MariaAngeles:

Let us assume she's certified "totally no fine", would that be reason enough to leave her physically and emotionally ?
I thought the institution of marriage was for better for worse ? If not, what is the point ?

Marriage is ideally 'for better for worse'.

Does not mean the parties in it will take their vows seriously.

That's why I said if the husband has not indicated interest to move on, she should try and make it work. And especially clear his mind about her family knowing about it prior.

Maybe the husband felt betrayed hence his lack of care when she needed him.

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl), in 2017...barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis...a kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another...now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him..... He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me... So around June this year I left my home to my father's house and have been there since, ...now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children...he doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids...sometimes I feel abandoned...now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over...other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.
....as for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme
so please I need your advice should I let him go

Madam, no one can decide for you since no one did when you signed the dotted lines and you were fully aware of what marriage means.

To your solution, visit the nearest government welfare agency in your state. They would guide you on steps to take. On child custody, only the court can decide who should take custody but let me chip in a secret with a yoruba adage " eni yara logun gbe".

All the best

My sympathies, OP. It must be very tough to be alone at this time you need your partner the most. I personally know of a woman who suffered the same after childbirth but you know what, since it happened, it has never resurfaced even after the birth of the second child. If it did happen, nobody found out. You know why? Because her husband stood by her. This is a man that stands by his wife even when it's obvious madam is wrong. This guy is one of the few good men, a true man of faith who loves his wife through sickness and in health.

No man prays for this but if it were him afflicted with something, he would expect you to stand by him. What does he think marriage is? A walk in the park? I must say that your husband is selfish, heartless and cruel. You don't deserve this, nobody does. You say you find that your love for him is reducing, a man who loves you won't be treating you like this. It looks like you are alone in this affair. Why would you still want to be married to a man that doesn't believe you are worthy to be his wife because of your predicament. He forgets that he had a thing to do with the pregnancy that took a toll on your mental health. Smh!

At this point, focus on your life and please have that conversation with him on what he really wants. Two adults should be able to communicate without fear. You guys have kids together to think of but do yourself a favor and be your own manager. Take care of yourself, take charge of your life.

A proactive approach is always much better when it comes to marriage or starting a family. People need to stop marrying for the wrong reasons. A marriage where parties barely know each other, where there is no true bond of friendship will collapse easily under any pressure. And pressure is inevitable, no relationship escapes it.

Op, sorry for my epistle. I just hope this strengthens you no matter the decision you take. Just know that you are beautiful, you are strong, you will prevail and your husband's ignorant opinion about you does not define you. I hope you have a discussion about this and hopefully, he comes around and see how cruel he has been. If not, please just move on. God help you.

.

eyinjuege:


Pueperal psychosis only happens after childbirth. Usually, such people have no history of mental illness before childbirth, so there's no way anyone could have known she would have it.
To women who give birth safely, with no issues after birth you need to always appreciate that fact. Pregnancy and childbirth is not always smooth sailing. Maternal mortality is still on an all time high in Naija.

More reason I really don't get women in Nigeria and their overjoy to just get pregnant.

If I were to be a woman . God knows I would fuxkkking stay away from.pregnancy.

You loose your body, you are burdened for 9months and even after that you either get depressed and suicidal from post partum depression or this above. Add to the risks of childbirth and the stress of sleepless night tending to babies.

I can't really wrap my head why women are so joyous to go through all these multiple times. Like are you guys masochists and love pain and trouble so much?

sadly, nobody should expect their partner to accept their mental illness. the majority of people would do what is normal to them, which is to distance themselves from you and evaluate whether they have it in them to take care of you OR drop your crazy self.

expecting your partner to be with you, regardless of whatever illness you suddenly have, is not only foolish but also very dangerous.

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

I believe the condition she named is post partum depression, and if it is, there is absolutely no way she would have known about it prior to marriage since it is triggered by child birth. I went through it as well, and it was a terrible time for me. A woman going through this needs tons of love, not neglect. The man needs to be enlightened.

Modification
I just read about the condition and it is different from postpartum depression, but it is also brought on by child birth and passes with time. I think hospitals should start educating men on complications - physical and emotional, that may arise after a woman has a baby. That way, they are better prepared and can provide a good support system for their spouses

onegig:



More reason I really don't get women in Nigeria and their overjoy to just get pregnant.

If I were to be a woman . God knows I would fuxkkking stay away from.pregnancy.

You loose your body, you are burdened for 9months and even after that you either get depressed and suicidal from post partum depression or this above. Add to the risks of childbirth and the stress of sleepless night tending to babies.

I can't really wrap my head why women are so joyous to go through all these multiple times. Like are you guys masochists and love pain and trouble so much?

