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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! (6741 Views)
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Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Nobody: 6:30pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
Gloriagee:Money is not what that child need. He needs his dad. The child is at a crucial stage of development. Whatever happens now stick into their head like glue. Money don't buy such. Now, let me not mention name, a son of one former governor in the middle belt was greatly affected by how his father treated him that he vowed not to give birth. Everything he want,food, toys, name them, he gets. He was obese by the time he finished secondary school. He said his dad will pop in once in a while and tell him to always smile to the cameras, hope they are giving u food etc and off he goes. No time spent together, didnt do homework, don't care about his school performance and the rest. He hates food. This guys hates food so much that he may eat only once and that's it for the day and that once is small. Emotional torture. 3 Likes |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Gloriagee(f): 6:34pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
Yea, but I hope he actually gives an allowance of some sort. We don't know the finances of the dad's sister...I'm sure if something is droppin, the child will be seen as less of a burden if they are those kind of people and also I don't encourage freebies, so the guy gets to feel some sense of responsibility. sassysure: 1 Like |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Nobody: 6:34pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
crackkhaus:I have tried that. I'm not arguing with you again. I'm tired. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by rain21(f): 6:35pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
Well, I think human nature made women to be more caring and accommodating towards kids more than men. in the animal world, the female species are known for tending to their young..lyk the mother-hen protects it's chicks. Not absolving the men totally tho they can do better, but comparing the male and female gender on child care is totally uncalled for,cos women are wired to adequately cater for their babies with or without their fathers that doesn't necessarily mean that the man is dead-beat. I would rather pick a woman tending to a kid less than ten than a man doing so no matter how good the man is as a father. In this case, op should let the grandma have her(as I suggested earlier) while the dad visit very often and financially assist. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Nobody: 6:35pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
Gloriagee:Sighs. It is well. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by MMXX: 6:39pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
Gloriagee:where in the op's writeup did he say that the wife died because of lack of care from the husband? Read slowly you refused, until you find the above please do not mention me again |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by blank(f): 7:06pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
conyema12: If you allow her to stay with you and start school, please accept that in the Nigerian context, you have adopted her. I doubt she will be leaving to anywhere regardless of whatever agreement is signed. Also think about it that your BIL might start to evade his financial responsibilities which will then be yours as you can't treat her differently from your kids after all, you've adopted her. Why can't your wife's parents take care of the kid? If they are retired, they should have even more time. Or he should try to mend fences with his MIL and ask her to take care of his kid. For you, don't start what you will find hard to finish. Adopting a child is a big responsibility especially if you see your BIL living his life without a care in the world. You might start to simmer in resentment. 5 Likes |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by crackkhaus: 7:40pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
sassysure:Lol, but we were not arguing. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Nobody: 7:50pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
crackkhaus:I am tired biko. Biko sir. U have A in rolling women up. Are we your toys?
