There is a build up of negative emotions and perhaps anger in your husband over time towards you. The fact that he was good with you prior to the display of anger and beating does not mean the negative emotions were not there.

You must have been complaining about his choice of clothes in the past, that wasn't the first time you selected clothes for him to wear and he objected or complained and that is part of the negative emotions that was built up. You provoked the emotions by repeating the behaviour of picking clothes for him to wear.

However, he went for his own choice of clothes yet you despised and disapproved his choice yet again. That behaviour provoked him but he reluctantly went in to change his clothes.

You noted that he took close to an hour to change his clothes. He must have been fuming in there and trying to calm down. This should have been a warning sign to you but you overlooked it.

He came out with a different shirt but every other attire remained yet you went ahead to request a family picture and I can bet that you made a condescending, cheeky or disapproving comment in that situation. You might have been saying some negative comments behind his back when he was in the room and you felt he didn't hear you but he probably heard you. Think about it, maybe you forgot what you said or chose not to mention it to us.

I am sorry you got beaten by your husband on Christmas, that was not good behaviour from him and he knows it. That is why he is avoiding you afterwards because he is disappointed in himself, still sad about all you said and uncomfortable facing you.

Anyway, we need to create an environment where our spouse and kids feel comfortable, ease and less pressure around us. I don't like being too careful at home around my wife, it makes me tensed and prone to more errors. Let him wear whatever he is comfortable wearing to wherever, there are polite and pleasant ways of communicating your message to your husband and getting him to do your bidding without making him feel less of a human or despicable.

As per his current behaviour, be nice to him, keep cooking for him, pray for and with him. He will come around soon.

Best regards to your family.

Sorry for what he did to you, just be patient with him and continue to show to love, he will come back to his senses.

safarigirl:
who is the 'they' that call it bodyshaming when men try to pick out what their wives wear?

Men never pick wetin dem go wear, dem wan pick out clothes for women? Except the man is Denola Grey, Ebuka or Swanky Jerry, wetin naija men sabi for women fashion?

You have got to be trolling right now... Funny - NOT!

Most Nigerian women are not very well dressed or presented but men are just polite. Wearing expensive things and using too much make up does not mean some women know fashion. The number of women in nja wearing rubbish lipstick and ill-matching eye-shadow is criminal. What about the monstrous eye-brows?

chrisj2:


So you know what is right or wrong for everyone? Do people tell you to go and change also? Do you like to expose your cleavage because I dont like that? Do you spend on Aso Ebi because I dont like that... Are you carying timber because I dont like that? Do you talk too much - obviously; I dont like that! The upshot is too many people just open their mouths for things that do not concern them

Her husbands dressing concerns her. What are you talking about? If my husband doesn’t like my dressing or he has an opinion on it, I take it and change. You have to be mentally imbalanced to take dressing so seriously. Like you don’t have other life issues.

She was right anyway to tell him to dress more appropriately for the occasion. She already picked out the clothes for him. If he didn’t agree he won’t have gone in to change it. Did she put a gun to his head? So why the beating after agreeing? Some of you are mentally deranged I really pity people who have to pick spouses from a cesspool of sick men like OP’s husband.

Mrsprissy:
Good evening my brothers and sisters in the house. First , I am not a troll . I've been a member on NL since 2008 and am very active, but I prefer using a new account for my story to seek advice and also learn from other experienced people in this great group.

There is a build up of negative emotions and perhaps anger in your husband over time towards you. The fact that he was good with you prior to the display of anger and beating does not mean the negative emotions were not there.

You must have been complaining about his choice of clothes in the past, that wasn't the first time you selected clothes for him to wear and he objected or complained and that is part of the negative emotions that was built up. You provoked the emotions by repeating the behaviour of picking clothes for him to wear.

However, he went for his own choice of clothes yet you despised and disapproved his choice yet again. That behaviour provoked him but he reluctantly went in to change his clothes.

You noted that he took close to an hour to change his clothes. He must have been fuming in there and trying to calm down. This should have been a warning sign to you but you overlooked it.

