said but she doesn't wash my clothes.. I do that myself

She has only done that only on a rare occasion and she has made it clear to me that she's not a slave. Only my younger sister comes around during weekend to wash the clothes I wore to office for the week. My girlfriend doesn't do that when she comes around

Run now or die trying

Listen to your mother and take her advice very serious. My eldest brother brought a woman to the family that he said he loves and wants to marry, that was in 2002. Infact she was already six moths gone with a baby. My mum (just like your mum) fought and said NO to the marriage. But las las she left them cause of the pregnancy. Even after they got married and the said lady put to birth, they kept having issues, quarrels, name-callings, abuse, etc.

Six years later, 2008, he died of cardiac arrest! Two weeks or so before his death, they had an argument where i heard his wife telling him how so so and so was better than him.

Your girlfriend can deceive everybody in your family with pretense, except your mother. Mothers are detailed and intuitive in nature. They can see things others can't see.

Is she older than you?
Are you doing something she completely abhors?

Anyways, just take whatever advice your mum has given you.

Good luck!

AfroKnight:
You want an honest opinion?

Break up, even if she changes today. In fact, especially if she changes. Such a change is transient by design. It cannot last.

This respect is really important to you, and it affects your mood. It is a deal breaker. So, dump her.

Stop dating feminists if you cannot stand them.

god bless you for that talk

glamorousbluice:
Let me use myself as an example..I was very rude..arrogant and foolish until I met my match..I lost a lot of good people cos of those traits..he gave me fire and I adjusted cos I love him..I dont talk back at him any longer like I used to..The thing is people like me back then never change till we meet mad men...but u sound so gentle..its either u drop her now or show her u are the man..

Op is naturally gentle.. A cool guy!!!

A cool guy can't outdo himself when it come to a matter like this.. Even the lady will mock him for trying too hard

The best thing is for Op to let her go.. She may be good in other aspects too, that is the reason why Op is still having a mixed feeling about her..
. The truth is the girl need a crazier guy who can calm her...

OP should let go..

OP don't kill yourself before your time o.. You can't handle the temperament of that girl!!!

No. She can only get worse.

If a woman can not and has chosen not to respect you, wetin you gain??
Personally, I can't marry a man I don't respect.
A woman can't respect a man she doesn't trust. But brother eh, since you know this, why you still dey ask?
A relationship will thrive only when the people involved respect each other! There's no shortcut.
I have called off relationships, simply because I felt I didn't respect the man enough. I knew there was nothing interesting to look forward to and I can't stand a weak man who allows anybody to treat him anyhow. Regardless of who the person is. Mba!
These guys loved me, but I didn't trust them. I didn't trust their word. I didn't respect them. I struggled to respect them.
Not until I met my fiance who commanded my respect. No, he is not abusive yet he doesn't take shit from me. He has his way of keeping me in check. A man should be able to be in charge.
There are times we act as equals, and there are times I accord him the full respect as a leader.
When a woman does not respect you, you lose your self worth as a man and become a doormat.
Never give room for a woman to put you down. Start by respecting yourself and being open to your woman about what respect means to you. You guys should talk about how you want the other person to treat you.
A woman who does not respect you will cheat on you without remorse.
A woman who does not respect you will leave you miserable.
The worst is some will stick to you because of indecision and subject you to a sticky ball of mess...
A man should learn to assert himself as a MAN! I don't mean he should become a bully. I mean he should become a MAN!

Respect is a non-negotiable for a man that wants peace.

Imagine your wife disrespecting people you hold dear to you, then to people on the street e.g. a bus conductor and then everyone looks at you and say who owns this uncultured lady?

The earlier you make up your mind, the better it is boss.

Could be an hard decision but it’d be well worth it.

Best wishes boss.

GeneralShepherd:
My brother please marry her, she will be the best woman on earth after marriage when she even has less incentive to be nice.

She will honour you. Now I know why she insults because it's obvious you don't have sense to ask this question with all you've seen and your mum's advice.

dustydee:

First, are you submissive? If not, please do not expect her to be.

Are you insultive?? If not, don't expect her to change
Do you abuse her family members? If not don't expect her to change
Didn't her mum disapprove you too?? Why the fuss? ?
Are you not going to share the bride price responsibility?? Why asking for respect??

