Saintmary:


This is meant for the OP
See woman beater in training.
So, since you have apologized, and she is adamant, you will kuku build for yourself a broken home.
You better go and restore your home and prevent further stories that touch.
Or you think Nairalanders will live in your marriage with you.
However you make your bed, you, your wife and your baby will lie in it.

So the OP should kill himself for a mistake he has apologized for or allow himself to be manipulated by following her the way house fly follows poo. Over wetin. There's no bed anymore. Such wife would kill her husband with wicked manipulations.

Dupalmer:

She started building the broken home by being unreasonably adamant to apologies and even involving her people what nonsense.
She invited trouble and she got it coming. Some women knowing that their man is not a violent person often take advantage of that and push him to the wall. Everyone has a limit to patience and tolerance. Forget the many seeming chivalrous women wrapper all over Nairaland sugarcoating their stand whereas it's not coming from a sincere heart.

Most guys would break at such heights of provocation.

She really got it coming.

A married man came home at 2 o clock in the night like an irresponsible teenager and slapped his wife so hard that she bled but of course, trust nairaland guys to absolve him of blame and accuse the wife of breaking the home by complaining.
One even said she should have approached him with love and humility. Lwkmd
Humility how?
Is that a reward for the inconsiderate bad behaviour by the man, by putting his wife and child at risk, opening their doors at that dangerous hour of the night for who knows what to follow him indoors?

Maybe he was out drinking sef and he hit her in a drunken rage who knows?
Who knows if the guy has a drinking problem the woman has been complaining about that he ignored since?

Like I said before I find it hard to believe this guy's account of how things went. A woman will not just get up and leave a guy who has been a loving and responsible husband because he fucked_ up once. I smell lies and omission in this story.

Ekene161829:
Thank you for you advise. I never done anything like it before and I taught I could never do such a thing thing to her and I regret everything. Normally we argue like any other couples, she will be screaming and get really heated , I will leave the house for some hours and comes back later , and I keep myself under control. I know that if I don’t , she won’t stop either and things will get nasty. But on that night it didn’t go down that way , I was trying to keep controlled and explain to her the reason why I came late was 2 of my friends were drunk to the point where they couldn’t walk . I have to drive them home. She just wouldn’t stop yelling and throwing hands at me , I was so tired to leave the house again that was why I left our room to go to the living room. She kept on going and I yelled at her to ship up and leave me alone as she was laying into me, she screamed back that she wouldn’t that made me angry and I hit her.the pain of knowing I did that especially when it wasn’t my intentions is killing me and I want to show her that it was a mistake and I had no reason or thought behind hitting her

Give it time and then go back to apologise!
The family is only trying to send you a message of non tolerance to abuse of their daughter.
From slapping it graduates to beating.
I understand she provoked you but if you have friends who'd drink to stupor at this stage,i like your wife will want to protect my own.

At this stage reduce drinking,you could drink at home.
If you are running late,send a message to her.It shows commitment,respect and willingness to make ur union work.
Igbos will say to remove the monkey's hand before it turns to a human hand.


In this life a lot of tinz can go wrong just by hitting someone .Eg is the bikeman who slapped his wife,a new mom to death.He is left with 8 kids to train alone.

You are no more single!Be an example to that child

Since no emergency # to call, she did the right thing calling someone else to come take her out of abusive environment!
Op - take note of one simple rule in a relationship - always info your partner what time you will be coming or if running late...a married man with a seven month old baby staying out till 2am kuku sleep there now.
What happened to leaving at 9pm or 10pm ?
Too much entitlement instead of commitment. You should have called on your way home and apologized while gisting her of what happened at the party that kept you late etc
You guys don't know how to love someone!!
Please get your priority right!

emeijeh:
Your wife went too far for calling her people (after your very first slap)
What happened to the "no third party interference" sermon on your wedding day?

But Op, are you sure you have not hit or beaten her before that day?

Just keep apologizing.
She has to come back.

LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

And you tink u ve spoken well? I think u re reacting to a wrong topic madam and if truly u re reacting to this topic in particular den SORRY SORRY SORRY IN ADVANCE TO UR SON IN-LAW.

kulobyno:
Well as for me:
1. Hitting you wife is a sign of weakness.
2. Apologizing is a sign of strength and love.
But rubbishing my effort to make amends by involving her parents is a NO NO.
I WILL NEVER apologise further because she has made things even.
Whether she decides to stay or leave is her business but trust me I won't care anymore.

Seconded.

