OP raised a scenario a lot of married men go through. Luckily you have had a lot of matured responses here.

Dear OP..marriage comes with a lot of sacrifies and kids causes a lot of changes in the dynamics of your relationship with your significant other. You and the Mrs would have to work out what works for you..be it giving the kids their room, you getting "appointment" in the oda room.etc

Good enough she still is interested in sex. Some women after child birth lose their sexual urge(no fault of theirs)..there is a medical term for it cant remember right now. This scenario is not one you pray to be in..To remedy it one might have to see a sex therapist. Thank God certified sex therapist are growing in numbers in Nigeria.

Sex is a fundamental part of marriage. It takes a man that loves his wife to come online and bare such personal matters, others would take the easy way out, go figure. Be flexible bro..seive through the advises rendered so far. Take the gold throw away the chaff. I wish you and the Mrs more rumble under the sheets.

Ginaz:
I don’t understand why an 8/9yrs old girl would still be sleeping with her parents on same bed.

That is ridiculous and needs to stop, your wife has poor parenting skills . She should be training them to be comfortable on their own not the other way round .

That nonsense should stop! Your wife is at fault here, she is parenting the kids a bad way. The senior child is old enough to be sleeping in her own room by herself and that should stop with immediate effect .

Your wife is faulty here. You can’t use your poor attempt at parent attachment or whatever it is called to inconvenience your husband in the house he should be comfortable in the first place .

Oga you deserve the sex you want from your wife . She is using the kids to her own advantage and it’s high time you put an end to the rubbish of letting the kids share same bed with you both.
Don’t let anyone here tells you that you are wrong for demanding the kids move out of the room to theirs, you are totally right .

How long would you keep up with it? You have been keeping with it for years now and that’s no sacrifice, it’s a bondage.

My thoughts exactly.
Some people can be quite manipulative and dishonest.

Mr man you have to calm down. Your wife is nursing a little child and sex should not be a top priority. First and foremost, I will suggest that your wife sleep with the cute little baby she is breastfeeding while you and the other child be in your room then you can sneak out to meet your wife once the older child is fast asleep and you and wify can groove on in the other room. In this way things will work out or maybe you and the little child can sleep together to allow your wife some freedom. All my kids slept in my room as from 8 days old and when they want to eat I take them to their mother for feeding. you must share in this and wify will appreciate. In fact it got to a stage that if the kids want to sleep they will call me to come and they would climb me and sleep. I automatically became their human foam. It will also bond you more to the kids
You don't need to fight wify over sex, sounds childish.

midnighter:


Abeg! Listen bro/sis

Even if I am childless, at least I was once a very small child and I distinctly remember that at 9PM, my mum would come in to tell us to close our storybook and turn off our lamp.

"Good night, Midnighter" "Good night Mummy"

Finito! Until morning.

Thats how we ended up with younger siblings and thats how I cant use my own children to mess my marriage up, haba!

I dont know what chores or babysitting youre talking ooo everybody must go to his or her room shekina.

Theres no excuse for an 8 year old girl being in my bed in the middle of the night. None!

Madam,The most difficult job on earth is to raise your kids especially waking up to breastfeed ur baby at nights with eye bags day to day! It's tiring, relentless and stressful....With no house help,relative around to help out it can be exhausting thats what I'm saying...The way OP is complaining it's like another thing is happening...Abeg give the woman a break....U can address me however u chose it's ok.Gudnight

Finelinks:


You modern girls are intrinsically stupid.

Inukwa ..
He should pamper her, buy gifts, date her etc so that:

"she will GIVE him sex"

Iranu..

Tufia

And what's bad in buying her gifts before?Abi are they not married. Is it not the same gifts that he used to still cajole her during courtship abi u think say the oyibo when talk say courtship before marriage na mumu?The courtship was there to know the things that interests a couple before they got married so if pampering her n getting her gifts was what the OP wife loves before they got married I see no reason why he can't use same method to cajole her to give him the sexual satisfaction he wants.

Ladylite:
This is a real question that many singles have not begun to consider or discuss before marriage.

I hope you know that your wife loves you, but the sacrifice you have to make is beyond sleep, it also involves sex... Now that there is a 7month old blessed baby with you, simply DATE your wife.....

By date I mean, treat her well, do things for her and be very nice to her as expected, buy her gifts, pamper her... She will give you sex.. I assure you.

