At what point should love stop to matter?

Sometime ago, I created a thread about how to go about my marriage prep... to have my dad receive my bride price or not?

That was because there was a man in the picture and we were soon to start effecting marriage plans.

But, I don't know. Everything's gone awry! I found out he had been cheating. I can't even describe to what extent. It's so debasing! Three-somes and all what not! My heart broke!

Looking at him outwardly, you'll never imagine him capable of such extremes...he's as calm as a dove... totally sweet, innocent-looking, caring. But the things I read in that phone! My heart bleeds. Yes, I went snooping, that's how I found out. At the end of the day, looking through your partner's phone without their knowledge, is quite expedient... not right, yes, but expedient. I would never have imagined him capable of all those things I read about.

The other day, we went to a friend's party and there was some girl who was dancing all over him. Turned out he secretly asked his friend to help him get her number... right under my nostrils. The disrespect!
I confronted him about everything and he owned up... pleaded with me not to tell the friends and family. I broke up with him.

Thing is, he's been apologising endlessly... and making serious promises to change. My better judgement says I must let him go... everytime I contemplate what he did, I just want to cry... the disregard... the shamefulness of his actions.

But I love him still...I don't even know if the way I love him is normal anymore. I'm looking for excuses to forgive him... to get back to how we used to be before all of these happened. But I keep having the nagging thought that he can't change, and if I forgive and take him back, he'll do it again in future... do even worse when we get married. And he's always going to expect that I'll forgive him.

Note that this isn't the first time he's cheating. The first time it happened, our relationship wasn't quite serious then, so I let it go. The second time he cheated, he had a very believable lie... and I bought it.

He's been calling and apologising endlessly. Sending me mails (blocked him on Whatsapp, couldn't block him on my other phone). My head says to break up for good... my heart wants him back and believe he'd never do it again. The thought of starting all over again... of bonding and loving someone else... I don't love easily... and this is one person who's made me happy for soo long... the man I was ready to spend the rest of my life with.

Lalasticlala, seun, pls...

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.......This type will bring his side chick to your matrimonial bed if eventually you guys got married.....break up with him girl





That spirit asking you to take him back is his ancestral spirit broken home don't hid to it......

Use ur head just as u said. Cos if u accept and get hurt, ur heart won't be in pains oo, ur head will feel it. So avoid getting hurt in the head. Forgive him and move on with ur life.

This one seems to me like a dog. You can take him back since your heart bleeds for him let me see how far that 'Love' will take you both.

You’ve taken his bullshit one too many times.
You should have cut him loose from the very first time he cheated. Do you know the message you’re passing across by constantly tolerating this? You’re indirectly telling him you’re up for whatever bullshit he throws your way.

And believe me sis, he’ll throw a thousand and one bullshits. It would be hard, but my dear, cut him loose! You’ll start again just fine. He doesn’t deserve you!

QuintessentialW:
At what point should love stop to matter?

Sometime ago, I created a thread about how to go about my marriage prep... to have my dad receive my bride price or not?

That was because there was a man in the picture and we were soon to start effecting marriage plans.

But, I don't know. Everything's gone awry! I found out he had been cheating. I can't even describe to what extent. It's so debasing! Three-somes and all what not! My heart broke!

Looking at him outwardly, you'll never imagine him capable of such extremes...he's as calm as a dove... totally sweet, innocent-looking, caring. But the things I read in that phone! My heart bleeds. Yes, I went snooping, that's how I found out. At the end of the day, looking through your partner's phone without their knowledge, is quite expedient... not right, yes, but expedient. I would never have imagined him capable of all those things I read about.

The other day, we went to a friend's party and there was some girl who was dancing all over him. Turned out he secretly asked his friend to help him get her number... right under my nostrils. The disrespect!
I confronted him about everything and he owned up... pleaded with me not to tell the friends and family. I broke up with him.

Thing is, he's been apologising endlessly... and making serious promises to change. My better judgement says I must let him go... everytime I contemplate what he did, I just want to cry... the disregard... the shamefulness of his actions.

But I love him still...I don't even know if the way I love him is normal anymore. I'm looking for excuses to forgive him... to get back to how we used to be before all of these happened. But I keep having the nagging thought that he can't change, and if I forgive and take him back, he'll do it again in future... do even worse when we get married. And he's always going to expect that I'll forgive him.

