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I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating - Romance (12) - Nairaland

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Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 10:45am On Dec 03, 2019
zed7:

Actually, there is a thin line between high self esteem and narcissism. Whilst we think we are the best thing to sliced bread, others may just see us as shíít and avoid us. Learn to be a bit humble, respect all irrespective of whether he is your spec or not.

My elder sister worked in a multinational, was doing good, pretty and all but kept looking for the right man like you. She was very friendly with this semi educated guy who admired her so much. One day he told his cousin about her. He introduced them and he ended up being her dream guy. Even 'fuckboys 'have their purpose.

Do not drop your standards but also realize that sometimes what is good for us is not always what we think is good for us. You are young, don't put pressure on yourself. Just enjoy the company of guys casually. To be honest, I can boldly say you don't understand men yet.

A question to ask is, the people we want, do they want us in return? The best gifts sometimes come in unattractive packages. Stay safe.


She is indeed living in el dorado.
She don't understand Men and what relationship entails.
She should come back in 3 yrs time,maybe, then she must have learnt one or 2 things.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 10:45am On Dec 03, 2019
luminouz:


Sent...
I'll check it.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 10:46am On Dec 03, 2019
Ladylite:



Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao
stupid comment! We know you're 30 plus, just swerve. Salope!
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Ryocaj(m): 10:47am On Dec 03, 2019
Must u date? must u marry? must u love?.. there is more 2 life than all that.. its only in this part of d world that marriage is the ultimate goal..

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by PattyMike(m): 10:48am On Dec 03, 2019
As for me I think you feel you're too big to settle which is not a bad thing at all. Being picky is not necessarily a bad thing. But the problem is you're not being picky for the right things. This are a few example:
1. Health wise: what if you find the perfect guy and you both are AS-AS, if there's a history of mental illness in his family, bipolar disorder, depression, infertility. It could be passed to your offspring. For example look at tiwa Savage husband Teebillz. He's rich, handsome but not mentally fit.
2. Family
3. Compatibility: You seem like a strong willed woman which is not a bad thing but what if the means is everything you want but he is strong-willed and stubborn even more than you. Can you break him or will he break you. Two captains can't Lord a ship.
4. God fearing.
5. Hard working: I'm not talking about rich daddy gave me inheritance hard working o. I'm talking about starting from bottom and growing.
6. Maturity is not age and age is not maturity, I have met and seen 20 and 22 year old young men making decisions and thinking like responsible family men. I was so surprised and proud at the same time. And I have also seen 40+ men and women being scallywags and nonentities. Dead men walking, a waste of space. Unfortunately my dear you will have grow with the man that suits you perfectly as long as he is growing. Look at the so called feminist toke makinwa etc. U think they are flourishing misleading young men and women but deep down they are failing and desperate to show the world otherwise. Look at that feminist woman for example who snap pics in another man compound and posted it as her own but the man claimed the house, arrested and publicly disgraced her. Pray, Think carefully and thoroughly, you are the captain of your soul. The master of your fate.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by ednut1(m): 10:49am On Dec 03, 2019
pocohantas:


So, I should educate myself? grin
This is a troll post, sweetie.
cheesy u be yeye
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by AlphaStyles(m): 10:49am On Dec 03, 2019
Tsolutionifede:
ehya, sorry, I guess ur standard is way too low
what has high high standards brought her?

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by gabicon: 10:50am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

I must commend you for the standards you set for yourself. The thing is this the man that meets your standards are very few, meaning that the competition for such men is high. There are two ways to getting what you want and both are not easy.

I hear ladies say they want a tall, rich, well built, career-driven, fun-loving etc man. The thing is for him to be rich and career-driven he is most likely not going to have time for fun or working out etc. The fact is that some expectations are outright ridiculous especially when one lives in Lagos.

The first option you have is to be the woman that the man you seek wants, value asks for value, it might be sought of difficult especially when it has to do with physical attributes. The second option is to find a man that is on the path to what you want, you can find out about this when he talks about his long and short term goals.

instead of looking for a man, I will advise you to attend events and meet people, you will be surprised how you can get connected to the man of your dreams via a third party. Go out and meet people especially people that fall in the range of what you desire.

2 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by greggng: 10:50am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?


A certain man from eboyi state came to Lagos to do boy boy with his master. After serving him for 7 years , he was settled with a shop where he sells rice and beans in cups. One day this young lady , a beautiful graduate walked into the shop to buy rice...they got talking ...the lady is from ekiti state...they lady fell in love with him without minding his strong igbotic accent. Like play like play they started fucking each other in that shop.COS THE guy sleeps in that shop. Suddenly , she became pregnant ....the parents drove her away cos they believe she is a big disgrace despite all the money spent on her education. ..As a result of her pregnancy , the guy rented a room self so that she could be comfortable a bit...The love was stronger despite the challenges. Gradually , she delivered a baby boy and the parents didn't show up...Mention me if you care to know how this story ended..also remember you 've to pay for it...is not easy to witness such a fantastic story thst is life changing ...what happened next , you won't like to miss it