Your wife is going through a major phase and you need to understand it and be there for her.

I hope this is clear

You nailed it just right �

Las las, after reading all the above comments, I felt like writing sth here tonight.

From my observations

#1 truly there're little kids up here with the

5mb Facebook Zero Data

without any knowledge of what marriage certificate looks like.

#2 truly there're enough

feminist

even in nairaland. Some still married n others already divorced. If you know you know

#3 truly in

polygamy

the man kind of "enjoys" it all. Go ask any of them still alive what having "IT ALL - sex, wives, children, farms, assets, houses, maids, servants, bussinesses..." meant

#4 truly in

monogamous

family, the man n wife r believed to be 2 adults, grownups.. but may have had bad pasts.

PTSD

is real. And if you don't know, Nigerians also have it - male n female

#5 truly some comments are like

WTF !!!

#6 truly I'm

loudlymouthed

. Na Baba God dey bless me. Small but mighty. Still looking young n blessed while he's above thirty

Elbone2:

Madam,The most difficult job on earth is to raise your kids especially waking up to breastfeed ur baby at nights with eye bags day to day! It's tiring, relentless and stressful....With no house help,relative around to help out it can be exhausting thats what I'm saying...The way OP is complaining it's like another thing is happening...Abeg give the woman a break....U can address me however u chose it's ok.Gudnight

You just repeated yourself

ImaIma1:


And people are saying he is selfish. How can an 8year old be sleeping in their bed. Some mothers should be sanctioned. Very annoying.

I just dont understand what these people are typing, its unbelievable. Is it actually normal to some people or what

Using your hands to mess up both your marriage and your daughter smh

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

I'll give you my honest opinion, I don't care if people here agree or not. Kids are a blessing, but can easily take away your wife attention. This can lead to serious problems in marriage if not tackled on time. My dad sat me down and told me how they raised us, and how my mom would leave him all by himself and spend most of her time with us. He loves us, but after a tiring day he just wants to be with his wife but she prefers to be with us. We're 4 in our family, now the love is so one sided that even I can't pretend well enough. We definitely have a special love for our mother, but I get his pain. This is one of the main reasons why marriages in the western world don't last, the moment one person starts feeling neglected divorce follows. My opinion? Discuss this with your wife. Start from your 8 year old kid, find a family member who needs help raising their kid in school, I'm sure there's an uncle somewhere in the village with 6 kids, offer to train one in school and please make sure you do. It must be a girl child, not too older than your 8 years old kid at least 12 and not more than 16. Let the kid and your baby girl sleep in the other room and your 7 month old son sleep in your bedroom. If your wife complain she can't trust anyone to take care of your child, install a CCTV camera in the kids room! Don't mind people here talking shiit about parenting like they do a better job, those kids will grow and leave the both of you and if the bond between the both of you was broken a long time ago, you won't enjoy your old age at all.

midnighter:


What is he dating her for! Why do you need to be "dated" before you will do the right thing?

When the man starts carrying idiot girls up and down she will still come here and open a thread to complain.

How can you bring up motherhood to defend this; so should she also follow the girl to school and to the bathroom under the guise of "motherhood"? Give me a break! She's suffocating her daughter.

The small babe will grow up, marry her own husband and enjoy her life while you mess your own marriage up and use her as an excuse smh

Best comment I read on this thread.

koyyes:


Did you read the part where he himself made the decision to start sleeping in the other room? That itself was a very wrong move and it sure made his wife extra comfortable with the idea of sharing their bed with the kids. He isn't even happy that he is there talk more of having sex there as suggested by the wife.

Again, read my 1st comment, however ridiculous his wife's attachment may be to the kids, it shouldn't be what will bring the roof of their house down. They are his children after all. You can refuse to acknowledge the psychological workings that could be causing this behaviour...but it is there and should be tackled with caution.

No need for threats and unnecessary quarrel. If e dey pain am like that then let him for a start teach his 8 year old how to sleep separately.

If you mean that he needs to be more proactive in his approach and take control of the situation, I can understand that.

But your original comment was mixing it with other stuff like "dating his wife", "motherhood" "she's meeting him halfway" as if youre excusing her crazy behaviour! Which halfway! Whose mother acts like this Not mine!

I think my point was "What kind of woman allows children to chase her husband from his own bed?!" Then your own was "what kind of guy allows children to chase him from his own bed?!" Which are both valid. Right?

Vortex369:


Well, your last line was a question: What I think?

