danot1030:


Since you says that to your father i take no offense.

blank:


Especially when it hits front page.

shestrong:

Very reasonable comment.

crackhaus:

In your haste to appear a genius, it eluded you so embarrassingly that the idea was never to equate similar situations, but instead to level the playing field and prevent against future occurrences brought on by cause & effect.

Dupalmer:
In as much as I don't support domestic violence, your effort at apologizing and sincerely promising not to repeat it is more than enough to make you guys come back to normal if she's a reasonable woman.
don't call or beg her anymore else she will see a good stance to manipulate your sorry ass forever.
She will come back in a matter of days if you ignore her but if she doesn't, find a way to make yourself happy. You can't kill yourself over a trouble she ignited. She will loose if she tries to make it a hard or competitive game.

There are many ladies young and old with very good character that will be willing to marry as second, third and even fourth wife.

RisenPhoenix:


You make a lot of assumptions which I never implied. My position is that one has the right to beat another. And in addition, no one has the right to expect another to debase himself before her.

Plead:



You said you’ll never support any reason by a man to hit a woman (note you didn’t make reference to marriage but a general POV)

And I asked you what if the woman hit the man first and you started talking about how kids don’t understand discussions on marriage .... what’s the correlation between the statement you made and the question I asked you with marriage?


You just don’t have sense....

BRATISLAVA:
so why sound like he has a right to beat her, apologize and she should accept it otherwise she is a bad person? The man should be in jail at the very least and you've somehow managed to make it about debasing himself.

BRATISLAVA:
in your haste to appear a genius you are still afraid to answer: how are physical violence and screaming a level playing field ? Accept that your level field talk is pointless and stop aimlessly trying to argue out of it.

RisenPhoenix:


The problem here seems to be comprehension. I never said she should accept his apology. I said the apologies he has made should be more than enough for her to forgive him; meaning if she's going to. Those asking him to go prostrating for her and kissing her feet so she can forgive him are asking him to debase himself and give up his self-respect. No one should be made to do that. One apology should be sufficient. If she doesn't agree, she should leave. It is not like she was entirely blameless.

And if you had read my original comment before rushing to debunk what you did not get fully, you would have seen that I do not believe in violence as a solution for marital issues.

midnighter:


Attempting to level the playing field is not the same as stating that 2 things are on a level playing field.

He is right; if OP would sign anything then she should also sign not to bully him and then he should sign again not to come back back late and then she should sign not to call her parents over nonsense. Na sign dem go con sign o

BRATISLAVA:

If she was to have beaten him for questioning her whereabouts at 2AM, you would switch the narrative.

I repeat, is the level field of physical violence the same as nagging? Evaluate that. I'm not interested in how you wish to twist that. Is it level or not?

Voicing opinion has turned to bullying. Lol. You people are such domestic violence apologists.

Have you forgotten that he should be in jail if he was to split the lip of anyone? And that he would do worse to anyone who split his lip? Yet you've created level fields on unbalanced actions to justify him.

They should sign to that so that she cannot express her fundamental right to speech while he expresses his criminal "right" to battery. Evaluate the two things carefully

. I know that Nigerians have no fundamental human rights and that is why people will equate battery to nagging and see justification in doing so. Try that in the West and report on the results.

crackhaus:

In your haste to appear a genius, it eluded you so embarrassingly that the idea was never to equate similar situations, but instead to level the playing field and prevent against future occurrences brought on by cause & effect.

shestrong:

With this ur comment bro ur brain is definitely lighter.

Dupalmer:
In as much as I don't support domestic violence, your effort at apologizing and sincerely promising not to repeat it is more than enough to make you guys come back to normal if she's a reasonable woman.
don't call or beg her anymore else she will see a good stance to manipulate your sorry ass forever.
She will come back in a matter of days if you ignore her but if she doesn't, find a way to make yourself happy. You can't kill yourself over a trouble she ignited. She will loose if she tries to make it a hard or competitive game.

There are many ladies young and old with very good character that will be willing to marry as second, third and even fourth wife.

Queenmaker:

Are you married? If not, please desist from giving such advice.
@OP,this is a public forum. Be careful how you solicit for advice here. You are married, many forum members are even yet to write JAMB.

SEGLIZ:

Doyin this one you looking for all the side of or to the story so, the weather is not so friendly o. the heat might end up turning everywhere into bakery oven o.
just one side of the story is enough to tell us the whole story, women could be but a man that can't keep his cool is worse.
but the woman got it wrong inviting her family members. the mother and brother don't mean her well, she should have informed her husband family first before involving hers.
it's been as long while, how is your family (particularly the young one) doing? á tí máa claim title o.

AdedoyinO:


Ok o my brother. Make heat no dey anywhere. If this his is first time of hitting her, it is better nibbed in the bud before it becomes something else. Involving her family might be extreme though but her elder bro is also a man....