Logic plenty for this Nairaland oooo

Nope she won't nothing like he or she will change when someone is a default , it's fixed

seangy4konji:
Can never change. Min is right here..I have not eaten her food since two days now...I am just knacking her to remove shock at her leg later on...

I was out and sent a message about food,she said 7.I buzzed around 7.45. She told me watching zee world just going to kitchen ...I got home 9. Rice just on fire. About the 109ths time ..I am juatblaughing. We have broken up and made up. Same things. Says she will change. After howbmany years. My parents and folks have warned me. But I enjoy the free Toto and food..once level change? The way I with take remove her?when your family tell u so.etching. just heed. This one too won't change. Is her name Oyin?

Funny but not funny for real

I pity you OP. Can't you see the signs? She will be worse in the marriage.

Person dey show you her true colour and you dey form blind...

Even your mother in her wisdom has seen that the girl is bad.

Anyway, no come Nairaland for advise if she beat you after marriage.

Good luck.

By the way, my best advise is to terminate the relationship with the lady now.

Your mother is a real mother. Greet her for me...

darealbabe:
If a woman can not and has chosen not to respect you, wetin you gain??
Personally, I can't marry a man I don't respect.
A woman can't respect a man she doesn't trust. But brother eh, since you know this, why you still dey ask?
A relationship will thrive only when the people involved respect each other! There's no shortcut.
I have called off relationships, simply because I felt I didn't respect the man enough. I knew there was nothing interesting to look forward to and I can't stand a weak man who allows anybody to treat him anyhow. Regardless of who the person is. Mba!
These guys loved me, but I didn't trust them. I didn't trust their word. I didn't respect them. I struggled to respect them.
Not until I met my fiance who commanded my respect. No, he is not abusive yet he doesn't take shit from me. He has his way of keeping me in check. A man should be able to be in charge.
There are times we act as equals, and there are times I accord him the full respect as a leader.
When a woman does not respect you, you lose your self worth as a man and become a doormat.
Never give room for a woman to put you down. Start by respecting yourself and being open to your woman about what respect means to you. You guys should talk about how you want the other person to treat you.
A woman who does not respect you will cheat on you without remorse.
A woman who does not respect you will leave you miserable.
The worst is some will stick to you because of indecision and subject you to a sticky ball of mess...
A man should learn to assert himself as a MAN! I don't mean he should become a bully. I mean he should become a MAN!

My God bless you my sister

The thing is that, I saw this things clearly with my two naked eyes when the relationship started newly but I thought it was a minor thing that could be corrected. But right as I speak, instead of it to get better, it's getting worse

My ears were blocked when my family observed her and predicted her to be a potential problematic wife but now I'm beginning to see the truth in it.. For someone to even disrespect my family whom I hold in high regard during a heated argument speak volume of the hell I'm going to face with her as a wife

sacramento1212:


What has zodiac sign got to do with one that is disrespectful?

Go study about horoscope then you will know it has alot to do with our characters. I asked because I have dated a cancerian and all the guy stated about his gal friend is all the features of that guy.very difficult for him to change.

eni4real:
She don Kayamata you..
Jaruma I hail you o

loolz,abi

I dnt know what to say, but if u want peace of mind, look for someone else, with time u will grow to luv that person.

A lady who can't wash u cloth, and she is Aspiring to be your wife, I cant understand.


I have dated such kind.
they hardly cooked
They hardly do house work
They ar good in sex and watching of movie.
They always claim they ar right.
They talk about equal right.

Guy, forget about the sex, look ahead into the future if u can tolerate her, remember after marriage u hv no choice to make.

One surprising things is that those set of people hardly date their kind, because they can't tolorate it then self.

U can chat me up, I will giv u more u need to know

Shugargal:
Go study about horoscope then you will know it has alot to do with our characters. I asked because I have dated a cancerian and all the guy stated about his gal friend is all the features of that guy.very difficult for him to change.

