bukatyne:



Hahahahahahahaha!

You do not want the man to do chores (to retain his manhood) yet you think the wife would be okay to do chores + financially manage the home when she is not a single mother.

This is not me saying the OP should/ shouldn't do chores or whatever (there are several variables):

It is me pointing out the hypocrisy and wickedness of your stance.

If you want to run a traditional marriage, run it and stick to your roles.

You cannot eat your cake and have it.

oh christ,i see feminist everywhere..

I'm from a very good Christian home oo...but I will keep saying this.... if I can't find true love now dat I'm on my way to greatness or a girl dat completely loves me now Wey pocket Neva full dey troway...wen I blow I no go marry ooo....na just baby mamas I go get or beta still thank God for IVF ..I will have babies through IVF

Pathetic

loswhite:
How is this family? If you have to do it all alone. When I see things like this it just makes the whole idea of family useless

Family is about role playing, just like a company or a business organization. Everyone performs his/her role in an efficient manner for maximum results. By the time you put the director to do the cashier's job and the cleaner to make the strategic management decisions, while the chief engineer serves everybody coffee, you know that you have a problem.

As a man you don't go it alone, but you don't assign the wrong roles to those who should not be performing them either. Financial responsibility is the man's A-Z. Home and childcare are the woman's. Maximizing educational opportunities, obedience and diligence are the children's. Everyone remaining within his/her role = a harmonious family.

rayobaba:
not so easy. Fine not to touch her money, but to reduce standard of living is not easy because she wl be upgrading d living standard by buying expensive foodstuff come home. Wl u as husband stop her from buying such, no

If financial circumstances no longer allow for buying expensive foodstuffs then the man should explain this to the woman instead of developing high BP because he doesnt know how to say the truth.

4ckz:


It seems this is very common with women.
I had a class mate, dad was doing fine and all didn't really fall, then the wife got a job opportunity outside, took the job and children outside... You know the rest.

My advice
- Don't ask her for money for any reason, if you must, let it be your last resort.
- If you have enough to contribute to your childrens growth, maybe school fees, try as much as possible to do it. Even if your wife can afford it in her sleep, but you would stay hungry to do it, just go ahead. ENSURE THAT YOU PLAY AN ACTIVE PART IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR CHILDREN.
- Next thing, she might start meeting men outside. Don't kill yourself over this, because if I were you, I would be living like we are roommates, I won't divorce her, but I would just stop caring about her.
- Although, this might be harsh, just know it is my personal opinion. "I would stop eating her food".
- I would relinquish control totally to her, let her take her decisions, and let me take mine. However, you must know when to stand your ground, especially when it concerns the children.
- Concerning her family, unless you are a week man (not meant as an insult), but no one can come from his family to control mine, no matter how broke I am, I don't care about the problem it would cause, I can be very stubborn.
- Continue hustling, even if it means going away for some time. Hustle as if you were not married.
- Never you care about what she does with her money, it is her's. She might decide to build a house for her father, while you all stay in a rented appointment, ignore her, it is her money.
- Finally, enjoy your life, if you worry too much, you can come down with a serious generic disease, say stroke, heart conditions or B.P. this would compound your situations, because most of those diseases are managed not cured.

Always show a happy face, especially to your children, even to her, be happy, this will even make her happy. Yes her happiness still has a role to play with your peace of mind. Don't wear a grumpy face around your home.

Everything you said is what I do. Her family only comes around when I'm out. I cook my meals myself. Whenever I can I contribute to my children's upkeep. We don't have sex again. Her control is only when it concerns her. Whenever she takes decisions concerning the children and Ifeel it is wrong, i just reverse it witout fanfare. Basically we are just co tenants with shared responsibilities.

pocohantas:


This is why broke horsebands are useless. A jobless wife would try run the home. Nigerian JOBLESS horseband? No way. He will just sit there and be expecting maximum respect for having a prick. What exactly is OP currently contributing? Nothing. Any small thing, they will say emasculating. Oya, go out and make money na



Happy new year to you too.

This is what the men on this thread have decided not to see.

Except the OP was running a flexible marriage prior, the wife is doing her role + his IF they ran a traditional marriage.

The solution would be to get on his feet financially again (nobody can determine that) or he comes more active in the home (which might be termed emasculating).

In a traditional marriage, a man losing his financial strength is between the devil and the deep blue sea for them both.

And the men quick to bash the women in this scenario would never provide money + take care of the home while their wives are available.

RisenPhoenix:


The bottom line is that this is precisely why a wife who cannot emotionally support her husband's attempts to come out of his problems should be unceremoniously dumped. Her constant nagging and bad temper alone could push him to do the wrong thing, which is the last thing he needs at that point. You have been in an underpaying job for years now, because your wife nagged you at a crucial point. Assuming you had found means with her support to slim your expenses to the barest minimum and hold out for what you knew you were worth, who knows how much better off you would have been today? Wasting time and energy musing over a woman's behaviour while you are having problems can be extremely debilitating.