Are you sure you really want to know what I think?

Since you asked for it, then I have to tell you what I think and the reason for my conclusions.

I think you are stupid, and I am not joking. I think you are one of the stupid husbands who have no idea what Fatherhood means and what being a real man in your home entails and how to be a husband to your own wife.

The reason I think you are stupid, is because at this stage in your Life, when your wife is strugggling real hard to bond with the young kids you still are worried about your silly sex life.

You have failed to be an alpha male, a real man, a true husband, who will cuddle his wife and his children and generate happiness for your wife. What bothers you is sex. Do you have any idea that it is sex that brought those children to this world, and when they come, you now sound as if those kids are inconvenience for your silly sex life. Do you even know how silly it sounds?

My advise is that you grow up. Call your wife and kiss her then apologize for complaining about Sex, and move into your bedroom and nurse those children to reach an age of grace.

It is not you that should be complaining of sex dimwit. If your wife needs sex, then become creative, you can make move in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, under the bed and even at the BQ for a change.

You must not come here and lament about this nonsense again.

Do we not have real men again in this forum that will chastise these Indomie men?

Take charge of your home and bear all inconveniences. Life is not a place for perfect joy and happiness. Embrace the sorrows and pains.

Your head dey dere

All these guys that married at the age of 22; they cannot differentiate marriage from dating.

Why do most of you ladies feel like you re doing a man favour by having sex with them?

For christ sake they are both married to each other, hence both of them should do the needful when it comes to having sex no negotiation whatsoever. Why do you think man get married to a woman? Either you like it or not sex is the only bond that can bring husband and wife together closer and make them love each other more and more...the moment sex is out of marriage...sis d marriage is as good as gone... I rest my case

J111333:
Your wife is very busy at the moment and all she needs now is support and not rants about sex.
She has a 7 months baby to deal with, fvcking get that into your skull damn it.

She even manages to sneak into the other room for the sex after working hard to put the kids to bed while you probably sit and watch TV. Aren't you selfish? Damn, some men piss me off with this selfish mentality.

Greystone:


HeRe is the shocker...
The useless gateman approached my friend, who lived in the flat next to mine to support him with some money
because he was planning to marry a 3rd wife!

He even started keeping malice with my friend for turning down his request Silly man...Some people are absolutely bonkers.

Lol that guy was punishing his wives while this guys wife is punishing herself! There is room for every type of person in this world lmao!

You dey ask abi?
When the thing Totori u,, na that time u go know say he pass food

Goodluck200:
Sex na food

She knows exactly what she's doing.

Time to start looking out for yourself.

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

Your problem is , you only enjoy sex on your bed.
Learn how to make love else where...


Ask your self , people living in one bedroom apartment with 4 kids, they still have a way of f**king like rabbit.

Vortex369:


Well, your last line was a question: What I think?

Are you sure you really want to know what I think?

Since you asked for it, then I have to tell you what I think and the reason for my conclusions.

I think you are stupid, and I am not joking. I think you are one of the stupid husbands who have no idea what Fatherhood means and what being a real man in your home entails and how to be a husband to your own wife.

The reason I think you are stupid, is because at this stage in your Life, when your wife is strugggling real hard to bond with the young kids you still are worried about your silly sex life.

You have failed to be an alpha male, a real man, a true husband, who will cuddle his wife and his children and generate happiness for your wife. What bothers you is sex. Do you have any idea that it is sex that brought those children to this world, and when they come, you now sound as if those kids are inconvenience for your silly sex life. Do you even know how silly it sounds?

My advise is that you grow up. Call your wife and kiss her then apologize for complaining about Sex, and move into your bedroom and nurse those children to reach an age of grace.

It is not you that should be complaining of sex dimwit. If your wife needs sex, then become creative, you can make move in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, under the bed and even at the BQ for a change.

You must not come here and lament about this nonsense again.

Do we not have real men again in this forum that will chastise these Indomie men?

Take charge of your home and bear all inconveniences. Life is not a place for perfect joy and happiness. Embrace the sorrows and pains.

Thumps up to you,you just got the words out of my mouth. He's making it look like he's competing with his kids,@ op 7 months baby will definitely wake up every night to be breast fed,do you expect your wife to keep running to the other room to do that? Do you even know what nursing mothers go through every night and she will still wake up early to prepare your 8yr old for school. If to say na one room compound house you dey,nobody for tell you make you adjust with the change.