Family is fine. Young boy done dey do shakara. How are you sir

Dupalmer:

Yes I am happily married but not to a nagging woman or wicked trouble maker and manipulator

BRATISLAVA:

I agree. There's a comprehension problem here. You have made it clear in all your earlier posts that he is begging too much, and that his wife is too unforgiving of him beating her and drawing blood. Nobody should have to be beaten for voicing their opinion. If he has begged too much, then he has beaten too much. He has no right to be forgiven. If he wishes to debase himself begging, he is only doing it because he doesn't want to go to jail for giving her more than a split lip. You should've advised him to avoid criminal violence. Instead your pain is that he's to stop begging her. When you commit crimes you will debase yourself. That is what he's doing

Queenmaker:

Glad to know you are happily married. That's the more reason why you shouldn't add more fuel to the fire in another man's marriage, giving him option of infidelity rather than a mature approach to things. The truth is, marriage is sacred. The moment you think you have an option apart from your God-given spouse, then you've pushed God aside to depend on your own wisdom.
May God have mercy on this generation.

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

Emmanuelhector:
Don't vex ma, my brain is lighter

RisenPhoenix:


The problem here seems to be comprehension. I never said she should accept his apology. I said the apologies he has made should be more than enough for her to forgive him; meaning if she's going to. Those asking him to go prostrating for her and kissing her feet so she can forgive him are asking him to debase himself and give up his self-respect. No one should be made to do that. One apology should be sufficient. If she doesn't agree, she should leave. It is not like she was entirely blameless.

midnighter:


Hmm...so you can refuse to apologise after a first apology doesnt work Is that not a tad unrealistic?

Sometimes an apology is like a chisel and the person's heart is like an apple trapped in a block of ice...so the repeated apology will keep chipping away at the ice until you reach what you want

The problem was not refusing to accept the repeated begging. Apologising or kneeling for somebody repeatedly doesnt mean that youve given up on your self-respect. It actually takes high self-esteem to be able to do that

The problem is calling her family into the matter when she instigated the beating in the first place.

Are you objecting to the fact that he begged her and she's not responding or that people are telling him to also beg his in-laws? I read your comments but I dont understand

RisenPhoenix:


So you are a woman. I thought you were a man which is why I replied you in the first place.

I am not saying he has a right to be forgiven. I am saying he has a right to his self respect. You are thinking there's a chance of him going to jail? Dream on. The police will probably laugh her out if she tries to get him arrested and that is not even the issue here. Even the threat of jail should not make him lose his self-respect. Nothing should. If she decides not to forgive him, she should leave; as she has. He should leave her there or go through her father (if he's more rational than his wife and daughter) to enquire what is the next step. That was my advice, and that is all I have to say. You can't tell me what to advice him. Write your own advice and stop trying to amend mine.

And she wasn't just trying to 'voice her opinion'. She was actually harrassing him after he repeatedly asked her to leave him alone.

RisenPhoenix:


So you are a woman. I thought you were a man which is why I replied you in the first place.

I am not saying he has a right to be forgiven. I am saying he has a right to his self respect. You are thinking there's a chance of him going to jail? Dream on. The police will probably laugh her out if she tries to get him arrested and that is not even the issue here. Even the threat of jail should not make him lose his self-respect. Nothing should. If she decides not to forgive him, she should leave; as she has. He should leave her there or go through her father (if he's more rational than his wife and daughter) to enquire what is the next step. That was my advice, and that is all I have to say. You can't tell me what to advice him. Write your own advice and stop trying to amend mine.

And she wasn't just trying to 'voice her opinion'. She was actually harrassing him after he repeatedly asked her to leave him alone.

RisenPhoenix:


I am objecting to the fact that he's grovelling before her as if she's some minor deity. So she provoked him, he reacted a little too excessively and has already over apologised for the excess. She should either get over it or move on.

And it is not a measure of self esteem to be lowering yourself to be grovelling before your fellow human.

midnighter:

You keep misunderstanding the term "level the playing field"

Level the playing field is using a verb whilst youre taking it as a level playing field which is a noun. The person you quoted already stated that he wasnt trying to equate violence and nagging, but youre still asking if theyre the same.

Physical violence is not "level" with nagging. But in an attempt to make things fairer, which is what "level the playing field" means, you must take into account the provocation that led to the assault.

Even if he were to go to jail, due to provocation the sentence he would receive would be less than the sentence he would receive if he had just entered the house and started beating her up.

And that "split lip" stuff is just an emotive statement because if you slap somebody on their mouth, their lip will hit their teeth and split. If you slap with the same level of force on their cheek, they wont necessarily bleed will they

So that she's bleeding or not bleeding isnt even the point here because we dont know what the damage is until we see a photograph and get a medical report.

Nigerians or no Nigerians, what youre saying is just not fair.

crackhaus:

You're a darling midnighter, a fùcking shinning wrapped red-ribboned box of darling-ness.

You schooled that "genius" more than I ever would have had the patience for.