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 10:50am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I am not under 25 sister, and your christian dogma won't sit with me. If i do become 35 and remain unmarried, i have decided that i will live life, adopt a child and get a boytoy. I have tasted what it is like to settle for a random guy(to be egging on a full grown man on what to do like his mother). Will never go through that again.
But thanks for your opinion but i will be avoiding Shiloh like the plague.
Wow, you are killing me with your responses.
I love you.
Please leave your life, and do not throw it to God, or marriage!
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by pocohantas(f): 10:50am On Dec 03, 2019
ednut1:
cheesy u be yeye

I'm serious though. Surprised you missed it tongue

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by ogongogames(m): 10:51am On Dec 03, 2019
OP, I don't mean to sound harsh but the question you need to answer for yourself is "what do you have to offer?".
As from the way you described yourself, I don't see why you be attracting such men.
I think the problem you have is that Nigeria is quite a "clique" society. You need to find a way to enter into this circle. Have you had any opportunities to attend professional conferences through work?

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by paix(m): 10:55am On Dec 03, 2019
If you marry early or late or even decide not to marry at all, it's your life. I have seen women that got married in their early twenties and they're doing well in chosen careers. Do your best and leave the rest to God.

2 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by bayulll011(m): 10:56am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.






To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?



For me nothing bad in all you said only that you are too choosy.

calm down and relax a bit,the same way u see it happen in men,it is even worst with men just relax
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by sgtponzihater1(m): 10:57am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Great guys full this Nairaland like urs truly. However I am fully married.

Search well, you should see other promising guys too.

Cheers
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Czartega(m): 10:58am On Dec 03, 2019
ojun50:
Last last you will end up marrying the wrong person.



Haba na! Encourage her
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by sylve11: 10:59am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
Some nairalanders even think i am ugly,but they are entitled to their opinion and poor taste.

LMAO grin grin cool
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by pansophist(m): 11:00am On Dec 03, 2019
i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished,

I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church,

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them

The quoted above only demonstrates the unrealistic standards girls set for themselves, pricing themselves out from the romance market place. Of course, you have the right to aim for high-quality men, but your aiming should be realistic with the situation on ground. You want a well-spoken, accomplished, high-quality man, ready-made man, that lives in Lekki, the kind that is also highly sorted after by lots of women, the kind of man that knows he has options and has less incentive to settle, is, in my view, unrealistic to aim for.

And after all these expectational qualities you wrote, I still didn't see where you wrote about your own contributions to his life. I do not want to think that you assume yourself to be perfect and that any man you picked should be damn lucky for having you in his life. It seems like you want a trophy husband, an exotic animal that you will admire every day for his accomplishments and high-powered lifestyle, you just love him for what he is, not who he is.

How about seeking a good man that will treat you right and grow with him? Do you think that such ready-made men you aim for will find you worthy when you haven't known them in their formative years and when they had nothing? You even said that whenever you see these men, you are not attracted to them, at this point, you need to come to terms with the realities on the ground that relationships are all about compromise. You cant have it all. There is not an equal amount of rich men for every girl, just as there is not an equal amount of stunningly beautiful women for every man.

At 25, I want to believe you should be matured to know that meaningful relationships are formed on the foundations of compatibility and altruism. Seek a man with potential, with honor, thas expresses healthy masculinity. A man that respects you and has good track records that are subjective to his circumstances, grow with him, and let your femininity complements his. Still expecting to sweep off your feet and tingling butterflies is temporary and fades with time before realities sets in.

24 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by abutujj: 11:00am On Dec 03, 2019
Madam this one you have list out the quality you desired in a man you can as well list out the quality in you so if one is coming he will know what coming for.Rubbish
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by sylve11: 11:02am On Dec 03, 2019
lilwetdick:
the op is looking for a rich, matured and ready made man for marriage, he must be living in an highbrow area, age bracket(35-40)

all her spec are in the writeup but many of you cant noticed that


grin cool
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by sylve11: 11:03am On Dec 03, 2019
pryme:


These are the kind of women am worried about,
Those that think they are perfect.

In other words you will be doing the man a favor by being in his life.
That's a red flag with bright colors.


Nairalanders o grin cool
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by adanny01(m): 11:04am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

When a brand becomes too expensive than its alternatives, the brand spends more time on the shelf.

Even though an iPhone is the best phone maker, Samsung beats it in several ways by being more affordable and less restricted.

You are not the only girl with a virgina. Others are less restricted, less pricey and will get more dicks.

When 2 people decide to get married, it is not the number of dicks she had or virgina he bleeped that determines anything.

What am saying is that sex is not a reward for your partner, it is a desire you want to satisfy yourself first and your partner second.

Someone like me will refuse sex from you because of the strings attached. Its even worst if you want the conditions met before sex.

I think you are trying to force destiny in your favour and you are trying too hard. I think looking for a particular type of man is a bad idea. The way to go is determining if the guy you are dating is the particular type of man. If the guy you are dating is half the man you expect, compromise should be considered. If along the way, you had sex with all the guys you dated, its not a crime.

