Graxie:
Keep your advice, I have been married for 11 good years, sometimes I yell when I don't like a particular situation. He doesn't raise his hand, sometimes I don't even respond and beating doesn't happen. He is a balanced man, his brain is working. We are heading to our 12 years, no shaking.

May be na sissy man without balls
U yell abi now clap for ur weak man whom is submissive to u.
Now shut up and get lost from this thread before I give u a dirty slap to reset DT ur chicken brain

Mrsprissy:
Good evening my brothers and sisters in the house. First , I am not a troll . I've been a member on NL since 2008 and am very active, but I prefer using a new account for my story to seek advice and also learn from other experienced people in this great group.

On christmas day hubby and I were invited to attend a special dinner at his friend's house and I picked a nice outfit for him to wear on the day, he wore another outfit, a t shirt and jeans his every day clothes so I asked him politely to go and change, he got angry at me and told me to keep quiet and he went inside.

He was in our room for an hour while the kids and I were still waiting for him, I even sent the kids in their room to play, he later came out he only changed his top but didn't changed the trousers and trainers. I had decided not to say anything for peace to reign, so as we were leaving, I asked him if we could take a family picture, he just snapped and slapped me and started beating me up so badly, he only stopped because my children were screaming and crying for him to stop.

I am so pained because before the incident happened, we were fine, no quarrel at all, I just don't understand his reasons for beating me like this and I swear to God, I didn't say something to make him this angry, he left me there and went out, his friend later called to know if we were still coming because he couldn't reach hubby on the phone, I told him we are coming.

I cleaned myself, changed my clothes and I left with the kids to his friend's house, to my surprise he was already there, we acted like everything was normal and I tried hard to stop tears coming because I was in pained.

For the past 3 days he has been acting as if I did wronged him, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't eat my foods and he left the room and he is now sleeping in our son's room. I just don't know what to do again

Madam madam madam.... I like myself for one thing. I'll always say things as they are.
Now.... Are you sure the tone of correction was one of love or command?
You know I see some married women trying to act like commando because they feel, he has already married me na, so I can talk to him any how. Men dont like it.
Your husband is not a monster that he'll just Pounce on you like that and start beating you for no reason. There must have been something about the tone of your message that made him do that.

Ok...he went in to change at your command, instead of you to read his countenance to be sure he's not angry, you said you people should snap. Now I'm guessing you even handed him your phone and was like " oya take, snap us" like new some errand boy. I'm guessing ni o cos I know what some of us can do.

Look you don't just always have to be the one calling the shots cos if you check both scenarios, you did all the talking meaning you were calling the shots like, go and change, oya come and snap us". haba! Check am na. If na you nkor. And men dont like to be ordered around.

Maybe for oga mind, he don spoot to kill. You telling him to go and change will make him feel, "yei! I no impress sha". He swallowed it. You come give another order? You brought it upon yourself.
Next time even if you don't like what he's wearing, you can crack a joke that both of you will laugh to. Even use kiss drag him inside and say nice things to him so he doesn't feel controlled.

Try to understand your man. Since he has not done.such before, go on your kneels and apologise that you won't control him again and see if he'll not admit that was your wrong. Swallow your pride and do the needful. He don marry you so go on your kneels now.

BluntBoy:


Wait till you marry a man who picks everything for you and who expects you to dress like a queen in tight fitting dresses and high heels when you would rather wear something loose and something low. A man who thinks your modest gowns and sandals (which you have always liked) are trash and unbefitting of a woman who must be his wife.

As long as he is the one buying the scandalous outfits and he looks like Idris Elba/Chris Okagbue/Somto Akanegbu/Broderick Hunter, I'll be wiggling my tiny size 4 ass into a size 2 dress and slipping my feet into those high-heeled sandals

Your hubby probably had something going on in his head and needed some one to vent on unfortunately you were there what's more unfortunate is that he couldn't recognize at that moment you were his wife,which ever way you want to look at it u went shopping, took kids to the garden,had dinner together all seemed well until after he left for his haircut.
Please I'll advice just be calm as time goes by you'll know the actual reason he acted in that manner.
I just hope you have the required wisdom to handle the situation.