CHoccolaTE:

Like I said before I find it hard to believe this guy's account of how things went. A woman will not just get up and leave a guy who has been a loving and responsible husband because he fucked_ up once. I smell lies and omission in this story.

I agree with you. You can never trust the account of an abuser, they usually minimize their role and try to put the blame on the victim. It’s usually they were “provoked” or she was “nagging” etc.

There is NO reason to hit someone unless it’s in self defense.

OP, you hit her because you thought her anger wasn’t justified. You think her anger isn’t justified because you don’t think you’re accountable to your wife and family. Husband and wife should be accountable to each other.

Unfortunately, a line has been drawn that cannot be erased, it always never ends with just one ‘slap’. She rightfully called for help because this wasn’t just some lover’s spat, this was a physical altercation that drew blood. She made the right call to protect herself and her baby from you.

I am not convinced you will not hit her again but she did well by sending you a signal that she isn’t going to tolerate any physical abuse from you.

crackhaus:

What I asked was a very simple question given the specific circumstances in this story, so I don't know what you're explaining.


Since signing an undertaking is of necessity to you, should this not be contingent on you signing one of your own stating you will never provoke him by yelling and shouting at him?

Yelling at him isn't a big deal as hitting her.

Her yelling is understandable because she loved you and angry about the late night you keep. As a husband and father, it is very irresponsible of you to stay late till 2am. What if something bad had happened to you while coming back such as armed robbery attack, meeting trigger happy drunk police officers that can discharge their magazine on you for not giving them satisfying answers?or even involving in an accident. She was worried because she feared losing you to any of those and becoming a widow and your baby fatherless at this young age.


If there is anyone your wife regards highly such as uncle , pastor, mentor etc meet the person and tell him/her to help you beg your wife for forgiveness and to return to her home.

If this didn't work, go to your in -law's place with someone with wine to beg them to release your wife ,their daughter to you and promise them that such won't happen again.

In laws are already involved

She won't come back until you go to their place with your father and mother to apologize to your in laws and assure them that their daughter is safe at your place.

This has gone beyond begging the girl alone, she can't even come until her family says so.

Pls go with drinks hot, wine, two cartons of malt and beer

I am sure this can't be the first time you are having a serious issue and your in laws knows everything going on

You must be new to the hypocrisy and double standards here to be expecting any different

Fountainofyouth:
And as usual, no one is saying we should hear her side of the story, especially the males here, we don't even know if it was multiple slaps cos ordinary slap can't make one bleed, except it's a thunder reseting one sha, still, we don't know her story, so let's not judge yet, unlike men dem already judging the wife, if Op was the wife, we all know how most male comments here will be.

Many Nigerians are lawless.
Assaulting your wife is a crime. A criminal offence. I hope she had the foresight to go to the hospital, take pictures and also make a report at the police station.
I also hope she has the insight that a leopard will never change it's spots.

Simple things have to be explained

armyofone:
Since no emergency # to call, she did the right thing calling someone else to come take her out of abusive environment!
Op - take note of one simple rule in a relationship - always info your partner what time you will be coming or if running late...a married man with a seven month old baby staying out till 2am kuku sleep there now.
What happened to leaving at 9pm or 10pm ?
Too much entitlement instead of commitment. You should have called on your way home and apologized while gisting her of what happened at the party that kept you late etc
You guys don't know how to love someone!!
Please get your priority right!

Fountainofyouth:
And as usual, no one is saying we should hear her side of the story, especially the males here, we don't even know if it was multiple slaps cos ordinary slap can't make one bleed, except it's a thunder reseting one sha, still, we don't know her story, so let's not judge yet, unlike men dem already judging the wife, if Op was the wife, we all know how most male comments here will be.

Many have loose screws on their heads. Even from the OP's story alone, I blame him a 100%.
Which responsible married man comes home by 2am, drunk?
His offences:
1. Going home late by 2am.
2. Not calling to inform and update his partner he has been delayed and will be home late. What kind of person has not even such basic respect for their partner? I guess the kind that hits their partner.
3. Drink driving
4. Physically assaulting his wife
5. Exposing his child to such irresponsible behaviour
Some even have the audacity to expect the wife not to involve 3rd parties in her beatings.
Wetin Musa no go see for gate?
Dis una wicked people with wicked counsels cannor make heaven o...

I thank God for my in laws, they can never take action without hearing from me.
First question they will ask is, have you people made any attempt to settle within unasef without involving us?

Oga,

Anywhere you cannot go with your family members is not a place to be especially at that odd hour.

