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My Wife Is Emasculating Me - Romance (21) - Nairaland

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by E2000: 1:00pm On Jan 01, 2020
Most women are hard wired with the mentality that a women is to marry a strong financial man that can shoulder all the responsibility of her and his children and others. For this they are to be submissive to such a man. But a very large percentage of women don't have the mental capacity to comprehend properly what to do when the reverse is the very case when they become more financially stronger . So they give in to clear normal logic once they become the main or heavy source of finance in the home. They tend to want to dictate terms. One thing most of them don't know is that male almost all through different types of living things are genetically designed by nature to want to be in control of their home no matter the circumstance.

So to solve your problem you will just have to reprogram her mentally. Show her family that you are on their side they are the once that can help you recalibrate her mentally and be very delicate with her because her brain right now is on over drive. Any wrong or too aggressive move will send her crashing into you. And do quick to get on your feet

Women most especially Black women have a kind of reasoning. If you a man have 4 million naira and your wife have 20 million naira. Your 4 million must first finish before you can start using from your wife's own 20 million and you are not allowed to finish it with her before finding your own else you are seen as a parasite

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by sayisayi(m): 1:00pm On Jan 01, 2020
Naija women lesson no 4...
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Nobody: 1:01pm On Jan 01, 2020
Martinez39:
No offence but your dad was not so bright. Givers never lack, who does that? In a world where someone is supposed to acquire resources for himself and family, secure his wealth and leave inheritance for his children, he carry am dey do givers never lack. grin

I am not surprised that when you people went to your mom for help, she refused and asked you people to go meet your father. A lot of women do this. A friend of my mum was doing the same thing too but recently, she has started opening up to her after the children have suffered. The husband? The dude is a poor walking corpse. I am sure your father doesn't benefit from your mum's wealth, am I wrong?
my dad was one of MKOs trusted staff before he went to set up us own business in the 80s. One of MKO's wife came for my naming ceremony self. My father has only one house he built in 1992. He so much believed in helping people. By 2010 when my mama came back to nigeria. She bought a jeep of 4m while my father has no car lol( in 2001 he had 2 cars and a bus).She later built duplex and moved there cheesy. Same man wey buy her benz in 1998 hahahahaha. I have learnt the hard way. I only date working class ladies. Once you ask me for money for tfare, hair or uber its over . The last one i dated earns 276k in a bank as an assistant banking officer but was asking for uber money.

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by vikstandon(m): 1:02pm On Jan 01, 2020
strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.



Ensure you live up to the responsibility of taking care of ur children... Even if u don't extend it to her.
Make her money not count! Pretend She doesn't earn multiple of ur digit.
Go out hustle the much God can help u acquire...Be happy and fulfilled. More so, pay ur children's school fees, buy them clothes, buy foodstuffs your God enabled might can carry...Give ur children time and cherish every moment with them.
Don't eat her food and don't allow her provide anything in the immediate to u.
Taking care of ur children is ur both responsibility.
Don't allow her take care of u... I sense she is arrogant and not submissive!.
Don't allow what she does to get at u...She would get tired!

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by DukeNija(m): 1:02pm On Jan 01, 2020
funmisticqueen:
It wasn't the women who changed, it was simply a role reversal. And men do not like the experience being in a woman's shoes. So they cry and wail that they are being emasculated because they can't take what they mete out to womem

Your comments reek of inherent pain and hurt and the unforgivable generalization that every man hurts his woman or men are colonial lords. You sound like a damaged woman, and you need to seek help or you will self-destruct.
Mark my words. If you continue this path, you’ll be consumed by the ugliness of your hatred and end up being that broke, miserable, unmarried aunty every girl avoids cos she has nothing to offer both money and character.

News flash funmi: Unlike your personal experiences there are loving and good men out there who will do anything for the women in their lives. Men who kiss the very floor their women walk on every single day. You have not been opportune to meet such men, but they are there. You just might never meet them. That’s life.

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by depato88(m): 1:02pm On Jan 01, 2020
funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining


you are truly wicked

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by crunchyg: 1:03pm On Jan 01, 2020
strungup79:


I'm already out of the house and out of town. I'm not lazy. I've put hands in odd jobs, low paying jobs and different types of business. I just need a little favour. I need the touh of God right now.
then go to God and cry out unto him

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by jarell: 1:03pm On Jan 01, 2020
simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings! wink

So the first Person to see this new year is simon Lee from my then nysc WhatsApp group shocked shocked shocked

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Nobody: 1:05pm On Jan 01, 2020
depato88:



you are truly wicked
DukeNija:


Your comments reek of inherent pain and hurt and the unforgivable generalization that every man hurts his woman or men are colonial lords. Whatever your personal experience, you need to seek help or you will self-destruct, Mark my words. If you continue this path, you’ll perpetually have men living in your head rent free.