I'm also into it as well. And what would you say if a Sagittarian has similar characteristics?

burggerx:
One thing that scares the hell out of me about my girlfriend is her attitude. When you talk about a disrespectful and unsubmissive lady, my girlfriend is the headquarters of all the disrespectful and unsubmissive ladies I've ever met. Even if she does something good, I don't tend to notice it because her bad attitude has already overshadowed the good side of her

Even if she acts respectful to me, it's so obvious she's only forcing it since it's a trait she lacks. Just when a little brawl ensues, curses and abusive words are usually not far-fetched from her mouth. She has even insulted my family before during a heated argument. The only thing my girlfriend is yet to do is to beat me up

I believe they say respect is earned but I've done everything a man should do to earn respect from his lady yet this lady talks to me like a kid. No sign of humility at all

My girlfriend is not only dominating but toxic and does not accept correction. She makes it look like giving authority as a man is slavery and she questions my authority every time. The annoying part is that she argues a lot and always wants to be right at all times. Feminism is written all over her to the extent that even in movies, my girlfriend will have the back of a woman who is unsubmissive and disrespectful to an innocent husband.

Although she acts like a respectful girlfriend in the presence of my family but my mom in question is smart enough to know that she's only faking it despite trying all my best to portray my girlfriend as someone that gives me joy in the face of my mom

Before my mom traveled to the UK in September, she sat me down up to three times and advised me to let go of this girl if I really want to spend the rest of life with peace of mind and that if I insist on marrying her, she doesn't have a choice than to respect my decision but she will remind me of her advice which I didn't yield to if I eventually end up as a frustrated man in the future

I've tried to terminate the relationship but she cries and makes the whole thing look like I don't love her and that if I do, I should be able to cope with her flaws. There was even a time she told me she doesn't have a choice than to respect me if I marry her and I was like WTF!

I have decided to call the relationship a quit once and for all since I'm not in for any future drama. I don't want to end up with a woman that will be rude and disrespect me in the face of my own children.

But there's one question I want to ask is that, can a ride girlfriend ever change after marriage? Is it worth taking the risk that she will change with time?

I once dated a lady with this same characteristics lol. She was really nice but attitude was nothing to write home about.
My advice is if u want peace of mind, please let her go because there's a limit to what anyone can stomach. Before you're forced to loose your cool one day and mistakenly lay hands on her or u both get involved in fisticuffs and she smashes things in your house �

Let her go.

burggerx:
I'm not stupid man! The reason why I have stayed this long with her is that I don't know if the next person I will jump to would be worse, which I doubt

Don't mind that loser.
He is well known on this forum.

If you can't cope with your girl now, you cannot cope with marriage.
You have done nothing wrong by tolerating her. But you cannot marry
her unless you accept her the way she is.

Shugargal:
Please is your wife born between June and July? or between October and November? infact is she a cancer zodiac or Scorpio?

He is not married na

Lolz... Yesooh she will change when you die of HBP


Check in for your plain and pattern, senator materials

sacramento1212:


I'm also into it as well. And what would you say if a Sagittarian has similar characteristics?

There's possibility of that but am talking base on experience and the ones am very sure of.those characters are pure cancer,Manipulative,disrespectful,abusive,cunny,toxic in fact will make you feel guilty of his own own wrongs.

burggerx:
My mom is smarter than I think... I always conceal her real character from her because I don't want my mom to hate her but she knows everything I've been hiding

Your mom is cool tho!!

An average Nigerian mum will be hostile(and dramatic) against her to show her disapproval!!!

"My girlfriend is not only dominating but toxic and does not accept correction. She makes it look like giving authority as a man is slavery and she questions my authority every time." I just wasted my mb on this. rip in advance

burggerx:
My God bless you my sister

The thing is that, I saw this things clearly with my two naked eyes when the relationship started newly but I thought it was a minor thing that could be corrected. But right as I speak, instead of it to get better, it's getting worse

My ears were blocked when my family observed her and predicted her to be a potential problematic wife but now I'm beginning to see the truth in it.. For someone to even disrespect my family whom I hold in high regard during a heated argument speak volume of the hell I'm going to face with her as a wife

My brother, some things are deal breakers in a relationship, and disrespect is number one on the list.
Never tolerate anyone who disrespects you, especially a woman.
Your woman shouldn't see another person disrespect you. No woman likes to see that her man does nothing when he is disrespected. She will treat you how she see others treat you. She shouldn't see you disrespect others too, because somehow it'll come back to you...

Yes, you deserve to be respected unconditionally, but it is you who will set the standard.
We may not know how damaged we've become in a relationship, till we take a step back and view issues objectively.
Disrespect is a NO NO NO NO!!!