Vortex369:


Well, your last line was a question: What I think?

Are you sure you really want to know what I think?

Since you asked for it, then I have to tell you what I think and the reason for my conclusions.

I think you are stupid, and I am not joking. I think you are one of the stupid husbands who have no idea what Fatherhood means and what being a real man in your home entails and how to be a husband to your own wife.

The reason I think you are stupid, is because at this stage in your Life, when your wife is strugggling real hard to bond with the young kids you still are worried about your silly sex life.

You have failed to be an alpha male, a real man, a true husband, who will cuddle his wife and his children and generate happiness for your wife. What bothers you is sex. Do you have any idea that it is sex that brought those children to this world, and when they come, you now sound as if those kids are inconvenience for your silly sex life. Do you even know how silly it sounds?

My advise is that you grow up. Call your wife and kiss her then apologize for complaining about Sex, and move into your bedroom and nurse those children to reach an age of grace.

It is not you that should be complaining of sex dimwit. If your wife needs sex, then become creative, you can make move in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, under the bed and even at the BQ for a change.

You must not come here and lament about this nonsense again.

Do we not have real men again in this forum that will chastise these Indomie men?

Take charge of your home and bear all inconveniences. Life is not a place for perfect joy and happiness. Embrace the sorrows and pains.

I have to conclude that the Lots that liked your post are females because any man that liked this has brain injury.
Someone has old as you should understand the Importance of sex in a marriage, keep thinking like this and you might not have a successful marriage.

UjuJoan2:


8years old still sleeping on the bed with her mum? That's not even healthy for the child.

As for your wife, she doesn't want to have sex with you and that's why you should be worried. If she wants you, she will clear the bed and create an enabling environment.

The fact that she's using the children as an excuse has an even deeper implication.

@ OP

Here's your answer.

It's time to start putting yourself first.

Time to take drastic action: mistresses or just locking up and stop being "husbandly".

Else, this will be your story for the rest of your marriage.

Work on yourself too. Lift weights and take up old or new interests that will keep you out the house.

So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

So she’s not really denying you sex. You’re just here to complain. What happened to doing it in that room that you normally sleep in like she suggested and cuddle afterwards?

What do you know, that might turn out to be your sweet secret place and the kids won’t be allowed in there.
Just make it yours. Maybe move a few of your bedroom stuff there so that it give you the feel of your bedroom. It’s your house. You can move things around the way you want.

And then your room where your kids sleep in can be subtly converted into their room. That way it’s like sleeping with your wife in your bedroom and the kids are in their room.

It’s not a complicated issue.

But it’s like you’re more interested in listening to those who are suggesting that you start keeping a mistress or get a second wife. Hopefully you will be open to such suggestions for your wife when you’re not able to give your 100% sexually.

Ladylite:


Your left over brain didn't tell you that child bearing affects the woman's hormones...

Monkey... Your selfishness is note worthy... So you should just have sex even if she is in the mood or not.

Pls sit in a grave

I have no confab with dolts.

Is it not better for the man to get a prostitute instead since he now pays the wife TO GIVE HIM SEX.

Iranu

well some ppl might say sex is not everything in a marriage
so oga bear am like that

Vortex369:


Well, your last line was a question: What I think?

Are you sure you really want to know what I think?

Since you asked for it, then I have to tell you what I think and the reason for my conclusions.

I think you are stupid, and I am not joking. I think you are one of the stupid husbands who have no idea what Fatherhood means and what being a real man in your home entails and how to be a husband to your own wife.

The reason I think you are stupid, is because at this stage in your Life, when your wife is strugggling real hard to bond with the young kids you still are worried about your silly sex life.

You have failed to be an alpha male, a real man, a true husband, who will cuddle his wife and his children and generate happiness for your wife. What bothers you is sex. Do you have any idea that it is sex that brought those children to this world, and when they come, you now sound as if those kids are inconvenience for your silly sex life. Do you even know how silly it sounds?

My advise is that you grow up. Call your wife and kiss her then apologize for complaining about Sex, and move into your bedroom and nurse those children to reach an age of grace.

It is not you that should be complaining of sex dimwit. If your wife needs sex, then become creative, you can make move in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, under the bed and even at the BQ for a change.

You must not come here and lament about this nonsense again.

Do we not have real men again in this forum that will chastise these Indomie men?

