Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job she does not even have on the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.

Dalby:

This is her side of the story Bros always remember that!!!

projectorz:

I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!

Leebeedo:
If all you said is true, then I'm sorry to say YOU MARRIED A BOY

healthserve:



Shut it. His attitude is toxic. Read beyond the lines. Also, because I see many rights and wrongs on both sides I almost did not comment beyond that he's holding his wife a prisoner in the guise of marriage. Healthy marital relations is a sideways relationship and not vertical horizontal, master slave relationship. Go and learn the difference.

YorubaKing:


Lady, You're sure not OK... That the parents advised her to respect her husband is a problem, abi? You get mental problem, I swear! Olofo!

Deepthoughts:
You don't want to be submissive to the man but you want him to pamper you!, pamper kill you there.

projectorz:

I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Obason22:
Is only baby mama or club girl can offer such advice.

Desric:
And what's so "toxic" about the man here, that he is not disposed to his wife working? is that what you call toxic already? With your mentality, you can live successfully with any man in a marital relationship anywhere around the globe, unless the union comes with your own terms and conditions.

Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

Desric:
My brother see wahala o, no wonder these days a lot of ladies can not survive 10momths in a marriage and when advised by their mums they'll say the woman is old fashioned, still with their new fashion, they can't keep a home.

projectorz:

I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

martowskin1:
Marriage just start u don dey complain, 21yrs u run enter marriage, na lottery?

If u were working b4 he married u, he can't ask u to stop because u married him. I beg u guys should settle it, na family matter

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

coolviv:
But the thing is, why agree on something with a fellow human being like you then change it suddenly when you feel you have trapped her?
If he had said he didn't want a wife who works during courtship, would she not have had the opportunity to leave him and look for a man who shares her belief? Why this inhuman deceit?
She has married you now and had a child then you suddenly decide she should not work. So if she is a medical student that has spent 7 to 9 years to become a doctor, because of you, husband, she ll stay at home and be looking and sit in balcony everyday looking at active passersby?
If the late Dr Adadevoh's husband had stopped her from working, what would ebola have done to Nigeria today?

Pls we all need to change. Stop using Bible and societal structures to frustrate your fellow human being. Even if she keeps quiet and obeys him as she has been advised to do, she will never be happy with her life, never be happy with him and never be happy with her home.

Men should tell women during courtship what their stance is on certain major issues. Don't pretend or deceive her that you are down with what she wants only to change when you get married. And women should clear their eyes very well before taking some life decisions knowing that they will bear most of the brunt if these decisions turn out bad.
It is good to marry early, it is better to establish yourself before getting married, it is best to marry your friend.

SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

therajah:


Ahhhh......break marriage just like that!! O ti le to yen ni.. ??

healthserve:



You read the letter, I read into, beyond and beneath the letter.


He's trying to break her down psychologically Nd then subdue her. Men build their wives not destroy them. Marriage should improve a woman not destroy her.