Violence should not by any standard be employed as a means of expression in a relationship. However displeased the man might have felt by the perceived disrespect from his wife as you have opined, the better thing to do is to caution Madam and let her know he does not in any way appreciate her kind of controlling remark. Domestic battery and physical assault still remains a crime. And for the fact that the man chose to proceed to the party alone without the knowledge of his wife, coupled with his decision to move out of the common bedroom with the wife to be sleeping in the son's room, readily suggest the man won't in any way listen to the woman regardless of persuasion.
The way forward in my opinion is for Madam to call on anyone who she knows the man holds in high esteem to intervene in the family as a peace maker.

AwkaetitiBabe:
OK. Your husband is simply lashing out. Allow him pick his clothes, don't seek to control him. If he asks for your input, good and fine. You probably tabbed his looks, and he retaliated with beating.

After the beating you still clean urself up to attend the party hmmmmmm na so you love party even you went there alone without your husband after the beating,, you don't have self pride at all and your husband can never respect you!

This story is not complete

Wettoid123:
After the beating you still clean urself up to attend the party hmmmmmm na so you love party even you went there alone without your husband after the beating,, you don't have self pride at all and your husband can never respect you!

Spot on.

safarigirl:


As long as he is the one buying the scandalous outfits and he looks like Idris Elba/Chris Okagbue/Somto Akanegbu/Broderick Hunter, I'll be wiggling my tiny size 4 ass into a size 2 dress and slipping my feet into those high-heeled sandals

Easier said than done.

And I believe you are joking because I know that you are a writer. How many writers like to feel suppressed? Writers are very free-spirited people and will be quick to notice manipulations, no matter how little.

Even trophy wives always tired of the money and start looking for some life (some personal space to wear what they like and do some of the things they like).

Dude couldn't even wait till boxing day... Na play oo

Na wa o. Different people with different Christmas gifts.

LilMissFavvy:
Slapping and beating you up because you requested for photo shot, shows your husband had something boiling him up, and he released his aggression on you. Give him space and face your kids. You did nothing wrong and owe him no apologies, if his concience is still working, he will apologise to you.

Do you think that was the detail? Always hear the real story before you jump into conclusion. The lady is obviously hiding some part of the story. Anyway, I wish her well in future slapping ,kicking , punching and even killing...with her hubby.

Only Jesus can deliver him. Are you people born again? Pls if you are not, the two of you need to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior .

AwkaetitiBabe:
OK. Your husband is simply lashing out. Allow him pick his clothes, don't seek to control him. If he asks for your input, good and fine. You probably tabbed his looks, and he retaliated with beating.

madam u damaged ur husband's ego in front of his kids so he had to beat u in the presence of those kids, so that they will know that he is in charge of the house. u telling him to go and change before you guys can go out made him look like a kid in the presence of his kids, that was why he angrily asked u to keep quiet. I believe u have been doing this for long and the anger in him has built up, then u now asked him to snap, stop belittling ur husband in the presence of his kids and u will b fine. Let him b and if u must tell him something of such that requires him to take actions, do that in the absence of the kids, except what u want him to do doesn't warrant that. I have checked comment to see if anyone said what the lady I quoted said, but discovered that no one saw the main issue. what she said is exactly what I wanted to type but I said let me check to see if anyone has said what is in mind. Mrsprissy. If I am ur husband I wouldn't have hit u but will tell u what u are doing wrong that I don't like, so u can desist from it. ur husband hasn't done this before, he probably didn't tell u what u are doing wrong cos he doesn't like arguments. ur husband is a good man. love him and show him more love and respect and u will b surprise how peaceful the house will b and filled with happiness.

