Please I need your candid advice on this.

I'm a 35yrs old man, got legally married to a lady when I was 25yrs while she was 23yrs. We did a court marriage, started living together as husband and wife. I met her in Jos when I went for special mission as a Military personnel, she was an undergraduate at the time. We started dating, and become very close after couple of months I proposed to marry her and she agreed.


We got married, started a family, but due to the nature of my work most times am away on Military assignments. We started from zero together, It wasn't up to 3 months that I joined the military that I met her, so we begin to build everything together, from sleeping on a hostel size mattress, to building our own house, buying cars and planning future business investment.

But there is something that troubles me so much about my wife, aside the fact that she is not business inclined, am not trying to be unfair to her, over the period of 10 years, I have worked myself to provide all the funds for everything we do, I made my wife a signatory to the main account, i put everything in her custody. Aside the military job, am a very good programmer an online content promoter, I make 500% more than my military salary from this side hustles, and I give my wife 100% unrestricted access to everything.

There was a time I was on Operation in Maiduguri, I had earned above N10million from Google AdSense and some other Advertising Network, we planned to start building a factory somewhere in South West, I asked her to relocate from the North West where we lived as at the time, but she said she doesn't wanna be far from me. I hired a site manager that supervise the project, you all what that means, they cheated me alot. I called her to invest some of the cash on any business that can be bringing returns and replenishing the account, instead of just making withdrawals and withdrawals and sending cash to site manager continuously, but she told me that I know that she is not business inclined, she doesn't have idea of the business to do.

Am not trying to paint her bad, I love her, and accommodate everything, she was the first girl I had after I got a job, the other relationship I had in the past were mere child's play as far as am concern, just campus relationship. I don't even like girls because I don't have money to finance relationship, am cute, they like me, but I run away, because man don't have money. Aside that, I don't have flair for womanising, am one lady's man. I used those school days isolation period to date my computer and learnt programming from YouTube which today become my major source of livelihood.

Now the problem, since I met my wife, she is an extrovert, she easily integrate with people, very jovial, and it annoys me some times, because am a very conservative person. The major issue is that she flirt too much on social media, we closing to 10 years of marriage, but she hasn't stopped flirting with men on social media, even after 4 kids, she claim she doesn't have anything to do with them sexually or dating wise, that she just talk with them.

Am sick of this, sometimes she receives calls from different guys, I just voluntarily retired from the military to face my business interests, and spend more time on my other skills, after 3 years that she had relocated to my geopolitical zone in the South West, though I have not caught her with any man, but every time I come home, we must quarrel because of what she call her former classmate, course mate and bla bla bla, receiving calls at very odd hours.

Worse of it, she is very jealous of me, she make love to me anytime i asked for it, she is good in bed just like I am, we both cougars in that aspect... I have talked to her severally, how does she want me to trust her, when I leave her behind as a soldier and come back home only for her to receive calls from different guys who she claim they are just friends. I know she is beautiful, and many guys makes advances to her on social media, but she reserves the right to respond to their messages or not....

Am beginning to think of getting a divorce, it is making me miserable. I love my kids, I don't want them to suffer, I don't want them to experience broken home.

What should I do now.... PLEASE ADVICE!

ZionMyWorld:
Please I need your candid advice on this.

I'm a 35yrs old man, got legally married to a lady when I was 25yrs while she was 23yrs. We did a court marriage, started living together as husband and wife. I met her in Jos when I went for special mission as a Military personnel, she was an undergraduate at the time. We started dating, and become very close after couple of months I proposed to marry her and she agreed.


We got married, started a family, but due to the nature of my work most times am away on Military assignments. We started from zero together, It wasn't up to 3 months that I joined the military that I met her, so we begin to build everything together, from sleeping on a hostel size mattress, to building our own house, buying cars and planning future business investment.

But there is something that troubles me so much about my wife, aside the fact that she is not business inclined, am not trying to be unfair to her, over the period of 10 years, I have worked myself to provide all the funds for everything we do, I made my wife a signatory to the main account, i put everything in her custody. Aside the military job, am a very good programmer an online content promoter, I make 500% more than my military salary from this side hustles, and I give my wife 100% unrestricted access to everything.