A mother's love for her child trumps any and every negative effect. I went through hell to have my first daughter and it was well worth it. I'd probably do it all over again if I had to. That's the beautifully crazy thing about a mother's love.

.

OP this is a classic case of for better for worse.
It means in sickness and in health. For poorer or richer.
Exactly all the things that you have no control over and your spouse has no control over. But both of you still decide to love each other through it all.

Nigerian men only think for better or worse means when they decide to keep mistresses outside or beat you up. That’s when they remember that you have a vow to keep. Not them.

You’re justified to leave him if he can’t cope with your mental health issues. You owe yourself love and peace of mind. Don’t expect it from anyone else much less someone who’s unwilling to give it. Anything that aggravates your condition should be removed. Women have hurt themselves and their children when struck with ppd. It’s a delicate situation that doesn’t need to be made worse with abuse from someone you’re codependent on.

I won’t necessarily judge him because coping with mental health is not easy. But I don’t have any sympathy or pity for him either. Because I know you would stick with him if he was the one who got sick after having your child. You would probably be running from church to church seeking prayers and healing for him.

Do what makes you happy

bukatyne:


That is why they need to invest their youth in husbands who would stand by them.

Also why we need to focus on raising sons who care for more than themselves, their ego and their satisfaction.

It takes empathy and kindness to be able to care for a sick person even when it costs you so much.

We are raising boys to have an astounding lack of empathy. That’s why they can’t understand why it’s not okay to do certain things to people when you expect differently from them. Like abandoning a sick spouse.

Cutehector:
I have been informed previously. Thank you.

Then how come you asked that kinda question ? Accept your mistake jare..

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

I don't think she knew beforehand as it started after giving birth to his children.

LegendaryLover:
ABOUT THE ILLNESS:
(a) is there no total cure or it can only be managed?


MARRIAGE:
maybe u guys could sit and talk with some1 he respects. then bare ur heart. help him see ur parents didn't know.


I think love is missing in that marriage; God's kinda love. That the only thing that can help couples be truly there for each other in tough times.

e.g husband losses job and wife divorces. wife is unable to get pregnant and husband leaves the marriage.




IS HE BORN AGAIN?

Person wey don bear pikin naim you wan make e born again, fah?

Kai!

nanaman:


Madam, no one can decide for you since no one did when you signed the dotted lines and you were fully aware of what marriage means.

To your solution, visit the nearest government welfare agency in your state. They would guide you on steps to take. On child custody, only the court can decide who should take custody but let me chip in a secret with a yoruba adage " eni yara logun gbe".

All the best

You don't even care whether she understand the adage.

Eni bawo.

chival:


A mother's love for her child trumps any and every negative effect. I went through hell to have my first daughter and it was well worth it. I'd probably do it all over again if I had to. That's the beautifully crazy thing about a mother's love.

Thank goodness you put "crazy" because it is indeed crazy. I honestly believe women are just being conditioned to accept pain as the norm.

I got a colleague that goes through mind numbing menstrual cycles that she can't just function when on. There are hundreds of millions of ladies suffering same and we have not found a way around finding a solution to such things as advanced as our medicine and technology as reached. I hope I am not derailing the thread.

onegig:


Thank goodness you put "crazy" because it is indeed crazy. I honestly believe women are just being conditioned to accept pain as the norm.

I got a colleague that goes through mind numbing menstrual cycles that she can't just function when on. There are hundreds of millions of ladies suffering same and we have not found a way around finding a solution to such things as advanced as our medicine and technology as reached. I hope I am not derailing the thread.

That’s why we are women. Biology has equipped most of us to suffer the worst pain and recover from it. From menses to child birth. If childbirth was left to men, there would be only 2 people per race. The only annoying thing is going through all this pain and suffering for lunatics or people who don’t have empathy.

onegig:


Thank goodness you put "crazy" because it is indeed crazy. I honestly believe women are just being conditioned to accept pain as the norm.

I got a colleague that goes through mind numbing menstrual cycles that she can't just function when on. There are hundreds of millions of ladies suffering same and we have not found a way around finding a solution to such things as advanced as our medicine and technology as reached. I hope I am not derailing the thread.

You are right. Let's not derail the thread. However, be an example and try to show some love to the women in your life and vicinity. It goes a long way. Cheers.

Kirinwa:


Person wey don bear pikin naim you wan make e born again, fah?

Kai!

This one got me.

cococandy:


Also why we need to focus on raising sons who care for more than themselves, their ego and their satisfaction.

It takes empathy and kindness to be able to care for a sick person even when it costs you so much.