He came out with a different shirt but every other attire remained yet you went ahead to request a family picture and I can bet that you made a condescending, cheeky or disapproving comment in that situation. You might have been saying some negative comments behind his back when he was in the room and you felt he didn't hear you but he probably heard you. Think about it, maybe you forgot what you said or chose not to mention it to us.

I am sorry you got beaten by your husband on Christmas, that was not good behaviour from him and he knows it. That is why he is avoiding you afterwards because he is disappointed in himself, still sad about all you said and uncomfortable facing you.

Anyway, we need to create an environment where our spouse and kids feel comfortable, ease and less pressure around us. I don't like being too careful at home around my wife, it makes me tensed and prone to more errors. Let him wear whatever he is comfortable wearing to wherever, there are polite and pleasant ways of communicating your message to your husband and getting him to do your bidding without making him feel less of a human or despicable.

As per his current behaviour, be nice to him, keep cooking for him, pray for and with him. He will come around soon.

Best regards to your family.

am sure hubby is a yoruba man, he has ego issues and felt bad when corrected.pls becareful wit him, play the foul as a good wife that you are, beg him and when all is settled by God grace talk sense to his head calmly, let him know ur duties is to put him in check, also be prayerful and dnt report him pls, am sure he wil regret his actions

crackhaus:

Please politely ask him if there is madness running in his family, make sure you ask him from a safe distance because he will surely use the nearest furniture to kill you.

hope you will be there to help her when her husband begins to beat her like an AK47 that has lost control...

baby124:

Her husbands dressing concerns her. What are you talking about? If my husband doesn’t like my dressing or he has an opinion on it, I take it and change. You have to be mentally imbalanced to take dressing so seriously. Like you don’t have other life issues.

She was right anyway to tell him to dress more appropriately for the occasion. She already picked out the clothes for him. If he didn’t agree he won’t have gone in to change it. Did she put a gun to his head? So why the beating after agreeing? Some of you are mentally deranged I really pity people who have to pick spouses from a cesspool of sick men like OP’s husband.

How sick is your own husband or man? That your spouse or man doesn't complain when you order him around or decide for him does not mean every man must accept that behaviour from you. Some men will not give you that privilege and that doesn't make them mad.

Wallade:


How sick is your own husband or man?

You and your father are obviously in the mentally deranged group. Ever tried to correct or dress up a mad man? He will react like you and all the men in your family and the OP’s as well.

Some women feel it's OK to hurt ur husbands ego with your words..story not completely true.

Women always say it to look innocent.their tongue and mouth is full of venom while stylishly bashing your ego.

No man would just snap when you asked him to change clothes...

Reason na

baby124:

You and your father are obviously in the mentally deranged group. Ever tried to correct or dress up a mad man? He will react like you and all the men in your family and the OP’s as well.

Did you just mention my father? Well, there is no point having this conversation with you, your husband or man will definitely teach you some manners soon. That is always the case with brats, like you, that are poorly groomed.

Wallade:


Did you just mention my father? Well, there is no point having this conversation with you, your husband or man will definitely teach you some manners soon. That is always the case with brats, like you, that are poorly groomed.

Your father is a mad man. Didn’t you mention my husband? You are are very stupid and from a lineage of mad people. Did I quote you? Idiotic slowpoke. Silly brat.

oshaosha2014:
These your words can be taken to the bank and it will yield returns. No mind them. They only come online to make mouth.

Sounds like a person looking for any excuse to do something dramatic. IMO he has a plan to something that will affect the family but he doesn't have a rational way of going about it. Watch for the signs.

Ardar:
What are you still doing in that marriage? Is it when he finally kills you that you'll understand that your horseband is gradually turning into a beast.

I don't know when women in abusive marriages will get sense, the day any man lays his finger on me especially when unprovoked will be the end of the peace and sanity in that marriage.

We will fight to our last breath, it's either he kills me or I kill him or we kill each other, but if we both survive he won't try such rubbish again.

can i see your picture .... Im interested in knowing the size of your muscle

Pataricatering:
Ur not a wise person - so stop trying to speak like ur one . If a wife beats her husband every six years - is this d advice ul give ? U people view women like animals - who can be maltreated anyhow .

