doitforyou:
They should just scrap “for better for worse” in the marriage wows of a Nigerian wedding.

Husbands are justified in dissolving a marriage because the woman is infertile. We are now justifying husbands being inhuman and cruel to their spouse because of the wife’s diagnosis.

Indeed we can’t force your husband to be loving and compassionate to you when you need him most. I am sorry OP but your husband doesn’t love you, what kind of love changes or become cruel at the first sign of trouble? You don’t only love and support someone when everything is copacetic. Even if he couldn’t handle your illness, the way he treated you when you were down is very cruel and not human. Marriages are really solely for reproduction.

Hypocritically, a woman is expected to stand by her husband through thick and thin.

OP, I rarely tell people to leave their spouses but I want you to use this episode as an eye opener and go back with your head, now you know what time it is with your husband. Personally, he’s dead to me.

Thank you for this rare advice.
please, think my sister, am sorry,your husband is not a man at all.After two kids andhe's behaving like this.Brace up, keep going cos your kids look up to you.

Pataricatering:
There is nothing impressive about d response ! A man who basically abandons his wife after she gave birth to his child is an animal and a coward . If a woman abandons a man for any reason it’s u people that will be shouting women are not loyal , woman are not trustworthy when majority of times men will abandon women and children at the slightest sign of difficulty - how many of you will give this same advice if it was d woman that abandoned d man ?

Preach it sister. God bless you

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

And you believe her ?

Painful.... A real husband stands by his wife in all situations, that's is a vow made before God and God will definitely ask him to give account, but as a wife who is the HEART of the home pls give it a second thought if not for anything but your children. If you believe in God, pray out ur heart to God and I believe ur husband will come back for you. God bless you ma

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

Abi that why I keep telling people to get married to people because you attracted to them cos of something cos if that something goes the love dies. Marry someone for who he or she is.

Did you in the first place leave your matrimonial home with the consent of your Husband?
Is your husband in support of you leaving him in the first place?
Did your Parents also seek his permission before taken you into their house?
One cannot hear a part of the story and jumped into judgment.
If all these are known then one may know the type of advice to give not judgement or conclusion.

Toks2008:


Uncle lalasti clala this is why I create certain threads. Maybe if this lady has seen it on front page she won't bother asking this.

Please consider this thread for front page.

https://www.nairaland.com/5492915/present-day-woman-misplaced-priority-marriage

You done start again

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl)

In 2017, barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis. A kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another..

Now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him.....

He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me...

So around June this year I left my home for my father's house and have been there since, now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children. He doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids.

Sometimes I feel abandoned, now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce, sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over. Other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.

As for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme.

So please I need your advice. Should I let him go?

You do not need your husband now. You have two wonderful kids, so I am happy for you.

Stay away from him and ignore anything with him until he comes begging and do not accept him back until he shows true remorse.

See his tears before accepting him back. If your parents ask you to return to him, then let the kids go spend time with him then rent an apartment for yourself.

No one needs loveless partner in 2020s.

It’s not easy but also think about how he feels you both are supposed to partner to create things and this issue does slow things down.

Did you have any treatment prior to your marraige did you also get verbally aggressive as a result it’s possible you don’t even remember. He fears it’s hereditary So if it’s in your family it may be passed on to your kids. I do pray that it is not but for the guy it can be a real hurtful experience

Being frustrated but not having a proper outlet can really send people to the psych ward. Take up a passion

I wish you guys well

healthserve:





I think you both need to make more money to cushion the financial expenses of the child's condition. If you make this priority, the situation can be contained, the energy in the marriage and the tension can be doused.


Best of luck

The child has no condition. It is a case of the man bailing out.

Norabay:
woman learn to be independent so that a man will not take you for granted must a man care for you

Lol. That line.

pocohantas:
Your husband is only being human. Not everyone can handle a mentally ill partner, even though we all hope to have a partner who can do that for us.

Most times I have seen sick married women- they were always shipped back to their parents house for proper care. The ones with elderly kids were moved to their sons house. Nothing new there. How it changed the dynamics of their marriage is what I don't know. However, they never ended their marriages.

Will you marry me? I have money.

Don't leave your marriage. The devil is the one motivating him to maltreat you in order for you to sin against God by becoming a divorced woman.
Please, find your way to Jesus Christ Temple Ministry, Warri, second Wednesday of January, 2020, and be delivered. You will surely come and share your testimony.
Cheers.