Take charge of your home and bear all inconveniences. Life is not a place for perfect joy and happiness. Embrace the sorrows and pains.

I think u went overboard with ur reply which is infact silly.....u could have made ur point without insult and name calling but I no ur type.....no manners.
learn D's cretin people have the right to express themselves anyway they feel and wat they might see as a problem no matter ow lil it is doesn't need to make sense to you cos we are different which every sane human being knows...if they are wrong u correct them reasonably rather than tongue lashing and even including men in general with ur childish question.
Ask your father and mother if dey haven't fought over something similar.... something lil as a cup water can cause a big fight in marriage but I guess u are too dumb to understand.

Ginaz:
I don’t understand why an 8/9yrs old girl would still be sleeping with her parents on same bed.

That is ridiculous and needs to stop, your wife has poor parenting skills . She should be training them to be comfortable on their own not the other way round .

That nonsense should stop! Your wife is at fault here, she is parenting the kids a bad way. The senior child is old enough to be sleeping in her own room by herself and that should stop with immediate effect .

Your wife is faulty here. You can’t use your poor attempt at parent attachment or whatever it is called to inconvenience your husband in the house he should be comfortable in the first place .

Oga you deserve the sex you want from your wife . She is using the kids to her own advantage and it’s high time you put an end to the rubbish of letting the kids share same bed with you both.
Don’t let anyone here tells you that you are wrong for demanding the kids move out of the room to theirs, you are totally right .

How long would you keep up with it? You have been keeping with it for years now and that’s no sacrifice, it’s a bondage.

lol its not about poor parenting skill.the lady is not sexually attracted to op.she is just using the kids as an excuse not to have sex cos she doesnt want to have sex with op.i bet u if she was into op she will be the one who would put off the kids somewhere and rush the op for some action .

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

I think it’s wrong to talk about separation or break up of ur marriage or even threats of such just because ur wife is taking care of the kids or more precisely a new born or 7months old baby.

Help in the babysitting and be abit more romantic to get her attention cos right now her mind is on the baby. I’m sure she will get the picture faster and come around. I think many married men lack good romantic language at home bt for those that cheat they go out and do all the romantic stuffs with the strange ladies they meet out there while ignoring the home.

Work on ur Romance skills u probably abandoned bro and stop all these unnecessary and even selfish complains. Lol

Finelinks:


I have no confab with dolts.

Is it not better for the man to get a prostitute instead since he now pays the wife TO GIVE HIM SEX.

Iranu

Hehehehe oh you need to ask who gave you left over brain. You are very irresponsible. Also immature. Shior

Cutehector:
very stupid I must join you to say

Extremely stupid i must say

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

I will like to correct you before I advise you
1. When you get married and children started coming you life must change, it can never be the same again.

2. You are wrong to say you dont want to fix appointment for sex, my brother when you have children you must fix time, may be they have not disrupted you guys by just crying in the night or banging on the door or just entering the room unexpected, so you see you must fix time if you really want to enjoy uninterrupted power supply..lol.

3. You mistake was vacating your room since you know you like per second, tell your wife you are moving back and relocate your children to their room.

4. Take your children to bed at a particular time every night, let say 8pm because they need nothing less than 10hours sleep, dont let your daughter sleep in the afternoon after 2pm but your son no problem. Sometimes you have to stay with her in bed so that she can sleep before you leave. Remember both of you can alternate this job.

5. Your boy can manage in his court with you because of breastfeeding for awhile but you need to start training him too.

6. If my advise no work you will have endure nioo, after all na your children and it's one of the price of parenting so adopt the Amotekun style whenever they are asleep or not at home because no be only night den dey do am when children don land o, even for bathroom so my brother pelle.

Well young man, we have been there before. I will start by telling you that you’re a bit lucky you all sleep in the same bed, if not you might have had maybe your 4th child by now. Now let’s get more serious, you guys need to train your children to keep to their bed. I already have a couple of children so I know how it worked for me. When my 1st son was born, I put his baby cot in my room. After breastfeeding I always returned him to the cot. My wife wasn’t too happy with the idea but I imposed it. Many infants have died because their heavy parents suffocated them while sleeping on the same bed. Before the age of 2 my children all started sleeping in a different room from mine. It is all about discipline. Children shouldn’t be over pampered, they have to taken of that extreme comfort zone when necessary. It is not too late taking the right decision.
Wish you the best of luck while you try to readjust to do what is right.