There was a time I was on Operation in Maiduguri, I had earned above N10million from Google AdSense and some other Advertising Network, we planned to start building a factory somewhere in South West, I asked her to relocate from the North West where we lived as at the time, but she said she doesn't wanna be far from me. I hired a site manager that supervise the project, you all what that means, they cheated me alot. I called her to invest some of the cash on any business that can be bringing returns and replenishing the account, instead of just making withdrawals and withdrawals and sending cash to site manager continuously, but she told me that I know that she is not business inclined, she doesn't have idea of the business to do.

Am not trying to paint her bad, I love her, and accommodate everything, she was the first girl I had after I got a job, the other relationship I had in the past were mere child's play as far as am concern, just campus relationship. I don't even like girls because I don't have money to finance relationship, am cute, they like me, but I run away, because man don't have money. Aside that, I don't have flair for womanising, am one lady's man. I used those school days isolation period to date my computer and learnt programming from YouTube which today become my major source of livelihood.

Now the problem, since I met my wife, she is an extrovert, she easily integrate with people, very jovial, and it annoys me some times, because am a very conservative person. The major issue is that she flirt too much on social media, we closing to 10 years of marriage, but she hasn't stopped flirting with men on social media, even after 4 kids, she claim she doesn't have anything to do with them sexually or dating wise, that she just talk with them.

Am sick of this, sometimes she receives calls from different guys, I just voluntarily retired from the military to face my business interests, and spend more time on my other skills, after 3 years that she had relocated to my South West zone, though I have not caught her with any man, but every time I come home, we must quarrel because of what she call her former classmate, course mate and bla bla bla, receiving calls at very odd hours.

Worse of it, she is very jealous of me, she make love to me anytime i asked for it, she is good in bed just like I am, we both cougars in that aspect... I have talked to her severally, how does she want me to trust her, when I leave her behind as a soldier and come back home only for her to receive calls from different guys who she claim they are just friends. I know she is beautiful, and many guys makes advances to her on social media, but she reserves the right to respond to their messages or not....

Am beginning to think of getting a divorce, it is making me miserable. I love my kids, I don't want them to suffer, I don't want them to experience broken home.

What should I do now.... PLEASE ADVICE!

bro..You need only one virtue now to address this issue PATIENCE..
I wish you best of luck!

ZionMyWorld:

Am beginning to think of getting a divorce, it is making me miserable. I love my kids, I don't want them to suffer, I don't want them to experience broken home.

What should I do now.... PLEASE ADVICE!

You love her so much yet you're thinking of divorcing her just because of phone calls?

aro1:
bro..You need only one virtue now to address this issue PATIENCE..
I wish you best of luck!

Thank you.

Cockanfanta:
You love her so much yet you're thinking of divorcing her just because of phone calls?

ok sir.

Cockanfanta:
You love her so much yet you're thinking of divorcing her just because of phone calls?

It's disturbing...

izzou:
Firstly, I'm not married. So please take my comment as an irrelevant one

I do not think your wife became an Extrovert overnight. She was an extrovert even before you got married. Maybe you didn't see it, maybe you neglected it, but it was there. You just have to put her in check on how she distributes her contacts. You may not be able to stop her from being an extrovert, but you can make her an extrovert with Common Sense

Also, you cant have it all in life. Everyone one is imperfect, and that's why we supplement each other in marriage. Your wife is not business inclined. That's her imperfection. You don't have to have sleepless nights over that. You have to find a way to explore her other strengths and encourage her, instead of seeing it as a barrier. You can be involving her with little steps, but don't put pressures on her because of it

Like I said earlier, it's just my theoretical knowledge of marriage and my interactions with people

Thank you so much.

ZionMyWorld:


It's disturbing...

I think she does that because she's bored.
Since she has be doing it for a long time you can only take it from her bit by bit.
Do you take her out often? e.g fun and romantic evenings on weekends
Also she needs a job to keep her busy. Find something she has passion for.