I think you are a very young and inexperienced person If you read my comment well, I said my wife supported me in all ways, but when the time was getting elongated - over 2 years, she started showing signs of emotional strains. That doesn't mean she was downright disrespectful at the time. Women will surely nag when they want you to hear them out, and it seems you are stuck to your own ideas! It only signified to me that I had an urgent decision to take.

Am back to taking charge of my own home now and am not begging - so you are not making any points. I hope your marriage last long when you do eventually get married with this attitude of yours.

Thanks

simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings!

This thing go backfire like mad

Oga sir, put yourself together and stop crying. You married a wife with your own money and now you can't communicate with her? When did communication break down in your home? If you had been helping her, any good woman will help her good husband get back up. Sit down and evaluate your husbandship role in her life.


Ask for help, don't be too proud. And for peace to reign, take your eyes off her money because now she sees it as "her" money, which is wrong to me, but I wouldn't blame some women, marriages opens their eyes after husband Don show them.

Na you marry her. The same way you used to communicate with her in the past communicate now again to get your marriage on the right path and stop crying emasculation. Be the man of the home. If she doesn't change then, you know that you used your own money to marry a woman who can't support you during life issues.

bukatyne:


Which everyone seems to be skirting around.

Happy new year.

It all boils down to our family system. It sets dangerous precedent and the society is reaping it in bountiful.

I just said yesterday that a man did òmùgwò 3 times for his wife and some found it strange. Which woman will become a witch overnight if u have been treating her like mate?
U don't know what happens in your kitchen except when u go there to eat.
Your wife is practically your maid and slave.
And they think women are happy with that?
It's just that women knows how to bottle it in and pretend afterall society will be cruel to her if she dare raise her voice.
U don't bath your kids. U think that bonding with them.is buying gifts and whatever.

Oh dear.

RisenPhoenix:


Family is about role playing, just like a company or a business organization. Everyone performs his/her role in an efficient manner for maximum results. By the time you put the director to do the cashier's job and the cleaner to make the strategic management decisions, while the chief engineer serves everybody coffee, you know that you have a problem.

As a man you don't go it alone, but you don't assign the wrong roles to those who should not be performing them either. Financial responsibility is the man's A-Z. Home and childcare are the woman's. Maximizing educational opportunities, obedience and diligence are the children's. Everyone remaining within his/her role = a harmonious family.

can you tell me who gave this role of financially been responsible for the family A-Z? So I assume the role you put for a woman is to sit at home and take care of babies right? Before industrial age who did the farming? Was it only men that went to farm? You should speak for your self and don't come and be defining roles for us. How can you marry an educated adult and you sit alone and define role for the adult? Most men don't even know the importance of respect in relationship... Respect has nothing to do with gender. You must respect your partner in every relationship, it doesn't matter if you bread winner or not

funmisticqueen:
if a woman was barren, will a man stand by her. Humans always look out for thier best interests

Couple(s) still adopt kids

they stand by each other...

funmisticqueen:
what wrong in defending what I think I know? If I stand for nothing, I fall for everything. But I completely agree with you.

cmon are you this bitter?

Haba. What happened to you?

Get born again.And never ever give up your position as head,no matter what. Adam failed to restrict Eve and look what it brought to us. I pray your wife also gives her life to Jesus and make Him her "LORD".

ProtectMyMoney:
Standards are falling in Nigeria. Men of nowadays are fast turning to Pussy Wimps

If at age 30, Gowon could lead a whole country , how come a man at 42 is coming to cry on Nairaland that he can't take charge of his own home.

Why are you talking like this? Is the Nigeria in Gowon’s time the same Nigeria of today?

philip0906:

Chai...I imagine you typing this with tears and gnashing your teeth

Don't worry, 2020 will be a better year. It's totally understandable that when love disappoints you, you tend to give up on it and become bitter (like you've done all year 2019).

You'll find love 2020 and you will understand that there is more to life than been a man hater...Prick sweet (ask all your popular feminists).

Your last paragraph got my rib cracking you deserve a crate of beer can some one help me with Putin meme

Blueelf:


God bless you.

If you're a feminist, you're a balanced one.

There's an ugly thing here that has been running around giving trash advice and talking down on any that corrects her

this is why i so miss MizMyColi.


Auto-correct even stored her moniker.



Funmi is really shocking me... Like must i fear women than i already do?


She is just in total support of the crap this wife is doing. The man is even 42. What does he wana gain from cheapshots?

funmisticqueen:
I get that I have an unconventional way of passing my message across, but take that iota of truth and work on it.

I am angry at male folk because they continue to fall below my expectations the more I get to know them, either platonically or romantically.