How comfortable were you outside catching fun with others without your wife and kid? My brother you are a disgrace to husbandhood.

Fine, it is in women's DNA to provoke a man to do nasty things but you shouldn't have touched her.
At this juncture, stop all the begings,leave her for at least one week incommunicado, and bring in your parents and pastors for reconcilation actions.

Biglittlelois:



No correlation at all, Op hit her and she bled, totally different.

Certain incidences aren't planned. No sane man would want to beat his wife. Though there are two sides to a coin, there are outbursts/ reactions that are totally regrettable. Do we know what she had said in anger? Not justifying the slapping, but third party evacuation isn't one of the best actions.

LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

You can also help her to slap him nah. The brother inlaw can't act stupidly, this ur thought is disheartening. The so called brother inlaw is stupid to have followed d mum slf , he is a man nd should rather talk to the husband. Shey he wants to marry his sister ni?

Ekene161829:
Thank you for you advise. I never done anything like it before and I taught I could never do such a thing thing to her and I regret everything. Normally we argue like any other couples, she will be screaming and get really heated , I will leave the house for some hours and comes back later , and I keep myself under control. I know that if I don’t , she won’t stop either and things will get nasty. But on that night it didn’t go down that way , I was trying to keep controlled and explain to her the reason why I came late was 2 of my friends were drunk to the point where they couldn’t walk . I have to drive them home. She just wouldn’t stop yelling and throwing hands at me , I was so tired to leave the house again that was why I left our room to go to the living room. She kept on going and I yelled at her to ship up and leave me alone as she was laying into me, she screamed back that she wouldn’t that made me angry and I hit her.the pain of knowing I did that especially when it wasn’t my intentions is killing me and I want to show her that it was a mistake and I had no reason or thought behind hitting her

You are a good Man. You have erred, accepted your fault(s) and made peace. More importantly, dialogue before she comes back. what are the factors that led to the issue? How would she understand that pushing matters too far isn't the best? Stay woke and build up your family. Subtly reduce interference by your in-laws and control your home

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret . Me and my wife have an amazing marriage 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7 months old baby girl. She is 28 and I almost 33. Last saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling me ,throwing hands and screaming at me . I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry, I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didnt intentionally hurt her , I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry , and I was literally on my knees begging her . I tried to hold her but she refused. The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didnt mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door , she was in there for a long time and the next morning , her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house. I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I dont want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back . Should I attempt to contact her? What do I do?

She ll come back but not so soon. Probably by the time you value your family more than your friends and know that you don't hit a woman irrespective of her status or action

fatymore:


Yelling at him isn't a big deal as hitting her.

Yes of course, I just needed you to type this yourself so it could reveal exactly what goes on in the minds of women like you who think it is perfectly okay to shout, yell, and raise their voices to show displeasure - anyway, borderline psychotic people don't know any other way to show displeasure, so I can't really blame you or your sisters here.

However, this is this exact behaviour that makes/will make some of you continue to get slapped by your husbands when he has gotten his earful of your vituperations. If you can't raise your voice to a random stranger on the street whom you have no regard for, what on God's earth makes you think it's somehow okay to do so with a husband you love, respect, and regard?
Are you seriously saying that a grown person like you knows no other way to make her displeasure known without getting in the face of another person, yelling, screaming?

Anyhow, just in case you didn't know, provocation is a good defense in law - not a legal defense though, but a defense that can give a lesser sentence. English law calls it loss of control.
If you're going to act like a crazy person, then you cannot control the response you receive in return.

No grown person likes being yelled or shouted at, not even you given the worst of situations...so I really don't know what you or anyone here (assuming you all were completely sane), are trying to make sense of.

crackhaus:

Yes of course, I just needed you to type this yourself so it could reveal exactly what goes on in the minds of women like you who think it is perfectly okay to shout, yell, and raise their voices to show displeasure - anyway, borderline psychotic people don't know any other way to show displeasure, so I can't really blame you or your sisters here.

However, this is this exact behaviour that makes/will make some of you continue to get punched and slapped by your husbands when he has gotten his earful of your vituperations.
If you can't raise your voice to a random stranger on the street whom you have no regard for, what on God's earth makes you think it's somehow okay to do so with a husband you love, respect, and regard? Are you seriously saying that a grown person like you knows no other way to make her displeasure known without getting in the face of another person, yelling, screaming?

Anyhow, just in case you didn't know, provocation is a good defense in law - not a legal defense though, but a defense that can give a lesser sentence. English law calls it loss of control.
If you're going to act like a crazy person, then cannot control the response you get in return.