Note that this isn't the first time he's cheating. The first time it happened, our relationship wasn't quite serious then, so I let it go. The second time he cheated, he had a very believable lie... and I bought it.

He's been calling and apologising endlessly. Sending me mails (blocked him on Whatsapp, couldn't block him on my other phone). My head says to break up for good... my heart wants him back and believe he'd never do it again. The thought of starting all over again... of bonding and loving someone else... I don't love easily... and this is one person who's made me happy for soo long... the man I was ready to spend the rest of my life with.

The devil you know....... I dont know why you women like to complicate issues, you had the man of your dreams and everything was going fine but you had to go and be Sherlock Holmes.......

soberdrunk:





The devil you know....... I dont know why you women like to complicate issues, you had the man of your dreams and everything was going fine but you had to go and be Sherlock Holmes.......

I won't lie. I almost regret finding out. Ignorance really is bliss. But looking at the bigger picture, it's a good thing I know. I would have been marrying a rake.

I won't dare touch my hubby's phone when I get married. So much headaches already.

You alone knows what you want for yourself. You alone can advice yourself. Amidst all this, always us your head.

QuintessentialW:


I won't lie. I almost regret finding out. Ignorance really is bliss. But looking at the bigger picture, it's a good thing I know. I would have been marrying a rake.

I won't dare touch my hubby's phone when I get married. So much headaches already.

You women need to accept the fact that Love is not a package deal that comes with 'Loyalty' and 'faithfulness'

Move on.... But wait, No to take my advice serious o, cus i no read ur post finish. E too long

If you have never cheated on him dump him, but if you have you deserve each other

You seem to "love" this person more than you love yourself. Until you learn to love and respect yourself be ready to suffer more. If you think that he will change, you are deceiving yourself. He will get worse. He is even disrespecting you under your nose and that's because you let him. Don't think his WhatsApp messages mean anything. He is putting no effort into begging you. It's child's play since he already knows that it is a matter of time until you come running back.

Mindfulness:
You seem to "love" this person more than you love yourself. Until you learn to love and respect yourself be ready to suffer more. If you think that he will change, you are deceiving yourself. He will get worse. He is even disrespecting you under your nose and that's because you let him. Don't think his WhatsApp messages mean anything. He is putting no effort into begging you. It's child's play since he already knows that it is a matter of time until you come running back.

I didn't know women were capable of love just cash

QuintessentialW:


I won't lie. I almost regret finding out. Ignorance really is bliss. But looking at the bigger picture, it's a good thing I know. I would have been marrying a rake.

I won't dare touch my hubby's phone when I get married. So much headaches already.

You went through his phone because deep down inside, you knew. It's better to search through the phone than being positively tested for HIV.
It might be difficult now but thank God you know. Thank God!

Lightangel65:

I didn't know women were capable of love just cash

Sorry for you.

Mindfulness:


Sorry for you.

It true they love money as much as a goat loves yam

OP, in as much as it is difficult to let go of what you have built for years, i won't advice you to sleep while fire is on your rooftop.
it is painful but from your points, he has been doing it for long and not once. So I will say he is an addict.

On this note, i will advice you to move on.
(Don't blame yourself for snooping, it can be for our good at times.

My dear such men don't change. They don't change. They do NOT change.
They actually get worse after marriage.

You would be making the WORST mistake of your life.

Op follow your heart. Most females here will advise you to end your relationship and move on... Blah blah blah. But if they are in your shoes, they may not take their own advice. See my dear, a man cheating on you may not necessarily mean that he doesn't love, respect, appreciate you etc. Some men are addicted to sex and stuffs like that. They have been living this way for a very long time and it's not gonna be easy to stop it. It takes discipline and time to let go of these ugly habits ( now I'm talking from experience )
But deep down inside his heart, he really loves you and wants to change for you.
Ask yourself, why is he still begging you all these while that you have left him? What an irony right?
You will be fine

Perra:
My dear such men don't change. They don't change. They do NOT change.
They actually get worse after marriage.

You would be making the WORST mistake of your life.

