Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.


The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her . He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours . I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her. Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore

How was his parents' marriage and attitude towards child care?

Apart from the working stuff, has he renegade in any other 'agreement'?

Is there any other issue he is reporting you to your parents for? If yes, how did they resolve it? I don't want to believe they just told you to 'obey' him without listening to you both.

You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

It is well
I dey honeymoon
I go advice you later

1st problem: Why not try a work from home business or online business you can do from your computer while hubby is at work. Many fakes so be careful you don't fall for the fake ones.

Your husband is wrong to keep you from working just because he feels it'll make you less submissive but there's little you can do about it cos this is Africa and the man usually has the final say whether its wise or not as against America where women usually have the final say. Besides your parents are even on his side. Plus the matter is already straining your marriage.

2nd problem: Correct your baby daughter with love and not with hardness. At 2 years it'll be wrong to go too hard on her.

There's nothing wrong with visiting your daughter during break time every now and then since you aren't working and obviously have the time.

My opinion.

bukatyne:


How was his parents' marriage and attitude towards child care?

Apart from the working stuff, has he renegade in any other 'agreement'?

Is there any other issue he is reporting you to your parents for? If yes, how did they resolve it? I don't want to believe they just told you to 'obey' him without listening to you both.

It's possible, some parents are like that...I have heard worse.

Let me just sit and read comments from elders...

bukatyne:


How was his parents' marriage and attitude towards child care?

Apart from the working stuff, has he renegade in any other 'agreement'?

Is there any other issue he is reporting you to your parents for? If yes, how did they resolve it? I don't want to believe they just told you to 'obey' him without listening to you both.

*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.


The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her . He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours . I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her. Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore

You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

GraGra247:
1st problem: Why not try a work from home business or online business you can do from your computer while hubby is at work. Many fakes so be careful you don't fall for the fake ones.

Your husband is wrong to keep you from working just because he feels it'll make you less submissive but there's little you can do about it cos this is Africa and the man usually has the final say whether its wise or not as against America where women usually have the final say. Besides your parents are even on his side. Plus the matter is already straining your marriage.

2nd problem: Correct your baby daughter with love and not with hardness. At 2 years it'll be wrong to go too hard on her.

There's nothing wrong with visiting your daughter during break time every now and then since you aren't working and obviously have the time.

My opinion.

Trust me, I correct my daughter with so much love. I do not want to do an online business, i want a real job

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

Cheat on me with our daughter ?

Save your marriage... Your daughter will one day grow up and leave the house. You'll be left with your hubby and trust me you don't want to be with a man that has lost his love for you. Please be wise dear.

Toor

Firstly tell him to open business cos you see this life,anything can happen.
Have something doing.i have seen mighty men fall and it is what their wife is doing the family falls back on.

If you don't raise your daughter well you will be blamed later,she will become a rude and mannerless girl.i knew a man like that,MAKe sure u instill discipline.
In marriage what you agree from the onset is what continues,
When you want to change it will be too late.
You guys will quarrel and move on but then each knows each stands.

This is my seventh year and alot of things we argued about has become a common ground.
That is marriage.
My sister MaKe sure YOU ARE NOT A FULL TIME HOUSEWIFR,YOU WILL LOOSE YOURSELF COS YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE A FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE.THIS LIFE I S JUST ONE

You do NOT need help na SENSE You need




Just ask him to put You on monthly Salary and continue being a stay at home Wife



If a lot of Women had the opportunity to be in your shoes, You think they'd go out everyday to do Lebu work?


Continue frustrating your HUSBAND over frivolities till ANOTHER Woman literally step into your SHOES

My friend do what your husband said you should do. He married you with his hard-earned money and not the other way round

O.P
How old is your husband
This type of situations always occurs when a woman marries a man significantly older than her

Marriage just start u don dey complain, 21yrs u run enter marriage, na lottery?

If u were working b4 he married u, he can't ask u to stop because u married him. I beg u guys should settle it, na family matter

Potential abuser

There is Fire on the Mountain!!!
Try visiting Mountain of Fire for prayers

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.

As far as I'm concern,she doesn't have a problem.

And she is looking for one which she will definitely get from work.

Buhari is

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.

Ahhhh......break marriage just like that!! O ti le to yen ni.. ??

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

You are a FOOL!!!

In your usual irritating manner to hang a man, you always can't hide the uselessness inherent in you.

Cheat with his own daughter, just because he loves his daughter. Idiot!!!

OP please don't listen to the advice of some single ladies up there.
They will say all stuffs online and do otherwise if they are in your shoes.
Others are also ignorant of what marriage entails that's why their comments are like that.
Sincerely, most will do all within their capacity to find a solution, even begging the man instead of jumping ship like they've suggested.
Enough said.

millionboi2:
As far as I'm concern,she doesn't have a problem.

She doesn't have a problem? So being a full-time housewife when it is not of her own choosing is a good thing

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.

Feminist spotted
They can never give good advice but some of them are feminist on nairaland but in real life they respect their spouse like maid
Op no listen to this home destroyer

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.

This One is obviously Single, A Divorcee or a Nigerian Feminist