News flash funmi: Unlike your personal experiences there are loving and good men out there who will do anything for the women in their lives. Men who kiss the very floor their women walk on every single day. You have not been opportune to meet such men, but they are there. You just might never meet them. That’s life.
what do you expect from an ugly and broke lady See her here cant even afford to rent a house in lagos https://www.nairaland.com/5594866/please-really-looking-room-self

3 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Nobody: 1:06pm On Jan 01, 2020
rayobaba:
not so easy. Fine not to touch her money, but to reduce standard of living is not easy because she wl be upgrading d living standard by buying expensive foodstuff come home. Wl u as husband stop her from buying such, no

I assume that the downturn did not take place in one day, it is easier to reduce expenses overtime.

I myself have experienced just such a situation quite early in my marriage, so I am not just talking arbitrarily. Along the line, you find ways to reduce expenses one step at a time; but only if your wife is supportive of the plan. She did supplement once in a while, but never to the point where her contribution was essential; and we agreed that my permission would always be sought and any contribution would always be a strictly documented loan. With greater peace of mind, I was able to quickly diversify my business, get out of my situation and pay back the few loans I took from her and other family members in full.

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by maak400: 1:07pm On Jan 01, 2020
Mac2016:

This is a very reasonable comment.. Mhen, here is a great thinker and an intelligent realist with cross experience. Respect!
Thanks for the compliments sir. May God be with us all.
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by CarlsJaz567(m): 1:07pm On Jan 01, 2020
RisenPhoenix:


Then you should have let her go not given in to her whims. You are the captain who sets the course for the household. If she cannot stay with you through thick and thin, she should find her own direction in life without you.

As for the land, she has a right to do what she wants with her own money.

It's not too late. Get a divorce, she's now a liability on your back. No man can function after he has been emasculated. Hustle hard, marry a more supportive wife, and try to keep in touch with your kids as much as possible.

The last thing you want to be in when you are in economic downturn is a toxic relationship that drags you further down; mentally and emotionally.

Good luck.

Brother, don't yield to the above advice at all. It would be like falling "from frying pan into the fire" if you should complicate your already challenging life situation by divorcing your wife and marrying another woman! You would live to regret such foolish action!

Like has been said by most people, men are supposed to be providers, while the wives play supportive roles in the family. Whenever the order is reversed due to adverse situations of life, the result is often that the woman loses respect for her husband. A few of us who have experienced these changing vicissitudes of life at one time or the other are fortunate not to have wives that automatically usurp authorities in the home front. The vast majority of women, however, would change gears and become visibly belligerent and even confrontational and insulting when they realise that things were not about changing for the better fast! It's just in the nature of human beings, and you shouldn't be too bothered about it otherwise you would be sorry for yourself, develop serious depression and would subsequently be unable to come out of the financial log-jam that you are currently in.

In my case, on each of the occasions that I lost my jobs, my wife stepped in to cover up for me and even protected me from her family etc. Of course, this enabled me to bounce back and secure another better job within the space of 6 months at the most. On the last occasion though, the period lasted far longer than anticipated (over 2 years), and I had exhausted all my money on some other ventures. My wife eventually started showing some signs of emotional fatigue and started subtle nagging. She started suggesting that I go for some jobs which I considered either too low paying and even constraining in that it would prevent me from going to attend interviews for other better jobs. However in order to call a truce, I subsequently accepted a position in which I was grossly underpaid, but the job/career has potentials and is in the industry where I could easily make progress. However financially, the pay was like going 10 years back in time! It was later that I realised that the pressure to ensure that the arguments and looming crises that were starting to brew at the home front stop, prevented me from negotiating well and made me come off as being desperate for the job. Trust the typical Nigerian employer, I was taken advantage of and was working for close for a meagre salary. Fast forward to the present, things are resolved now, and though I am not yet where I was in terms of finance, I am now able to resume the rein of financial leadership which was temporarily relinquished to my wife while I was not gainfully employed.

Now back to your case, ignore your wife's condescending behaviours at the moment, and rather focus on getting back on your feet. Don't allow any quarrels to get to you now, because your wife is just being a natural human being and has no solid reason to believe that things would suddenly change for the better after 3 years of fruitless efforts. The best revenge for failure and being undermined is success, so gun for just that!