Hypocrite. Why are you still married, at your husband's error, you ought to have sought divorce not make amends. Full

Aladdin1:
NO BE LIE!! TRUE TALK!! NA DEM!!!

awoo47:
let dem leave marriages na. More free sugar mummies for single guys

Hahaha

Sorry to read of your silent pain.
My questions-
1. If he has access to your phone, I hope he hasn't read a message from one of your friends where you were addressed as "dear, hun, boo or sweets" - Men are naturally jealous or can be protective of theirs.
2. Possibly he's broke and a broke man is an angry my.
3. Do you have an idea of what irritates him easily?
4. How often do you pray with him and your children?- A praying family is a winning family.
4. Don't be too tired to give him the best of sex he needs. This can make him try one of those girls and once he tries and enjoys, you could become irritating to him.
5. Pray! Pray!! Pray!!!
Good luck and I wish you well in the coming year 2020.

Pataricatering:
Pls stop giving stupid advice .

Anadioha strike the screen of that your yeye itel blind. Eediot,na me do you?

udemzyudex:


Heavily indebted and decided to reduce or pay up the debt by beating her?


Na wa oooo.

Where did I show support for the husband? If she were an examiner and a student wrote the thrash she wrote up here as an account of an event that transpired would she pass the student? Let's not get reactionary, I never support men beating their wives same way I don't give in to tales like this one.

baby124:

Your father is a mad man. Didn’t you mention my husband? You are are very stupid and from a lineage of mad people. Did I quote you? Idiotic slowpoke. Silly brat.

We will be waiting to see you come here to complain and seek sympathy the day your husband beats you up too. I am certain you have no husband or you have received a lot of beating from your husband too.

Besides, these adjectives are to qualify your father and every of the husbands you will marry "Idiotic slowpoke. Silly brat." Certainly, you will not last in the various husband's homes.

YelloweWest:


What if madam snaps back and pour him hot oil while asleep? That would be fair game right

That's possible.... but there is no fair game about this whether or not she retaliates.

Two wrongs don't make a right

Wallade:


We will be waiting to see you come here to complain and seek sympathy the day your husband beats you up too. I am certain you have no husband or you have received a lot of beating from your husband too.

Besides, these adjectives are to qualify your father and every of the husbands you will marry "Idiotic slowpoke. Silly brat." Certainly, you will not last in the various husband's homes.

I don’t go back and forth online with deranged people. I don’t speak mad language.

SBL28:
Maybe there is a side chick in the picture, that is when you see some men getting angry for no reason, the woman can suddenly do nothing right in his eyes.

Dear OP, you need to report him to his family members, don't let any man kill you for your children o.

My neighbor was beaten by her husband on Christmas day too, she has something planned, e go shock am!

Mind sharing details of that plan make we gist our brothers maybe he's one of us here

bukatyne:
[code][/code]

I need to leave this thread!

I have been laughing since.

I have read the OP twice and I want to blame it on spiritual attack.

Nothing else makes sense if this is the true story.

Gbam. You will be surprised this could be projected by someone who wants her to leave so she can trap the man. Those who know Whatsup know how it goes down

the only time he got angry was when I asked him to go and change , I didn’t raise my voice , I only told him the clothes doesn’t look nice for the special occasion that was when he told me to keep quiet and I did.


That's where d problem emanated! Madam, learn to address ur hubby with respect and humility. U abused his ego, by nagging him out "to go and change" like u r addressing a child.

U further told insulted him in u trying to tell him d cloth he wore isn't befitting d occasion u both r to attend. What stopped u telling him sweetie here's d clothes I kept or choosed for u, I think it will b suitable for the occasion. Treat ur husband with respect, love and humility and not like one trash. U women nag too much.

However, I am not holding brief for ur hubby hitting u, however d level of provocation. It's only beast that hit women. Before he kills u or u killing him, I will advice that u both agree to divorce, so d both of u go separate ways with ur life intact. That's my candid advice.