I perceive you've made your husband invest in a wrong business or buy a wrong property that has seized his fragile peace.
Or maybe he's not financially stabilized and depression is boxing him to a corner.
A wonderful marriage is a product of abundance. There is something missing somewhere
My advice is that firstly you must never attempt to take decision in whatsoever situation, let the man think even if you know the answer tell him
My dear, what should we do...in respect of you telling him to dress your way
Secondly, A family that prays together stays together...one can chase a thousand, two can chase ten thousand. E dey inside bible no be me talk am
Thirdly, you can employ your children to be your PRO to communicate some flimsy choice to their father. E no go beat them.
By the way am not married, why am I giving you this 1001 tips to live with a brutal husband.
Just manage the small advice...other married professional can add more.

healthserve:




Here they come single ladies trying to seduce married women out of their marriages to join the leagues of pseudo-independent but frustrated women.

NO BE LIE!! TRUE TALK!! NA DEM!!!

Does it happen like this in marriage? What do I know, only married people should answer

That's very mean and animalistic of him if you didn't actually do anything to him even if you did you don't deserve such treatment from him that's bad. I think he has you in mind for something u did or he thought you might have done that is making him fuming up or maybe it's just a little bit of frustration over something else. Whichever d case may be I would advice you try finding out and give him that support he needs and to end it all you could actually be the person who is the cause of his animalistic aggression and abuse towards you am not saying he has a right to lay his filthy hands on you though no matter what you've done to him. You are his wife for christ sake A man should learn to control his anger when it comes to his wife. Try finding out what or where your lapses are so you can positively work on them.

Goddeywithme:


I disagree with you 100%

Verbal assaults can be emotionally and psychologically damaging. Their impacts last for years and destroys people. Sometimes it is more lethal and leaves no trace, in the sense that it can drive the victim to suicide, and leaves the guilty party free to walk away innocently, because there is no evidence. Comments like yours make women feel they have the God given right to use their tongue to kill a man's soul, believing it is acceptable and has no consequence. Not so sir.

I beg you to read up on psychological books on the evidence of the destructiveness of emotional and verbal assaults.

As many have said, op's story doesn't add up. I am waiting for the fuller picture before I....

Just as many women say that the day a man lays a hand in them, that is the end of the marriage/relationship. I often say, the day a woman verbally or emotionally or psychologically insults me, that is the end of the relationship /marriage. This mindset has led me to avoid abusive women.

Some women will come here now and say but that is just a way for a woman to vent her frustration. Thus makes me laugh when I hear it. My reply to them is this, what if I tell u that a man beating u is his way of letting out his frustration?

My advice to women is if u want a shouting match or want to show ur prowess in verbal assaults, go finds a fellow woman. For men, if u want to show ur strength, go find a fellow man and have a boxing match.

I know the impact of emotional and psychological abuse by women. I know men who have committed suicide because of that, and the woman continues to enjoy life.

If a guy who has served in the military for 15 years or even less verbally assault you will you vent your frustration through physical assault on him or you will calculate your weaknesses against him and find an alternative? The truth is, some men vent frustration on their wives cause they know they can handle them. A civilian married to a military woman won't try it

It maybe somebody offended your husband n he decided 2 transferred aggression on u.4 now, give him some space. he will surely come back 2 his senses

Wettoid123:
After the beating you still clean urself up to attend the party hmmmmmm na so you love party even you went there alone without your husband after the beating,, you don't have self pride at all and your husband can never respect you!

You are not saying the right thing sir.

If she wants to go somewhere and the husband has not disapproved of her movement she can go. You want her to stay inside wallowing and crying that the shameless dude who doesn't know how to express himself like an adult wanted to finish her

If she was willing and felt that she was able to honour the invitation and continue with her plans for the evening then you have no right to condemn her.

How can you complain that she cleaned herself up? Remember that the crazy guy even left without the kids. How will it look for them on Christmas day if she just sits on the floor holding her face?

I don't understand what point you are trying to make but it's sounding somehow.

Why would an adult who needs advice come online to tell an incomplete occurrence? What she wrote could be true.

Gforce2015:


Do you think that was the detail? Always hear the real story before you jump into conclusion. The lady is obviously hiding some part of the story. Anyway, I wish her well in future slapping ,kicking , punching and even killing...with her hubby.