Some practical tips which most men would not love to hear about, which I think made my own wife tolerate my situation much better is that I was always helping at home, in the kitchen in washing dishes, clothes (with washing machine) and helped in taking care of the kids from infancy - even when I was earning relatively high salary (at least x 4 of her own salary). So, we didn't have any real ego issues - we were always friends, partners and help-meets to each other. She, therefore, finds it very easy to automatically swings to my side to help with whatsoever I was down on - whether money or other physical tasks like taking the car to the mechanic workshop when I am busy doing other pressing things! She can also do anything for me, just because I lead by example in this area!

With the above narration, you can imagine that on the occasions that I lost my jobs, I just double down to increase the amount of assistance I render at home so as to ease her tension on returning from work. I practically made myself into being a house-help, lessons teacher for the kids and her physical therapist who massages her neck, legs at the end of the day. This is strange behaviour from the perspectives of most men, and even the women don't expect this, so they would greatly appreciate someone who does all these without being compelled to. For me, it's "no biggie" for I was brought up that way from my own home where boys and girls were brought up to be able to handle any situations of life.

So my young friend (am about 8 yrs older), don't give up your on your current efforts at coming back to resuming your leadership position in your home, trust God to help you and don't be bitter against your wife. God will settle you and bring back your good fortune. Amen!

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by spiceadole: 1:07pm On Jan 01, 2020
simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings! wink

That's if she doesn't eradicate him for this.
Fear women.

I am a woman

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Nobody: 1:07pm On Jan 01, 2020
this is what happens when you married with wire wire money , political influenced wealth and CHANGE crept in.
always lay a genuine foundation in everything you do in life .
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by sayisayi(m): 1:08pm On Jan 01, 2020
[quote author=funmisticqueen post=85391688] marriage is not about control. Money is what gives control. Stop misquoting me from your place of pain.

Also
your slack.Of course She will be pissed at you subconsciously.

Be proactive, anticipate needs in the marriage that you can provide and meet them without being told or nagged. Convince her that you are still necessary in your marriage. Get your head out of your asshole and be man.


I read the comment and knew a women wrote it. OP, you know the soup you are in. Adjust yourself accordingly
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Martinez39(m): 1:10pm On Jan 01, 2020
Michellekabod2:

Its the preconceived notion of men. Those bashing him are without proof he wronged his wife in any way,they just had to use the general notion of women suffering bullshit in marriáge. That's straw man creation. The plight of the OP and his marriage is ignored to throw darts on him for an "assumed " bad character on his part.
Thanks for your honesty. They built that narrative to excuse the wife's behaviour and make it seem like what the wife is doing is no big deal since the man mistreated his wife too and the equation is balanced. Women are not suffering in marriages. Go to anywhere the husband is wealthy and is the breadwinner and you will see that his family benefits from his wealth. This is not the case when the woman is on top. When the woman is on top, the op's case is what happens.

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by DNSPro: 1:10pm On Jan 01, 2020
Chikicaka:


It would come, sooner than you expect, stay strong, keep praying and work hard, stuffs like this go both ways, my ex back then we both had nothing only our dreams, we prayed together, hustled together and worked hard together, I gave up a lot and supported him more than I even supported myself and he hit it, came home one day and said he needed space, that he needed to mix up with the same crowd he now rolls in, no sugar coated words but he gave me hot hot, I was crushed, I was battling with my weight and felt inadequate, but I moved on today if you see me you would not recognize me at all, God has restored in a million folds all that i felt i had lost, he came back begging i forgave him but couldn't stoop so low again this time he was truly not my level anymore, I took that pain and it propelled me, thankfully he was just a boyfriend and not a hubby, as in this case she is your wife, zone in on her good qualities and forgive her, tell her how much her attitude hurts you,, hopefully she changes, may God bless us all.
Amen to that prayer and May God bless you more.

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by AkhereOkaka(m): 1:10pm On Jan 01, 2020
strungup79:


I'm always out of town looking for one job or business. I've just been unfortunate that all my efforts have yielded little or no fruit. It's almost as if there's a curse working against me.
Sorry for your predicament but why not seek spiritual help instead of assuming?
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Nobody: 1:11pm On Jan 01, 2020
MJBOLT:
you have been gloating all morning because ubunja quit

Nah,just trying to point out you don't dish out hate and not expect hate...I have even reached out to him on WhatsApp concerning the issue. It isn't gloating
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Martinez39(m): 1:13pm On Jan 01, 2020
Sterope:
I have heard. My advice to you is that don't be poor.

Unwelcomed and irrelevant advice that has nothing to do with the discussion. I am disappointed in you because I expected an excellent shaming tactic not this. I am disappointed, perhaps you can give it another shot. wink

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Cre8tivespak(m): 1:13pm On Jan 01, 2020
I understand what you're going through and I appreciate the fact that you want your marriage to work.