I miss the men of our fathers' generations who did exploits. I grew up seeing that but today, men behave like naira Marley, Bob risky and Davido and it's sickening to see.

No ex of mine has treated me badly. I usually dump them when they fail to rise up to standard even with my help.

hmmmm

ANY WOMAN THAT DISRESPECTS THE HUSBAND NO MATTER THE REASON IS A SURE CANDIDATE FOR HELL.Q.E.D

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Women are not created to provide. It burdens them.
What you should do is that you must step out of your comfort zone.
I have done this and it turned out good. Find a job or hustle outside where your family is. The reason some family men are doing poorly is the thought of being around their family.

You will be more appreciated when you are not around. This does not mean you should abandon your responsibility over the family. It will have positive impact.

Martinez39:
Mention ways in which YOU are disadvantaged. Also mention ways in which the system has neutrally put women at a disadvantage.

I knew you would say that. But thats not the point. Do you acknowledge the validity of my counter-argument, or not?

Or did all the hundreds of studies and articles that document discrimination against female doctors somehow bypass your biased eyeballs

By the way, does timetabling and workplace schedule always automatically take into account that a woman has domestic, maternity or childcare commitments?

Do cars and seatbelts that have been tested on male models adequately provide the same insurance against injury for women during an accident?

If you would stop to consider, your posts would make sense but you are extreme to the point of illogicality. It helps no-one and it makes it difficult to see your posts as anything more than bitter, cantankerous rambling!

ProfKhaycee:
I'm from a very good Christian home oo...but I will keep saying this.... if I can't find true love now dat I'm on my way to greatness or a girl dat completely loves me now Wey pocket Neva full dey troway...wen I blow I no go marry ooo....na just baby mamas I go get or beta still thank God for IVF ..I will have babies through IVF

Na so. Me I go still marry ooo but the girl eye go see pepper. She will know I only love my children.

bukatyne:


Which everyone seems to be skirting around.

Happy new year.

They have answered o, and as usual they are vomiting nonsense!

A prosperous year to you and your family!

funmisticqueen:
I don't believe in coddling grown men. I may sympathise, which I don't with op.
I never said that the tribulation was his fault. I only told him to stop wallowing in self pity.


From adversity, you either rise or stay downtrodden. This is trial by fire and tough love. My words may be iodine tincture on an open wound, but it helps it heal.

Break and mend, do and undo, cry, scream in pain, laugh with madness. Sort each emotion as it comes. Go through it and heal. That is how to come out of this.

@Op strungup79

I believe that if a man can make it once, when he is downtrodden he can always rise back up. So you can do it. Success leaves a lingering aftertaste that is never forgotten. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.


I will keep pushing you to the edge with my words for that is my way and I know no other.

Come out of the sunken place, do this for you, not for your wife or anyone else. You deserve better than seeking sympathy and spreading misery.

No your words are not meant to heal or help me get back up cos a good relationship is not only dependent on finance. Your words are and designed to make the receiver seek revenge rather than reconciliation. I have received a lot of encouragement here and know I will be back on my feet. I seek not control, if not i would have dominated my wife from the word go. I seek a relationship which from your utterances you know nothing about.

funmisticqueen:
Thank you

Im waiting for him to come back and answer that question. See how they all want to faint at the idea of a man sweeping his own parlour smh

LINTUNE:
oh christ,i see feminist everywhere..

What has feminism got to do with this?

You expect a wife to run the home domestically and financially when she is not a single mother?

You must be a very wicked man.

Alexandre7:


Lol...

You & Nigerian Men.

But most Nigerian Women don’t appreciate gifts like flowers & chocolates.

They rather have Cash, Cold Stone, Pizza & Chicken.

So entirely unfair to place the blame squarely on Nigerian Men.

Meanwhile Happy New Year,

May this year bring you and your family good tidings.

Budding budding budding.

Poco is telling you she is different

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

I.personally weep for u because u are a stupid woman.
Don't u know when a man tends to have more money he takes more care of the wife and family and give more and more without thinking or insulting the wife?

A man is telling u her pain of a woman whom when she had no money, was respectful and taking care of the husband and u are here trying to justify that money changes both men and women.

Money changes women a lot especially when they feel they are the ones in charge of the family.


OGA with wahala
This is my advice!

For the sake of ur life, just leave that home and rent another apartment to calm down ur head. Women can frustrate ones life when they have the means to do so.

And as for ur kids, don't worry, they are seeing everything. They won't wish to have a domineering wife like their mother tomorrow. Is just the girls. They will want to control their husband like their mother is doing now.
However, give that home some space.
Bible didn't support divorce but it supports tentative separation.
Go get urself fixed up and take care of ur kids in sincerity. U will reap from them someday.

And as for sex. Collect it anywhere to maintain life.

Enjoy