We are raising boys to have an astounding lack of empathy. That’s why they can’t understand why it’s not okay to do certain things to people when you expect differently from them. Like abandoning a sick spouse.

You are so right. I have noticed there's an increasing number of men who are cold and mean, and it all stems from their upbringing. The onus falls on us to trim down the number of apathetic men by raising our boys to be compassionate and kind hearted.

Ok

bukatyne:


If he has not verbally indicated interest to end the marriage, give it a second chance.

He has told you his pain point: he thinks your parents deceived him into the marriage.

You both need to go for therapy and clear his grievance.

You can get medical journals about your condition and connection with child birth, the symptoms and solutions. Also arrange for him to speak with your doctors on the causes, triggers, solutions and after care.

You should also be medically certified that you are fine.

Goodluck.

Very impressive response. You are knowledgeable. Op here's the best input. Good luck

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl)

In 2017, barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis. A kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another..

Now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him.....

He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me...

So around June this year I left my home for my father's house and have been there since, now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children. He doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids.

Sometimes I feel abandoned, now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce, sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over. Other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.

As for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme.

So please I need your advice. Should I let him go?

I like a balanced perspective. Like a wise man once said," there are three sides to a story. Your side,his side and the truth".

That been said. You know at the back of your heart if you were totally honest with him before marriage or you concealed some IMPORTANT aspects of you from him.

Secondly, NEVER pack out of your matrimonial home unless you are sure of letting go. Some people will not condone that. Especially if he feels you concealed somethings from him that are now affecting the relationship (either true or false is not the bone of contention here).

To the man, I feel he acted childish somewhere along the line. And this is why I always advocate that couples should get adequate education from their parents (for those whose parents have enduring marriage) before jumping into marriage. Referring you to your parents crosses many lines; even if he felt your parents were instrumental in the current situation (emphasis on felt).

Now that the did has been done, it makes sense for you to call him and discuss what he really want from the relationship ( I believe you are schooled. That's why you are planning on Master's degree). Do not discuss from a position of boss to employee. Discuss with him from position of boss to boss (not with attitude or rudeness, but discuss from position of strength). While discussing, you might need to school him about the medical condition and your current state of mind now.

If this fails, then call family meeting to discuss it. If it fails, ask him for how he plans to take care of the children. If he refuses to do it, take him to court and force him to do it. If he disobeys, have the court hold him in contempt and send him to jail (it sounds a little harsh but people need to be responsible for their sperms)

Concerning master's degree, I feel you should try to safe the money you want to use for doing the program add some things to it and start something.

Or you could start your nursing program and take it to a professional level (this is a much better way). Get the necessary certifications, you will become hot cake. If you go for master's degree, to what end? To look for job? Wrong move. Shalom!

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

Puerperal psychosis happens after childbirth..in fact, triggered by childbirth

Yessssss


Didn't read the story oq

Someone who abandoned u at ur most vulnerable time and ur still here asking questions ? What is it with women and a complete lack of dignity and self - preservation once it concerns marriage ? This man will ALWAYS abandon you at critical times , he will never inconvenience himself for you - ur basically a single woman acting married . Sorry for being blunt but it is what it is .

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl)

In 2017, barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis. A kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another..

Now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him.....

He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me...

So around June this year I left my home for my father's house and have been there since, now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children. He doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids.

Sometimes I feel abandoned, now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce, sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over. Other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.

As for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme.

So please I need your advice. Should I let him go?

OP I wish it all turns out well at the end for you.

Also want to thanks you for presenting me with the opportunity of knowing more about "puepurium psychosis"

Let me gaan read it up and be enlightened.

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

No. You're wrong.

Marriage is for better for worse pls.

I wonder if you can spot the difference.

Pls learn how the comparative and superlative forms of adjectives work.

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl)

In 2017, barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis. A kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another..

Now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him.....

He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me...

So around June this year I left my home for my father's house and have been there since, now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children. He doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids.

Sometimes I feel abandoned, now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce, sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over. Other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.

As for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme.

So please I need your advice. Should I let him go?

Your husband reasons like many Nairalanders. Clearly from their responses they dont understand these things. To them Mental illness ( even temporary) is a taboo and anyone suffering from any ailment must be punished.

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

Lmaoooooo.....

See as the thing trigger you!!!!

Alooone

Sorry dear op. Your condition is what Yorubas call abi sinwin
I've heard of it.

No one should have to endure physical or psychological abuse from their loved ones.

This might aggravate your situation and lead to chronic depression.

You owe yourself a happy life and good health of mind and body for the sake of your kids.

Unfortunately, I'll advice you let go, for your peace of mind.

Focus your energy on getting better, improving yourself and being the world's best mom.

I wish you all the best in your decision.