Madam am sorry about this.. But i have to be factual with you.. This is not healthy anymore.. Both of u needs help urgently... Please don't sweep this under the carpet.. Beating you in the kids presence is highly degrading and worrisome.. Pls seek help from reasonable family members and spiritual leaders of your church.. 2months is really a short time frame... He will surely do it more often than u expect if u don't act now.

Mrsprissy:
Good evening my brothers and sisters in the house. First , I am not a troll . I've been a member on NL since 2008 and am very active, but I prefer using a new account for my story to seek advice and also learn from other experienced people in this great group.

On christmas day hubby and I were invited to attend a special dinner at his friend's house and I picked a nice outfit for him to wear on the day, he wore another outfit, a t shirt and jeans his every day clothes so I asked him politely to go and change, he got angry at me and told me to keep quiet and he went inside.

He was in our room for an hour while the kids and I were still waiting for him, I even sent the kids in their room to play, he later came out he only changed his top but didn't changed the trousers and trainers. I had decided not to say anything for peace to reign, so as we were leaving, I asked him if we could take a family picture, he just snapped and slapped me and started beating me up so badly, he only stopped because my children were screaming and crying for him to stop.

I am so pained because before the incident happened, we were fine, no quarrel at all, I just don't understand his reasons for beating me like this and I swear to God, I didn't say something to make him this angry, he left me there and went out, his friend later called to know if we were still coming because he couldn't reach hubby on the phone, I told him we are coming.

I cleaned myself, changed my clothes and I left with the kids to his friend's house, to my surprise he was already there, we acted like everything was normal and I tried hard to stop tears coming because I was in pained.

For the past 3 days he has been acting as if I did wronged him, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't eat my foods and he left the room and he is now sleeping in our son's room. I just don't know what to do again

It's a bad omen!

Expect more beating: slaps, horsewhips, & even knock out in 2020.

Mark my word!

My Sister,
How long have u been married?
Wetin concern you concern wetin your Husband wear. Leave him alone ooo. Men don't like that kind thing. He feels you are trying to.dictate his life. I have been there.
Beating you was a build up. Abeg dress well and if na jeans im wan wear. Leave am ooo. For your peace of mind. And again mind you over correcting your Husband breeds anger. Men want to be in charge. No be you dey tell am wetin to wear before im marry you....
I have been there and learnt from experience. Nnem...Leave am abeg make im wear wetin e like. Except he asks and says honey, how is this outfit....keep your mouth pim.

Dameland:
My Sister,
How long have u been married?
Wetin concern you concern wetin your Husband wear. Leave him alone ooo. Men don't like that kind thing. He feels you are trying to.dictate his life. I have been there.
Beating you was a build up. Abeg dress well and if na jeans im wan wear. Leave am ooo. For your peace of mind. And again mind you over correcting your Husband breeds anger. Men want to be in charge. No be you dey tell am wetin to wear before im marry you....
I have been there and learnt from experience. Nnem...Leave am abeg make im wear wetin e like. Except he asks and says honey, how is this outfit....keep your mouth pim.

It's not the cloth. Every war like this is being executed by a puppeteer in the dark, someone behind the scenes wants her to have the right of victinization(the husband beating her without any wrongs) so she can leave and then the individual will come in and take her place. She needs to know however imperfect what she has is, someone wants it at all cost and is pulling the strings strategically



Someone wants her place and the husband is under manipulation. Simple

Cc Bukatyne

crackhaus:
1. I asked him politely to go and change, he got angry at me and told me to keep quiet and he went inside.

2. I asked him if we could take a family picture, he just snapped and slapped me and started beating me up so badly.

After giving you the benefit of a doubt and assuming this is exactly how it happened - then your husband has definitely gone mad to react to absolutely nothing.
Please politely ask him if there is madness running in his family, make sure you ask him from a safe distance because he will surely use the nearest furniture to kill you.

Madness does not have a cure, but it can be managed.
Arrange to have him put in chains and get him on medications till everything returns to normal.

This your comment may seem funny but it's nothing but the truth. Even the devil himself will not start beating someone for politely requesting for a family photo.

I've learnt the hard way in life never to take a story from one angle only