Mrsprissy:
Thank you so much everyone for your advice . Like I said earlier nothing actually happened between us before Christmas , everything was okey , on Monday December 23rd we went out shopping for Christmas after we took the kids out to the playgrounds and we ended the day with a nice dinner at the restaurant. On Christmas morning we woke up fine no arguments, he left the house and went to get his hair cut, I picked up his clothes and left it on the bed by the time he get back so he can wear them, he came back very normal on a good mood , the only time he got angry was when I asked him to go and change , I didn’t raise my voice , I only told him the clothes doesn’t look nice for the special occasion that was when he told me to keep quiet and I did. He took 1 hour just to change the T-shirt to a shirt and I wasn’t not happy but I didn’t say anything because he wasn’t in the right mood. Yes He beat me just because I have asked him to take a family picture , I swear to God I’m telling the truth and if I’m not lying because it won’t put any money to my bank account. This is the 2nd beating after 6 years of marriage , but this is one was worse than the first one. Something did happened back in October ( his fault) but we have already settle everything and went back to normal. I know it doesn’t make sense to some of you , even myself I just don’t understand why did he beat me with so much hatred when I did nothing wrong

Seems you don't understand the wife beaters in here that you are answering them. They normally support the husband, because he is a man like them, but now that they can see he has done wrong rather than telling you that there's something wrong with your husband and what he did is very bad (because what if you died during the beating?) they have decided to make mockery of your pains by asking what you did to him. Because to them everything a man does is right, even when he kills a woman the woman caused it.

My advice to you is to take your bruised body to the police station and take pictures of the damage before that. If he beat anyone else the way he did to you, he would be in jail by now. But if you think there's love to cover battery and unprovoked beating, don't complain and don't ask. Just follow him until your kids are domestic violence champions like the men doubting you here. You covering up for him is the first step to more battery to you. He is grateful that you've covered his back. He will be sure to do more since he's feeling entitled about it already.

The truth is, bipolar disorder is real and many Nigerians (men and women) are suffering from it but because we don't recognize mental disorder as a disease in this country, we call it anger or frustration. I wish you the best Op

I guess it's the first time this is happening.I don't think there should be a logical reason for hitting ur spouses but Men married to nagging, never satisfied self-centered women are 'SIX TIMES more likely to be domestic abusers.The sadism came to the surface after it must have accumulated.
Pls,go and beg ur hubby to forgive u if u offended him then ask him what I've ever done to him that's making him so mad and hear his response and eventually,he'll apologize to u for what he did.

zeb04:
but she is married and frustrated so what’s the catch?

Didn't read where she said she was frustrated.

eyinjuege:


Is dictating what to wear enough to make you beat your wife?
Why are you getting angry when someone tells you a hairstyle doesn't fit you? It's either you tell them you like the hairstyle on you, perhaps even ask them to mind their business or you take heed of their advice. I still don't understand where the anger is coming from. Would you rather be told lies by syncophants or be told the truth?
It doesn't mean the advice or observation is coming from a bad place.
You most likely have anger management issues and poor conflict resolution skills. Work on yourself, this 2020.

I think the husband didn't understand where it was coming from-which is his wife. And he has no right to beat his wife no matter the reason.

But when it is coming from someone who has no business in your life, then the above from you doesn't make sense and I don't have the strength to argue further.

folks4luv:
The truth is, bipolar disorder is real and many Nigerians (men and women) are suffering from it but because we don't recognize mental disorder as a disease in this country, we call it anger or frustration. I wish you the best Op

Mrsprissy, take note of this if he did what he did out of the blue. Maybe he's got deeper issues than you think.

Whatever wrong the woman had done in the context of the story she had narrated is no justification for the kind of assault she suffered. Except you're privy to a more detailed account than the one here presented, the party that ought to bend the knee in apology is the man, who did not only wrong his wife, but also violated the psychological wellbeing of his children. A wrongdoing cannot be corrected by another wrongdoing. Someone absolutely different from the wife needs to call the man to order.

