Good evening fellow nairalanders
I'll just go straight to the point and not bore you with lengthy write up.
My marriage is coming up next month and my in-laws have told me what to pay.
However the amount is way too high and I'm thinking of discussing it with my dad if he can help in renegotiating the price.
I want to know if that's right because I'm confused right and almost fed up right now

no try am...woman no dey discuss her dowry...cos na dia be d koko.

Do you mean you want to renegotiate the brideprice with your fiancee's family?

Your thread title sounds like you're a lady who disagrees with her folks on the brideprice they're requiring from her intended groom.

If you are not ready for marriage kindly step back

Thegeneralqueen:
If you are not ready for marriage kindly step back

Seriously?

I don't think there is anything wrong in that....

nlPoster:



Do you mean you want to renegotiate the brideprice with your fiancee's family?

Your thread title sounds like you're a lady who disagrees with her folks on the brideprice they're requiring from her intended groom.

No I'm the intending groom

Whether you discuss it or not with them, they'll know. Abi are you going alone to marry a wife?

I don't know where you are from, but It doesn't happen in Igbo land, you must come with parents, elders and close family members. A male representative and a female one.

Your dad will sit with you, battling it out with Umunna.

Your mother will be with the Umuadas, checking if their rice, onions, tin tomatoes, stella pomade and groundnut oil is complete and of premium quality.

There are things a young modern man who only knows about Kepa, Kante and Lampard would struggle to handle on his own- this is one of them. Your degree and big prick cannot help you when those angry relatives start with you and your incomplete list. Only another experienced and versed elder can save you.

Call your father and tell him whatsup. It is even good as it will portray you people as united there. Not the one that you'll be talking A, your dad will be on M, all because you didn't carry him along with your plans.

Talk to your father, let him give you orientation- before they'll give you tray of kolanut there, you will na pick first and start eating it.

Please don't be fed up, them no dey marry wife finish. Na continuous process.

Negotiation of dowry is unnecessary. Just give a reasonable amount to them and it would be received honorably. It is a common practice to request for big amount of money while it is normal for you to give what you can reasonably afford.
Note that "reasonable amount" is quite relative.

pocohantas:
Whether you discuss it or not with them, they'll know. Abi are you going alone to marry a wife?

I don't know where you are from, but It doesn't happen in Igbo land, you must come with parents and/or elders. A male representative and a female one.

Your dad will sit with you, battling it out with Umunna.

Your mother will be with the Umuadas, checking if their rice, onions, tin tomatoes, stella pomade and groundnut oil is complete and of premium quality.

There are things a young modern man who only knows about Kepa, Kante and Lampard would struggle to handle on his own- this is one of them. Your degree and big prick cannot help you when those angry relatives start with you and your incomplete list. Only another experienced and versed elder can save you.

Call your father and tell him whatsup. It is even good as it will portray you people as united there. Not the one that you'll be talking A, your dad will be on M, all because you didn't carry him along with your plans.

Talk to your father, let him give you orientation- before they'll give you tray of kolanut there, you will na pick first and start eating it.

I would really love to see a thread about other tribe's bride price and tradition. Just incase we end up with wives from other tribes. More specifically imo state

pcguru1:


I would really love to see a thread about other tribe's bride price and tradition. Just incase we end up with wives from other tribes. More specifically imo state

The marriage list varies across states, communities and even families. Some families are royal, some feel they are God's gift to humanity- so they will have their own list, a variant of the immediate community's own. They'll spell it out to you, you would know what you are getting into.

I said MARRIAGE LIST because the bride price itself is usually a token. Ours is N15 and they specifically ask for three N5 (MINT) notes.

When you say tradition, what do you mean?

Generally the process is pretty much the same. Whatever difference you see is most times due to the couple's financial strength. They can tweak the ocassion to their taste, without tampering with the core "tradition".

pocohantas:


The marriage list varies across states, communities and even families. Some families are royal, some feel they are God's gift to humanity- so they will have their own list, a variant of the immediate community's own. They'll spell it out for you, so you would know what you are getting into.

I said MARRIAGE LIST because the bride price itself is usually a token. Ours is N15 and they specifically ask for three N5 (MINT) notes.

When you say tradition, what do you mean?

Generally the process is pretty much the same. Whatever difference you see is most times due to the couple's financial strength. They can tweak the ocassion to their taste, without tampering with the core "tradition".

I think it's the list then, someone mentioned this to me too, so I guess its within the community and family. So what happens in a scenario where the eligible husband cant meet up. Though that's not my mindset though, I dont plan not to have finance not to afford those list esp if the lady is worth it.

pocohantas:
Whether you discuss it or not with them, they'll know. Abi are you going alone to marry a wife?

I don't know where you are from, but It doesn't happen in Igbo land, you must come with parents, elders and close family members. A male representative and a female one.

Your dad will sit with you, battling it out with Umunna.

Your mother will be with the Umuadas, checking if their rice, onions, tin tomatoes, stella pomade and groundnut oil is complete and of premium quality.

There are things a young modern man who only knows about Kepa, Kante and Lampard would struggle to handle on his own- this is one of them. Your degree and big prick cannot help you when those angry relatives start with you and your incomplete list. Only another experienced and versed elder can save you.

Call your father and tell him whatsup. It is even good as it will portray you people as united there. Not the one that you'll be talking A, your dad will be on M, all because you didn't carry him along with your plans.

Talk to your father, let him give you orientation- before they'll give you tray of kolanut there, you will na pick first and start eating it.

Please don't be fed up, them no dey marry wife finish. Na continuous process.

Thanks

Lolz.. Why do people charge high to their daughters prospective husband?.... Families should stop been greedy and be reasonable when it comes to dowry and marriage rites...... After fleecing the man of much capital before and after wedding, make he and the wife dey drink garri àbí?.... Parents should be reasonable, their daughter wedding should not be a pension or gratuity pay-off!!!

Haaaa!!!! If your parents doesn’t know about the list, who else were you going to discuss it with in the first place? Or do you intend to marry behind their back?

Why not?

You can always renegotiate the price of a commodity you're buying.

It's all about your bargaining power.

If the owner of the commodity refuses to sell, then go buy from another seller.

Sellers plenty!

Some sellers are even tired of their commodities and it has become old stock. (AKA evening newspaper). They are willing to give it out at little or no extra cost.

Remember

Bride price = money for commodity.

Who are the commodities? You know better!

High as in more than #50k?! if it's ibo land, you can't negotiate, but in Yoruba land, you need to talk to your fiancee, let her know your budget. After the wedding comes the marriage. Kindly take to her