I don't think she kept the illness from him. As she explained, it comes with childbirth. Though I am reading about this illness for the first time, though I know postpartum depression where a woman may even want to kill her new born. This woman needs support former hubby and Family. Both them need to seek counseling

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

very emotional, i'm very sorry for you, may God be your strength,just leave him and go for your nursing, may God give you better person

My sister, we have a lot of work to do o. Some of our men today are sooo cold and inconsiderate. We need to change that narrative. God help us.
@OP, God will give u strength to further your studies and take up a good job to cater for your kids. Your parents' support is everything. Use this opportunity to get your life together. May God be with you.

chival:


You are so right. I have noticed there's an increasing number of men who are cold and mean, and it all stems from their upbringing. The onus falls on us to trim down the number of apathetic men by raising our boys to be compassionate and kind hearted.

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

Thanks, many do not know. It's a kind of mental illness that only manifest after a woman put to bed (postpartum). it may be called ABI SIWIN in Yoruba language.

Excelento:
Did you in the first place leave your matrimonial home with the consent of your Husband?
Is your husband in support of you leaving him in the first place?
Did your Parents also seek his permission before taken you into their house?
One cannot hear a part of the story and jumped into judgment.
If all these are known then one may know the type of advice to give not judgement or conclusion.

A human being do not need the permission of his/her abuser before seeking safe shelter somewhere else.

@Poster, sorry about your condition and how are you able to cope with your kids finance? support from your parent alone is not cool either they are wealthy or not , you need to get him involve financially no matter how small he may have to contribute to their upkeep as that would also keep him around still maintaining that sense of belonging and responsibility toward his family or do I say children.
The nursing school is a good idea for you as it will keep you away from unnecessary thinking, depression and help you build a career path that may even convinced your husband that everything is okay , except you are ready to be telling your future suitors all these stories to avoid reoccurrence of this situation.
I think you only need to just take things slowly now and get good rest.
Thank You.

Absolutely true. The women I know were shipped back to their parents

pocohantas:
Your husband is only being human. Not everyone can handle a mentally ill partner, even though we all hope to have a partner who can do that for us.

Most times I have seen sick married women- they were always shipped back to their parents house for proper care. The ones with elderly kids were moved to their sons house. Nothing new there. How it changed the dynamics of their marriage is what I don't know. However, they never ended their marriages.

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

This matter is complicated.
She was diagnosed of the illness after her second delivery according to her. But there's more to it.
Postpartum (Puerperal) psychosis usually results in women who have a history of bipolar disorder. Her parents must have known that she has that issue before marriage. They should've informed the man about it. Unfortunately, some people dismiss it as just "mode swings". It's not just mood swings, it's a dangerous indicator of what is to come. I believe the man has this information that's why he's angry.
It's a pity she's going through this. I wouldn't wish my enemy to go through postpartum psychosis. Thank God she's made it through.
@Op Alooone, you need to find a way to talk to your husband. He probably intends to have more children but the thought of impregnating a wife who's going to be psychotic after birth is extremely difficult to accept. Suicidal tendencies are very high and you know what that means. If the two of you can work it out to be content with the kids you already have, then you should be fine.
Lastly, be prayerful. I mean very prayerful. If you settle it spiritually, trust me, it'll be easier than you can ever imagine.
May God be with you.

Marriage is for better for worse,your husband has no reason to behave as he did. He lacks love for a woman that ran into problem because of child bearing .Pray hard to God to help you forgive him..however take time to sit him down and talk to him. He must wake up and carry his cross .If he was the one that was sick how would he feel if you abandon him. ? He is selfish and loveless and must behave like a real man

luluosas:
Don't leave your marriage. The devil is the one motivating him to maltreat you in order for you to sin against God by becoming a divorced woman.
Please, find your way to Jesus Christ Temple Ministry, Warri, second Wednesday of January, 2020, and be delivered. You will surely come and share your testimony.
Cheers.

Ignorance is motivating him and stop bringing the devil into the situation. She does not need any deliverance, it is not spiritual. It is no sin in leaving a marriage that is toxic and nurtures loss of human dignity.

it is stupidity to expect people to the same people they were after marriage... you need learn to adapt to whatever changes that happened in our partners

Pavore9:


The child has no condition. It is a case of the man bailing out.

Maybe I didn't read patiently. Thanks

Thank the good Lord you are okay now. Yes some women do develop this mental *ish* after birth. Yoruba people call it "abisinwi".