Are you God?
How come you are sure that he would never change

QuintessentialW:


I won't lie. I almost regret finding out. Ignorance really is bliss. But looking at the bigger picture, it's a good thing I know. I would have been marrying a rake.

I won't dare touch my hubby's phone when I get married. So much headaches already.

It is better you check the phone before he infest you with deadly disease.

When a guy you planned to marry is having 3somes it is a sign of what will happen after wedding

chidiebereuzoma:
Op follow your heart. Most females here will advise you to end your relationship and move on... Blah blah blah. But if they are in your shoes, they may not take their own advice. See my dear, a man cheating on you may not necessarily mean that he doesn't love, respect, appreciate you etc. Some men are addicted to sex and stuffs like that. They have been living this way for a very long time and it's not gonna be easy to stop it. It takes discipline and time to let go of these ugly habits ( now I'm talking from experience )
But deep down inside his heart, he really loves you and wants to change for you.
Ask yourself, why is he still begging you all these while that you have left him? What an irony right?
You will be fine

flimsy excuses ...true love is all about faithfulness, respect and loyalty. Addicted to sex ? Hence sleep around? Then he should not bother to marry

samtol4:
flimsy excuses ...true love is all about faithfulness, respect and loyalty. Addicted to sex ? Hence sleep around? Then he should not bother to marry

Well, it's really a difficult situation I must say. But I know that some men who cheat still love their woman, but they are just addicted to sex. They always regret it so deep

chidiebereuzoma:

Well, it's really a difficult situation I must say. But I know that some men who cheat still love their woman, but they are just addicted to sex. They always regret it so deep

What do you define as love sir ?

chidiebereuzoma:

Well, it's really a difficult situation I must say. But I know that some men who cheat still love their woman, but they are just addicted to sex. They always regret it so deep

Bro if you know what true love means, you won't advice her to go into a hurtful relationship that she will never trust her man or be at peace.
To love your partner is to respect them and remain loyal to that single person no matter how you are tempted to cheat.
To love your partner is to not cause them pain or heartache in whatever form or guise. Love seeks for the best for the sake of the other person in any given situation whether the person is aware or not.

NobleDeSage001:


Bro if you know what true love means, you won't advice her to go into a hurtful relationship that she will never trust her man or be at peace.
To love your partner is to respect them and remain loyal to that single person no matter how you are tempted to cheat.
To love your partner is to not cause them pain or heartache in whatever form or guise. Love seeks for the best for the sake of the other person in any given situation whether the person is aware or not.

He can change, bro, I was once like that in the past!! I truly love my woman but sometimes the old habit resurfaces and then I was still hanging out with the old friends whom we use to do all these ugly things back then. But deep down inside my heart, I know I love my woman and I can't imagine her leaving my life. But with time and her help after finding me out, I'm the best of myself right now! I have cut off with the old bad buddies that don't mean any good to me and always bring this immoral vibe around.
If you truly love him, give him a chance again, after all "true love always forgives"
Ciao

Interesting

I don’t have much to say but I can’t help but imagine if it were to be the other way round . My dear.... the olosho dem go type eh.

But o.p , search your heart deeply, only you alone know what’s best for you.

NobleDeSage001:


Bro if you know what true love means, you won't advice her to go into a hurtful relationship that she will never trust her man or be at peace.
To love your partner is to respect them and remain loyal to that single person no matter how you are tempted to cheat.
To love your partner is to not cause them pain or heartache in whatever form or guise. Love seeks for the best for the sake of the other person in any given situation whether the person is aware or not.

1000 likes!

chidiebereuzoma:
Op follow your heart. Most females here will advise you to end your relationship and move on... Blah blah blah. But if they are in your shoes, they may not take their own advice. See my dear, a man cheating on you may not necessarily mean that he doesn't love, respect, appreciate you etc. Some men are addicted to sex and stuffs like that. They have been living this way for a very long time and it's not gonna be easy to stop it. It takes discipline and time to let go of these ugly habits ( now I'm talking from experience )
But deep down inside his heart, he really loves you and wants to change for you.
Ask yourself, why is he still begging you all these while that you have left him? What an irony right?
You will be fine

Rubbish talk!

Love yen yen yen yen my ass

That man is a public toilet, and you know the dangers associated with public toilets. Community dîck