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Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by crackkhaus: 7:57pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
sassysure:You're not a toy |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Arsenate(m): 8:04pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
sassysure:Boo fvcking hoo We know you ladies say you like good men but you almost always choose the jerks over the nice guys because they give you the tingles. You then act surprised when they act irresponsible and bail out on fatherhood. Once again, boo hoo. 3 Likes
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Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by nahzyla: 8:34pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
sassysure:What kind of evil and wickedness is this? Dropping their biological kids in orphanages? My God what kind of utter selfishness and lousiness will make any same human do this type of nonsense? I fear Nigerian men ooo 1 Like |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Nobody: 8:49pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
crackkhaus:Ok. Thank u. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by ireneidiva(f): 8:56pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
rain21:Human nature does not make anybody more caring. There are still men that refuse to marry and take care of their kids as widows do. These things are choices that people make. 6 Likes |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by rain21(f): 9:41pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
[quote author=ireneidiva post=85800440] Human nature does not make anybody more caring. There are still men that refuse to marry and take care of their kids as widows do. These things are choices that people make. [ /quote] And I never said there are no men that do take care of their kids if such situation arises but in comparison to women they can not do it well without hassles and struggles most especially If the child is less than ten years old. Women are always better when it comes to faring for kids. In this case, the baby (just 2yrs old) will get better care if she is with her grandma since she insists on having her |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Daisy17: 9:55pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
conyema12: I think your concerns are justified. You should make sure all these issues are addressed before you agree to take care of your niece. Also you should make sure that the grandmother has visitation rights and is involved in the upbringing of her grand daughter. She has just lost a child and it will be unfair for her to lose her grand child. Taking care of a child is expensive and it is the responsibility of every parent to take care of their child/children. Your brother-in-law has to contribute financially towards the upkeep of his daughter. He needs t grow up and be responsible. Ignore people who say that you should not be concerned about the financial burden. The number one cause of marriage breakdowns is finances. Remember that this will have an impact on your family and it is best to deal with it head on so that you can weather the storms. 3 Likes |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by ireneidiva(f): 10:12pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
[quote author=rain21 post=85801770][/quote]
Ok. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by giftfromGod(f): 11:25pm On Jan 14, 2020 |
[quote author=Gloriousheart post=85781910]l Pls revert. Thanks. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by crackkhaus: 7:53am On Jan 15, 2020 |
sassysure: |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Rukkydelta(f): 1:39pm On Jan 15, 2020 |
Acidosis:Many single mothers I can count a handful of them I know of a widow while in school, she is a teacher in a government school, in the evening she sells fried yam and akara with the help of her children in front of the compound she stays and she has three children between the ages of 7 to 12 when I knew her. |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Rukkydelta(f): 2:00pm On Jan 15, 2020 |
cococandy: Shipping kids from one relative to another is one of the way children gets molested. The one that surprised me was when me and my sister paid a visit to her friend this past Christmas and saw three children in her house of age 8, 11 and 14. Their mother passed away about a year ago and she was a Proprietress of a school in Rivers state before she died. The father wasn't able to take care of children that grown. They have being shipped to two homes and were even physically abused in the last home before the current home they are in(the third home). My sister's friend said this children will wake up very early in the morning and get busy with house chores that they will even carry her clothes and wash, message she didn't send them. It was when she talk to them that she realise they were use as house helps or should I say house slaves in the previous homes they were shipped to. Their mother is an Aunty to my sister's friend husband and she said the woman was good to her and her husband. She has only being married for three years with a 2 year old kid but now she has a handful of children. I am glad she welcome the kids with open hands though. When we asked about their father she said he is the very busy type and is usually not at home Imagine if it's a mother that shipped her children from home to home claiming busy. What will the Nigeria society say of her? 2 Likes |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Rukkydelta(f): 2:04pm On Jan 15, 2020 |
brodalikeme: The mother in-law she take the child abeg than for her to be shipped to a family she isn't wanted 2 Likes |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by Biancah(f): 7:46am On Apr 22, 2020 |
@ Conyema12 Come and update us, what happened to your niece ? Did you finally take her in or her other grandmother did ? |
Re: Taking Care Of My Wife's Niece : Please Advise Me!! by frozen70(f): 3:54am On Apr 23, 2020 |
conyema12: I will advise you call your brother in law, seat him down and tell him that, you will advise he allows his daughter to go to his inlaw and start living with them and he can as well be visiting them to see his daughter That child is best kept with her maternal parents pls No matter what your brother in law will contribute to the up keep of that child, you will have to bear it till further notice and don't complain There is no issue to resolve here as for me because, the late wife family are not denying the fact that they are not aware that he us the father Let the two families meet and hand over the child to his inlaw and should be allowed to take responsibility of the child and be free to visit the child The wife family are not happy with him because he may have death with the daughter that made her develop such terminal illness and she would have been telling them alot about his behaviour to her Once the child starts staying with his in laws, time will heal everything You will be free The man will be free The wife family will be happy |
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