Now to your matter. Definitely your husband is young and he *might* also being advised by his equally young frineds or naive relatives on how bad your illness is. You see in life, you have already surfer enough for you to pass through another emotional abuse.

I have one question for you. How was your relationship before your last birth?

See, if you happen to be my sister, I will tell you to seek happiness first. Your happiness will be my priority. Don't force yourself looking for lost comfort. You've already picked yourself up. Keep being happy.

The fact is, if your husband is still that young and naive he will still maltreat you. Don't kill yourself my dear sister.

Do things that will make you happy. Don't kill yourself. Live for yourself and don't live for people.

Let him come back to his senses. Don't force yourself back. And if he didn't be happy and do things that will make you happy.

Timaya sang..."this life, I can't kill myself". Those words are strong and deep rooted words. Bigger than Timaya himself. If you die, you are gone and the guy won't follow you.

See be happy. Goodbye

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

The sickness actually occur after two weeks of child birth its very rare, except they have d family history of such then u can quickly discovers it.

So you want her to be alone for the rest of her life? Or you dont know the children will eventually leave to pursue their own lives? She is also not expected to be in her parents house forever!

Amanee:
It seems like the phrase "in sickness and health" should be scrapped because it has outlived its usefulness in contemporary marriages.

Tons of Nigerian women enjoy suffering because I don't understand the basis of this thread. It's like some Nigerian married women lose their sense of self-preservation the moment they say 'I do' but the sad part is, most Nigerian men don't.

Most Nigerian men retain their sense of selfishness to the core while the women loose themselves on the altar of marriage because why on earth will this op be thinking of going back to a man who abandoned her in her hour of need?

If it was a friend now we'll be hearing resolution 2020, cut off fake people. Meanwhile your husband has shown himself to be fickle and self centered and you're considering going back to him. Sense fall on you madam

healthserve:


Maybe I didn't read patiently. Thanks

You are welcome.

A lot of people don't know what love is. In the modern word its hard to come by. Lots of people just go about lying to themselves. Most girls nowadays don't marry who they love they marry who is ready . You stand in the presence of God and make vows on your wedding day to always be with your spouse in all conditions only to end up separating or doing something stupid later. Does this mean that all your vows to be with them no matter the condition was all a lie. That's why its surprising to see people not placing importance on the early signs such as a woman or husband demanding for a very large wedding party when the most important thing is the exchange of vows and binding yourself together forever .

Some characteristics of true love :
1. Effortless and Eternal Attraction
2. Love is kind.
3. Love is not envious.
4. Love is humble.
5. Love is respectful.
6. Love is selfless.
7. Love is calm.
8. Love is righteous.
9. Love is honest.
10. Love protects.
11. Love is trusting.
12. Love is hopeful.
13. Love is persistent.
14. Love banishes fear.
15. Love loves even those who don’t love it.
16. Love makes great sacrifice.
17. Love binds a person’s good virtues in perfect unity.
18. Love gives you confidence
19. Love is patient.


So before u decide to stick with someone ask yourself do u feel all the above really towards the person.

Now to answer your question wait for your husband for as long as u can. Let him be the first to call your marriage really dead

doitforyou:
They should just scrap “for better for worse” in the marriage wows of a Nigerian wedding.

Husbands are justified in dissolving a marriage because the woman is infertile. We are now justifying husbands being inhuman and cruel to their spouse because of the wife’s diagnosis.

Indeed we can’t force your husband to be loving and compassionate to you when you need him most. I am sorry OP but your husband doesn’t love you, what kind of love changes or become cruel at the first sign of trouble? You don’t only love and support someone when everything is copacetic. Even if he couldn’t handle your illness, the way he treated you when you were down is very cruel and not human. Marriages are really solely for reproduction.

Hypocritically, a woman is expected to stand by her husband through thick and thin.

OP, I rarely tell people to leave their spouses but I want you to use this episode as an eye opener and go back with your head, now you know what time it is with your husband. Personally, he’s dead to me.

Bla bla bla , come down, u only heard one side of the story and boom u became emotional.

Issues like this are complex, if this man is here now, u will hear total different version of this story.

And how did they get married, u ladies should stop marrying strangers all in the name of getting married. Stick with a guy build with him, u guys grow and can't leave on another.

One guy with marriage promises comes. Boom u forget everything and jump in , u expect him to shoe care when things go sour, u are just an investment to him, nothing more