Cockanfanta:
I think she does that because she's bored.
Since she has be doing it for a long time you can only take it from her bit by bit.
Do you take her out often? e.g fun and romantic evenings on weekends
Also she needs a job to keep her busy. Find something she has passion for.

Yes! I agree she has been bored, because i spend most time away from home due to work.

However she runs a school, we setup a private nursery/primary school, she manages it. With regards her job, she have job. What she had been lacking is my physical presence, but it's not my fault, it's the nature of my work.

ZionMyWorld:


Yes! I agree she has been bored, because i spend most time away from home due to work.

However she runs a school, we setup a private nursery/primary school, she manages it. With regards her job, she have job. What she had been lacking is my physical presence, but it's not my fault, it's the nature of my work.

At least now we know where the problem is coming from.
Not that she doesn't love you but she's bored and needs some fun.
How do you intend to solve this?

Cockanfanta:
At least now we know where the problem is coming from.
Not that she doesn't love you but she's bored and needs some fun.
How do you intend to solve this?

I retired recently, gonna have more time for family now.

So many people love the attention they get from chatting with other people. It's a psychological thingy that affirms they still relevant and pleasing to the eye. Not all will take it beyond d calls and messages. You probably need marriage counseling cos this isn't even worth a divorce

AwkaetitiBabe:
So many people love the attention they get from chatting with other people. It's a psychological thingy that affirms they still relevant and pleasing to the eye. Not all will take it beyond d calls and messages. You probably need marriage counseling cos this isn't even worth a divorce

Thank you.

ZionMyWorld:


I retired recently, gonna have more time for family now.

That's good. Be romantic call her sweet names lest they steal her heart away from you.
if she get the care and attention she want from you she will no longer seek it from them. And gradually she will finally be yours again.
Best of lucks

Cockanfanta:
That's good. Be romantic call her sweet names lest they steal her heart away from you.
if she get the care and attention she want from you she will no longer seek it from them. And gradually she will finally be yours again.
Best of lucks

I don't think it will be a good thing for me to start acting under pressure to show extra love and become excessively "romantic" to win my wife's love because of fear of losing her. It's not pride brother, but I think if she give me reason to think that she want to be with another person, then I think the best is to let her go.

If she wanna be with me, she should learn to respect our privacy and marriage. I also had female classmates, course mates, colleagues that I can activate or start searching for on social media, but wetin i go gain, from bringing unnecessary distractions. That's my point...

Anyway thank you for your kind words.

CAPSLOCKED:
AFTER 10 YEARS OF MARRIAGE YOUR GIRL STILL FLIRTS AROUND. IT'S ONLY NATURAL MY FRIEND, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO TAME A WOMAN WHO'S SOURCE OF LIFE IS INTERNET ATTENTION, DM'S AND COMPLIMENTS FROM RANDOM MEN.

EVEN IF YOU END HER LIFE TODAY, SHE'LL CONTINUE IN THE UNDERWORLD, TO SEEK ATTENTION FROM OTHER DEAD PEOPLE AND MALE GHOSTS.

WHAT CAN YOU DO NOW?
AFTER TALKING TO HER FOR MORE THAN A DECADE, HAVE YOU DECIDED TO USE MILITARY VIOLENCE ON HER?

LOL. MY MAN THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP A WOMAN FROM BEGGING FOR LIKES AND SEEKING ATTENTION ON THE INTERNET. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE SIR.

DON'T STRESS YOURSELF TOO MUCH BEFORE YOU DIE OF HYPERTENSION, OR SHOOT SOMEONE.
JUST GIVE HER SPACE.... DRINK BEER, SMOKE, CONTINUE WITH THE USUAL MILITARY SERVICE OF HARASSING CIVILIANS WHILE RUNNING AWAY FROM CRIMINALS AND TERRORISTS.... AND PRAY TO JESUS THAT SHE'S ONLY AN ONLINE FLIRT AND DOESN'T ACTUALLY SPREAD KNEES PUBLICLY.