Jewessgratitude:



Madam madam madam.... I like myself for one thing. I'll always say things as they are.
Now.... Are you sure the tone of correction was one of love or command?
You know I see some married women trying to act like commando because they feel, he has already married me na, so I can talk to him any how. Men dont like it.
Your husband is not a monster that he'll just Pounce on you like that and start beating you for no reason. There must have been something about the tone of your message that made him do that.

Ok...he went in to change at your command, instead of you to read his countenance to be sure he's not angry, you said you people should snap. Now I'm guessing you even handed him your phone and was like " oya take, snap us" like new some errand boy. I'm guessing ni o cos I know what some of us can do.

Look you don't just always have to be the one calling the shots cos if you check both scenarios, you did all the talking meaning you were calling the shots like, go and change, oya come and snap us". haba! Check am na. If na you nkor. And men dont like to be ordered around.

Maybe for oga mind, he don spoot to kill. You telling him to go and change will make him feel, "yei! I no impress sha". He swallowed it. You come give another order? You brought it upon yourself.
Next time even if you don't like what he's wearing, you can crack a joke that both of you will laugh to. Even use kiss drag him inside and say nice things to him so he doesn't feel controlled.

Try to understand your man. Since he has not done.such before, go on your kneels and apologise that you won't control him again and see if he'll not admit that was your wrong. Swallow your pride and do the needful. He don marry you so go on your kneels now.

BluntBoy:


Easier said than done.

And I believe you are joking because I know that you are a writer. How many writers like to feel suppressed? Writers are very free-spirited people and will be quick to notice manipulations, no matter how little.

Even trophy wives always tired of the money and start looking for some life (some personal space to wear what they like and do some of the things they like).

how do you know I don't desire to explore my wild side and all I need is a little push to unearth the freaky me?

If I'm going to a Christmas dinner with my husband, why will I put on shirt and jeans? Is that appropriate outfit for such an event?

I like your scenario sha, but to be honest, I doubt OP was trying to get the husband in g-string and a net top, a lot of men have awful style (because they are too lazy to bother about looking good) and the general occurrence is that wives style their husbands.

Mrsprissy:
Good evening my brothers and sisters in the house. First , I am not a troll . I've been a member on NL since 2008 and am very active, but I prefer using a new account for my story to seek advice and also learn from other experienced people in this great group.

On christmas day hubby and I were invited to attend a special dinner at his friend's house and I picked a nice outfit for him to wear on the day, he wore another outfit, a t shirt and jeans his every day clothes so I asked him politely to go and change, he got angry at me and told me to keep quiet and he went inside.

He was in our room for an hour while the kids and I were still waiting for him, I even sent the kids in their room to play, he later came out he only changed his top but didn't changed the trousers and trainers. I had decided not to say anything for peace to reign, so as we were leaving, I asked him if we could take a family picture, he just snapped and slapped me and started beating me up so badly, he only stopped because my children were screaming and crying for him to stop.

I am so pained because before the incident happened, we were fine, no quarrel at all, I just don't understand his reasons for beating me like this and I swear to God, I didn't say something to make him this angry, he left me there and went out, his friend later called to know if we were still coming because he couldn't reach hubby on the phone, I told him we are coming.

I cleaned myself, changed my clothes and I left with the kids to his friend's house, to my surprise he was already there, we acted like everything was normal and I tried hard to stop tears coming because I was in pained.

For the past 3 days he has been acting as if I did wronged him, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't eat my foods and he left the room and he is now sleeping in our son's room. I just don't know what to do again

Try and think back care fully if u guys had one unresolved issues, how is finance with him, alot might be frustrating and eating him up inside, has he eve complained of anything about u, check that thing, in all be prayerful, humble and act the dumb, cook his meal, lay the bed where he sleeps be at ur best. And he will come around. Tell no one but study him. Our prayers are with u

This ya story get k- leg.Except you are saying ur hubby is a mad man which I don't believe.
How could he snapped and slapped you for telling him to take a family pix.I think you must have said something that made him thinks you are controlling him although that's not a good thing to do as a man.... beating ur wife.
My opinion though but see how you make it up with him