You need to engage in serious fasting and prayer, I have few prayers to share with you:

(1) O Lord my God, restore back to me, my martial and financial glory IJN
2) Power attacking my finance be destroyed in Jesus name.
3). I break every yoke of financial struggles affecting my marriage IJN
4) Agenda of darkness to scatter my marriage be destroyed IJN

I have been through this similar situation before, and I scaled through by prayers and hard work.
As you engage in these prayers, the Lord that answers prayer shall answer you in Jesus name.

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Nobody: 1:14pm On Jan 01, 2020
CarlsJaz567:


My wife eventually started showing some signs of emotional fatigue and started subtle nagging. She started suggesting that I go for some jobs which I considered either too low paying and even constraining in that it would prevent me from going to attend interviews for other better jobs. However in order to call a truce, I subsequently accepted a position in which I was grossly underpaid,

You made a bad decision and compromised to get the stress of an unsupportive wife off your back. Don't you feel that this argument of yours further buttresses my point that a toxic relationship is not going to bring out his best potential in finding his feet? Have you ever wondered where you might have been if she had not nagged you into making that bad decision?

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by Martinez39(m): 1:14pm On Jan 01, 2020
Kekereekun123:
my dad was one of MKOs trusted staff before he went to set up us own business in the 80s. One of MKO's wife came for my naming ceremony self. My father has only one house he built in 1992. He so much believed in helping people. By 2010 when my mama came back to nigeria. She bought a jeep of 4m while my father has no car lol( in 2001 he had 2 cars and a bus).She later built duplex and moved there cheesy. Same man wey buy her benz in 1998 hahahahaha. I have learnt the hard way. I only date working class ladies. Once you ask me for money for tfare, hair or uber its over . The last one i dated earns 276k in a bank as an assistant banking officer but was asking for uber money.
Hahahahaha. grin Girls will always try to make a maga out of you, it's left for you not to fall for them.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by FirstbornWds: 1:15pm On Jan 01, 2020
mascot87:


I use you fear woman more o

Although i like her bluntness, but I sincerely fear who'd get finally get involved with later on ( That's if she's not married already).

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by MJBOLT: 1:15pm On Jan 01, 2020
speaking the truth is not hate

Michellekabod2:

Nah,just trying to point out you don't dish out hate and not expect hate...I have even reached out to him on WhatsApp concerning the issue. It isn't gloating

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by onez: 1:16pm On Jan 01, 2020
strungup79:


I'm already out of the house and out of town. I'm not lazy. I've put hands in odd jobs, low paying jobs and different types of business. I just need a little favour. I need the touh of God right now.
Dear, please try an live a holy life. Nothing brings bad luck like immorality. I give u 6months, God will show his face on you
Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by obowunmi(m): 1:17pm On Jan 01, 2020
strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

I honestly don't know why POOR, Lazy MEN refuse to be HUMBLE. Love and honor your wife. Thank her for supporting the family.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by koyyess: 1:20pm On Jan 01, 2020
Now you know how it feels. I hope you were not cheating on her when things were good for you.

By the way, how do you expect a human being who used her sense and sweat to make money, only to come to you to seek advice on how to spend it?

It is when a woman can feed her self, that is when you will know that its not entirely a man's world. You negroes just use that to deceive yourselves.
The money a woman earns is not and can never be yours no matter how much you paid as bride price.

You are 42 years old. If you are to divorce her at that age, where will you start from? They say a man can marry and have kids at any age. Is that realistic for you now?
She has nothing to loose. She has her money and kids which a 21 century female is after.

I will tell you what people tell women in your situation.....

1. Go on your knees and cry out to God to soften your wife's heart towards you.

2. Keep finding something to do till you earn something tangible and build from there.

3. Focus on your kids.

Good luck.

5 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by lekonso: 1:23pm On Jan 01, 2020
For now try to bear the pain, don't complain, whatever amount you can afford, put it down as upkeep in the house, but anytime you are unable to put anything down at home please don't eat at home. Don't eat the food she cooks at home with her money until her attitude changes. On the average it pains women when you are eating their money, they don't want to understand whatever you are going through at the moment. But when a man is the one spending every dime in the house it gives him joy. Above everything else continue to pray for a change and God will surely answer

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Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by mechanics(m): 1:23pm On Jan 01, 2020
Just be praying for her to change.

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Emasculating Me by nep2ra(m): 1:24pm On Jan 01, 2020
strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Quit that marriage for peace of mind, your dignity, respect and longevity.

No pvsssy is worth that stress.

I am speaking from experience.

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