GOOD LUCK.

We are gentlemen, we are not violent regardless of public perception.... lol

Thanks for your advice.

You did the investments in her name so what if she claims your properties when you divorce her?

Juet asking

vincentjk:
You did the investments in her name so what if she claims your properties when you divorce her?

Juet asking

It's Joint, we are both owners. That is the least of my worries actually, my God shall continue to provide for my needs.

ZionMyWorld:


It's Joint, we are both owners. That is the least of my worries actually, my God shall continue to provide for my needs.

Damn everyday we learn tho

If you go for a divorce then how would you handle the kids?

Would you two share them amongst you 2kids each person?

vincentjk:


Damn everyday we learn tho

If you go for a divorce then how would you handle the kids?

Would you two share them amongst you 2kids each person?

Well if we get to that bridge, we shall see.

Divorce isn't the best option, but the situation is getting me frustrated, I understand nobody is perfect, but sometimes the best option may not be sustainable...

I have never caught her with someone, though i spend less time with her, I stay far away... But I hate the distractions she is entertaining, they serve no good purpose for me, the kids and the marriage.

ZionMyWorld:


Well if we get to that bridge, we shall see.

Divorce isn't the best option, but the situation is getting me frustrated, I understand nobody is perfect, but sometimes the best option may not be sustainable...

I have never caught her with someone, though i spend less time with her, I stay far away... But I hate the distractions she is entertaining, they serve no good purpose for me, the kids and the marriage.

I understand how you feel but you should also understand that every marriage has it's own flaws. I can tell by the way my parent lived despite the fact that my mum was over loyal and never talked back at my dad even for 1 single day

The worst feeling is staying with a partner with the suspense that they're cheating yet no evidence. God will see you and your family through my brother

vincentjk:


I understand how you feel but you should also understand that every marriage has it's own flaws. I can tell by the way my parent lived despite the fact that my mum was over loyal and never talked back at my dad even for 1 single day

The worst feeling is staying with a partner with the suspense that they're cheating yet no evidence. God will see you and your family through my brother

Thank you & God bless.

sit her down and have a heart-heart talk with her, tell her you don't like her flirting with other men, give her time and see, if she doesn't stop then you should make her jealous by flirting with other women too, maybe that would make her come back to her senses

Paige001:
sit her down and have a heart-heart talk with her, tell her you don't like her flirting with other men, give her time and see, if she doesn't stop then you should make her jealous by flirting with other women too, maybe that would make her come back to her senses

Yeah it worked, I actually started talking with a beautiful Fulani lady recently, and she suddenly gave me her Facebook password and ask me to be checking her messages, that I will agree she is not cheating and she will stop responding to random messages.

She even called my new friend and warned her to stay away from me, though I never have feeling for the girl nor did anything with her.

I don't like distractions God knows, and I don't want to have any reason to police my wife.

Paige001:
sit her down and have a heart-heart talk with her, tell her you don't like her flirting with other men, give her time and see, if she doesn't stop then you should make her jealous by flirting with other women too, maybe that would make her come back to her senses

But my fear is that, what if I travel out, though I voluntarily retired from the Military recently, I believed the job caused loneliness for her, but her actions have created a cloud of doubt and distrust in me...

I just pray it can clear off.

Am beginning to doubt her loyalty.

ZionMyWorld:


But my fear is that, what if I travel out, though I voluntarily retired from the Military recently, I believed the job caused loneliness for her, but her actions have created a cloud of doubt and distrust in me...

I just pray it can clear off.

Am beginning to doubt her loyalty.

There is a proverb in my language that says what you won't eat, you shouldn't smell it.... lol

Sorry I don't know if that proverb is correct....

What am trying to say is that why flirting in the first place, why giving room for distractions...

@Zionmyworld, Run a DNA test on all your children. Since you doubt her loyalty but haven't caught her red handed, I will advice you to hack her phone. Since you were in the military, you should have ways to go about the hacking, you should also have friends in the DSS that can help you. You also mentioned that you are computer geek, so you should know ways to get info remotely from your wife's phone. Once there is distrust, your mind will not know peace until you do your research and know the truth.