5 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Barcelona98: 11:04am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.
This thread has gone far, and i hope you've learnt one or two. I'm just here to lay out my candid opinion. I'm currently dating someone like you and we've had ups and downs but something is lacking in her. She's a hustler, pursuing her Ph.D and earns well from her business but she still lacks one thing. She has good taste of living and can do anything to put us into that standard but she lacks one thing. She believes she got it handled but it's not. The wants to change but she can't (it's a lifestyle). She has bad manners and lots of pride. Having educational qualifications, being a good hustler and making money is nothing to a man if you're not well mannered towards people and him. This is what drives your daily relationship and what keeps the body and soul together. Pride and lack of submission to your man kills everything good about you. It's not just about getting Mr. Right but doing right by him. Before you work towards getting your desired man, make sure you build yourself to be the woman he wants. I'm a successful man to a point for now. I know what I want in my woman and I'm ready to be what she wants so we can tangle along well enough. I'll be leaving my current relationship very soon because my woman's academic/career success isn't the primary thing here. He daily living with me is no.1. Respect, humility and submission is everything to a man. Good luck my dear, and I pray everything works out fine for you.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by digitaltrades: 11:05am On Dec 03, 2019
GrabHisBalls:
Telling him will bruise his feelings and I don't intend hurting anyone deliberately with words. He's not broke, has a degree and is pursuing others but I can't find that attraction. To make it worse, his beliefs are terrifying.

Hmmm...I understand now
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by sylve11: 11:06am On Dec 03, 2019
luminouz:
Some of these comments got me laughing.


OP...give yourself time and you will find your diamond in the rough.


GrabHisBalls babe, I sight you. Hope you good. kiss


Nor be small. grin cool
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by frozen70(f): 11:06am On Dec 03, 2019
Tobadessss:


Frozen, I have met a babe that practically prepared a "relationship CV"...I can tell you her expectations are high for the generation of men we have today.

No one will tell her to adjust when the time comes

Even a deaf man that can't hear train sound, will see with his eyes that train is approaching
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 11:06am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

I get what you mean, this is what I think works , since you want someone with common interest, I will advice you to stop using online dating chats, I dont like being an hypocrite , the type of conversations I have there align with the current intention I have at heart which is sexual in nature. If you want to meet reasonable people you have more chances within communities that is centred around tangible things. What I mean is, join a group be it literature, something mind stimulating, you will be able to relate more and see people and how they interact in a proper manner. The same guys on NL here that talk nonsense might actually be reasonable people, so tldr spent more time meeting people in person than online. I hope this works. Also you lost me with the masturbation part or maybe you're being paranoid, there's tons of masturbatory materials online with categories. So I doubt anyone would masturbate with your pix.

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Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nice123(m): 11:07am On Dec 03, 2019
i think you are in the right direction dear.

i will like to connect with you asap. you may drop ur most conveniently secured means to communicate with a stranger; email, twitter, Fb etc
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 11:10am On Dec 03, 2019
pocohantas:


I'm serious though. Surprised you missed it tongue

i am reporting you to the 44th mind for
1) trolling
2) alternate user ID
3) trolling again
4) misleading those of us looking for 2nd wife angry

4 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Quelme: 11:11am On Dec 03, 2019
I'm still enjoying my singleness...


What do I even know?

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by uscofield: 11:13am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

No woman would say ill about herself.
Here are some guides:

I met this lady when i was squatting with my pal (just after NYSC), had no job, no money and no house of my own in the new state of abode. Managed to get a teaching job and same day of the job, my things were thrown out of the house by my pal.
My plans was to marry a girl from a rich home, with good education and well spoken, but what can i do when i don't have a job. Had so many of the girls around but none looked inward to see what i could become tomorrow.
They girl I met (waec holder with incomplete result) picked me up with her little cash, paid for a room for me and asked me to start life from there at no refund for the rent.
I asked the girl to enroll for waec which she did and passed. same year, she gained admission into the higher institution. Two months into the classroom, i got a job. I supported the girl financially and ensured she got the better part of her education.
Two years later, It was time to settle down, i met some of the girls (they are not aware of my present status) for marriage, they declined my proposal with flimsy excuses.
Most of the girls are not married till date. The one i craved dearly for died few months after her wedding (God saved me from her).
I called the girl that gave me shelter when i had non, asked for her hand and she accepted.
Five years in marriage and still counting, I am wonderfully blessed. Blessed with my own property, a car, two wonderful boys, professional certs., and now nursing the dream of leaving this country.

This is a true life story. Completely true.

Here is the advise:
She wasn't my class, not in my league, not from rich home but i saw some qualities in her that can keep you going. I moulded her into what i wanted (a graduate, a mother, and a working class).
No one prays for less in life but God is the ultimate planner of our lives.
You can't see all you deserve in a man but you can make the man what you want. Men are soft and easily yield to the desires of their partners when they get the needed support from her.
Make sure you have the right attitude to hold a man (no turn monitoring spirit when he is away).
Give someone a chance because you can't truly know what a man is made of until you have his heart and vise versa.
Remain nice to others even if you don't have interest in them, they can be your guests during events. They can also change their lives just because of your attitude towards them.
Remain focused on your dreams.
Poor man today can/may never be poor tomorrow.
"Hand to mouth"guys today can become CEOs of tomorrow.

I wish you the best.

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