You wrote all these to justify beating.

Clap for yourself and well done for a good job.

A responsible man with a 7month old child wouldn't waltz in by 2a.m. in the morning.

That's provocative and insulting enough. He doesn't have regards for the wife.

Good Morning

eyinjuege:


Many have loose screws on their heads. Even from the OP's story alone, I blame him a 100%.
Which responsible married man comes home by 2am, drunk?
His offences:
1. Going home late by 2am.
2. Not calling to inform and update his partner he has been delayed and will be home late. What kind of person has not even such basic respect for their partner? I guess the kind that hits their partner.
3. Drink driving
4. Physically assaulting his wife
5. Exposing his child to such irresponsible behaviour
Some even have the audacity to expect the wife not to involve 3rd parties in her beatings.
Wetin Musa no go see for gate?
Dis una wicked people with wicked counsels cannor make heaven o...

God bless you

fatymore:


You wrote all these to justify beating.

Clap for yourself and well done for a good job.

A responsible man with a 7month old child wouldn't waltz in by 2a.m. in the morning.

That's provocative and insulting enough. He doesn't have regards for the wife.

Good Morning

I suspect your IQ is on a single digit, that is why you would think all of that was a justification for beating in the same way provocation is a justification for murder.

Good morning to you too.

crackhaus:

I suspect your IQ is on a single digit, that is why you would think all of that was a justification for beating.

Good morning to you too.

I was diplomatic enough and you resulted to insult... Well done ooo

fatymore:


I was diplomatic enough and you resulted to insult... Well done ooo

That was not an insult.
I only suspect, meaning I'm not sure. The rest is up to you.

as a married Man you're suppose to watch the caliber of friends you roll with, most of this beer parlor friends are of no good, keeping late nights as a married man is a no no. be responsible. as for ur wife give her a little time you can go over to her family and apologize if they refuse to let her return home. leave her alone her Brain will return to factory setting after some time.

fatymore:
Don't take the advice of people telling you to ignore her.


Talk to your parent and let them follow you to her place to beg for forgiveness.

As for me, you will write an undertaken that you won't ever lift your hands on me again.

Undertaken korr,,, undertaker ni...
There's more to marriage than meets the eyes.
Marriage isn't all about being with someone who will never offend you, it's more about being with someone whom you are ready to tolerate his/her shortcomings.

Most of u with this idea of the husband signing an undertaken think the man hit his wife probably because he didn't love her enough which maybe very wrong. Love is not all about perfection but more about forgiveness.
In this case, the man was wrong to have hitted his wife but they both should find a reason to forgive one another. The wife on the other hand overreacted by involving her family despite the man going down on his knees to beg and show remorse for his action.
One thing I wished every man and woman understands is "the power of silence" especially when someone wrongs you.
For me, silence is a strong force I use to overcome difficult situations as regards my relationship with people. Everyone ought to master it because it gives you time to think and respond to situations rather than reacting to them.

Lastly, don't forget marriage is an adventure and not a bed of rose.
Peace!

crackhaus:

That was not an insult.
I only suspect, meaning I'm not sure. The rest is up to you.

I rest my case..you are irredeemable

respect80:


Undertaken korr,,, undertaker ni...
There's more to marriage than meets the eyes.
Marriage isn't all about being with someone who will never offend you, it's more about being with someone whom you are ready to tolerate his/her shortcomings.

Most of u with this idea of the husband signing an undertaken think the man hit his wife probably because he didn't love her enough which maybe very wrong. Love is not all about perfection but more about forgiveness.
In this case, the man was wrong to have hitted his wife but they both should find a reason to forgive one another. The wife on the other hand overreacted by involving her family despite the man going down on his knees to beg and show remorse for his action.
One thing I wished every man and woman understands is "the power of silence" especially when someone wrongs you.
For me, silence is a strong force I use to overcome difficult situations as regards my relationship with people. Everyone ought to master it because it gives you time to think and respond to situations rather than reacting to them.

Lastly, don't forget marriage is an adventure and not a bed of rose.
Peace!

Thank you...

But sometimes when something binds you, you think and act differently.

fatymore:



I rest my case..you are irredeemable

That you even believe you had any case to begin with is a testament to that IQ thing.

I wonder why a woman who insists her husband should sign an undertaking to never raise his hands on her wouldn't want to sign an undertaking to never raise her voice on him.
I thought it was a partnership.

You are certifiable.