Gloriagee:
I live in PHC and almost everyone here knows one offshore person, either ur church member, friend or relative...which is why I jumped at that. Two things really struck me - I hope the child will be treated fairly and I hope the partying hard dad will contribute some money for the child's upkeep.

sassysure:

Money is not what that child need.
He needs his dad. The child is at a crucial stage of development. Whatever happens now stick into their head like glue.
Money don't buy such.

Now, let me not mention name, a son of one former governor in the middle belt was greatly affected by how his father treated him that he vowed not to give birth.
Everything he want,food, toys, name them, he gets. He was obese by the time he finished secondary school.
He said his dad will pop in once in a while and tell him to always smile to the cameras, hope they are giving u food etc and off he goes. No time spent together, didnt do homework, don't care about his school performance and the rest. He hates food. This guys hates food so much that he may eat only once and that's it for the day and that once is small.
Emotional torture.

crackkhaus:

Lol, you only have to copy and paste a link to the site where you got your information.

Anyway, never mind.

As far as Africa is concerned, the only country where there is an endemic of absent fathers comparable to western countries, is South Africa.

Gloriagee:
Yea, but I hope he actually gives an allowance of some sort. We don't know the finances of the dad's sister...I'm sure if something is droppin, the child will be seen as less of a burden if they are those kind of people and also I don't encourage freebies, so the guy gets to feel some sense of responsibility.

Gloriagee:
Pele bobo, I don't lack comprehension skills. Ure so quick to toss around lazy word for someone that doesn't take care of niece/ nephew but what about a guy that doesn't care for sick wife and for an infant. N next time, u want to bemoan a lack of comprehensive skills, remember its usually a plural word, comprehensive skills, shogbo.

conyema12:


They had a soured relationship before the daughter eventually died... I don't think it can be fixed.

sassysure:

I have tried that.

I'm not arguing with you again.
I'm tired.

crackkhaus:

Lol, but we were not arguing.

sassysure:

I am tired biko.
Biko sir.

U have A in rolling women up.
Are we your toys?

sassysure:



Have our men failed us? Yes.
Have our men failed our country? Yes.
Don't swim around it.

So what are we talking about here.
And yes, according to recent UNICEF report, Nigeria is leading in that angle.
No child support here. When the child is old the man will come to claim his child.
Yeah, that's the tradition.

Abeg, leave matter.
U just want to defend the indefensible.

U guys should change. When ur approach to family matter improve, it will be felt in the society.
Those that did sociology of the family will agree with me.

sassysure:

But not a father figure?

See what lack of proper father figure has done to most of u guys.


Always ready to shift the " burden" to another person and continue with your life.
How selfless of u guys.

I visited the orphanage one time and on my interaction with the workers, I found out that once some men lose their wives, they will ship their kids to an orphanage pending when they are able to marry again and shift the responsibilities to the new wife. It was very shocking.
Never knew such can be done.
Met one of such men one day and he said he pay some amount to the orphanage and visits whenever he can.
What does he do for a living? A civil servant!
And he can't take care of 2 small kids.

Yet he has time to visit his girlfriend in another state.

U guys should stop. U have been destroying families and Nigeria with this myopic and self entitlement mentality.

If u are not ready to nurture a child, don't bring one to this wicked world.

crackkhaus:

You're not a toy

rain21:
Well, I think human nature made women to be more caring and accommodating towards kids more than men. in the animal world, the female species are known for tending to their young..lyk the mother-hen protects it's chicks.
Not absolving the men totally tho they can do better, but comparing the male and female gender on child care is totally uncalled for,cos women are wired to adequately cater for their babies with or without their fathers that doesn't necessarily mean that the man is dead-beat.
I would rather pick a woman tending to a kid less than ten than a man doing so no matter how good the man is as a father.

In this case, op should let the grandma have her(as I suggested earlier) while the dad visit very often and financially assist.

conyema12:
My brother in-law who is my wife's only brother lost his wife late last year due to kidney problem. She was just 29yr old, they were married for only 3 years and blessed with a 2 years old daughter, same age with my daughter. During the burial ceremony the girls mother hired some touts and police men to cause problems and whisk the little girl away from my in-laws, claiming the boy was instrumental to her daughters death . However they couldn't succeed. It was agreed for my wife to go with the little girl pending when the matter is resolved. This just happened less than a week and the matter hasn't died out.

Now my inlaws are suggesting for the little girl to live with us and start school for now till the long vacation holiday (June).

My concerns are:

1. I am of the opinion for the matter to be fully resolved in a police station with agreement duely signed before she can settle in my house for now...

2. I am also seeing it ad a huge burden on my wife. We already have 2kids and it's a mouthful at the moment.

3. The brother will have to be financially involved


Pls I need suggestions on how to handle this so my inlaws won't see me as not being helpful.

Both my inlaws are retired and comfortable in their own house

sassysure:

Ok.
Thank u.

Acidosis:


How many single moms survive perfectly without stipends from baby daddy/boyfriends?

cococandy:
Well then hats off to single moms who find a way to do it all without shipping the children from relative to relative. truth is that if it’s important to you, you will find a way. No one said it was easy. But when you love someone like yourself, you will do what it takes instead of trying to avoid the difficulty.

You trust your relative. Good. Do you control everyone who comes and goes from their home? More children get abused in relatives homes than at nannies’ hands but that’s talk for another day.

brodalikeme:


I understand you perfectly, that mother in law is a bad and unreasonable person that explains her behaviour. How can she say that the son in law kill her daughter, is kidney disease now a communicable disease? or how can she demand custody a child when her ties to the child is no more? There are some issues that has no settlement my guy.

conyema12:
My brother in-law who is my wife's only brother lost his wife late last year due to kidney problem. She was just 29yr old, they were married for only 3 years and blessed with a 2 years old daughter, same age with my daughter. During the burial ceremony the girls mother hired some touts and police men to cause problems and whisk the little girl away from my in-laws, claiming the boy was instrumental to her daughters death . However they couldn't succeed. It was agreed for my wife to go with the little girl pending when the matter is resolved. This just happened less than a week and the matter hasn't died out.

Now my inlaws are suggesting for the little girl to live with us and start school for now till the long vacation holiday (June).

My concerns are:

1. I am of the opinion for the matter to be fully resolved in a police station with agreement duely signed before she can settle in my house for now...

2. I am also seeing it ad a huge burden on my wife. We already have 2kids and it's a mouthful at the moment.

3. The brother will have to be financially involved


Pls I need suggestions on how to handle this so my inlaws won't see me as not being helpful.

Both my inlaws are retired and comfortable in their own house