ZionMyWorld:


I don't think it will be a good thing for me to start acting under pressure to show extra love and become excessively "romantic" to win my wife's love because of fear of losing her. It's not pride brother, but I think if she give me reason to think that she want to be with another person, then I think the best is to let her go.

If she wanna be with me, she should learn to respect our privacy and marriage. I also had female classmates, course mates, colleagues that I can activate or start searching for on social media, but wetin i go gain, from bringing unnecessary distractions. That's my point...

Anyway thank you for your kind words.

I totally support you on this. This woman as far as I have read from you is not a helper. A lot of women today out of their own laziness and worthlessness so much emphasize that there primary role in a home is as a helpmate but majority also fail in that role. You bring in all the money at home and she doesn't know how to manage it and she is not willing to learn me personally I won't take that.


Now she's addicted to the social media and wants to meet people and talk about inconsequentials and irrelevant things and of course you and I know the risks involved with that. The time she spends on social media can be used to learn a lot of things that can equip her to be useful and truly a help mate. Me won't take that too.


I do tell people especially guys that when you get married to a woman I didn't meet in ur university days,/those formative stages of your life, there are strong possibilities of that marriage not working out well. I spent a lot of years in the uni, as much as 8 years and each time I had one girl friend and not more. The thing is by the time u spent those formative stages of your life with a woman and you learn about her while she learns about u as u both continue to take in a lot of conceptions about life, internalise some and discard some, a lot of intricate characteristics and attitudes will be laid bare.

I won't advice you to get a divorce if your union has produced kids already because of the psychological effects. In that case, you need to school that woman to curtail her excesses. Put her into perspective the way you want or try to figure out her passion in constructive/productive spheres and help her achieve it. If she has none, it's a disaster.

Truth is.. You can't handle this issue being calm.
U a man.. Show her you know how to flirt better.
And if u know u will feel sad about flirting too... Get some female friends to help you..
Some girls feels they are always right..with their decisions. If she actually have not fallen for anyone now.. She will soon, she just not met her kind of man online. So it's best you tackle it now.
And the only way is putting your marriage in line too by doing what she does.
And if she values the marriage she will come begging.
Infact when she's ready for sex, don't be ready, be on facebook or whatsapp laughing For no reason...she will be sad..but she will come back to her senses.
U a military man... But too emotional.
Once you don't like something in someone and you can't walk away.. You have to do everything you can to make that person see reasons why it must stop. If not u go just die early.
She have no justification for doing what she does, not even bordom.

nuelyoyo:
@Zionmyworld, Run a DNA test on all your children. Since you doubt her loyalty but haven't caught her red handed, I will advice you to hack her phone. Since you were in the military, you should have ways to go about the hacking, you should also have friends in the DSS that can help you. You also mentioned that you are computer geek, so you should know ways to get info remotely from your wife's phone. Once there is distrust, your mind will not know peace until you do your research and know the truth.

When you see my kids, you don't need a DNA test to tell you am their father.

All my kids look exactly like me, none look like my wife.

They all have my physical resemblance that sometimes make me baffle at God's awesomeness. Well, hacking into her phone is not a big issue for me, but I really don't want to get to that extent... I doesn't have to go through all the stress to keep a marriage.


Like a said before, she's an extreme extrovert, she get carried away with pettiness, she want to reconnect to everybody she had known, you know, people you have lost contact with for long, she suddenly bump into them, and wanna bring them close, this is dangerous to us, and flirting with random guys could be very dangerous too for me.

She isn't security conscious at all, she meet and trust people within seconds, flow with them as if she had known them for ages.

I suspect she enjoy those flirtatious conversations she is having on social media, possibly making her feel happy or wanted, (I don't know)... But some could have actually led to meetings in person, with the fact that I have not been around for very long time.... You know everything is creating an atmosphere of suspicion.

Smiles.